Who's a Fat Bastard - Rejection

                                                                  July 5, 2014

     Woke up this morning at 8:00 with the ship rolling side to side. Having recovered from my Internet frustrations. (Booted off line three times!) I am taking Dianne's advice and writing this on wordpad. I have never used this before so if the page is splattered with blood, sweat and tears don't be alarmed. Just the learning curve. I had two cups of coffee  and am now headed to the gym for a workout. 
    Why in the world would anyone want a mirror in the gym. Even if you're not a fat bastard, does anybody who actually needs to lose weight looks good sweaty? I think not. I started with my two stair stretches using a padded bench and then my belly crunches on the floor. Ten sets of twelve, halfway through, the attendant asked me if I wanted to join the yoga class. There were about ten or so slim bendy people in Lulu Lemon wear contorted into unnatural positions. I passed finished my crunches and got on a treadmill. 

Five minutes at four miles an hour then one minute on an incline. I start at .5 and increase it every five minutes by .5 and back to flat for five minutes. By the end I'm at 3 and feeling it in all thirty-five minutes.  Back to the room for a shower and then upstairs for breakfast. Two eggs benny, one of them Scottish style, that's with smoked Salmon instead of ham. Both of them without the english muffin and a half bowl of melon. It was about 10:30 and I was taking Momma Lee to lunch in the dining room at 12:15. 


     At 12:15 I took Momma Lee down to lunch in the Rotterdam Dining room, French service and a different menu every day. I booked a table for eight and for the longest time it looked like it was going to be Momma Lee, Cathy and me. Ryland showed up at 12:30 followed by Uncle Charlie, and Janice about 12:45 and finally Dr Dan and baby Julia at 1:00. His wife Shaun joined us halfway through the meal. I had calamari with a papaya chutney, crab and ginger bisque and a burger with arugula and blue cheese. No bun. I even had desert! Apple pie with no sugar ice cream. I just ate the apples and the ice cream. Left the pastry behind for the birds. 
     As we were leaving the dining room the waiter mentioned that they were doing a wine tasting in the other half of the dining room. Momma Lee, Janice and Cathy stayed to do that, and I went to put on my trunks for a swim and perhaps a boiling in the hot tub. Squatch Lobster rides again!. 
     The phone rang when I was changing and it was the ships tailor.  jacket, tie, shirt with a collar or pants without cargo pockets. You can rent a tuxedo and I thought, ``Squatch, Dave Squatch. Shaken, not stirred!`` I pictured myself looking dapper and sophisticated with the lovely Lisa draped on my arm, dressed to the nines. Alas, it was not to be.They sent along the largest Tuxedo they had. I would like to tell you it didn`t hurt a little when I couldn`t fit into it,but that wouldn`t be true. I am a 56 tall jacket and a 44 inch waist. The jacket was a 52 stout and the pants a 40 inch waist. I don`t know why, but I was embarrassed. I was ashamed that I had pie and ice cream at lunch, like that`s why I couldn`t fit into pants four inches too small. Two months ago I was wearing a 50 inch waist. I should be happy about what I`ve accomplished. Instead I feel isolated and sad. This is the point where in the past I would eat cake, a whole cake! The Jolly Fatman. Not this time. I don`t feel the least bit jolly, and even though I have a smile on my face, I have tears in my heart. 
     I had to take a little break from writing this. I had to step back and put on my big boy pants. Put everything in perspective. Stop feeling sorry for myself and stay on the path. So I put on my swim suit, sadly not my Leopard skin thong, and made my way to the pool. With my head head held high and my gut sucked in, I walked to the pool through the masses enjoying the water. In retrospect, I should have lowered my head and watched where I was going! I stumbled at the edge and tumbled into the pool like an Orca chasing a seal! 
     Our group started to show up at the pool, all talking excitedly about the formal tonight. Lisa was the only one who knew about the Tux. She said she would rather have dinner with me anyway. I said no. Lisa missing out on it certainly wouldn`t make me feel any better. It`s only two nights and it`s not like I`ll go hungry. 
     Turns out half the diners weren't formal. However Lisa, my nephew David and myself didn't find out until we had already destroyed the buffet. Lamb chops, Beef Wellington, Duck in orange sauce and NY strip loin all made it's way into my gaping maw. Along with watermelon gazpacho and shrimp cocktail. 
     After dinner we went to the Crows Nest, that's a bar on the top floor of the ship. They were doing Karaoke and put my name in without me knowing. Hey Good looking was the song they picked for me. It has a long musical break so I told a joke. 

It was the last song of the night. Not the first joint I've closed!  Tomorrow is a new day, a new challenge. We go ashore in Juneau. Some of the gang are headed for the glaciers. I've seen lots of glaciers I'm going to  Mc Donalds for free WiFi.
Sorry no Pics crappy internet.

That's all I got.
Till next time 
Peace Out Y'all