Return of the Fat Bastard - I cried all the way home.

August 30th & 31st 2016

Mellow sunset

      Well, she's gone. I won't see her for another year. Christian took Clarissa to the Airport early this afternoon for her flight back to Toronto.

Clarissa

We all got together last night for a farewell dinner. Clarissa picked the restaraunt. Denny's! The lovely Lisa and I go to Denny's six times a year. I don't know why or exactly when it happened but it became a family thing. You get a free Grand Slam on your birthday. So on Jen, Christian, Isabella, Christo, the lovely Lisa and my Birthday's we all go to Denny's. By picking Denny's Clarissa has thrown my whole schedule out of whack! I'll have gone seven times this year! Oh the Horror! Actually it happened once before. On the lovely Lisa's Birthday August 1, We went to the Denny's near our house with her twin brother Steve and the rest of the family That night was the Symphony of Fire in English Bay. We had parked in a lot east of Burrard and walked the ten blocks or so to the beach. It was an easy walk. Downhill all the way. The lovely Lisa likes to think they do the fireworks on her birthday for her. I'm not sure what made up holiday is on August 1st. I could look it up but I don't really care. Every day is a holiday in my world. Okay back to the story. After the fireworks we were walking up Davie Street and I mean UP! It was after 11:30 and I was a Fat Bastard at about 350 lbs. So when I saw the Denny's sign it seemed like an opportunity to double dip on the Birthday freebie! Besides I had run out of air. The waiter wasn't happy when they ordered their free Grand Slams at 11:50. I just had coffee. I survived that extra Denny's trip I can survive this one.

Clarissa and technocolor Tweety Bird

      While Christian and the Grandkids were waiting for a table for eight Clarissa put a dollar in one of those crane machines full of stuffies and won! I've never seen anyone win at those things. But wait! Bella put in a dollar and won a stuffie too! Christo, maybe next time. Jen took time off work to be there and Grammy Sharon was there too. Grandma Lisa was still in her Chef Boy R Lisa gear but was there and that's all that mattered.

Grandma Lisa, Grammy Sharon, Christo and Christian

We are loud people! We call down the length of the table. We laugh a lot and as a rule, we order too much food. Here's the thing about a place like Denny's. Order off the menu. Don't say I'd like this but without that and a little extra of this. You won't get what you want. The guy cooking your food is looking at a picture. That's what your going to get. Not everyone in our family believes this to be true. It came wrong and in pieces it took the waitress three trips to get it right. Still it was better than Clarissa who didn't get her meal at all! She ordered spaggetti and meat balls evidently they sent to Italy for it. I had finished my Super Bird before her meal arrived.
      We dragged it out as long as we could but you can only take so much Denny's ambiance! Saying goodbye is never easy. We only see her once a year. It seems so long between visits. Saying goodbye in the parking lot of Denny's with the whole family there is easy. A couple of years ago I had to take her to the airport. She looked so small and sad as I turned her over to the flight crew, I cried all the way home. Next year we are hoping that her sister Jenna can come too. We haven't seen her in five years.
      The lovely Lisa showered and went to bed as soon as we got home. I got a text from my buddy Gerry the Sax. He was going to go to Judge Begbies Tavern for the Open Mic. I love playing with Gerry. We did five songs together.When I play with Gerry I play songs with lots of room for the Saxophone. We played one we hadn't played before. Turn the Page by Bob Seger. The first time I've sang it on stage. Gerry was great!
      This afternoon I was in town for an audition........A day late. It was yesterday. But wait! Not only did I go on the wrong day, I went on the wrong day twice! I drove in for 10:45 this morning. No one was there. I checked my email and the time of my audition was 3:25 I had read the time the email was sent as my call time. Duh!! So I drove back to Coquitlam. Had lunch. Made some noise with Evan, Michelle with one L's Grandson, he loves the Microphone. So I drive back into town and get to the studio and parked at 3:00. No one there, again. So I call my agent. "Am I in the right place/" I asked
"Where are you?" she asked. I told her and she went looking for what I was supposed to be doing. She had a little trouble finding it because it was supposed to happen yesterday. "Right place, wrong day." I'll call you right back. She called the casting director who wants to see me tomorrow at the call backs even though I missed my audition.
      The lovely Lisa is working late. I just finished watching the Bluejays/BC Lions games and I'm going to just kick back, work on my lines and get an early nights sleep.


