June 2, 2014
We left at 4:45pm Vancouver time. Got into Montreal at 12:25am local time and into Newark at 8am. Six hours in a closed airport. The only thing open was Timmy Ho's. Because I need a coffee? It was a good thing we got started early. Between the power outage and the Dork in front of us, we were moving at a snails pace. This guy, of obviously limited mental capacity, had two litres of sauces in salad dressing bottles, and two buckets of soup. The irony was not wasted on me. He was standing beside the giant sign telling you , "travel size liquids only". This guy is trying to talk the border guard into letting him take his food on the plane. "My Mom made this", "she lives here, I live in Montreal." "It's just soup." In a truly fitting display of Karmatic indifference, Soup Boy missed his flight. Karma is a funny thing. It's often confused with Murphy's Law. You know, anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. The difference of course is that Karma is random. Fate rewarding you for good or bad deeds. Murphy's Law seems to follow the stupid with regularity.
|I turn around to say something to Lisa, and she's got the camera out to take a picture. In the security line! In a major international airport! Of a guy making a scene! Can you say "bend over and hold your ankles!!"
When we got on the plane for the first leg of the journey, I discovered I had a middle seat. The biggest guy on the plane, and I get a middle seat. Lisa had the window seat and an eighty pound Dwarf with sixteen inch legs had the aisle. Her legs didn't even touch the floor, let alone have them crushed by the drink cart.
" I like the aisle" she said, when I asked her to switch seats. Her chair back TV didn't even work! The plane was full and I seriously considered staying in the middle seat and torturing her for three thousand kilometres. When necessary I can fill a couple of seats, just with my elbows!
Instead I switched with Lisa. Now I have a window. I also have a curved bulkhead which I slam my head into fairly regularly. Five hour flight. Old man bladder. You do the math!
Timmy Ho's, a beacon of Canadiana around the world. Eh. I could not drink any more coffee. My back teeth were floating and my eyeballs were vibrating at this point. Tired and irritable, We followed the connections USA signs all the way to the other end of the airport. That's where security stopped us and told us this area is closed. We could see our gate right behind them. That's when we discovered that our luggage was not checked through to Newark. So we had to go back to arrivals to claim our luggage. I'm sure that there are less helpful people on the planet than the employees at P.E Trudeau airport. I believe they mostly work in slaughter houses.
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| Montreal Dawn. |
Looking out the window in Montreal. I could see our plane. Our little ninety seat plane. Lisa napped while I fought with the airport WiFi. It kicked me off twice, deleted half of what I wrote and wouldn't let me load pictures.Tabernacle!!
At 6:30 I dragged my tired, frustrated and disheveled carcass onto the plane. Not so bad. I couldn't stand up in the cabin and I needed a shoehorn to fit my fat ass in the tiny seat. At least I had an aisle seat. Usually I lift the arm between me and Lisa and squish her into the window. These arms were solid.
When we landed in Newark a strange thing happened. Nothing!
Our luggage came onto the carousel just as we got to it, and Cousin Laura pulled up almost as soon as we walked outside. That`s more like it.
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| Here at last. |
New Jersey traffic at 8:30am is nuts. It took us over an hour to make the thirty minute drive. When we got to Bridgewater, where they live, I started to unload the car. Carrying Lisa`s huge, suitcase I hurt my shoulder again. Truthfully, I tried to carry all the bags at once, because in my giant man brain I didn`t want to make two trips. Never mind that loaded down with six bags I couldn`t even get into the house! I got halfway through the door when I dropped Lisa`s suitcase. Instead of leaving it there and coming back for it. I reached back and tried to lift the 49.5 pound behemoth with one arm. Wrong! I have Bursitis and a minor case of stupidity. I felt my shoulder explode as I reached for the case. that`s right, I hurt myself before I picked up the case. Idiot!
Lisa has been sleeping since we got here. I laid down for three hours and feel pretty good now. I have never been much of a sleeper. I usually get by on five or six hours. I guess I`m afraid I`ll miss something.
Uncle Charlie and Auntie Janice are working and should be home around six. Steak for dinner. The two of them are also doing a low carb diet. Cool, makes it easier for me.
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| Uncle Charlie. |
I want to apologize for my tone in yesterdays blog. I had no reason to let my bitterness over Weigh Day spill onto my blog, to let it take away from what I have accomplished. Life is full of ups and downs and this was just one of the downs.
Laying low for the day, trying to heal and rest up for our trip down to Washington on Wednesday. I`m not going to work out today. Maybe take a long walk after dinner. I haven`t taken many pictures yet so you will have to use your imagination. ``Think about spiders.``
Charles and Janice got home about 7pm and Charlie got right on the BBQ. Old school Webber, with apple wood smoked flank steak.YumYum
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| A charcoal chimney. Hot coals in five minutes. |
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| Flank Steak Perfectly Done. |
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| Steak, Brussel Sprouts and Broccoli |
It took me twelve years to get in this condition. I can`t expect to fix it in a month. But it was a hell of a month!
It`s been a long, now thirty-six hours of travel. I am about done for the day. It`s after midnight here now. Everyone has gone to bed. I`m just finishing up this entry. Tomorrow morning I am going to the mall to by a new pair of sneakers. Talk about livin on the edge!
That`s all I got.
Till next time
Peace Out Ya`ll
©2014 Dave Squatch Ward
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