Who's a Fat Bastard - Friday the Thirteenth

June 13, 2014

 

     Black cats, sidewalk cracks, broken mirrors, walking under ladders and the big one, Friday the thirteenth. Are cats harbingers of doom? I don't think so. If they where, why would we let them poop in the house?  Can you break your mothers back by merely stepping on a crack? Doubtful, but you can break her heart if you start smoking crack! Will  years of misery follow you if you walk under a ladder? Only if you are left with brain damage from the falling paint can! I can't even make a joke about Friday the 13th. It's Friday, it happens fifty-two times a year. And, if I have my math right there is one thirteen in all twelve months.

     Is it always bad? What about a Bakers Dozen? Are we to believe that all our tasty treats are being made by mathematically challenged Bakers! Do you really think you're on the 14th floor when there is no 13th floor button? I guess I'm just not superstitious..Knock on wood!

     The way my day started, maybe I should believe! I could get myself a lucky cats foot! I never sleep in. I have an eight o'clock bladder. Of course this is the only day of our trip that I actually had somewhere to be. I had a ten o'clock appointment to have a Pedicure. I sprang out of bed with three minutes to spare. "We gotta go" Pappa Dawg said "we're going to be late." "I'm pretty sure they will still take my money if I'm ten minutes late."

      I pull on a pair of shorts and a tshirt, my slip on sandals and go into the garage and get in the car, which is already running with Pappa Dawg at the wheel waiting less than patiently. Joan and Pappa Dawg were going to the gym, and the Nail place was in the same building. I was the only person there, so punctuality was not an issue. She was a very nice lady and did a good job on my feet. Not as good as I get at home though. They did have big comfortable massage chairs and foot jaccuzzi, I like that! They didn't have the callous peeler or the grater. I don't like that! Forty minutes later they were done at the gym and I was done too.

     I was hungry, but I wanted to get my workout done. Changed into my gear and got at it. My usual stretches and Girly push ups. I did ten on the stairs. Lisa came down to help me try a sit up and take some pictures. With Lisa standing on my feet,

And away we go!

I can't believe it  5!

    I did five sit ups! I can touch my nicely pedicured toes, do one hundred crunches and, I can see my penis without the use of a periscope! Does it get any better than this?
     If you  wear the same workout gear for a week, is it bad luck? I guess only for anyone within sniffing distance. Lisa thinks I'm being a pig. I think I'm using my own aroma to motivate me to higher ground, or at least downwind of my self!
     I think I'm going to look for a treadmill when I get back. The Iron Maiden is on her way out. I think 

the Don't tread on me mill is a better workout. My heart rate is higher and I can feel my ass when I'm done! Joan's is programmable. Today I set it at a three mile per hour pace. Every five minutes it tilts up and speeds up to four miles per hour for one minute. Lather, rinse, repeat. After thirty minutes I have done five sets. Over the next five minutes I reduce the speed slowly as a cool down. I am very happy with how my knees have held up. I have arthritis in both of them and so far, no problems.

I want to say, I am not an expert on working out. I try to use common sense and the advice of others. Oh yeah, and not hurt my self! Today was the first day I have done a cool down. Joan says that's the way they do it at the gym. I think I can get up to an hour on the treadmill. I did thirty- five minutes today, counting my cool down. It's a lot harder than the Iron Maiden, so I will have to work up to it.

     For lunch today, I had last nights left over pork loin with Swiss cheese, tomato and Czech mustard in a, guess what.... lettuce wrap!

A big bowl of Squatch Salad and a glass of home made Ice Tea.

Some think this is a Mickey Mouse diet...they may be right!

    It's so much better than the stuff that you mix. Or worse, the stuff that comes in a can. It's too easy. Two teabags of your choice, I like Liptons Orange Pekoe or Aussie black tea. Fill a pitcher with cold water, put in the tea. Go away. Come back. Drink tea. If you use warm or hot water it's ready faster but the flavour is not the same.

    After lunch Lisa, Joan and I went antiquing in Lafayette PA. Well at least they did. I went waiting. That's what I do. Oh yeah, I carry the heavy stuff too. Fortunately they close at five. We got there at two. That's only three hours! I can do that standing on my head. I've waited longer for Lisa in the car in the parking lot of Superstore while she will be, "Just a minute."

     Once we were home we started to prep dinner. We had these beautiful steaks 

Before...two inches thick.

After..... Two inches Delicious!

 Squatch Salad, Asparagus, brussel sprouts and twice baked potatoes for those other people!

 

Eating Large!

 I have been giving Pappa Dawg guitar help every night we have been here. At seventy-Seven, the fact he's even trying to learn guitar is amazing. The fact that I'm helping him with it is insane.

The Tone Deaf leading the Crazy

     Two days to Weigh Day. They don't have  a scale here so I can use the scale at Walmart. Just take it out of the box and use it. The only issue they had last time I did, was the naked in the aisle thing!



That's all I got.

Till next time

Peace Out Y'all

©2014 Dave Squatch Ward