Who's a Fat Bastard - The Dirk Slow Solution

May 13, 2014

     It seems the Poop Fairy got tired of my whining so, she showed up at 5 am. Repeatedly. It was one of those, is the cure worse than the disease mornings. I am not an early riser. I am however, one of those people who can not go back to bed once I've seen the sun. At 6:15, after my second panicked race to the Great White Depository. I made the mistake of looking out the kitchen window. Why? Am I afraid I'll miss something? Does something special happen at 6:15? The answer of course is NO! Nothing! Even the garbage men don't start till 7.

     I'm up, so I made coffee. Thus insuring that I will not be going back to bed. I'm pretty sure I drink too much coffee. I do not however have a Starbucks habit. For years working in the clubs I drank coffee all night long. Not a lot of coffee drinkers in the Cabarets. 8 hour old bar coffee. I developed a taste for it. Good to the last Glob! 

     Now, I like No Name instant coffee. Close as you can get to stale bar coffee! Plus you get a whole jar for the price of a single cup of Starbucks. 

     I am glad to say, I was not nearly as sore this morning as I have been the last few days. I took a load of my delicate underthings down to the laundry room. It's attached to the green room, which holds the Iron Maiden. 

Iron Maiden

     So, tapping into my inner supply of oestrogen, I multi- tasked. You should have seen me girls. Laundry started, coffee made and my fat ass on the exercise mat my Grand daughter let me use to do sit ups. 

Workout mat

I'm still holding steady at zero. I tried , honest. I'm like a Shoa Lin Monk. " When you can do a sit up Squatchhopper, then you may leave the temple!" I did do 25 crunches. I wanted to stop at 10, I was groaning out load at 17. By the time I got to 23, you would Have thought I was giving birth! 

Lover of cat videos

     Mounting the Iron Maiden. I began Utubeing stupid cat videos to my hearts content. I like when they fall in the water. 

     After 30 minutes of hard riding and wet pussy I was exhausted!

     Making my way to the kitchen on shaky legs, I made myself breakfast, Pea meal bacon, eggs, tomato and avocado. 

Mmmmmm Bacon!

     A quick shower, and I was on my way to put a reading light up for Momma Lee. 

Momma Lee

      Momma Lee, (Lisa's Mom), lives in a care facility 8 blocks from our house. Prior to that she lived with us for 5 years. She is living with Parkinson's Disease and is a remarkable woman. No matter what her personal situation, she is always thinking of others first. 

     Lisa and I spent an hour or so hanging pictures and installing lights. We take the dogs with us to visit. They're a big hit at the home.  Everybody loves Elvis!

Elvis 

     Her place is right across from Como Lake. So we took the dogs for a walk. I try to do it 4 times a week. That, along with riding the Iron Maiden, 25 crunches and zero sit ups, I should be thong ready in no time! 

     Went down to Port Moody to listen to an old friend playing some of his original music at the Gallery Bistro on Clarke.

Dirk Slow

The Solution

      The Dirk Slow Solution is the name of his band. I think it sounds like Denture Cleanser but, what do I know! In spite of the name. I really liked his originals. Kind of like Bob Dylan meets Tom Petty meets Johnny Cash. A very cool groove.

     Tomorrow is Weigh Day. It's too soon! Only 2 days and 1 poop! I said I was going to weigh myself Sunday and Wednesday. So I will. This week. After tomorrow I will just weigh on Sundays. 

     I am amazed at how much energy I have. How good I feel. I wore a shirt tonight I haven't fit into for a while. Puts a little bounce in your step. I still can't touch my toes, but I can see them pretty good!

Till next time

Peace Out Ya'll 

   

     

©2014 Dave Squatch Ward