Who's a Fat Bastard - Ryland, lost in place

July 9, 2014

     Today was the day from hell. We arrived in Ketchican,  Alaska's oldest city at 10:00 am. I have already been up for five hours. The entire city appears to be a giant shopping mall. Five jewelery shops in a row all claiming the best prices in Alaska. 

Cartoon Pirate bar

Discount tours, twenty dollar crab legs and free gifts for cruise passengers. I was tired of the place before we got off the ship. Then I saw this and it put a smile on my face. 

Does the tour "come" with a Happy Ending option?

The best part of it was the power was out in all the stores so nobody could buy anything.

Pretty cool art.

            Steve had Momma Lee for the day so Lisa and I could spend some time together. We saw some people fishing off the bridge in the town center. Lots of Salmon jumping but never saw any biting. About fifteen minutes off the ship we saw Steve across the street struggling with Momma Lee.  She needed to find a facility, and quick. The closest public restroom was a block away. We almost made it. 

In the Museum in Ketchikan

An hour and a half later we got Momma Lee back on board and back together. Half the day shot. 

Lisa and Steve went out around the town and I did Momma Lee's laundry and watched the Argentina vs Netherlands game. It was like watching paint dry. I hope we get a better final.

Ryland pre adventure

     When Lisa and Steve got back to the ship I went up to the pool for a swim and a hot tub. That's when I found out that our nephew Ryland was missing. Several of our group went on a four hour hike up the side of a mountain. When they got to the top of the mountain they were going to hang out for a while. Ryland wanted to get back to the ship for tea service with his Mom. So his Dad let him go, by himself.

     Ryland took a wrong path and forty minutes later was totally lost. Thank goodness he has a cell phone and the brains to call 911. Search and rescue had him download an app that would pinpoint where he was. He was unhurt other than a couple of scratches from a fall or two.  When the gang got back they found out what had happened. Ryland was still on the mountain. Search and rescue had to walk in to get him. It took three hours. The boat was scheduled to leave at 6:00. His Dad was waiting off ship with his passport and a change of clothes, just in case he didn't make it back before the ship left port. The captain announced that one passenger was missing and that departure would be postponed until 6:15. Dan was on the phone with search and rescue and the ships liaison was right there with him. The search and rescue captain was saying that Ryland was going to have to go to the hospital to be checked out. Dan, who's a doctor, talked to Ryland and determined that other than being hungry, tired and afraid the bears would find him, was fine. The shoreline vultures were circling. Not Ryland, Dan! " You're going to need a hotel room, a flight to Vancouver and transport to and from" came a chorus from the townsfolk, dollar signs flashing in their greedy little eyes. At 6:10 the tow motor moved into position to remove the gangplank. Just then, a beat up Honda Accord did a movie stop to the curb. Out popped Ryland and the sense of relief from his parents was palatable. They scurried up the gangplank as the forward lines were being removed. Ryland's major injury was to his pride. He knew he was going to take some abuse at the hands of his Uncle's, so he hid in his cabin until dinner time.

RyRy made the paper

     There are people who have doubts about the veracity of some of my stories. That my imagination far exceeds the truth of the situation, au contraire! He sat in the woods for three hours, waiting to be gang banged by a herd of rabid beavers. 

Butt Banging Beaver

     The dinners in the dining room have been very good. The service has been friendly and very professional. 

Even our waiter couldn't resist asking Ryland if he could find his chair alright. 

He did find Momma Lee

  

Momma Lee got on the phone and unknown to Lisa or I, ordered three birthday cakes. Lisa and Steve are twins, their Birthday is not until August 1, and Janice's Birthday was in June. I think one cake would have sufficed. It was ridiculously wasteful, two of the cakes went untouched. 

        We were going to all meet up at the Crows Nest Lounge afterwards. Only four of us showed. Lisa, Momma Lee, Cathy and myself. The party was short lived. I will be in bed by midnight.

     As for my diet and exercise program. I am afraid of the scale! I was doing great on the food end but had to stop the exercise part when I realised after the second day that I didn't have my heart meds with me. I forgot to pack this weeks blister pack. I have a massively erratic heart beat, about 120 beats per minute at rest without them. One called Sotolol in particular controls that. So I have been afraid to exercise. I haven't told Lisa because she has her hands full with Momma Lee and tends to worry enough for everybody. I should have had my daughter FedEx it to one of our stops but, I thought I could tough it out. I have felt lousy for the last three days. My heart is pounding all the time. Too much food, not enough exercise. We get back to Vancouver at 7:00 am Friday morning. I will be okay. Getting back on track will be a breeze.

That's all I got.

Till next time 

Peace Out Y'all

©2014 Dave Squatch Ward