June 19, 2014
Here's my philosophy on babysitting. I figure if you scare the crap out of them, they will be easier to look after. I don't let them watch TV at my house. One hour before bedtime, that's it. To kids these days, that's like the death penalty! I make them eat healthy food. More punishment.
This morning Bella asked for oatmeal, it's on the Papa Squatch approved food list. This isn't some package of chemical assisted, artificially inseminated and flavoured micro wave crud. This is steel cut rolled oats, boiled to the consistency of week old Haggis in the grand Scottish tradition. You can't stand a spoon in it, because you'd never get the spoon back out! Plenty of brown sugar and milk. "I don't Like this" Bella informs me. "That's what you asked for" I said in my nicest Papa voice. It's somewhere between a chain saw and Satan! " Mommy makes it different" she said, as she pushed the hearty oats around her bowl in an effort to make it look like she ate some. " That's breakfast. If you don't want to eat it, even though you asked me to make it for you,(try a little guilt) that's okay, but nothing else till lunch." I said with my sad face. And she was gone. Like a shot she was rolling around on the living room floor with Nutmeg."I'm finished Papa" pipes in Christo, a year younger and he follows Bella 's lead in everything
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| Cookie me, Dude |
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| Hey Papa, this is for you! |
Now I could have given them a cookie. I didn't of course. Eight weeks ago I would have sat them down, and ate the whole bag in front of them, just to teach them a lesson. I didn't do that either, cookies are not on my diet. I considered giving one to Christo, he ate most of his breakfast. I thought that would be cruel. Not that I'm adverse to cruelty as a teaching method. Instead I said "Sorry Christo, I can't give you one and not Bella." Then I tossed them out in the yard to play.
It's amazing how things pile up when you're away for three weeks. Lisa spent the whole day taking care of Momma Lee's affairs. Paying bills and making appointments. My brother in law Steve has been doing a great job while we were gone. He is involved all the time but does extra duty when we are away. We live a few blocks away and he lives in Deep Cove.
Time for my workout. Lisa was already gone so I had Bella take some pictures of me working out. I did my four stair stretches. Five sets of ten swivels each leg.
Then I had Christo sit on my feet and I did ten sit ups. Yeah Baby!
Now when it's crunch time Christo lies down beside me and joins me on a trip to Crunchville. He's so cute. He was calling out the numbers with me. After four sets he was done. "I'm still resting Papa" "That's okay, Papa could only do that many when he started too."
I finished my ten sets and came Seat to ass with the Iron Maiden. Have you missed me you torturous Bitch? That's right I've been hanging with your American cousin Don't Tread On Me Mill. She hurt me! I don't know if three weeks without her has softened my ass up, or if she could smell the spoor of another piece of exercise equipment on me. Hell hath no fury like an Iron Maiden scorned. Thirty painful minutes later, with both Grandkids in full I can ask stupid questions all day mode. I crawled to the shower with why Papa, why Papa, why Papa, why Papa, still ringing in my ears.
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| You put your left leg in.... |
Then I had Christo sit on my feet and I did ten sit ups. Yeah Baby!
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| I might have cheated on the tenth one. |
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| Possibly not my best side. |
About 10:30 I put the halters on the dogs and the car seats in the truck. Off to see Momma Lee and walk around Como Lake a couple of times. It was a nice leisurely walk with two dogs and two kids speed is not an option. Everywhere they could get near the water they threw stones.
Every time Nutmeg found fresh Goose Poop she rolled in it. Elvis was visited by the poop ferry four times. I only had two bags. One I used twice. The fourth one, let's just say I'll miss that handkerchief. Twice around and off to see the Momma Lee. Sadly her table mate Isabel had a stroke and was rushed to hospital. We just found out she didn't make it. Momma Lee was happy to see the kids, and it took her mind off of Isabel for a little while. Grandkids coming to visit in the middle of the week is like winning the lottery in a care facility. All the old gals want a piece of that young stuff. The kids are great and talk to everyone and the dogs run around and every body feeds them. It's like the circus has come to town, and I'm the Clown in the little car.!
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| No moss on those two! |
"What do you want for lunch, guys" I enquired. "Peanut butter fingers" they replied in unison. That's toast and PB sliced into four fingers. A shared banana cut into chunks a half dozen cheese doodles and a glass of apple juice and happy kids. They both cleaned their plates in record time. Especially Bella. I had tuna lettuce wraps.
"Can we watch a show Papa"they looked so cute "Get outside and play before I sell you to the Gypsies" I said without a trace of remorse. I have a great yard for kids. It's big. It has a trampoline, a swimming pool, a swing set and a rope swing. There are enough balls, bats and bikes lying all over the place, you can hardly walk across it without tripping over something. Matty came up from down stairs. (He's the son of our tenants, Chris and Tamara, and Bella's best friend) and they collected bugs and played in the sand box until Matty had to go out with his Mom.
