Who's a Fat Bastard - Goodbye Christmas crap!

January 6, 2015

      Today was the 12th day of Christmas. You know, like in the song. It runs from the 26th of December till the 6th of January. Mama Lee's husband Adrian told me about it years ago. And he would know, he went to church for fun! I believe it's called the Epiphany. Some other churches start counting the twelve days from the 25th and in some of the modern churches it is celebrated on the Sunday after the new year. I guess if we didn't have these little differences we wouldn't have any excuses to kill each other in the name of God.  For me, it's the day before I take down the decorations from the outside of the house. I have seen the lovely Lisa Christmas Elf leave our Christmas tree up until near February. 

So this is the last night of outdoor lights for another year.

      When I rolled out of bed about 9:30  I made myself a cup of Joe and wrote yesterday's blog. I got a call from Willie telling me that the Old Man Movie Club was going to be meeting at 11:15 at the Hub pub at the New Westminster Skytrain Station. I was just finishing up yesterday's blog when I looked out the window and saw two crows peeling back my lawn like it was an onion. 

I've never seen anything like it in the 14 years that we've lived here.

Apparently there are some kind of grubs living in everybody's lawns and the crows will do anything to get to them. I've seen people put fake Owls and even fake dead Crows on their lawns. I thought I would just take my Red Ryder BB gun and put a cap in his crow ass! It turns out they're a protected species. They eat dead things, and it's a huge fine if you get caught shooting them. 

Instead, I unleashed the hounds!!  Okay the Rat dogs. The crows are about a million times smarter than Elvis and probably me too. The idiot starts barking as soon as I open the door. Elvis not me. That's no way to sneak up on somebody. Nutmeg, she just starts barking as soon as Elvis does. She's not even looking in the same direction. I wonder if you would be in trouble if the Rat dogs killed a crow. They're too cute to go to jail. Nutmeg would be somebody's bitch in a heartbeat!

Nutmeg, new meat!

      At 10:45 I drove down to the Lougheed mall to get on the Skytrain to New Westminster. 

It's only four stops but the views are pretty good. You get a nice view of the Port Mann Bridge and the mountains to the north and even Mount Baker on a clear day. 

That day was not today. It was a lighter shade of grey today and the clouds were sitting right down on the mountains.

      Willie and Wally were waiting at the Hub when I got there about 11:30. Wally has been working security at BC Lions games and other events part time since the Olympics. We've talked about it a few times and it sounds like something I might like to do. It would give me something to do and maybe make a few bucks. 

      We were going to see The Hobbit: The Five Armies at noon so I had time to have a coffee. We wandered around the corner to the theater just late enough to miss the ten minutes of previews. If you're a fan of Peter Jackson's directing you will really enjoy this film. The scenery is amazing if a little dark and the CGI is pretty spectacular. Billy Connolly riding on a war pig as a red headed   Dwarf cursing the Orks is hilarious. It's one of those films that is best seen on the big screen. The storyline was weak but the rest of the film made up for it. Usually after Old Man Movie Club we go back into the Hub, have a drink and critique the films. We've been having trouble with the Rat dog Elvis peeing in the house so I didn't want to leave them for longer than neccesary. 

And I was expecting Chef Boy R Lisa to be home around 4:00 and It was 3:00 now. I took the Skytrain back to Lougheed mall. Then I stopped at the store to pick something up for dinner. I got home to find the floors dry and the Rat dogs happy to be let out. I got my Ho warning from The lovely Lisa as I was parking the car. She always stops to see Mama Lee so I knew I would have time to tidy up the house. 

      When she got home I cooked up the pork chops I had bought,

reheated some Mac n Cheese for the lovely Lisa 

and freshened the spinach salad. 

We ate while she told me about her day and then she went to bed. Chef Boy R Lisa has a 2:00a.m. wake up call.

      There was forty-five minutes before the Canucks game so I went down to the Green room for a workout before it started. Twenty-six minutes to do my five floor exercises and 200 One Stair Steps. I considered going out to Woody's to watch the game. Except I just had dinner and I didn't want to sit there by myself drinking $4 soda's. I don't know which is worse, sitting at home alone watching the game, or sitting alone in a crowd of people watching the game. I don't have any problems meeting or talking to people but last time I went down by myself, the guy I sat beside at the bar was a moron! Not only was he a Moron, he was a Leafs fan! We parted ways when I told him to pull his head out of 1967 and come away from the Dark Side.

      The Canucks fell behind early but then took control of the game. I stayed up until Chef Boy R Lisa got out of bed at 2:15 a.m. with this blog half written, I went to bed. I need to be up at 8:00 for Papa Squatch Dayscare. 

Oh yeah, Goodbye Christmas crap!

That's all I've got

Till Next time

Peace out Y'all

©2015 Dave Squatch Ward