Who's a Fat Bastard - The Nuclear Dumps

January 28 & 29, 2015

      It was a tale of two days. One full of fun and happiness and one of misery and pain. Okay I'm being a little bit of a Drama Queen, but only for storytelling purposes. Wednesday morning I was up and loaded with a cup of Joe an hour before Papa Squatch Dayscare began. I sure as hell hope they don't ever have to sneak up on anyone. You could hear them as soon as Jen turned the car into the back alley. Bella took possession of Nutmeg and Christo joined her on the couch so he could pet her too. Christo has been nipped by Nutmeg several times trying to reach out and grab her. They both just stay away from Elvis. He's a cranky old man. Wonder where he gets that from? We got our coats on even though we didn't really need them. The sun was shining brightly and at 8:45 the temperature was already in double digits.
      When Christo and I got home we had thirty minutes before I was to take him to preschool. So we had a music lesson.

Concentration

He's not catching on quite as fast as Bella did but he's two years younger. He plays the left hand and I play the right.

C F G F C repeat

Just running through chord changes. You think they're not getting it, then all of a sudden, they get it.
      I did it again. I was talking to Christo and next thing you know I'm three blocks past my turn again. I turned around and when I got to the street where I do turn I realised that I never actually read the street sign, I turn just before the convenience store sign. That they took down for repair. I didn't see the sign, so I kept driving. We were still there on time and I learned, after dropping off , first Bella and then Christo for the last four years that Lilian is the name of the street the Preschool is on. There you go you learn something new every day.
      Once I was home I had a couple of hours to get things done before having to go back and pick Christo up. I finished and posted my blog then got in half a workout. 15 sets of floor exercises and 200 One Stair Steps. I didn't have time to ride the Iron Maiden and told myself I would do it after the kids went home. That never happens! I ran through the shower and got to preschool just as the teacher was finishing a story she was reading to them. Christo yells "Papa" when he sees me. I sat off to the side on a tiny chair and told Christo to wait until teacher finished the story. As Christo was changing into his coat and boots I was surrounded by a dozen four year olds all talking at once. Some of them were telling me about the story they just heard. Some were telling me that it was lunch time, and one little girl kept saying "You're not Papa!" "Am to," "Am not," "Am to," "Am not." Why am I arguing who I am with a four year old? Because I'm Papa!
      Christo said he was hungry so we started for home. "Let's stop and say hello to Mama Lee" I said "Okay Papa."

I don't know why he keeps doing the mouth thing?

The flu is going around the care facility but Mama Lee has managed to avoid it. Still, no kisses were exchanged. I had brought a couple of things for Mama Lee that we keep at the house. They make a product called Saliva Sure that fights the dry mouth that comes with some of the medications that she takes. The stuff is $20 a package here! I bought ten packs last time I was stateside for $3.99 each. We spent ten minutes with Mama Lee. We rounded up the Rat dogs and when we got to the truck Christo suggested we go to the lake before lunch. It was another beautiful day in Coquitlam.

The lake was as smooth as glass. That is until we got to our favourite rock throwing spot. It wasn't as busy as it was when the teachers had their Spa Day on Monday but there were still a lot of people enjoying the day at the lake. It only took us about forty minutes to go around once. "I'm hungry Papa." Christo informed me " We Gotta go eat lunch"
      Hot dogs! Yeah! Christo will always eat a hot dog.

I gave him some party mix and half a pear I cut into wedges. Not to digress but, the Bosc pears this year have been amazing! They are so flavourful. And pear flavoured to boot! In the winter I think that we get used to flavourless fruit. It's picked green half way around the world and it may look good but it's tasteless! Same with the tomatoes.
      After lunch Christo asked " Can I watch a show?" "No, we have work to do" I said. It was so nice out I was going to start cleaning up the mess made by the Chafer Beetles Larvae now that I had some room in the green waste bin. I did the raking while Christo played in the yard. I got so into my raking and I was exposing lots of larvae hopefully for the birds to eat. Oops, gotta go! We were once again standing at the light when the bell rang. "Oh, Man" "Christo said." We're late Papa!" I said nothing. When he's right, he's right. When we got to the school yard Bella was sitting on the steps beside the teacher looking like little orphan Bella.

