Who's a Fat Bastard - Slaughtered for my dining enjoyment

December 13, 2014

      After that crazy day yesterday, today was a breeze. I slept until 9:00 and woke up with a smile on my face. I'm not sure if it's because I'm such a happy person or because I'm an idiot. Either way the results are the same. I was up and about a couple of hours before the lovely Lisa. I made a pot of drippy Joe and I was just finishing up yesterday's blog when the lovely Lisa made her first appearance of the day. Saturdays are usually pretty calm around here.

      The lovely Lisa is taking Mama Lee to a Christmas tea at the co-op that she used to live in down in South Granville. When the lovely Lisa did get up, she grabbed herself a cup of drippy Joe and started writing Christmas cards. 

They should get there sometime in the new year. We'll just tell people that it's their 2015 Christmas card that arrived early. That's how much we're into Christmas correspondence. We get more Jib Jab cards every year. They're cute and funny but you can't hang them on a string in front of the mirror! Remember, it's better to give than to receive ... so where's my freakin Christmas Card?

      While the lovely Lisa was doing that, I gathered up the week's laundry. I have always been the laundry boy in our marriage. It goes all the way back to when we first got married. One day I needed some extra clothes to fill out a load, so I emptied Lisa's laundry basket into mine. She was so happy I did her laundry,

I just kept doing it. Like Red Green says, " If you can't be handsome, be handy!"

      I thought she'd take over a few years ago. That's when she found out that I don't separate colours from whites from work clothes from anything. Turns out she doesn't care. Damn!

With the first load in the washer I got started on my workout.

Belly Crunches

Side lifts and Front lifts

and No Stair Stretches. Ten sets of ten reps each. By the time I finish my floor exercises, it's time to flip the laundry. It's good to have a have a system. The lovely Lisa came down stairs  just as I was starting my One Stair Steps and gave me a kiss goodbye. She was off to pick up Mama Lee for their Christmas tea.

      After my workout I came up stairs and made myself some breakfast. Ham and eggs, again. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. As a matter of fact if I could only have one animal slaughtered for my dining enjoyment, it would be pig. White meat, dark meat, pink meat. Baked, boiled or fried and that's not even mentioning the chicaronne! Besides I got it out of the used meat section at 30 percent off its already discounted price, which appeals to my Scottish nature.

      For my eggs this morning I decided I would do a mother/ daughter combo. 

I made a chicken thigh omelet. I diced up some pre cooked chicken thighs that Chef Boy R Lisa had brought home. Sauteed it with a little bit of onion. Whisked up three eggs with salt, pepper and salsa Huichol.

      After I cleaned up the breakfast dishes, I had a quick shower and started an electrical project twelve years in the making. The lights in the green room are just these ugly little drop down light bulb holders and about twelve years ago I bought some actual fixtures to replace them. 

For all these years it's been so easy to ignore them because I only go through that room to do laundry. That was then, this is now. That's where I work out and do the floor exercises. I'm lying on my back staring at these things pretty much every day now that my groin / kidney stone issues are behind me and I'm back on my usual exercise routine. It's pissing me off!

     When we bought this place in 2001 I swapped out all the fifty year old fixtures for new more modern ones. The first one took about an hour to install as I worked my way through the instructions which are as clear as mud. Once I was through the first one, the next ten only took about fifteen minutes each. So I naturally assumed that I would just pop this right in. Think again grasshopper! I probably should have started by reading the instructions. But nooooo! I'm waaaay too clever for that! I had the base installed in the electrical box before I realised there was no post to hang the shade on. 

Huh??

When I took it back down and got the post out of the box I realise that it had a cross piece that held it all together. I put the post in place and remounted the base. I put in a bulb and it didn't work. The marete on the hot wire had come off.

I reconnected them, properly this time, and installed the base for the third time. The shade didn't fit. I mean the shade fit on the base but the post wasn't long enough to hold the shade onto the base. So I took it down again. That's when, out of nowhere, it hit me like a bolt of lightning and I read the instructions. All in all I installed and uninstalled it five times in an hour and a half before it was working. 

TaDa

There are actually two of them. Hopefully it won't take another twelve years before I install the next one.

      I got a text from the lovely Lisa. Christmas tea was over and she was taking her Mama Lee home. The house was disaster! Panic set in! Between the Rat dogs, the Grandkids and the pine trees in the backyard, every room in the house has pine needles in them. I grabbed the dust mop and ran around that house like a maniac. The whole time Elvis attacking the head of the mop! 
      I go downstairs and flip the laundry. Folding laundry for me is therapeutic. It's like mowing the lawn. You don't think about it you just left, right, left, right, until it's done. I turned on an episode of Highly Questionable that I had taped and before you know it

the laundry was folded.

      I went and grabbed my guitar from my office and sat there on the edge of the bed plucking away and watching the end of the show. 

      It has been over an hour since I heard from the lovely Lisa.

I made myself a cup of No Joe (Decaf) and sat down to await her  arrival. I snapped awake from the power nap I didn't know I was having when the Rat dogs went ballistic. The lovely Lisa told me that they had a wonderful time at the Christmas tea. Mind you it got off to a shaky start. Mama Lee had arranged to pick up a friend of hers on the way to the Christmas tea. It turned out to be out of the way of the Christmas tea.When they got in the vicinity of the woman's home Mama Lee did not have the phone number or an address for her. The lovely Lisa took Mama Lee to the Christmas tea, got the information for the woman that was left behind and went back to get her. Once everything was taken care of, the lovely Lisa said she had a wonderful time. When she was going to college she lived in that co-op with her mom. 

      Neither one of us was hungry. The Canucks were sucking long, hard and steady for the fourth game in a row. So when the lovely Lisa decided we should go on a Christmas Light Cruise, I was down with that. The lovely Lisa made herself a go cup of tea and I made myself a go cup of no Joe. 
We started in our own neighborhood. Houses without lights are the exception where we live.  I think the pictures speak for themselves.

      We thought about going out to get something to eat but ultimately decided to just come home. We had the Rat dogs with us and we were both tired. I made a Squatch Chef salad and the lovely Lisa polished off the paella. 

We were in bed before midnight. Another rockin Saturday night. 

That's all I've got

Till next time

Peace out y'all

©2014 Dave Squatch Ward