Tuesday, 3 June 2014

Who's a Fat Bastard - Yaaaaawwwnn

June 3, 2014

     Wasted day today. Didn't get out of bed till 11am, fat lazy bastard that I am. Went out and did some shopping. Bought a new pair of sneaks, a head of lettuce and eighteen limes. Had a nice salad and beautiful ham for dinner. That's it in a nutshell. I have no idea how I can make this day interesting for anyone when it doesn't even interest me!
     When I got up I walked to the mall where they have a TJ Max, looking for shoes. I don't have the Iron Maiden to ride. So I walked the three miles each way hoping to find a pair of shoes I liked. It was close to thirty degrees here today I was a slimy ,sweaty mess by the time I got to the mall forty -five minutes later. I found a spot of shade and a breeze between TJ's and Costco and hung out there till I cooled/dried off a little. What is it with the neon coloured shoes? They were probably designed by an ugly person to draw attention away from their face. I tried to get into Costco to use the bathroom but the door Nazi wouldn't let me in. I don't have a card. Bastards! 
     Walking home empty handed on the side of the road. (This part of New Jersey has no sidewalks.) Two cars swerved at me. I had to jump on someones lawn the second time. Uncle Charlie tells me later "it's just some kids fooling around." I said "They should send them off to fool around in Iraq!"
     I stopped at the Dunkin Donut around the corner from Charlies and had an iced coffee. I got home almost two hours after I left, and did my crunches. Ten sets of ten, no problemo. I think it's getting easier. Should I increase the reps or the sets? 
     After a shower Janice, Lisa and I went out in the car to water Charlies garden. It's on an estate once owned by a tobacco heiress and was donated to the state upon her death. We planned to water the garden and then take a walk. 

There are twenty-three miles of trails through the property. No sooner does Janice start watering when the storm hit. First the wind. Blowing stuff all over the place and whipping up a dust storm. Lisa ran back to the car, her hair flying around her like some kind of Medusa. Janice continued watering and I stood their watching the black clouds roll towards us from the east wishing I had brought one of the four cameras we have at Charlies house. DUH. You could see the lightning dancing inside these roiling masses of liquid anger. When the thunder roared, the ground shook. I had forgotten how intense thunder storms could be. We hardly ever get them on the west coast and never like this. I was ten feet from the car when the first drops hit me. They were the size of grapes. When they hit the ground they sent up little puffs of dust, but not for long. I was soaked by the time I got to the car. And so was everything else. Good thing I'm waterproof!

     Inside the car, we sat as the rain pounded down around us. "No walk today "Janice declared. "Fine by me "I said. Since she was driving and I had no choice. Off to Walmart where I finally found a pair of plain black sneakers. The rain was coming down so hard at this point we could hear it beating down on the roof. Good time to be inside. Made a bee line for the car after paying and got soaked again. 

Stopped at a little grocery and got a head of lettuce and eighteen limes for $1.89. They're a buck a piece back home.
     Had a nice dinner on the front porch and chatted about family history and such. Charlie has two boxes in the basement full of family tintypes and photos going back to the 1860's. That's bait for Lisa! Like ice cream for fat kids and teenagers for rock stars, family pics are like crack for Lisa. She has been going through these boxes for about eight hours.  She spent weeks doing it with her Mom's stuff before we came on this trip. Momma Lee had twenty boxes of crap, I mean valuable pics.
     Got the car all rented and Laura is going to drop us off at the car rental on the way into the city. She teaches Fencing to inner city kids in New York City. Twenty-four years old with a degree from Cal Tech and doing what she loves. She has spent the last three years travelling the world as a fencing judge. Way cool, and the sweetest kid you'd ever meet. It's about a three hour drive to DC from here. We are staying at the Hyatt Regency, $70 on hotwire.com. Woo hoo love a deal. We are headed back to Charlie's on Friday via Philadelphia area were Lisa's cousin Rob lives. Everyone here is in bed again. I am still on BC time, 9:29 to be exact 12:29 for them. 
That's all I got.
Till next time 
Peace out ya'll


©2014 Dave Squatch Ward



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