      I never even let them go inside. It was too nice out. I finished the lawn. While they were joined by Matty in the yard. At 3:00 the back yard is in full sunshine this time of year. The kids inspected the grubs, Bella found a LadyBug which she was determined to keep as a pet and I almost had them helping me pick up the dropped pine branches that littered the yard. They each picked up one then went back to playing. The kids started hitting a ball with the bat, which of course they do standing beside each other. It's way more dangerous that way. After Christo clipped Matty with his back swing I got into the game.

Home run!!

I set up a home plate and they took turns hitting while I pitched. Except for Bella. She was still ladybugging.

Matty crushes another one!

Both the boys hit the ball very well. I was just about to take the kids inside as the sun was now going behind the trees and throwing the yard into shadow. It would get cold pretty soon and the kids were without their coats. I made them take them off when I realised that while they were playing in the mud and water that had collected in the sand box, their mittens, which are attached to their coats by strings were filling up with water.

That's when  Christian showed up to get them. Traffic back from West Vancouver was brutal he told me. He was forty minutes later than usual and looked totally bagged.
      With the grandkids gone and not expecting Chef Boy R Lisa home for a couple of hours anyway. I put on my workout gear with every intention of finishing what I started. Instead I started watching the Raptors game and drinking coffee. Raptors win! Raptors Win! The best part was the game was over just before chef Boy R Lisa arrived home. Basketball is not even on the charts for the lovely Lisa. She puts up with my football addiction and can tolerate the Canucks. Ten really tall guys running back and forth in short pants doesn't do it for her.
      Wednesday is the lovely Lisa's Friday night. She works Monday to Wednesday then every weekend is a long one. Sadly it's everyone else's Wednesday night! We have tried to do things on fake Friday but it never works out. After a sixteen or eighteen hour day she is usually nodding off on the couch as soon as she eats. Tonight was no different. She went to bed about 8:30 and when I went to tuck her in ten minutes later, she was already asleep. I joined her about 10:30 feeling very tired.

January 29, 2015

      I'm not usually awake at 4:30 in the morning. I'm glad I was because that's when the Poop Fairy came by and hit me with the big one. That's right, I had the Nuclear Dumps. It left my body so fast and with such force that a mushroom cloud of water rose up from the bowl and slammed into my fat ass like Hiroshima! Oh wait, it gets better. I stood up, I flushed then my stomach did a back flip and I tossed my cookies which didn't make sense because I don't eat cookies! It was mostly dry heaves which is worse than actually puking. I was standing, now naked in the bathroom dripping with sweat. Sorry not dripping, squirting. I had projectile sweat. Half way through my shower the Poop Fairy stopped by again. This time the bombs where more like hand grenades. I never realised how slippery a toilet seat is when you pop out of the shower. I almost ended up on the floor in my haste to get situated. It was 6:00 a.m when I texted Jen to tell her that typhoid Bella had taken me down. She has been recovering from a cold but was well enough to go to school with all the other little petrie dishes incubating diseases to afflict upon unsuspecting Papa's. 

      I woke up feeling crappy about 9:00. I had a headache, I never get headaches and I was congested. I was cranky so I picked a fight with the lovely Lisa over nothing and went back to bed. For ten minutes. I plugged up when I lay down so I got up. The house was empty. Rat dogs and all. Gone! Who's going to look after me? I took a cold and flu capsule and started feeling a little better. I'm not one to sit and whine, feeling sorry for myself. Without an audience it seems pointless! 

      In my cold med induced delirium I looked at the floors and they needed to be done. Three days of Papa Squatch Dayscare and nice weather had filled the house with pine needles and mud. I swept and washed the floors including the bathroom. I had a nice little ephederin buzz going so I changed and went down to the green room for a workout. I'll sweat this mother out! Half way through my floor exercises, I was on my back and I could still breathe! I did a full workout including riding the Iron Maiden through another episode of Lilyhammer. Johnny just dropped the Brit gangsters through the ice. I was doing laundry at the same time as I usually do when I heard the lovely Lisa come home. Then I heard her leave again. I was done. I had a shower and sat in my chair with the radio on listening to the talking heads making excuses for the Canucks and Marshawn Lynch's bad behavior. 

      The lovely Lisa made us a couple of nice steaks for dinner. The first thing I had eaten all day. I was in bed before 10:00 which is probably why I was awake before 6:00 a.m. I'm still not feeling right but I think Typhoid Bella is off the hook. I have totally different symptoms than she had. Feeling a little better today. I live to Blog Again!!

That's all I've got

Till Next time

Peace out Y'all

©2015 Dave Squatch Ward