Thursday, 26 June 2014

Who's a Fat Bastard - Night Night

June 25, 2014
     It seems our trip to Hawaii is turning out to be a round trip to hell. We aren't anywhere near Hawaii. Yet still I feel that I have been screwed by United Airlines. We now have two layovers. The first in San Fransisco was supposed to be one hour then off to Kona. They oversold the flight so they gave us another stop. We left Seattle forty minutes late. By the time we got to Frisco we had to run to make our connection to L.A. and I don't mean Lethbridge Alberta. We were in the air for all of  an hour to Los Angeles. The flight attendants came down the aisle with beverages. No sooner had we been served, when the pilot asked them to clean up the cabin. "Drink up folks" he said cheerfully."We've started our final descent." Bastard! Now we have another three hour layover.
     I got to bed last night about 3, the alarm went off at 5:30. I was sooo tired. We breezed through security, kept our shoes on, laptop in the bag and everything. Lisa got flagged for a pack of ham she had in her carry on. Shades of the trail mix. The TSA gal was laughing her ass off. We barely sat down when it was time to board. They have numbered lines that you go into based on where your seat is. We are always number three. Like I said, we had to run to make our connector. When we got to L.A., I felt lousy. 
Sweats, blurred vision and my mouth was drier than a Nuns sense of humour.  I can't sleep on a plane. Never could. I'm walking around LAX like a zombie. Three people asked me for directions! I gave them some. They're probably still lost! Let me recap for you. I had three hours sleep, United Airlines made our trip even longer, I have had three cups of coffee, and a bag of pork rinds. They finally called us to board. Lisa was already in the line. I walked up and stood beside her. The couple behind us said something about cutting in the line. I turned to him with my bloodshot zombie eyes and my now ill fitting plate bouncing  around on my shrunken gums. "She's my wife" I said pointing to Lisa. He stared at Lisa in disbelief. " I used to drink" she deadpans. I was so tired I couldn't even laugh. Everybody else did. For me, with me ,at me I don't give a shit. I want this day over. We go back to waiting in line. When a guy travelling with his five year old daughter had to give up his emergency exit seat, because he is travelling with a five year old. Lisa was like a fourth grader who knows the answer. Oooh oooh I'll trade with him. The TSA  guy went for it. Scanned our tickets, and his tickets and sent them to our seats. We were in the extra leg room seats. Then Lisa paid eight bucks to watch TV. Twenty minutes later an announcement comes on the TV. We are leaving satellite coverage. Thanks for the money chump! Lisa was choked. The flight attendant said go on line and fill out a refund form. I will when I can focus. It took nearly six hours from LA. Our luggage was the last piece off the carousel, the shuttle to the rental car drove away when I was ten feet from him and we couldn't find the GPS. It was after eleven when we found the condo. I am beat. I never took a single picture today. I'm going to post this then go to bed. Fresh start in the morning
Night, Night 
That's all I got
Till next time
Peace out Y'all


©2014 Dave Squatch Ward

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