Dave Squatch Ward: Who's a Fat Bastard - Quest for a pink Barbie bike

December 20 2014

The smell of drippy Joe wafted down the hallway assailing my nostrils through the dense plastic of my CPAP nose plugs. The lovely Lisa makes a stronger pot of drippy Joe than I do. I rolled out of bed, put on my workout gear, grab a cup of drippy Joe and sat down to get my blog done. It was not to be.

I no sooner got started when Christian and Adam pulled into the back parking space. They are both big Raptor fan's so we had lots to talk about. They were on a quest for a pink Barbie bike for Bella.

Walmart carries it but I couldn't find out whether or not they had one in stock. I don't know how the breeders do it. I can't deal with it and I don't even have any kids!

I posted my blog and went and did my workout.

Ten sets of ten reps each of Belly Crunches, Front Lifts, Side Lifts and No Stairs Stretches, then finished off with 200 One Stair Steps.

I didn't ride the Iron Maiden today

After my workout I made the lovely Lisa and I an omelet,

ham, sausage and cheese.

There are a couple of parties that we are going to tonight. Our friend Mary is coming in from Chilliwack and staying overnight so she can attend the parties. We've known each other for years. She's a great gal who always has something going on. She told us she was going to get here about 2:00. Since it was all ready to 2:30 we thought that unlikely.

Lisa had a nap on the couch and I went in to my office and tried to make the printer work. I replace the two ink cartridges and all I was able to make it do was make horrendous noises. I paid $30 for it ten years ago. I got my money's worth. Tomorrow I'm going down to Walmart and for $24.98 buy the same printer. The whole printer cost less than one ink cartridge! How screwed up is that?

The printer wars were over. The printer won. I was in the shower trying to get the ink off my hands when Mary arrived around 4:30

that's not bad for Mary, she's running on Valley time. I've known Mary for twenty years. She's staying with us tonight and her and the lovely Lisa are going to a ladies Christmas lunch at a restaurant near Queen Elizabeth Park tomorrow.

The invitation to Wendy and Harry's party out in Maple Ridge

said after 5:00. What the invitation didn't say was that their home was out in the middle of freakin nowhere! We turned off of the Lougheed Highway at the right place and within minutes we were in the country. Mary asked why would they live way out here? I told her that it was easier to hide the bodies. The GPS said we had thirteen kilometers to our destination. We were on a two lane road that didn't appear to have a centerline. The rain was pounding down and there was no traffic because only idiots would be out driving around in this weather.

Do you want to go Faster?!!!!

The good thing about no oncoming traffic was Lisa Andretti was able to use her high beams to drive. I was happy about that as she threw Otto into the winding, rain slick roads. Content in the knowledge that I would be able to see my death coming from quite a distance.

All of the sudden out of nowhere pops up this entire suburban community. As dark as it was on the twisty, winding, road of death,

the sheer number of Christmas lights were blinding when you entered the community. These people out here were digging Christmas. Virtually every house was loaded with lights.

We found parking right across the street from Harry and Wendy's house and it had pretty much stopped raining at this point. Wendy lost her husband Henry to cancer several years ago. Henry was one of my best buddies. After his passing we lost contact. Then as seems to happen more and more these days we reconnected through Facebook.

Wendy's Tree

It was one of those parties where the lovely Lisa knew Wendy, Mary knew nobody, and I had met probably half of the room at least once. Most of those people I met at Henry's funeral. We made the rounds Merry Christmasing and introducing ourselves to each other. Wendy's mom and dad hadn't arrived yet. There was a huge spread of food and Wendy kept putting out more.

After a while I noticed a guitar case leaning against the wall. It was occupied by a very lonely guitar.cI tuned it and kept it company for 30 minutes. We were having a regular sing along. I only know four Christmas carols from memory.

At Harry and Wendy's

So I mixed them in with some Lightfoot and Johnny Cash. When I put the guitar down Wilf, picked it up.

Wilf, talented guy

Wilf is a much better guitar player than I am, but I sing way louder!

I've known Wendy's entire family for years. Her mom writes historical children's books as seen through the eyes of a cat. Her Dad was a Doctor so he probably has the good drugs. We got to have a nice chat before we had to leave.

Wendy's Mom

Just before 9:00 we said our goodbyes and headed out to party number two. Ricky Gini's Christmas Spectacular!

Ricky the christmas Elf?

I have never met anyone who loves Christmas more than Ricky. He downsized this year so only the very best of his things made the show. He spends weeks setting it up. This year he was set up at his mother's home in North Burnaby. Ricky's mom Gloria makes the most incredible food, particularly her lasagna. I didn't eat any of the lasagna I just picked the meat balls off the top.

She makes a wicked meatball. We pretty much knew everybody at Ricky's party. Annie and Willie were there, Gord and Penny were there.

Penny

T and Brenda

Gord and Randy

With Annie and Mary

Bro Steve

Even Teresa and Alida came over from the island. I don't have the words to tell you the sheer intensity of Ricky's display. There's enough blinking, flashing lights to send you into convulsions!