Sunday, 25 January 2015

Who's a Fat Bastard - Massaged, coated and I may say, partially aroused.

January 24, 2015


      Now that my adventures in caulk are over until Monday. I plan to do our tub and kitchen counters while Chef Boy R Lisa is at work. That way she won't be trying to "Help Me." That never works out. It doesn't matter if it's a project around the house or a meal in the kitchen, too many cooks spoil the soup! We almost broke up when we installed the crown mouldings! At any rate, I do my best caulk work alone.
      Still going to bed early and waking up seven hours later. I was up before 7:00 a.m. and sitting at the keyboard banging out my daily drivel. I think that the weather may have something to do with the change in my sleeping patterns. Even with taking vitamin D I get tired as soon as it gets dark. It's been dark for about a week now! I still have lots of energy during the day but fade pretty quick when the grey turns to night.
      It was my Ex wife Sharon's birthday on the 22nd and we were having a few people over for dinner and cards. Sharon is feeling much better and it was good to see her out. You may be wondering why I'm making dinner for my ex wife's birthday. It's because for thirty six years we have shared a daughter. She's a good person and raised Jennifer by herself while I was out going mental. She did a great job raising her and deserves to eat the great food I cook.
      The lovely Lisa was off to see Mama Lee and do a little shopping. Other than holiday occasions, when I am Scullery Squatch, we don't share the kitchen well. Chef Boy R Lisa has all the training and is compulsive about cleaning as she goes. I work on the ten second rule, the three second rule wasn't enough time for me to bend down and pick those shrimps off the floor. Especially when you're fighting off two Rat dogs!
Rat dog number one
Any way not to revisit the Crown Moulding Affair. I said I would take care of the entire meal. Idiot!
      I was dressed for my workout when on my way to the green Room I noticed the time. It was already after 1:00 and I'm supposed to have dinner for twelve people ready for 6:00. I went out to the fridge on the back deck and grabbed the two packs of ribs. I turned the oven to 450 degrees and chopped the ribs into two rib portions. I made my rub. There are few things a rib guy likes better than a good rub on his meat. It's a little dry at first but as you massage the rub into your meat, the natural juices lubricate your meat to the point where the rub clings to your meat.
Rub your meat
The rub I use is very flavourful but not overly spicy. Paprika is the base and a tablespoon of chili powder, some garlic powder, salt and pepper, a little tumeric and some onion powder. After they were fully massaged, coated and I may say, partially aroused. I put them on a racks on baking sheets, added water and into the oven they go.

I turn the oven down to 300 degrees and set the timer for thirty minutes. As I do not subscribe to Chef Boy R Lisa's code of kitchen cleanliness, I had a giant freakin mess to clean up! The timer went off just as I finished sweeping the last of the spilled spices off the floor.

I covered the ribs with tin foil and let them bake at 300 degrees for ninety minutes. To the Green Room I go.
      I had plenty of time to do my work out before I needed to get the rest of the dinner going so I decided that I needed to increase the number of sets I do of the floor exercises. Today I did fifteen sets. That's a 50% increase and I felt it. The front lifts where I start at my hips and go straight over my head were especially hard and painfull. It felt like popcorn popping in my shoulder joints. When I started I was worried that I was doing more damage but I can now lift both my arms over my head for the first time in a dozen years. Move it or lose it! That's what they say. Whoever "They" are.
200 One Stair Steps and a hard fifteen minutes on the Iron Maiden and my work here is done!
Post workout
      It was now 4:00. People will be arriving around 5:00 so I needed to get going on the rest of dinner. I was planning on doing rice because we have a rice maker. Put in rice and water and forget about it. My kind of cooking. Chef Boy R Lisa came home with a bag of potatoes. I made a Squatch Salad and a cole slaw then went to have a shower.

After my shower it was time to prep the chicken. I had about twenty five drums that I was doing a simple rub on. Montreal chicken spice, garlic powder, salt and pepper. The ribs were ready so I took them out of the oven and put them in a big corning wear casserole dish covered with tin foil, put the oven up to 400 degrees and put the chicken in. I'll put the ribs back in with the bread when the chicken is mostly done. I prepped the brocolli and I was done. Chef Boy R Lisa made her potatoes and our guests started arriving.
Some of the girls
      Jen, Christian and the Grandkids were first, followed quickly by everyone else. The dinner was served on timeish and the reviews were spectacular!
The lovely Lisa, Katy, Jen, Pen, Sharon and half a Gord
Even if I did write them myself. I know it was good because they were like animals! I had to tell M B Ho not to eat the rib bones! He's half Chinese, they eat anything! They went through the food like locusts on a wheat field!
No bread , no potato for me
      There was supposed to be cake. It was one of those, I'll get it, no you get it, so  nobody got it. Both Sharon and I are diabetic so not having cake was not such a bad thing. I offered to put a candle on a can of tuna but she passed! No pass coming from Bella and Christo. I was told in no uncertain terms that this was a party and where was the cake! Christian told them they could have popcorn later and that seemed to fix everything. Jen makes them popcorn at home on the stove. That's when Bella discovered my Lava Lamp. I don't turn it on that often.
Bella took the picture
Bella was mesmerised and so was Christo when he came to see where Bella was.
      We started playing cards and our first time guest Katy, being from Ontario knew how to play games with trump and joined right in. She fit right in with the gang, smart and funny. After the first game of Screw Your Neighbour, which I won. $18 thank you very much.
Another lucky winner
Christo was at the card table wanting to know where his popcorn was. The movie was going to be over soon and they were still waiting.
" Do you have any popcorn Dad?" Jen asked me. "There's some beside the microwave." I told her.
After a moment " This stuff expired in 2011" She bellowed from the kitchen. "They just put that on there because the law makes them" I responded "How sick can they get? I read on line that they planted corn they found in an Aztec tomb and it grew corn. It was online so it has to be true!" No popcorn for the grandkids, but wait, Gramma Lisa has party mix. Yay the day is saved. It's a party in you're mouth!!
      We played another game that Jennifer, the fruit of my looms, won. With nine people and two decks it takes a while to get through a game. Jen and Christian packed up the Grandkids and Katy made her exit as well. We played one more game with six of us, I won again and called it a night. Gord, Penny, Sharon and M B Ho all live within rock throwing distance of each other so they car pool. The lovely Lisa and I cleaned up the last of the dishes and made our way to bed. Saturday night at midnight. How old are we?


That's all I've got
Till Next time
Peace out Y'all



©2015 Dave Squatch Ward


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