Who's a Fat Bastard - Asleep in my chair before 11:00

January 22, 2015

Is this still on?

     I don't know what's going on with my internal clock. It's like I turned 58, and now I'm old. Two weeks ago I was up until 2:00 a.m. Now I'm asleep in my chair at 11:00! Fighting to stay awake for the late news. Next thing you know I'll be lined up for the Early Bird Special at Denny's! My day started way too early. I was in front of my computer at 6:18 a.m. That's still an hour later than yesterday. I was in bed before midnight. I was asleep about 11:13. I woke up in my chair with a green screen staring eerily back at me and moved my nightmares to the comfort of our king size bed. The lovely Lisa was already asleep and the Rat dogs had commandeered my half of the bed. Nutmeg is a cranky little bitch. Growling and fussing at me when I dare to take my pillow back. Elvis is like a rag doll. He pretty much stays where you put him. I think that's because before I started wearing a CPAP breathing machine at night I used to have a bad case of Jimmy legs, that's restless leg syndrome and I would launch him off the bed in my sleep. I would also kick the lovely Lisa once in a while. Whoa, and I think Nutmeg is cranky! Hell hath no fury like a woman who just got my rhino toe up her hoop!
      I never touched my caulk. I know, I should have been all over it. Tamara was out all day so I would have had the privacy I like while I'm caulking. It's not even the caulking part I don't like, it's the cleaning the old caulk out of the crack. I bought a tool kit for removing caulk and I am definitely going to do it today. I've milked this caulk thing enough.  Time to stop jerking off and get down to the business of caulking! I am Caulk Master. "I've come to fill your crack!"
      Writing the blog in the early morning is becoming a habit. Early morning is becoming a habit! That's what old people do. I remember when I was 14, I was up at Brian Green's farm in the Wasaga Beach area. It was about 4:30 a.m. when I looked out the bathroom window and saw Jimmy's Granddad shaking the rooster! That was funny because that's what I was doing in the bathroom. No, please, hold your applause till the end.

Kevin and Audrey's

      As I was wrapping up the blog the lovely Lisa informed me that we were going to Kitsilano to see Kevin and Audry. Kevin settled Adrian's affairs after he passed last year and had a few pieces of mail to give us. On our way we stopped to see Mama Lee. I had to drop off a check for her massage guy, because I'm not sure how to spell masseuse. The lovely Lisa stayed in the car in the hopes that I would be in and out. She was sitting out in the main room beside the fireplace when I came in. I asked her about her nails. She had the extensions removed and now she can dial her phone. She asked me to put the check in her room and while I was there I got the receipt for yesterdays lunch. I nearly crapped my pants! $106 dollars for two old ladies to have lunch! WTF!!! I have owned cars I payed less money for! It was at the Banana Leaf Malaysian restaurant. I thought they ate rice and fish! I staggered back to the car where the lovely Lisa was working up a fond "What the hell were you doing" I handed her the receipt. "That's not so bad" she said " "Really? $23 for a lunch entree and $36 for a 1/2 litre of wine?" I asked this person who had taken over the lovely Lisa.  "We quit a Dim Sum restaurant when it cost us $30 for lunch. It's two old ladies. They're a combined 152 years old! How much can they eat? " In a last attempt to soothe my shattered Scottish heart she said " We spent $150 dollars for dinner on your birthday" "Yes we did, dinner! At L'Abitoir one of Canada's finest restaurants. This was Chinese food lunch for two old ladies!"
      Moving on. We were as usual, running late. We were supposed to be at Kevin's at 1:00. We made it there at 1:30. He's a nice man and he had tea and biscuits ready. We had just missed his wife Audrey, she does exercise class at this time three days a week. There were only a couple of pieces of mail and we spent an hour catching up. We had left the Rat dogs in the car, planning our first visit to the dog beach this year. We took the back way up through UBC stopping at a Blenz so I could get a coffee. It seems there 's a lot of properties for sale out there including some huge estates with amazing views.
      The dog beach was a swamp. Not the beach, the grass leading over to the beach.

Dog Beach Swamp

There is a cinder path that runs along the waters edge but no path across the lawn to get to it. I hadn't gone twenty feet when I got my first of many soakers!

Wet feet

 It was another day of wet air. The clouds were so low on the North Shore mountains you couldn't even see them.

Where did the mountains go?

The Rat dogs were cold after thirty minutes or so and were ready to go.

Elvis is part sponge. On his mothers side I think. This five pound dog weighed about ten when I started squeezing the water out of him.

A cool looking log

Once they were cleaned up we were on our way to Tentatsu for a very late lunch. I had eaten breakfast, hard boiled eggs and avocado, but the lovely Lisa had only eaten a yogurt and two biscuits at Kevin's. She's so bad like that, often eating only once a day. Maybe that's why she turned the wrong way. Not to worry, Lisa Andretti always knows a short cut. Our destination was north and east of our present location on 4th Ave. So when Lisa Andretti saw the Police lights three blocks ahead, she turned south and west to avoid them. Onto a dead end street, then with her catlike reflexes she swung us into the alley so we could sit behind a garbage truck for a while.

We made our way up to Broadway where we got to stop at every light and behind every body who was turning left. Lisa Andretti like the left lane. It's the passing lane! Only not on Broadway at 4:00 in the afternoon. The only thing passing was time!

We turned left on Cambie then meandered through China Town and over to the Down Town East Side where we weaved in and out of the pedestrians who wander out into the street at random moments.

      We finally arrived at Tentatsu. It was now after 4:00 and I had chicken left out for dinner at home. It will hold another day. We ordered off the lunch menu .

More food than we could eat for less than $20. Mama Lee and her friend could eat here for a whole week! Sorry still pissed!

      We got home full of Japanese food and not the least bit interested in dinner. The lovely Lisa went on line looking for desert recipes for 120 people and I went down to do my workout.
      I recorded one set so you can see exactly what I do. The stills don't really show it. It's not pretty!

http://youtu.be/kptKs4T2tVk

That's what I do combined with 200 One Stair Steps, riding the Iron Maiden and walking the lake it seems to be working. As long as I stay away from the carbohydrates. My friend Sandie pointed out that not only do I put on weight when I eat carbs, I also lose my sunny disposition. I realised she was right. I feel slower and definitely have a shorter temper when I don't eat properly. I put it down to being pissed about putting on a couple of pounds. Now I'm thinking it's a physical reaction to the carbs. More subtle than when I tossed my cookies after my pizza binge but still???
      I was sitting around naked under my bathrobe, drinking No Joe and thinking about caulk when the lovely Lisa announced she was going to bed. I got into the shower twenty minutes later and was asleep in my chair before 11:00

That's all I've got

Till Next time

Peace out Y'all

©2015 Dave Squatch Ward