That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace out Y'all

Return of the Fat Bastard - I should have kicked more people!

August 29th 2016

Yeah, I got a seat!

      First let me say I didn't take any pictures today. So I threw in some PNE shots for filler. I do believe I've hit the wall. At least that's how I felt this morning. Thankfully the lovely Lisa is going back to work and the PNE is closed and I'm not interested in the next couple of shows. The day at the Fair with the Grandkids did me in. I didn't even do any rides! It ended up being twelve hours mostly on my feet. It was a lot of fun seeing the excitement, fear and relief on the Grandkids faces but I keep forgetting I'm an old man. With the new pipes I feel ten years younger! Unfortunately my neck, knees and hands feel about ninety! Hey, I'm not complaining. Okay, I am complaining! I am now feeling the effects of a life spent walking through things instead of around them. If I had known that my hands were going to hurt this much, I would have kicked more people! When the Doctor showed me the image of my knees and the arthritis in them and he told me I had moderate arthritis when I couldn't even do a flight of stairs without pain I wanted to slap him. But my hands were too sore! Now I have to admit the heart is willing but the body is worn out!

Sunset at Spanish Banks on Thursday.

      I do feel really good and I know that it's because I keep moving. I keep doing things. Largely I do things for one reason. The Blog. I need to have something to write about so I go out and do stuff. Mostly everyday stuff but I'm always looking for the humor or human condition in the simple things we all do. Whether its enjoying a sunset or shopping at the Stuporstore there's always something going on just under the surface.

Another ride I didnt go near.

      About 3:00 we went by Mama Lee's for a visit. We spent about thirty minutes with her in her room and then out in the garden to enjoy another beautiful Left Coast summer day. Mama Lee wants a TV in her room. We cant do that. She would never leave her room. Its so hard to say no all the time.

Clarissa in the Pink Capris

      The lovely Lisa and I have a shopping system. Two carts and two lists. I get all the big or heavy stuff. The lovely Lisa buys condiments!

Lined up 10 deep for those little donuts

      Home in time to watch the Bluejays game and have a little snooze in my chair. While I faded in and out Michelle with one L provided us with a beautiful slab of halibut. About 6:00 while I pretended to be asleep, the girls made dinner. Corn on the knob, broccoli and tomato-cucumber-onion salad to go with the halibut panfried in butter and garlic. A very nice dinner. Then the lovely Lisa went to bed and I went to the Heritage Grill to make music. I ordered a coffee and waited only a couple of minutes before the sign up sheet went out. I was signed up fifth but the first spot was open. I like the first spot but I thought I would let someone else have a go at it. No one wanted it so I moved myself up in the order. I like the first spot because there is more of an audience. The Ukelele club meets there from 6:00 till 8:00 and there's always a little of what I call Ukelele leftovers. They have just finished playing for two hours and still stick around to hear more music. And since I'm a story teller more than a musician I need to have someone to tell my stories to. Otherwise I'm just talking to myself!

I love this picture...such focus!

      After Greg Gorrie, who runs the open mic, warmed up the crowd I was on. I went solo tonight I often play with the house band but tonight I wanted to dedicate the songs and I wanted to do them my way. My Aunt Irene passed on the 29th of July but I just found out last week from my sister. I hadn't seen her in many years but I have nothing but fond memories of the BBQs at their house north of Danforth Ave in Toronto. I talked to the audience about where the song came from then played It Didn't Rain for Aunt Irene. Then I told them about Clarissa and her annual visit and how shes leaving for Toronto on Wednesday. I wrote the chorus to Clarissa when she was born then a whole lot of bad things happened and I was never able to put words to the rest of it. Then three years ago she came for a visit and bang, the words were there. I finished up with The Question. a song I wrote for the lovely Lisa Valentines Day two years ago. They were very attentive throughout and each song got a good round of applause. I moved slowly to the back of the room. Trolling for compliments I believe they call it. I hooked lots of them. Compliments that is. I put these songs on at the end of the blog. Most of you have already heard them but they're here anyway.

I feel like chicken tonight, chicken tonight!

