Who's a Fat Bastard - Life without spellcheck

May 21, 2 014

     A funny thing happened on my way to my blog. I lost a whole day. Has that ever happened to you? I never stopped from the time I got up at 8:30 until 6 o'clock.That's when the half dozen  people we invited for dinner and cards arrived. It's not like I had all this important stuff to do. It just seems that the stuff I was doing, was winning! 

     As I have told you before, I Get together with my pal Gord on Wednesdays to play some tunes and have a few laughs. Today we had 4 guitars and 1 bass with no amp. Now there's a bottom end to get your feet moving. Our PA guy didn't show. 

   It is a seniors facility. He could have forgotten, wandered off or he might just be lying on the bathroom floor calling for help. Just kidding. We took  a sniff at his door. Should be okay. 

This won't take long

     So about the lost day. I had this little pile of wood that I wanted to clear up. I took out my chop saw and set it up at the wood pile. That was at 9:15. It was like a magic wood pile. The more I picked up and chopped, the more there seemed to be. I started chopping and filling barrels

Set up and ready to go.

And chopping

Don't want splinters.

And Bending

I can see my toes!

And chopping

Time to go.

And all of a sudden it was 12:15, I hadn't eaten yet or visited the Green Room. I did however get 4 barrels of nice wood for my fire pit. And I got most of the woodpile removed.

Almost done.

     I am supposed to be at the Jam by 2:00. That didn't leave me much time for what I needed to do. I started by going down to the Maiden. I hadn't planned on doing any crunches, being short on time. I made the mistake of looking down. There staring back at me with big blue eyes, big blue accusing eyes was Princess Barbie

Princess Guiltbag!

     I caved, princesses always get their way! I figured I'd just do a couple of groups, I'm still trying to find the right number of reps. Today I did groups of 10 with 30 seconds between. I only did 40 reps. That's 16 less than yesterday. I think I went at it harder than yesterday, and recovered better than when I was doing 15. Also I had time issues. 

     Oh yeah, and stupidity issues. I came down with no toys. No tablet, no phone, no laptop, no fun! Maybe for some, but not for I.

I started singing and kept the rythym with my pedaling. The Iron Maiden, other than the butt chewing seat, is a pretty good machine. It tells you lots of stuff. Calories burned, speed, distance, heart rate and of course time. On this machine, if you let the wheel drop below a certain RPM, it resets the timer.

     My heart rate after 20 minutes topped out at 108. I think that's good. When I was having my heart issues, that's what my heart rate was when I was asleep. I should check my Blood Pressure. It's been good for a while but maybe it's even better. My blood sugar has been excellent since I started this program. So why not my BP too. 

     I might hold the record for the fastest shower in history. No seriously. I put the kettle on, ran to the shower, brushed my teeth with one hand, while I loofad my stinky bits with apricot foot scrub  with the other. I tell ya, it really puts a glow on your skin! 

The first time I used it was an accident. I kinda like it.

     The crux of the matter is, I was out of the shower and dressed before the kettle boiled. Huh, is that moving or what?

     Then I forgot to make the tea! I did however find time to make a nice lunch. 

Steak, tomato, pickle and Squatch Salad. I was feeling guilty about shorting my workout and skipping breakfast so I sat on my front deck and enjoyed my lunch. At 1:40 I grabbed my guitar and beat it over to Gordy's for the Jam. I may not be that good under pressure these days. These are the things I usually take with me, but didn't today. My phone, my tablet, my camera and my amp. In all fairness, I did bring my amps power cord!

     Our friend Al stopped by for a visit. He used to be our realtor, now he's more. He showed us New Orleans like I never would of imagined. Any way, he's off on another walkabout. He takes very good pics and stopped by to show us one he had just printed.

     That's when it all went nuts! I spent the time that I was supposed to be making dinner, sitting out on my deck shooting the breeze with Al. Next thing you know the dinner guests are here and dinner is not. Lisa spent the day with Momma Lee so I said I would take care of dinner. I have become quite a good cook. Thirteen years of living with Chef Boy R Lisa, you gotta learn something! Remember the show That's Incredible? They had a monkey who made martinis! If they can teach a monkey to make cocktails, I can learn how to cook. Chef Boy R Lisa is a harsh mistress. I spent the first three years as a scullery maid. In the fourth year I was allowed to make her Tea. 

     So now the house is full of hungry people. The groceries are on the counter, still in the bags. I turn on the oven. I put the veggies aside and started dealing with the chicken I was doing for dinner.        That's when Lisa came home. It was six o'clock and the chicken wasn't even in the oven yet. I like to eat at 6:30, not too early, not too late, not tonight! While Lisa entertained the troops, I was a veritable vegamatic, I was slicin and dicin and I think I might even have Julliened something...by accident!

     I bailed , I sold my principles down the river for the sake of time. I am ashamed. In the kitchen of Casa Lisa I committed a sin against all that is epicurean. I used "shake n bake."  Not even the real stuff! No Name shake n bake. I also never took any pictures of dinner or nothing. I told you I was having a problem with excess stupidity today.

     The chicken came out great. Rice and Potatoes for the crew. Asparagus, and Squatch Salad for me. I can't believe how good the watermelon has been so far this year. We're on our third one. I mentioned it because that's what we had for desert. I had 3 pieces.

     We played 3 games of "Screw Your Neighbour," I won twice. $28. It seems pointless though. I don't smoke anymore, I don't drink any more and if I get hungry, I can just nosh on someones lawn...or their cat! 
      We have an interesting group of friends and I love them all. Even Barry, who won the other game, and is conflicted by his Chinese/Italian  heritage.( His Chinese half can't forgive his Italian half for claiming they invented noodles!) As always lots of laughs. 

     It was 11:30 before I sat down at my keyboard to bang this out. I'm a night owl any way. Well, a little lame on the pictures today. So here's a gratuitous cutesy shot of our dog Nutmeg.

     Oh yeah, and my spell check doesn't seem to be working. Barry!

That's all I got.

Till next time

Peace Out Ya'll

©2014 Dave Squatch Ward