Who's a Fat Bastard - Seahawks or turkey's

October 12, 2014

     When the phone rings at 7 am you always suspect the worst. I didn't even hear it ringing until it stopped. I looked at the clock on the bedside table and it was 7:30. With a mental shrug, I assumed I must have been dreaming and rolled over and drifted back to sleep. At 8:00 my alarm went off. My arm shot out like a mongoose fighting a cobra, silencing it with one deft stroke. Things seemed to be happening in half hour intervals. At 8:30 Lisa was standing over me with the phone in her hand. 

"Are we having phone sex?" I asked, one eye half open. She pinched me in reply. Really hard! It's Rob from England. If you were reading my blog during our Alaska Cruise, you were introduced to Rob and Wendy Crutchley, they live in Birmingham England and Rob is Aunt Janice's, who's married to Lisa's Uncle Charlie's, brother. All of which is totally confusing and irrelevant to the story. The story being Ruby, remember her from the Wake at the Lake, is going to England and doesn't know a soul so I sent Rob an Email asking if he could help Ruby get adjusted. I didn't realise that he is 2 1/2 hours from where Ruby is going. He does however have family twenty miles from Ruby's location. Either Rob or Wendy's brother or sister? I really should write this stuff down. All the emails are sent, everybody has connected and hope it will all work out. I chatted with Rob for quite a while. He's headed to Dublin Ireland on a three month contract. I could have talked all day. Why not? It was his shilling! He's a great guy, for a Limey!

     At about 10 am, my son in law Christian showed up to help me arrange the furniture. Our house was built in the 1950's. Lot's of walls. We had 23 people coming for dinner. The only way we can accommodate those numbers is by moving the living room furniture out onto the front deck.

We then set up our two giant, and heavy, folding tables. These aren't those plastic ones that way four pounds. These are made of 3/4 inch plywood and are 3' x 8' and weigh about fifty pounds. 

We can fit twelve at each table and for today we will need all the space we can get. Once it's all set up Christian went home and I settled in to watch football. The Seahawks were playing at 1pm and I didn't want to miss it. So naturally at 12:50 Lisa asked for my help getting the turkey's ready. In Chef Boy R Lisa speak, that means dry the dishes till I need you to lift something heavy. Like a turkey! Or a Flamingo!

Lisa had prepped the stuffing yesterday so it was just a matter of mixing the ingredients and stuffing the birds. We had them greased up and oven ready at 1:34

I rewound the Seahawks game and it actually worked out pretty good. I was able to fast forward through the commercials.  While this was going on Lisa whipped up a couple of lemon meringue pies.

They look better when they're done. I never ate any.

A cheese plate, a fruit platter and assorted snacks and Lisa was ready for a break . Huh, lazy cow! Just kidding. She is amazing at these things. At half time I went to pick up Momma Lee. When I got back with Momma Lee people were starting to arrive. Al called and cancelled. Just not up to it. Back pain sucks!! We watched football as people trickled in. Final count, twenty adults,  three kids and four dogs. 

     There is just something about a perfectly cooked turkey that makes your mouth water. and Chef Boy R Lisa's turkey is always perfect..... Except when it isn't.

Today it was! We do one in the oven and one in the electric roaster. The roaster cooks the turkey alright but it doesn't get that beautiful brown colour.

     While Lisa, with the help of all the girls, and Willy. Got the dinner ready to be served. Mark and I played some music on the deck. He played my lap steel the way it should be played. We jammed a few blues and country songs and before you know it, Dinner is served!

Sockeye Salmon ala Lisa

Willy's mashed potatoes, made with cream cheese and every form of dairy known to man, Candied yams my ex wife Sharon made, Turnip/rutibaga/carrots roasted. None of which I ate.

     I had turkey, Ham, Sockeye salmon, sausage dressing, brussel sprouts and salad.

Every year I say to Lisa "Lisa, we need to line everybody up and take a group photo." 

Part of the gang

And every year it doesn't happen. Including this year. That's it, nobody eats at christmas till I get my damned picture!

Grandkids with Grammy and Michelle

The truth is, Lisa barely leaves the kitchen and I play my guitar and feign interest in the food preparation. This is how I see it. If I'm doing something and someone says "Can I help with anything?" For some reason Lisa always says no. I never say no. I say things like,"Sure, start by washing my car, that would be a big help." Our friends and family are great. They pitch in with prep and cleanup.

     Then came the deserts.

Ronin likes deserts

Lemon meringue pie, sweet potato tarts, banana cream casserole Strawberry apple pie, Blackberry crumble and Yam pudding for me.

Mark and Leah

     We had a singalong after desert with Mark on Mandolin and I on guitar and every one singing along. Then I threw them out. I took Momma Lee home and then Chris, our tenant, offered to help me put the furniture back. It was raining and besides, Lisa said I had to. We put the place back together while Lisa continued to clean up in the kitchen. The place was back to normal by midnight and Lisa was headed to bed and I to my keyboard. It was Weigh Day today. I wrote on Friday that Weigh Day was the next day but that's just because I thought all day long that Friday was Saturday. I weighed myself at 10 am.

 And then as a sort of science experiment I weighed myself again at midnight.

That's what I ate today. Almost three pounds of food?
I'm tired and I wanna go to bed.

That's all I got.
Till next time
Peace Out Y'all

©2014 Dave Squatch Ward