      The lovely Lisa was already in bed before I left the house so I hung around drinking coffee and listening to the other acts. Crash, a poet with severe handicaps did one of his spoken word pieces with the help of his care aide Maureen. I have to say I admire the courage it takes to be him. I came home and wrote this post after a day of mental and physical reclamation. Goodbye dinner with Clarissa tomorrow night and time to take down the pool.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fjq0Tff-B7E

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=va6OnX0plsY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1arzlSlHXg

That's all Ive got
Till next time
Peace out Y'all

Return of the Fat Bastard - Twenty years of tweaking will do that to you.

August 28th 2016

Papa Bird, with Bella Bird and Christo Bird

      We slept late after the Foreigner Concert. Today was family day at the PNE with Jen and Christian and the Grandkids. We were supposed to meet them at 12 and we were parked for free, one block from the gates of Playland. It was grey and chilly so it wasn't that busy. I had texted Jen and Christian and they were down at the BBQ pits. We got there just as they finished eating. It was ride time. I went with Christo and Christian to the little guy rides. Christo does not like to get scared. Bella and Clarissa were with Jen and Gramma Lisa doing the bigger rides. The  Grandkids were on the rides with hardly any waits.

Clarissa and Bella waiting on line

      It was at the very first ride that it happened. I was bitten on the arm by a freakin spider. Thirty minutes later the area around the bite was red and swollen and I was even more light headed than usual. We found our way to the First Aid Shack and I was treated right away.

Stupid Spider! He could never have eaten me!

Benadryl spray and ice. It was sore but manageable. We were there for about thirty minutes. He checked my vitals and my blood sugar 5.4 Yay! And sent me on my way.
I'll show you what happened in pictures.

Waiting on a different line with Jen

Pirate Ship full of Scurvy Dogs!

Christo first in line.

In line for the angry Birds

Where to now!

Christo's favorite

Canuckleheads!

Bella Bella

Cousins

Angry Weirdos!

Super Dog Stupor

Help Papa HELP!!

Still Standing at 8:00

      It was at this point the dynamics changed. Jen and Christian both work tomorrow and Bella and Christo are getting grumpy. They've done a full shift. Clarissa has been waiting for over an hour in the line for the Beast. There was a brief conversation about pulling her out of line but that would have been so unfair. I said she can come home with us. I'll wait on line with her. Sort of. I could only see her when she got to the ends of each row of the rat maze. The only way I could find her was by her Bright pink Capri pants.

Two hour Beast Wait

The Beast

Two hours and a full bladder later, Clarissa had her ride on The Beast! She was grinning from ear to ear as we sprinted to the nearest bathroom. The lovely Lisa was already at the Culture Club concert and we headed down to the Amphitheater to join her.

We came into the venue to the sounds of I'll Tumble For you. Clarissa had never heard it. We sat in the few reserved seats that weren't taken and watched the show.

He did a good job working the crowd and his voice has some depth and character to it now. Twenty years of tweaking will do that to you.

      After the show Clarissa did a couple of more rides and we threw away $25 trying to win a stuffy. Never even came close!

One last ride

My arm is still sore and swollen from the spider bite and it's 5:00 Monday !
We dropped Clarissa off at home and we were home and in our pajamas by midnight. Dreams of Boy George running through our heads!

That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace out Y'all
      

Return of the Fat Bastard - Just another ninety minutes and the show will begin! Yay?

