Saturday, 19 July 2014

Who's a Fat Bastard - Beware the Slides of Water

July 18, 2014

     If you ever hear me say I'm going to the Waterslides again, shoot me! It will save me a lot of pain. Every time I go to one of these things I get hurt! This time I tore the muscle in my shoulder right off the bone. Last time I hit my elbow so hard on the bottom of the pool I had a knot the size of an apple on it. The time before that, my foot got caught on the bottom and I tore ligaments in my ankle. 
     I've been alternating hot and cold on my shoulder all day. Not only couldn't I do my workout, I can't play my guitar! 
Me not playing guitar

Now that really hurts. And I have Papa Squatch Daycare going on too.
     At least I was awake when the kids showed up this morning. That's because I never quite got yesterdays blog done last night. I found my head kept banging painfully off the keyboard as I nodded off repeatedly. So I went to bed. When I got up six hours later I couldn't remember what I was trying to say, so I said goodbye. I finished and posted just before the Grandkids arrived. I really enjoy having the kids here. Today my tenant Tamara is looking after a girl who is the same age as Clarissa. I know she loves her cousins, but they are four and five and Clarissa is nine. That's a big age difference. She needed someone her age to talk to and play with. Hannah was a smart, happy nine year old who could do backflips on the trampoline. Well spoken and polite, just like Clarissa. They hit it off immediately and soon where splashing in the pool and sharing secrets.
Clarissa and Hannah

 I was impressed with how the two older girls kept Matty and Bella involved in whatever games they where playing. Christo the cold blooded one hangs around and watches the other kids play. He says the pool is too cold. 
Alien Lizard Boy
I say he is some kind of alien lizard creature. He does love a hot tub! 
     I made a bunch of assorted peanut butter finger sandwiches for lunch. P.B. with banana, Strawberry jam, raspberry jam and straight up. Also a roast beef and cheese for Hannah. I had roast beef lettuce wraps. 
Roast beef Lettuce wrap
Half way through the sandwiches I gave them the potato chips I had been holding back. I'm on to the little schmucks. "I'm full" Is all I hear if I give them chips or chocolate milk with their sandwich. It's all they will eat! Then their teeth will rot out and who will be the bad guy? After lunch the kids played Boccie in the yard while their lunch settled.
     I have to tell you, I don't know if I could have survived the day without Tamara's help. My shoulder was throbbing, it seemed every move I made was the wrong one. Tamara was on pool watch the whole day. No kids in the pool unless an adult is present. And the kids wanted to be in the pool!
Loving the pool

     I on the other hand sat on the front deck with my friend Al. Al, like Lisa and I, is a traveller. He always has great stories of his adventures and is a talented photographer. He was just back from Las Vegas and you know where we have been this summer. We are at home at least till the Second Annual Devlin Hillbilly Hoedown at the end of July. We sat on the deck trading lies for an hour or so interrupted only by a Lisa drive-by between appointments. Dr Dan called about 4:00 to let me know he was navel gazing in a park somewhere. I let him know dinner was at 6:30 and to pick up Momma Lee on the way home, and don't be late I've got a ham on the BBQ.
Pre BBQ ham
How to cook a ham on a BBQ
With a sharp knife score skin 
Place ham on rack in a pan with 3 cups of water
Cover tightly with tin foil
When BBQ is screaming hot place ham on BBQ and turn the heat to low. 
Check with a meat thermometer 160 degrees if it's a raw ham.
If it's fully cooked just warm it up to 130 degrees or they get dry.
     Of course everyone shows up at the same time. I had already made a nice Squatch salad, put the ham and rice on and prepped the Broccoli. Gord and Penny came through the back door at the same time Lisa came in the front door. The dogs were so confused they started barking at each other. We got in a quick game of Screw your Neighbour before Dr Dan showed up with Momma Lee. Momma Lee does the fish Friday thing so I bought her some Mahi Mahi and sauteed it in butter, garlic, salt and pepper. After dinner I took Momma Lee home. When I got back we played a couple of more games of Screw Your Neighbour. I lost. That just sounds wrong! Lisa won twice. Gordy won once. Did I mentioned I didn't finish first? I don't know how that happened?
     Do you know what else I'm losing at? Wasp Wars! They are building a nest in the timbers of my carport. I've sprayed them a couple of times, the last time with the foam stuff. How do you know if you got them? My deck is laminated 4x6's, there's a lot of 
cracks and crevices. Oh yeah, I DON'T WANT TO GET STUNG! I should probably get a professional in to take care of this. I wish I wasn't so cheap! 

That's all I got.
Till next time
Peace Out Y'all

©2014 Dave Squatch Ward






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