Who's a Fat Bastard - I do my best caulking when I'm fully erect!

January 23, 2015

When there was snow. Squidly on Cypress last year

      I'd build an Ark but I don't know what a cubit is and I don't care for cats. Every time it rains like this I envision another flood in the basement. We had three in the first six years we lived here. My office window looks out onto the back yard and the alley way. The rain drops were so big and coming down so hard you could see them bouncing off the pavement. The lovely Lisa and Bro Steve were planning to go skiing at Cypress but it was eleven degrees and raining hard, even at the top. We saw later on the news that even the snow from the Olympic snow making equipment was being washed away. Bro Steve and the lovely Lisa have season passes. It's starting to look like the season is going to pass without them being used. It happened once before. The no snow thing. Remember the 2010 Olympics? Then late February and March weren't so bad. I hope it happens that way this year. That damn Pineapple Express is cutting into her bottom line. So far she has skied for four hours. $300 for the pass, that means so far it has cost her $75 per hour. It sounds better than $150 per day. And she packs her own lunch!
      What to do, what to do? I spent the morning writing yesterdays blog. I wasn't planning on going anywhere in the rain and the lovely Lisa was here to offer suggestions as to what I might like to do. Or at least what she would like me to do. This is how repugnant I found her suggestions, I decided to get on the caulk! Yes that's right. The Caulk Master is in the house! I texted Tamara to see if this was a good time for me to come down and caulk her tub. She wasn't home but arrived a few minutes later. Caulk in hand I took my tool for cleaning the old caulk out of the crack, my caulking gun and a clean rag in case I needed to wipe up any excess caulk.

      I started on the kitchen sink because it's the right height. I don't like to be on my knees because of my arthritis. Especially when I'm dealing with caulk! I do my best caulking when I'm fully erect! I used the caulk removal tool I had just bought for the first time. It worked really well. I had that crack cleaned out and ready for fresh caulk in twenty minutes. I had put a new kitchen in the suite five years ago and I was happy to see everything was still tight and square. Sometimes the crack on an older one can expand, widen and get a little sloppy. You don't want to start then find out you don't have enough caulk to fill the crack! Fortunately that was not the case. The crack was tighter than a Nun's sense of humour! I had bought a caulking kit, besides the crack scraper it has an applicator head shaped like an Ace of spades. It works sweet. I filled that crack from top to bottom in a couple of minutes.

I swear if I had known it was going to be this easy I might have done it right away.
Yeah right, and lose four days worth of double entendres and adolescent penis metaphors? I don't think so!
      Flush with success I attacked the tub with enthusiasm.

Before Fresh Caulk

The old caulk doesn't come off the enamel as easily as it did off the counter top. I had to use multiple techniques and and quite a bit of fingering to get that crack ready for caulk. I even had to go at it with a chisel! I had that crack ready for caulk in about thirty minutes.

Caulk Master Squatch

      Having been the Caulk Master for close to an hour I came upstairs for a coffee break. Idiot! The lovely Lisa asked how it was going and I told her. Going on and on about how easy it was with the new tools and how happy Tamara was with the new caulk. Idiot!! "Do you have enough caulk to do me too? the lovely Lisa asked. "Tomorrow honey, I need at least twelve hours before I can caulk again." I said with a sheepish look. Hey, I'm getting older! The days when I could caulk for hours at a time are long gone. I went back down to Tamara's and finished caulking her tub. It looked pretty good.

After the caulking

I cleaned up the tools and put them where I couldn't see them in the hopes the lovely Lisa would forget about her desire to be caulked.
      It was after 3:00. I was going to/should have/didn't do my workout today. Instead I had a shower and a bite to eat. Hard boiled eggs, a tomato and an avocado. The lovely Lisa was still copying recipes off the internet, by hand. I offered to show her how to push the print button but she likes to write them out. I guess she feels more attached to the recipe that way, kind of like me and my caulk. I can't believe I fit another caulk joke in.
      At 4:00 I was banished to tiny TV town for the Raptors game. While I was watching Toronto get off to a slow start against the worst team in the league, the lovely Lisa was planning our evening. We were meeting Willie and Annie at Rivers Reach Pub in New Westminster. Annie was working until 8:00 so after the Raptors held on to win, the lovely Lisa and I watched a few episodes of Family Feud. At 7:30 we packed the Rat dogs into the car and left the house for the fifteen minute drive. We usually take the Rat dogs when we are meeting up with Willie and Annie so they can have a play date with Lincoln and Mac. We were still in the driveway when we got a text from Annie. She got off early and they were already at the Pub. They were half way through their first pint when we walked through the doors.

Prime Rib Dinner $12.95

Friday is prime rib night and I was primed for it. All that afternoon caulking works up an appetite! A nice meal and a couple of hours of conversation went by in a heartbeat. That's how it is with old friends. The talk is easy and flows freely. Willie is involved with Robbie Burns Day at the legion on Sunday. I believe he's doing the toast to the Lassies. They do a nice job and I go every year. They pipe in the Haggis. There are toasts, highland dancing and of course drinking, all set to the incessant screeching of the Bagpipes. I think that's why we Scots drink so much.
"Hey, Jock, how diz this soond" Squeezing a discordant note out of his sheeps bladder.
" Ach, Hold on Sandy" he replies quaffing a pint of Guinness. " Aye, it's sounds brilliant the noo"
      After dinner we went over to their place for a pot of tea and let the Rat dogs socialise. We headed for home just about midnight and went pretty much straight to bed.

That's all I've got

Till Next time

Peace out Y'all

©2015 Dave Squatch Ward