Who's a Fat Bastard - "Prepare to walk the plank ya scurvy dog!"

January 8, 2015

First Dim Sum for Christo

      I was looking forward to a nice quiet morning, relaxing before the ordeal that is lunch with Peter and Mama Lee. I was halfway through yesterdays blog when the phone rang. It was Sharon my 

ex wife calling from Jen's place, where she was looking after the grandkids. I could barely hear what she was saying. I got into the car and drove over to Jen's, it's only ten blocks away. I had her call an ambulance while I was on my way. She was on the phone with 911 when I arrived. She was white as a ghost and couldn't even stand up. The 911 operator stayed on the line until the ambulance arrived. Christo was standing in the living room looking very scared. It's an uncomfortable feeling to look into the eyes of someone you care about and seeing terror. Sharon was trying to tell him Grammy was alright but he wasn't buying it. She said to me "I'm so scared". I can't imagine what it's like to not be able to breathe. A fire truck, a police car and two ambulances arrived within minutes. I had to go down to the front door to let them in because I couldn't remember how to open it from the condo. Hey, I only lived there eight years! While the EMT's were doing triage on Sharon the fireman was talking to Christo trying to take his mind off of his Grammy. Didn't really work. They came in through the underground parking with the stretcher but it wouldn't fit in the elevator. He switched it for a folding wheelchair and left the stretcher by the elevator. At this point Jen arrived. She was not doing well. Seeing her Mom wheeled out in an oxygen mask didn't help. Christo and I said goodbye and Jen stayed behind to compose herself before meeting the ambulance at Eagle Ridge hospital. She knows that there is nothing comforting about standing at the foot of someones hospital bed crying. That was my morning drama.
      Christo wasn't himself, quiet and withdrawn he went down to the green room to play and I worked on my blog for a while. 
When I went downstairs to check on him he was sitting on the couch staring straight ahead. "What's up Buttercup?" I asked. "I'm not a Buttercup, I'm Christo" that's his usual reply. "Grammy's going to be okay" I told him. "Remember when you were sick, and you went to see Dr Eddy and he made you feel better? I asked "Grammy is seeing the Doctor now and then she will feel better too." "Okay Papa" 
      "Wanna play Pirate" I said brandishing a foam sword. "Prepare to walk the plank ya scurvy dog!" He looked at me like I was nuts. There is a Pirate cartoon show on Disney channel he loves. I hear him singing the songs so I know he likes Pirates. No plank walking goes on at the Disney Channel. They are a kinder, gentler Pirate than I recall from my youth. He didn't get the Parrot jokes either. I think the Pirate he watches has a talking monkey. We crossed swords and hunted for treasure until Peter arrived for his birthday lunch. 
      Asian Kitchen on Lougheed and Schoolhouse used to be a Chinese Smorg but now does Dim Sum at lunch. They do it pretty well too. You order off a menu and it's prepared fresh. I kind of miss the ptomaine steam carts featuring Dim Sum of unknown origin. Nothing brings the Poop Fairy faster than day old Dim Sum. The lovely Lisa and Peter went in her car and I took Christo with me to pick up Mama Lee. I was at the restaurant ten minutes before the lovely Lisa. She stopped to get a cake for Peter. The food was a little slow in coming but when it did it was excellent. I was a little concerned about what Christo would eat so I had ordered chicken chow mein. I have never met a kid who didn't like noodles. He tried everything and ate three helpings of noodle. He didn't like the rice paper wraps but gobbled up the shrimp inside. 

Conversation was limited. Peter is not much of a talker and neither is Mama Lee. 

Christo was busy eating noodles and the lovely Lisa was pissed at me. We could have passed for monks! 
      Ninety minutes later, the lovely Lisa was taking Peter back to Poco and Christo and I were taking Mama Lee home. 
      Back at home we had a music session Bongos and Guitar. He is getting better at keeping the beat all the time and he loves to sing. Thirty minutes into it and Christian texted he was on his way. I got a call from the lovely Lisa letting me know that she was going to stop at Mark and Lea's. 
      One of Lea's many entrepreneurial endeavours is Hair Anywhere. She comes to your home or business with her portable salon and does hair and nails. She also has a barber chair at her house, which is great for upside down tequila shots. Not that I would know! Peter lives two blocks away so the lovely Lisa decided she needed a haircut.

Before

When she finally got home, looking fantastic. 

After

We decided to do Woody's pub for dinner and the Canucks game. 
I had time to fit in my workout.
The usual floor exercises, does that sound too gay? It's not like I'm doing a tumbling line or anything. I'm just rolling around the floor like a Tuna on a dock. 200 One Stair Steps and thirty minutes on the Iron Maiden watching a couple of Jon Stewart clips. 

In need of a shave

A quick shower and we were out the door.
      I had chicken wings and the lovely Lisa had the rib dinner. The Canucks stunk. Luongo was great. The chicken wings were better than the ribs. The lovely lisa liked them but I don't like that smoke flavour sauce they use. 

I should take the pictures before we eat the food

We played poker on the NTN and left after the second period so I could weep at home in private. We were down for the count before 11:00. A stressful day into the books. Which by the way I better get on. I have two giant envelopes full of receipts and have not made a single entry all year. OMG!!!

That's all I've got

Till Next time

Peace out Y'all

©2015 Dave Squatch Ward