August 27th 2016

      Well here we are again at the PNE. Only this time we are in the gigantic lineup to get into the free Foreigner concert. I tried to buy reserved seats two weeks ago not a chance. So we planned our day around getting in line. First a cup of Jo and check my trapline. RATS! Or lack thereof. I don't want to kill the little guys but they start off eating your tomatoes next thing you know their boinking the Ratdogs!
      I spent the next hour or so finishing yesterday's blog. Then I got dressed for the first of the days adventures, Dim Sum with Mama Lee and her friends Jan and Joan who were driving out from Kitsilano for the event. The lovely Lisa and I drove over to Mama Lee's. We had arranged for a taxi to be there at 11:15. Dim Sum at Yans Garden at 11:30. The taxi was right on time. The driver had Mama Lee loaded in in no time and we were off to Dim Sum. We used to do Dim Sum a lot more often but with Mama Lee's physical issues it's so much harder and expensive. We were seated right away which is not always the best idea when you're waiting for Dim Sum. Jan and Joan were running late so we waited for them while steam tray after steam tray came by with delectable morsels. "We're waiting for some people" we told the servers who looked at us with shocked disbelief. Twenty minutes later, still not ordering anything but the free tea. I saw the manager eyeing us up as we were taking up a prime six seater and not ordering anything. I had the server drop one plate of Shumi while we waited. Next time around I ordered more just as Jan and Joan walked in. After a warm greeting, it's been a couple of years since we've seen them, we got into the Dim Sum in earnest. Have you ever been to Dim Sum. It's the loudest food in the world. Jan is deaf, Joan is legally blind, and Mama Lee is mostly incomprehensible. The food was excellent, the conversation was stilted and hard to follow and when we left we couldn't get a cab. I couldn't get through to Belair or Coquitlam Taxi. I saw a Royal City Taxi go by and got a dispatcher who told me it would be twenty minutes for a handicap Taxi. I told them to send it to the Shell station across the street from the restaraunt because there was shade there. The Taxi pulled into the Shell before we made it across the street. The driver said his pickup stiffed him and he was nearby. Cool.
      We dropped off Mama Lee about 2:30 and went home to get ready for the Foreigner concert tonight at the Amphitheater. We were in the neighbourhood of the PNE just before 4 pm. The lovely Lisa did her "Hail Mary full of grace, help me find a parking space!" Mary stiffed us. The lovely Lisa circled the block for half an hour before she finally drove down Hastings Street towards downtown. We ended up parking four blocks west of Renfrew on Hastings Street. An easy ten minute walk. We were through the gates and into the line for the show just before 5.

The gates open at 7. We were in line past the midway, past the giant Bungy thing, past the roller coaster and down to the end of the Cassiar Street parking lot. It turned out to be a nice spot.

There was shade, a wall to sit on and a hill to get away from the line.  Around 6 the lovely Lisa went to find us some food while I held our spot. Of course she's gone ten minutes when the line started to move. I texted her and let her know. They were letting us in a little early because the show was full. It holds just over 5000 people. The lovely Lisa jumped the line up near the gate foodless! Everybody in line had seen her with me earlier so there was no problem with the people around us. We were in with great seats. Just off center of the stage and stage high. Now just another ninety minutes and the show will begin! Yay?
      The lovely Lisa told me she had ordered fish and chips and was waiting for them when I texted her. The guy told her twenty minutes for her order after already waiting fifteen minutes. The lovely Lisa said "Give me back my money." As she was telling me this all I could think of was, where's my food!

 
 So once again the lovely Lisa went for food while I guarded our spot. We were surrounded by nice people and it was a beautiful night. By the time the lovely Lisa returned with my fish and chips I would have eaten styrofoam chips!

      At 8:30 on the nose Foreigner took the stage. There are no original members left but some of the players have been with the band for twenty plus years.

I would have never known. They sounded so good, so much like the songs I remember. They are on their 40th anniversary tour. They were great! Every song they played was a hit. I had forgotten how big they were in their day. They had the place rockin and they held the audience's attention between songs with the lead singer running the show like a high school pep rally. They played all their hits and it was still buzzing fifteen minutes after they left the stage. A most excellent concert. Except for the six hours it took. Counting the line up!

That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace out Y'all

Return of the Fat Bastard - Sixty year old women and husbands there against their will.

August 26th 2016

Trying to spit me out!

      I don't need much of an excuse to do nothing these days. They call August the dog days of summer. I don't know why. Why not the Sloth days of summer? That's about how quickly I move in this heat. Or the Slug days of summer? I'm pretty much a ball of wet goo leaving a trail of sweat and slime as soon as the mercury hits 25! I don't like to get too far from the pool when it's hot like this. The funny thing is, it was too hot to walk the forty feet or so to the pool. I finally changed out of my pajamas when GMcT and Sherry showed up for a visit around noon. Otherwise there was no doubt I would still be in my pajamas when it was time to go to see Olivia Fig Newton John.
     We had a relatively short visit GMcT is on oxygen and his canister was getting low. The hot weather and humidity in particular is very hard on his breathing. After they left I had a nice luke warm shower and got back into my pajamas to watch the Seahawks/ Cowboys game I had taped yesterday while the lovely Lisa flaked out on the couch with the Ratdogs.

