December 27, 2014
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| Dictating my blog |
I tried to sleep in. I woke up at 7:00 and after answering the call of nature I slid back into my nice warm bed and lay there thinking, Why didn't I write something last night? Perhaps after sleeping on it I am able to put it into words more concisely? Or perhaps, and more likely, I forget half of what happened and just fill in the blanks around the major events. I have never been one to let reality get in the way of a good story. I hesitate to say truth because there is always some element of truth in what I write. Would I swear in court that it's exactly how it happened? Maybe not. But if I put up a laundry list of my activities, would you bother to read it? Maybe not. Except Barry "Mole Boy" Ho who was with us at Christmas and sucks at cards and told me he reads me on the toilet everyday and could I be more punctual with my posts. Now isn't that more interesting than saying Barry was here?
I'm not just a Fat Bastard. I'm a Fat Sarcastic Bastard! It comes naturally to most Scotsmen and all Scots Women. Slaggin your mates is a national pastime.
I lay in bed for an hour then got up and cooked up a pot of drippy Joe. I stood in the kitchen and looked out the window at the return of the rain. Grey and cold. I hear the scratching of eight tiny feet on laminate flooring behind me. "Go have a Pee." I said as I opened the door. Elvis tools down the ramp and whizzes right away. If you don't watch Nutmeg when it's raining, she will pee right on the welcome mat. How welcoming is that? The lovely Lisa was right behind them. Not outside to pee, just out of bed. The lovely Lisa gives the Rat dogs a treat just for waking up. I think I'm more deserving of a treat just for waking up! Heads up, Beggin strips don't taste like bacon! Just sayin.
No fooling around, I wrote yesterdays blog and by 11:00 I was in the Green room doing my workout. Ten sets of Belly Crunches, Side Lifts, Front Lifts and no Stair Stretches. The Front and Side Lifts are making a real difference in the mobility in my shoulders. They still sound like someones popping bubble wrap in my shoulders but less pain every time. 200 One Stair Steps later I slid onto the Iron Maiden for another episode of Lilyhammer. I think thats fifty-two minutes. I'll check next time I ride the Maiden. To be honest after all these months, her seat fits my seat pretty good now.
Speaking of Now. The Japanese girls who spent Christmas with us were named Mai, Esther and Nao. I wrote them phonetically and incorrectly.
I'm off the holiday food Binge! I ate what I wanted for three days. Here's where I started.
Almost four pounds in three days! At that rate it would take me only thirty days to put back the forty pounds it took me 250 days to lose.
I made myself Turkey Salad and Ham and Cheese lettuce wraps. As a last act of defiance I put Chef Boy R Lisa's cranberry sauce on my wrap.
The Rat dogs haven't been off the property for a couple of days and it stopped raining so I packed them up and took them to see Mama Lee. We didn't spend much time with her because she was watching an Elvis movie. Love Me Tender. When Elvis pulled his guitar out at the campfire, and started singing love me tender to Gabby Hayes. I left before the sodomy scene started.
Como Lake sat there under a slate grey sky, broken only by the wakes of the dozen ducks that swam to us in the hopes of a handout. They are fed so often they will come right up to you. You could hunt them with a nine iron!
We went around the lake twice in twenty-eight minutes. We move a lot quicker without the grandkids.
We were invited out but after all the excitement and effort of the last few days we decided on a stay home quiet Saturday night. We also still had half of the backup turkey and most of ham number two. In fifteen years we have never run out of food. We came close one year when Peter made a mashed potato volcano like in Close Encounters and three extra people showed up.
The lovely Lisa had the full turkey dinner deal. I chopped up ham and turkey and made myself a Squatch Chef Salad. The lovely Lisa watched the Big Bang Marathon. I like the show a lot but I can't watch it more than once. It's not that it's not funny. I just know how it ends. I seldom read a book more than once either. So I went into the office and instead of writing the blog I played computer games and Listened to the Canada Juniors game. Canada beat Germany 4-0.
After a prolonged vidiot session, I went out to see how the lovely Lisa was doing. Whatever she was doing she was doing it with her eyes closed.
I woke her up. "Honey you fell asleep, go to bed" "I wasn't sleeping" she snapped. " Of course not, you were just practise snoring for later." She went to bed. I gave her a few minutes to forget what I said and went and tucked her in. She puts so much into these family dinners it just sucks the energy out of her. Or maybe it's just living with me!
That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace out y'all
No fooling around, I wrote yesterdays blog and by 11:00 I was in the Green room doing my workout. Ten sets of Belly Crunches, Side Lifts, Front Lifts and no Stair Stretches. The Front and Side Lifts are making a real difference in the mobility in my shoulders. They still sound like someones popping bubble wrap in my shoulders but less pain every time. 200 One Stair Steps later I slid onto the Iron Maiden for another episode of Lilyhammer. I think thats fifty-two minutes. I'll check next time I ride the Maiden. To be honest after all these months, her seat fits my seat pretty good now.
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| Happy to be working out again |
I'm off the holiday food Binge! I ate what I wanted for three days. Here's where I started.
 |
| The start |
 |
| The finish |
I made myself Turkey Salad and Ham and Cheese lettuce wraps. As a last act of defiance I put Chef Boy R Lisa's cranberry sauce on my wrap.
The Rat dogs haven't been off the property for a couple of days and it stopped raining so I packed them up and took them to see Mama Lee. We didn't spend much time with her because she was watching an Elvis movie. Love Me Tender. When Elvis pulled his guitar out at the campfire, and started singing love me tender to Gabby Hayes. I left before the sodomy scene started.
Como Lake sat there under a slate grey sky, broken only by the wakes of the dozen ducks that swam to us in the hopes of a handout. They are fed so often they will come right up to you. You could hunt them with a nine iron!
 |
| Looks like I'll need my Driver |
We were invited out but after all the excitement and effort of the last few days we decided on a stay home quiet Saturday night. We also still had half of the backup turkey and most of ham number two. In fifteen years we have never run out of food. We came close one year when Peter made a mashed potato volcano like in Close Encounters and three extra people showed up.
The lovely Lisa had the full turkey dinner deal. I chopped up ham and turkey and made myself a Squatch Chef Salad. The lovely Lisa watched the Big Bang Marathon. I like the show a lot but I can't watch it more than once. It's not that it's not funny. I just know how it ends. I seldom read a book more than once either. So I went into the office and instead of writing the blog I played computer games and Listened to the Canada Juniors game. Canada beat Germany 4-0.
After a prolonged vidiot session, I went out to see how the lovely Lisa was doing. Whatever she was doing she was doing it with her eyes closed.
I woke her up. "Honey you fell asleep, go to bed" "I wasn't sleeping" she snapped. " Of course not, you were just practise snoring for later." She went to bed. I gave her a few minutes to forget what I said and went and tucked her in. She puts so much into these family dinners it just sucks the energy out of her. Or maybe it's just living with me!
That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace out y'all
©2014 Dave Squatch Ward
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