The school yard across the street from our house has a great playground and a basketball hoop. I grabbed my ball for the first time in twenty years dusty and flat, just like my first girlfriend!
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| Just a little too short. |
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| Boing, Boing , Boing |
They are too small to use the hoops but were digging the playground. I shot hoops for about an hour, half of them air balls. By the end I had worked up a sweat and was making some shots. I don't know why my shoulders weren't hurting and I don't care. Took them home just in time for Daddy to get home. I be free!
Christian is learning to be a stone mason and works for my next door neighbour Rod. Who does the most incredible things with stone.
Lisa and I phoned Steve and arranged to meet at our favourite Sushi joint, Tentatsu on east Hastings at Nanaimo. I had my usual Chicken Teriyaki Dinner and a small tuna sashimi, which is actually huge, five big pieces. Lisa eats the sushi and the Tempura. We share the Sunonomo and the Miso soup.
I don't remember/care what Steve ate.
On our way home Momma Lee called to remind us that her and Lisa were going to the Micheal Buble concert tomorrow night. Right concert, wrong night. It was tonight. 8:00. we became aware of this at 7:45. We called Momma Lee and said "Saddle up the Ponies!" or something to that effect. In an unbelievable, highly improbable turn of events, Momma Lee was ready. I had that old lady in the shotgun seat and wheels spinning in two minutes flat.
It was now 8:07 and we were just leaving Coquitlam. Straight down Austin Ave, we hit every light perfectly. Aha, I said to myself in my head,(so Lisa wouldn't make fun of me) my seven k over the speed limit and you hit every light, was working perfectly. Yet still there are doubters! Onto the highway at Gaglardi without touching the brakes. I should have bought a lottery ticket. At the First Ave exit the light was red. Just as I geared down, The light turned green, I went past the "Squeegy Guy" on two wheels. All the way down Terminal Ave we never missed a light. With the help of one of Vancouver's Finest they where through the doors and I was gone at 8:29.
I am now downtown at Rogers Arena. I needed to poach some WiFi and kill a couple of hours. McDonald's on Main St. It's one dollar drink days as well. I got a Coke Zero. I am off the wagon! As a recovering aspartame abuser, I haven't had soda in six months. That's a story for another day, or this one will end up a novel! I drank a giant one, and started writing this. Lisa texted me they where in and Buble hadn't started yet. Two and a half hours later Lisa texted me they where almost done. Traffic was bad once I got near the arena and it had started raining again. Five minutes later, again with the help of the local Constabulary I whisked them out of there in a heartbeat. Took Momma Lee home and sat down and finished writing this thing.
Not much to do with my diet today. Just my life. Bella and Christo took the pics today.
More Papa Squatch Day Care/ Prison Camp tomorrow. If it clears up, they can paint the shed.
That's all I got.
Till next time
Peace Out Y'all
©2014 Dave Squatch Ward
I don't remember/care what Steve ate.
On our way home Momma Lee called to remind us that her and Lisa were going to the Micheal Buble concert tomorrow night. Right concert, wrong night. It was tonight. 8:00. we became aware of this at 7:45. We called Momma Lee and said "Saddle up the Ponies!" or something to that effect. In an unbelievable, highly improbable turn of events, Momma Lee was ready. I had that old lady in the shotgun seat and wheels spinning in two minutes flat.
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| Momma Lee looking good for a night out. |
It was now 8:07 and we were just leaving Coquitlam. Straight down Austin Ave, we hit every light perfectly. Aha, I said to myself in my head,(so Lisa wouldn't make fun of me) my seven k over the speed limit and you hit every light, was working perfectly. Yet still there are doubters! Onto the highway at Gaglardi without touching the brakes. I should have bought a lottery ticket. At the First Ave exit the light was red. Just as I geared down, The light turned green, I went past the "Squeegy Guy" on two wheels. All the way down Terminal Ave we never missed a light. With the help of one of Vancouver's Finest they where through the doors and I was gone at 8:29.
I am now downtown at Rogers Arena. I needed to poach some WiFi and kill a couple of hours. McDonald's on Main St. It's one dollar drink days as well. I got a Coke Zero. I am off the wagon! As a recovering aspartame abuser, I haven't had soda in six months. That's a story for another day, or this one will end up a novel! I drank a giant one, and started writing this. Lisa texted me they where in and Buble hadn't started yet. Two and a half hours later Lisa texted me they where almost done. Traffic was bad once I got near the arena and it had started raining again. Five minutes later, again with the help of the local Constabulary I whisked them out of there in a heartbeat. Took Momma Lee home and sat down and finished writing this thing.
Not much to do with my diet today. Just my life. Bella and Christo took the pics today.
More Papa Squatch Day Care/ Prison Camp tomorrow. If it clears up, they can paint the shed.
That's all I got.
Till next time
Peace Out Y'all
©2014 Dave Squatch Ward
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