Who's a Fat Bastard - It's like a total eclipse.

December 19 2014

      When I got up in the morning it was still dark out . The lovely Lisa was long gone so I had a pee, went back to bed and never got up until after 9:30. I made myself a cup of Joe and sat down at the keyboard to write my blog. I was halfway through when Jen showed up. 

My wonderful daughter Jen

We talked about Bella's Christmas concert and Jen told me how excited Bella was that Grandma Lisa and I were there. Especially Grandma Lisa who weaseled her way right up into the front row. The two front rows that where doled out by lottery.

Grandma Lisa weasel shot

The lovely Lisa has a long history of doing that. The last concert we saw "together," was George Thorogood at the Red Robinson theatre. We were in the 25th row with a great view of the stage. "I'm just going up front to get a closeup" she said as she slithered down the aisle. By the end of the second song she had her elbows on the stage! I never saw her again until she came to get her coat when the concert was over. 

Who me?

The lovely Lisa can do those things. She is small. She can fit into tiny spots and everyone can see over her. When I get in front of someone it's like a total eclipse.

An hour later when Jen left I went and finished my blog.

      I only did my floor exercises today because I had things to do

and it was already after 1:30 in the afternoon. I grabbed an apple, a pear, a banana and a shower. Not in that order.

      I had some things to take to Mama Lee. Ten boxes of chocolates and a couple of dozen more Christmas cards. I took the Rat dogs with me and stopped at Como lake, but only for a couple of minutes. The Poop Fairy usually visits the Rat dogs within a couple of minutes of each other. Today was no exception. 

      It was 2:30 by the time we got to Mama Lee's. 

Mama Lee

There's a virus going through her place and she still has a nasty cough in spite of being on antibiotics. I talked to the nurses and they're keeping an extra eye on her. I don't know where they're getting that extra eye from?  They all seem to have two! That's alright, the nurse didn't laugh at that one either.

      When I got home from visiting mama Lee I had something to do that I've been avoiding. It was time for me to make my Christmas shortbread cookies. I've been making these since I first started getting panic attacks. Make the cookies, give them away/eat them all. No decisions!

      I've been putting it off because I usually eat half the cookies I bake. I make traditional Scottish shortbread. Three ingredients.

Icing sugar, butter and flour. They melt in your mouth!

Here's how you do it. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Cream  1 pound of butter and 1 cup of icing sugar in your giant mixer.

Creamy, very creamy

Oh, you don't have a giant mixer? So sad for you. It's a bitch mixing this by hand.

Into the creamed butter mix in 4 cups of flour.

Floury, very floury

Make sure you have the mixer on low until the flour is mixed with the butter or there will be a white cloud of flour filling your entire kitchen. I learned that the hard way!

      It's important when making shortbread cookies keep them the same thickness. I have two cutting boards that are the same thickness. Lay down a coating of flour on the counter top.

Take half the dough  and place it between the cutting boards on the flour. Using a floured rolling pin, roll out the dough. 

Cut out the size of cookies you want, I make them 1 inch by 2 inches approximately. Pricking each cookie with a fork so they don't explode. 

Prick those puppies

Bake for 20 - 25 minutes or until they begin to brown on the bottom. 

Cooooookieeees

When baking shortbread you need to use the dough while it's fresh. I made two double recipes that's about 100 cookies. In the past I would have to do several double recipes because I would eat most of the cookies.

      I watched the Raptors win another basketball game while I was doing it, so it wasn't a complete waste of time. I received my Ho Ho Ho warning just after 9:00. The kitchen was a disaster. For fifteen years the lovely Lisa has been trying to get me to clean as I go. So far, no go!

      It was nearly 10:00 when Chef Boy R Lisa got home from work. On Monday she goes and wraps out the truck. Other than that, she's on Christmas break till January 3. That's if you call dealing with me and my neurotic behaviour a break. 

      Chef Boy R Lisa told me that she put together a beautiful dessert table with a dozen different desserts. She also decorated the table with Christmas lights and ornaments that she bought, then brought home to our already jammed packed with Christmas crap home.  

A festive neighbour

That's all I've got

Till next time

Peace out y'all

©2014 Dave Squatch Ward