May 9, 2014
It has been 1 week since I started the diet. I am quite pleased with myself. I have achieved good results in that first week but realise that if I am going to reach my goals, Leopard thong by the end of June, 75 lbs of total weight loss, it has to be more than a diet. I need to change the way I live and how I treat myself.
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| The Very Picture of Determination |
On that note. This morning I made my way into the basement. We call it the green room. It's where we send the Grandkids when we're doing grown up things. It's also where the recumbent bike we bought for Mom has been sitting. It's pedals unturned. It's wheel unspun. It's heart monitor in cardiac arrest. For more than a year.
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| Instrument of Torture |
Not wanting to hurt myself, I thought I would do a little stretching. On my first attempt at touching my toes, I could actually see my toes! So, encouraged by this small victory, I did 10 reps. Once almost touching my ankle! Getting down on the floor, I attempted to touch my toes sitting down. The results were less than promising. Without the aid of gravity I had no chance of touching those little piggies. Since I was already on the floor, I thought I would do sit ups. I have to tell you. I was shocked and amazed at the number of sit ups I could do. Go ahead guess? That's right, 0, none, Nada, zilch! I was like a turtle on it's back! I tried and tried to do a sit up, but to no avail. The ponderous weight of my Buddha belly had me pinned to the turf like a Beetle in a bug collection. I did manage to do 11 leg lifts before throwing up just a little bit. Struggling to my hands and knees, I pretended to do push ups, even though I was alone. I don't know why. I just did. Not even real pretend push ups. Pretend girl push ups.
Waiting in the wings was the Recumbent Bike. I believe the seat was designed by the same guy who came up with the Iron Maiden.
My plan was to watch an episode of House of Cards and pedal till it was over. I was cool, loose and relaxed. Sure that I would happily pedal away episode 1 and perhaps, episode 2 as well.
The freakin thing is 40 minutes long! I was sweating like a piece of pork in the sun. I made it 20 minutes and was quite proud of myself. And moist.
I will watch the rest of episode 1 during my workout tomorrow.
Or maybe not. It's 11 pm and I am, shall we say, seized up tighter than a Nuns sense of humour. I felt good for the first hour or so then rigormortis set in. The good news is it's just my leg muscles that are sore. It's amazing what happens to the stomach muscles when you can do 0 sit ups. Evidently, I no longer possess any stomach muscles. So they of course are not sore.
After my workout/crying jag, I made my self a nice lunch. Tuna salad with green onion, dill pickle and just a touch of horse radish. Wrapped in iceberg lettuce. Yum Yum.
If anyone out there wants to reduce their bread intake, lettuce is a great and tasty way to do that. I have found that Iceberg lettuce is perfect for your messier sandwich stuffing. Egg salad, tuna salad, Pulled pork, and such.
Leaf lettuce on the other hand, up to and including Romaine, is perfect for your Ham and cheese, roast beef or triple decker clubhouse. I have yet to find a lettuce that works for grilled cheese!
Lisa spent the day shopping with Momma Lee. Lee has Parkinsons and something as simple as shopping can be very physically and emotionally draining. For everyone. I take Lee to all her medical appointments. No problem. Shopping. No way! Once was enough. Lee has asked me why I won`t take her shopping and I told her "Because I love you Lee, and I don't want to go to prison after I strangle you out of frustration in the middle of London Drugs!``
I made dinner and had a couple of friends over for cards. Pork that I slow roasted on the BBQ with grilled Zuccini, broccoli, coleslaw and a Squatch salad deluxe.
I was lucky enough to win 2 of the 3 games we played and pocketed $8.
I can use the cash to buy some Ben Gay! The ointment you freak!
I`m off to water pic my aches and pains. I would like to soak in the tub but I would end up stuck. The firemen are not amused when they have to lift a 320 lb man out of a bathtub! Especially when he`s coated in Princess Barbie Bubble Bath.
As always,
Peace out ya`ll
©2014 Dave Squatch Ward
Waiting in the wings was the Recumbent Bike. I believe the seat was designed by the same guy who came up with the Iron Maiden.
 |
| Iron Maiden |
My plan was to watch an episode of House of Cards and pedal till it was over. I was cool, loose and relaxed. Sure that I would happily pedal away episode 1 and perhaps, episode 2 as well.
 |
| Nothing To It |
The freakin thing is 40 minutes long! I was sweating like a piece of pork in the sun. I made it 20 minutes and was quite proud of myself. And moist.
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| Heeeeeelp me!!!! |
I will watch the rest of episode 1 during my workout tomorrow.
Or maybe not. It's 11 pm and I am, shall we say, seized up tighter than a Nuns sense of humour. I felt good for the first hour or so then rigormortis set in. The good news is it's just my leg muscles that are sore. It's amazing what happens to the stomach muscles when you can do 0 sit ups. Evidently, I no longer possess any stomach muscles. So they of course are not sore.
After my workout/crying jag, I made my self a nice lunch. Tuna salad with green onion, dill pickle and just a touch of horse radish. Wrapped in iceberg lettuce. Yum Yum.
 |
| Tuna Salad Lunch |
If anyone out there wants to reduce their bread intake, lettuce is a great and tasty way to do that. I have found that Iceberg lettuce is perfect for your messier sandwich stuffing. Egg salad, tuna salad, Pulled pork, and such.
Leaf lettuce on the other hand, up to and including Romaine, is perfect for your Ham and cheese, roast beef or triple decker clubhouse. I have yet to find a lettuce that works for grilled cheese!
Lisa spent the day shopping with Momma Lee. Lee has Parkinsons and something as simple as shopping can be very physically and emotionally draining. For everyone. I take Lee to all her medical appointments. No problem. Shopping. No way! Once was enough. Lee has asked me why I won`t take her shopping and I told her "Because I love you Lee, and I don't want to go to prison after I strangle you out of frustration in the middle of London Drugs!``
I made dinner and had a couple of friends over for cards. Pork that I slow roasted on the BBQ with grilled Zuccini, broccoli, coleslaw and a Squatch salad deluxe.
 |
| BBQ Pork dinner |
I was lucky enough to win 2 of the 3 games we played and pocketed $8.
I can use the cash to buy some Ben Gay! The ointment you freak!
I`m off to water pic my aches and pains. I would like to soak in the tub but I would end up stuck. The firemen are not amused when they have to lift a 320 lb man out of a bathtub! Especially when he`s coated in Princess Barbie Bubble Bath.
As always,
Peace out ya`ll
©2014 Dave Squatch Ward
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