Who's a Fat Bastard - Helpless as a baby bird

June 14, 2014

 

     Wow, it's 10:15am and I just got out of bed. I went to bed at 2am. That means I slept for more than eight hours! Without getting up to pee! When I said I have an eight o'clock bladder, I wasn't kidding. Usually five hours after I go to bed, I have to pee. It's been that way at least the last ten years.

     I know it's only been one night. Still, I can't remember the last time it happened. I sat here last night in Joan's basement, typing on her circa 1985 desktop, until two in the morning. I drank three glasses of water while doing it. Peed, turned off the lights and went to bed. When I woke up to that all too familiar feeling of a full bladder, I was stunned to see it was 10:15. I don't know if it has anything to do with the changes I've made in my lifestyle or not. I feel so good and energized all the time now. I would love to be able to sleep like I did last night every night. 

Okay, I have to go change into my stinky workout gear before I eat ..... Brunch? It's after eleven now. Too late for breakfast. I just wanted to put this down while it was fresh in my head. 

     Twelve hours later I'm back at the keyboard. Yet another day in the existence of a guy on a diet with too much spare time, gone. Seemingly in the blink of an eye. It doesn't help when your still in your pyjamas drinking coffee at noon. I might have to wash my gear soon. The shirt is getting a little stiff. 

To wash or not to wash?

I did my Four Stair Stretches with a twist, literally.  I now alternate arms when I touch my toes. That turns my trunk and loosens up my back the same time I'm stretching out my legs. I did ten reps and five sets with each leg. I'm in the stair well spinning like a Maytag washer on high! Is it normal to be able to do one side easier than the other?  When I do my left leg I lose my balance and have to grab the rail. What a Spaz!   
     I am not going to do any more Girly Stair Push Ups. I don't know which it hurts more, my bursitis plagued shoulders or my bulging ego! I am definitely not a disciple of No pain, No gain. Bullshit, only an idiot repeatedly does things that cause them pain. I know this because Lisa said "Stop doing those you Idiot!"
     Lisa is kind enough to take some pictures of me working out and to stand on my feet while I do sit ups. Today when she turned on the camera the battery needed changed. The spares where in our room three floors up. ( I should show you some pics of Joan's beautiful home) So while she was gone, and I, being concerned with my Mantitty situation, did this.

Which ones the Dumbell?

     I did ten reps of ten lbs, five times with each hand. I'm just bending from the elbow so no pain...yet. We leave on Monday morning to go back down to the Deckers in Bridgewater, so how much damage can I do?
     Lisa was back and ready to stand on my feet so I can do my sit ups. Three days ago, I did my first sit up in probably, twenty years. Two days ago I couldn't repeat that effort. Yesterday I did five and today I did ten.

I just noticed, Am I going Bald?

    
     I didn't plan to do that many. I just got into a rhythm and next thing you know, ten! It seems I have moved enough of my belly out of the way that I can now do sit ups.
     One hundred crunches later, I was ready for the Don't Tread On Me Mill. I call it that because it has twice thrown Joan off. She has been trying to get rid of it ever since and can't even give it away.

Always tread on the bright side of life.

Concrete floors and thin rugs...ouch!

     Other than the concrete floor and the thin rug that make crunches painfully challenging, my knees are the big issue. Yesterday I walked at three mph for five minutes then sped it up to four mph for one minute. I did this five times. That was yesterday. Today I knew as soon as I increased the speed that my knees weren't liking this. I had to jog at that speed and my knees aren't up to it.... yet.( I have arthritis in both knees)( Really, between my knees and my shoulders, I'm a Freakin mess!)  I'm not one to give up that easily so Instead of increasing the speed, I increased the slope. Now for one minute in six, I'm walking up hill. My heart rate is 120 - 140 bpm. The computer is playing some R&B and the time flew by.
     At about 1pm the rest of the house woke up. It's just Joan and
PDawg. I showered and dressed then came down stairs to make something to eat, only to find that they had ordered Chinese food for lunch. The weather let up today and I sat in the sun on the deck and strummed while waiting for the food.

 

 

Killing time...and a song or two.

      We are spoiled in Vancouver when it comes to Chinese food. I didn't set my sights very high and I wasn't disappointed when it didn't meet the ridiculously low standard I set. The dry ribs were good. The Chicken Chop Suey was wet and slightly slimy as was the Pork with Chinese Vegetables. The vegetables being Carrots and onions, the pork being nearly non existant. I didn't have any rice or noodle so no complaints. I guess that's New Jersey Chinese food. While I'm at it, Lafayette, where we went antiquing yesterday is in New Jersey not Pennsylvania.

 

Ribolicous...is that a word?

I found something not an onion!

      At 4:30 we all piled into the car for a road trip. A friend of Papa Dawgs was playing at a place  about an hour from home so off we went. It seemed awfully early to be going to hear a band. That's when Papa Dawg told us he would be playing from 6 till 10. It's Saturday night. You're not supposed to go out till after 10! After an hour plus of driving through the scenic beauty of New Jersey's back roads we arrived.

Need I say More.



There were lots of Harleys in the parking lot, and a lot of leather in the seats. I have no problems with anyone and ride myself. I was however wearing sandals and a bowling shirt.

Is this me, or the beer glass Lisa is taking a picture of?

Papa Dawg's friend was almost done setting up. The band is called Buckshot and Papa Dawg introduced his friend as Tommy One Eye, not because he's a Guido, but because he only has one eye. Says he shot it out while cleaning his gun. Americans. Who cleans a loaded gun? He was a nice guy and his band was quite good. Particularly the fiddle player. They are a hard core country band and really rock. Charlie Daniels, Lynard Skynard even some Cajun Fiddle tunes. Lisa had the camera and in three hours these are all the pictures she took of the band.

The only known picture of the elusive Buckshot Band!

     Let me set this up for you. We're in a Biker bar in Northern New Jersey. I'm in a bowling shirt and sandals. We are there to hear the band and I am out on the Patio lifting Lisa up to take pictures, and I emphasize pictures, plural, of this.

You looking at me?

So here for your enjoyment, are the pictures Lisa took at the Biker Bar.

 

Brand New Birdies.

On Gaurd.

     Tomorrow is Weigh Day, they don't have a scale here so I might have to wait till Monday. I am not concerned, I feel very good, physically, mentally and emotionally. I am looking forward to our last few days here, but looking forward to going home as well. I miss my kids and my friends. Plus, I need to check out the thong situation.
That's all I got.
Till next time
Peace Out Y'all

©2014 Dave Squatch Ward