Who's a Fat Bastard - Dog bomb in the kitchen!

September 18, 2014

     I was up at eight with the alarm. no more fooling around. 

I've decided to do my workout as soon as I get up. One cup of coffee and I'm headed to the green room. I figured out how to make the iPod work through my stereo in the basement. Now I have everything from Hank Williams to Offspring, Motown to Meatloaf at my fingertips. I usually listen to Team 1040 when I work out on the stairs then switch to C-nile 650 or my Ipod for the belly crunches. Of which I did 180. 

1000 Four Stair Stretches 

I think I can, I think I can.

and 200 One Stair Steps

This one's for you Steve!

I was starving by the time I was finished and had couple of hard boiled eggs and coffee.  I had an appointment downtown at 11. 

Shower....shower....

I was in and out of the shower within five minutes. It was now 10: 15 and panic was rearing it's ugly head.  I was doing great until I hit Main Street. Everything came to a stand still. I was ten minutes late and no one noticed. Not a good sign!
it was 11:30 before I got in to my 11 o'clock meeting. It went well and, as usual , I'm hopeful for a positive outcome. We are going to Vancouver Island later today so I was in a hurry to get home. We were hoping to get on the 3:10 ferry to Nanaimo.  We left the house at 12:45 and made it to Horseshoe Bay just in time to hear on the radio that the 

12:50 had been cancelled, the 3:10 was full and we had an outside chance at the 5:20 , that's "you're screwed pal" in ferry speak!
     Springing into action, I googled Tsawwassen ferry terminal. The 5:45 was only 30% full . Do  we wait in line and take a chance on getting on the ferry here,  or do we try for Tsawwassen? With Lisa Andretti at the wheel there was never a doubt.  The bitch in the box said we would make Tsawwassen by 4:10. She never had to go through North Van, the Lions gate bridge, 

downtown traffic 

or the freaking Massey tunnel. Lisa moved through traffic like Burt Reynolds in a black Trans-Am 

Burt Reynold shades

or a plum through my colon! Which came close to happening a couple of times. I'm just kidding, I have no idea what was happening. I had my eyes closed the  whole time. With Lisa at the wheel it helps to keep the Poop Fairy away.  

     We made it with time to spare. You never know what you'll see going over to the Island. Not much of an endorsement. They should buy a tarp!

Canadian Driving school?

It's the ferry, what more can I say. Tsawwasssen to Duke Point is the dullest of the routes. No active pass, no good pictures! They serve Wet Spot on the ferries these days. Oh, I'm sorry, I mean White Spot. Never liked their burgers, but I did gag down some dried out chicken strips and a Caesar salad. Lisa had the burger combo. Some folks like the wet spot I guess. ( That was like a quadruple entandre )

Lovin the Wet Spot Burger.

It was a pleasant night to be on the ferry. No wind to speak of and the rain held off. We were on one of the newer ferries. The Coastal Inspiration.

My Inspiration

The ferry arrived just as the sun set and we drove off into the dark of night. Bwahaha! Okay, we drove to Alida's place in Nanoose Bay where we are going to spend the night.

Alida's new place looks great and she seems very happy. We weren't there twenty minutes when Mac dropped a dog bomb in the kitchen. 

The Mad Bomber!

Since we put him on the same food as Elvis and Nutmeg eat, his poop has firmed up nicely. Like picking up a couple of McNuggets, or Wet Spot Chicken Fingers!

We played a game of Skip Bo.

Lisa won, handily. Stupid Game! At least it's not Monopoly! The King of Bored games! No, that's not a typo. That's the truth. You have to be bored to the point of suicide to willingly sit down and throw away three or four hours of your life buying fake property and wanting to throw yourself on the tracks of the B&O Railroad.....that someone else owns...of course. " Too bad you can't put a hotel on a railroad, I would have busted you out" said the smug bastard. " Too bad it's bad form for me to reach over there and punch a hole in your throat" I replied with as much malice as I could muster with a thin wad of make believe money clutched in my barely solvent fingers. 

     For those of you who find my explanation a little too subtle. I don't much care for bored games. I'm not sure how I got here but, here I am. We didn't even play Monopoly! Should I go back and delete the paragraph I just wrote that has nothing to do with the story at all. Or just leave it in to make you think, hmmmmmm Monopoly does suck! 

     I decided to take it out, so everyone unread that last bit. 

     Lisa has beaten me the last two things we have done. You may recall she edged me out 13-12 the other day at Rupert Pitch n Putt. What a gal!

     Every one is in bed now. Once again it's 2:30 am and I'm just finishing up for the day. Some visiting to do before Stu's goodbye at the Fernwood Inn in Victoria at 6 pm Sunday. 

That's all I got.

Till next time.

Peace Out Y'all

©2014 Dave Squatch Ward