Afternoon Nap

Our bedroom is the coolest place upstairs. We have three fans going and I use a Chillo too. That's right as seen on TV! But wait order right now and we'll double your order for free! You just pay twice what the Chillo was worth to cover shipping and handling! They do work though. It's basically a PVC bag that you fill with tap water. The tap water eventually comes to room temperature, around 20 - 22 degrees. Your body temperature is 37 degrees. I put the Chillo behind my knees and in minutes I'm cool as a Squatchcumber!
      I lay back in Chillo and triple fan comfort as I fast forwarded through all the commercials and talking heads on the football game. Pausing periodically to check on the lovely Lisa who was sound asleep and surely dreaming of Grease! The musical not the stuff that holds a Ducktail in place! I watched the game, preseason but the Seahawks won and that's always a good thing. Then I turned it onto the Bluejays game. Liriano gave up a two out home run in the first inning then settled down as Jays bats came alive and they scored fifteen runs to win by a bunch. I never saw it. I was on the road with the lovely Lisa before the second inning began. We had a plan!
      At 6 o'clock the parking restrictions are removed and you can park on the street right across from the PNE. We showed up fifteen minutes early. We started circling the block. It was four minutes to 6 when we decided that was close enough. Let's park and take our chances. What's four minutes? We drove as slowly as possible hoping to park at the front of the line. Just as the lovely Lisa is applying the brakes a Traffic Authority truck pulled up behind us with his lights going. We turned the corner just as someone pulled out of a space. Woo Hoo! Take that Traffic Authority!

More napping

      It was less than a minute from our Primo Parking spot to the gates. Two and a half hours until Fig Newtons show. We had bought reserved tickets for this show so we didn't have to line up. Instead we wandered around.

Miniature Chuck Wagons?

Through the animal barns and down to the Peaceful Pond to take care of some of that excess reality that was building up in the heat.

Peaceful Pond

      I guess the PNE is a bigger deal if your 16 and meeting up with your buddies. For me it's loud and busy I get fatter just looking at the food. I'm proud of myself. I've been looking at the weird chickens and we have been here twice and have only shared one bag of those little donuts with the lovely Lisa. We paid extra for reserved seats for Fig Newton so we were in no panic to go sit in our seats in the blazing sun. We wandered around, through the Barns and pens looking at strange chickens and huge cows.

Help me Squatchy Help me!

Oooooh Nooooo 

We walked the Dinosaur trail and the statuary which is only half the size due to this years Craft Beer Festival $10. Tough to compete with the free beer garden. Tiny mugs of sample beers that all taste like socks. Not a craft beer fan! Back to the Smokers Cove for a tune up.

Peaceful Pond

I had a corn dog on the way to the amphitheater. Dipped in mustard it was as bad as I remember it! I ate the whole thing and the heartburn started twenty minutes later. I tried to subdue it by burying it with those little donuts. The one bag I shared with the lovely Lisa. It seemed to help.
      We were in our seats, stage high and right in front of the stage at 8:15 for the 8:30 show. Olivia Fig Newton-John is 67 years old but still has such a powerful voice. Her band, of course, was amazing.

The stage

The only problem I had with the show was all the Olivia Fig Newton songs she sang! If you haven't figured it out Olivia Fig Newton-John was not my choice. I was surrounded by sixty year old women, Husbands there against their will and Gay men. I was glad I used my lavender bath wash!
      I was feeling Mellow no need to get Physical with this crowd. I was with the One That I Want and I was definitely Summer Loving or is that loving summer? Ninety minutes can seem like a long time. My ass was sore from sitting on the bench, my brain was sore from the steady stream of sappy love songs emanating from the stage and I somehow bruised the ball of my left foot which was now throbbing to the tune of Somewhere Over the Rainbow.

Over the Rainbow

That was Olivia Fig Newton-Johns encore. It had the four gay men sitting in front of me Over The Rainbow with delight. I thought she sang it too slow. What the hell do I know! We hemmed and hawed for a few minutes after the show about what to do.

Friday night crowds at the PNE

It was only 10:00 and we were done! We made our way through the Friday night crowds back to our car and were home before 11:00. Rest up to do it again tonight for the Foreigner show. We couldn't get tickets so we will have to line up early if we want in. Otherwise we will watch from the beer garden. We have tickets for the Monkees and Pat Benatar next week. Guess who didn't pick Pat Benatar? It's all good. I'll be with the lovely Lisa and I'm sure Pat Benatar will do a great show. Either way I'm going! Now I have to go wash the smell of lavender off my ample butt!

That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace out Y'all