Who's a Fat Bastard - Baked Alaska

July 8, 2014

Glacier at Tracy Arm

     Today we spent the whole day at sea. We cruised up Tracy Arm to the glacier. The Captain said it was the closest they had ever gotten to the glacier. He said that the end of the arm is usually full of ice. Global warming? Without a doubt. Is it caused by my lawn mower? We hung around the glacier for about an hour in the rain hoping to see a chunk of ice fall off. We heard several loud bangs, as the ice cracked but no splashdowns. Several large ice flows were floating around the ship and in some spots, most notably at the mouth of the arm, it seemed like you could reach out and touch both sides.

Where's the Scotch when you need it?

        While we were in the arm we never saw any livestock. The Captain pointed out a beach that`s frequented by bears. Kind of like my home. To be honest I have seen more bears in my backyard than I have in Alaska. I have two apple trees and a plum that they are quite fond of. Okay, I have only seen two bears in my yard. That`s still two more than I have seen in Alaska!  

Racoon in my backyard...bear like crow killer!

    I have been a bad Squatch the last two days and today I paid the price. Last night I had Baked Alaska and a wild berry crumble for desert. This morning my blood sugar was twice what it has been. Undeterred, I continued my quest for a diabetic coma consuming anything and everything that struck my fancy. 
     We signed Momma Lee up for a  tasting seminar of premium wines. She did one on Saturday and quite enjoyed it. It also freed up Lisa and I to spend some time together. As I have mentioned previously, Momma Lee has Parkinsons disease and is the reason we are on this cruise. Lisa is sharing a cabin with her and so is bearing the brunt of responsibility for her care. She has been such a trooper but the stress  is catching up to her. I went up to the pool deck after lunch to read and maybe have a hot tub. It never happened! 

Rob and Wendy, Oh my, that's a bit of alright.

     I had barely sat down when I was joined by Rob, Auntie  Janice`s brother. He and his wife Wendy came all the way from England to join the cruise without telling anyone they were coming. They settled in, then wearing Prince Charles and Camilla masks knocked on Janice and Uncle Charlie`s door. ``Room service``  was a huge surprise for Janice. 

To make sure we get the Royal treatment.

     She has been grinning ear to ear ever since. Rob is one of those people you meet, and you instantly make a connection with. He made the mistake of saying Lisa and I should come and visit him in London. He`s an Aston Villa supporter, but I can overlook that minor flaw in exchange for a place to stay! Just kidding....about it being a minor flaw!
     Speaking of Football/soccer we had no satalite reception in Tracy Arm, so we never got to watch the Germany vs Brazil match. I think it's because the Captain is from Holland! You can be sure that the Holland vs Argentina match will be on tomorrow. The table beside us at the pool were Brazil supporters. At about 1:00 pm the score of the game went through the ship like the Norwalk virus! The Brazil fans at the next table were stunned. 7 - 1 Germany! I picked the Germans to win it all so I am not unhappy. Too big, too fast, too strong. Tomorrows game will be decided by the referee's. If they let them play, I like Holland. If they call all the swan dives of Argentina then Messi and company will prevail. It won't matter, I don't think either side can beat the Germans.
     My brother in law Steve took Momma Lee to her wine tasting and Lisa and I went to an Indonesian tea ceremony. We got a table in the window and were served our choice of tea. I picked the black tea. If I had known it was flavoured with bergamont I would have had something else.  I also had a couple of these little Indonesian coconut roll things. I don't know if it was the accumulative effect of the sugar filled treats I had been shoving in my gob, or if it was the crappy tea, I  had a hyperglycemia reaction. I started sweating and felt light headed. I had to leave and when I got back to my stateroom I threw up. I slept for about ninety minutes. I seldom nap and I know it freaked out Lisa. I woke up with her sitting on my bed looking worried. It was an unbelievably stupid thing to do. I still wasn't feeling great, but Lisa has enough worries dealing with Momma Lee without having to babysit me too. I took my blood sugar and it was at 13.5, what an idiot! I started feeling better around 6:00 and was back and feeling alright by dinner time at 8:00.

Professor Dave, Leanna, Dani, Mom, Joyce, Steve and Carlo, Great Cruise mates.

     Tonight is the last formal night in the dining room. Lisa looked great in a silver and black evening gown. I borrowed a tie and wore the only shirt with a collar that made it onto the ship. I had no jacket and was wearing blue cargo pants. All I was missing was the rubber nose and big shoes! 

It didn't matter everyone was looking at Lisa and Julia our two year old niece. Julia looked every bit the princess she thinks she is, complete with a tiara and elbow length gloves. Strangers were taking her picture and she was the center of attention. Then half way through dinner the Poop Fairy made a drive by. Hey, she's two!

The little Poop Fairy

     After dinner we made our way to the atrium for a group photo. Trying to get twenty-two people organised for a photo is a daunting task. Especially when several bottles of wine have been consumed. Our nephew Ryland made friends with a Korean kid named Kevin. He became our photographer. He was happy to take the picture. He's Asian, what more can I say! The poor kid ended up with six different cameras around his feet. We were all lined up on the spiral staircase but everyone was talking and laughing and turning around poking each other, I will be shocked if we have a picture with everyone looking at the camera. 

The Motley Crew

     After the photo we went up to the Crows Nest Lounge were it was sing with the band night. Steve sang Love Me Tender and did a good job of it. Some of the other singers, not so much. It's kind of like American Idol, I have never seen the last three or four episodes. After all the train wrecks have been eliminated, who cares! At that point they are all good. Where's the fun in that! 
     I went to bed at about 1:00 am. It's now 5:00 am and I am up in the buffet all by myself. The sun is already up and blue skies are trying to break through. We are spending the day in Ketchican and then are at sea till we get back to Vancouver at 7:00 am on Friday.
That's all I got.
Till next time
Peace Out Y'all


©2014 Dave Squatch Ward