Who's a Fat Bastard- "Your fat and your ugly! Get out of the way!"

February 17, 2015

New West Sunset. G McT Photo

      I am way late on the blog today. It's 3:30 and I'm just starting it. It will be a short one because it was one of the dullest days of my existence. It started off well enough. I wrote yesterdays blog fueled by Joe. Until the phone calls started. Mama Lee has been fighting some kind of Virus so I made my way over to talk to the nurses at her place after they called. They had her on antibiotics but she was still running a low grade fever. I don't know if you know this but an infection can cause symptoms quite similar to psychosis. Mama Lee is experiencing this. I stopped by a couple of times to make sure she was doing alright. The second time she was out of bed but still feeling quite confused.
      I went home to get the Rat dogs and when I checked my email.

My certificate for the BST had come in along with my mark, 95%. That sounds good, and it was the highest mark in the class, but really it wasn't hard at all. I was disappointed I didn't get 100%. They use some clever wording to mislead you on a couple of questions.  Now, with certificate in hand, I need to apply to the B.C. Government for a Security Professional License. I was told you could do it all on line.  First thing I noticed was that the web site I needed was going to be down until 2:00. That's okay, I needed to scan my passport, my drivers license, my copy of the fingerprint/ criminal check authorisation and my certificate of completion.
      As some of you may or may not be aware, I have at times in my life walked a fine line between right and less right. Though I always felt justified in my actions and my motivations for such actions, at least twice a judge has disagreed. Suspended sentences. They were summary offences that occurred in the performance of my duties as a doorman. They were also thirty-five years ago. I had the local RCMP run my name before I took the course and I came back clean. I have also been fingerprinted at the airport and at the border and had no difficulties. That's because up until seven years ago I travelled on my British passport. I didn't become a Canadian Citizen until 2007.
      When 2:00 comes around I go online, find the web site up and running and started my application. When I got to the end of the application there was no submit  or how would you like to pay button. I went back to the beginning and discovered that the Attorney Generals office doesn't have the ability to take a credit card online. Candy Crush can suck you dry 99 cents at a time, Big Hoots.com can provide you a secure method to collect their $2.99 a month, so I've heard, but our government can't take a payment on line. WTF!!
      I phone the number provided. A pleasant young man took the time out of what I am sure is a majorly taxing job to tell me I can mail everything in or I can email all the info except for the credit card authorisation. That I have to Fax. Who still has a fax? Why don't I just send it in a bottle or by carrier pigeon? I print the application forms and the credit card form, sign them and scan them back into the computer. I put together the email then took the printed versions down to Staples to use their fax service. $2 per sheet. Freakin crooks!
     I was going to duck into the Stupor Store when I saw a sign that piqued my interest. I really need a haircut.

A little off the top and keep the blade above my ears please!

I looked in to the Amir Baghdad Hair Salon. There was an attractive Iranian woman of about forty with a good set of boobs. What more does a guy need in a Barber?

Waima the Barber

I think she did a nice job.

Neatly trimmed Eye Brows

I gave her a good tip, "Lay off the Garlic at lunch!" Kidding!

Stand like the wind!!

On the way home I stopped at Blue Mountain Park to let the Rat dogs run.

Blue Mountain Park

I stopped to check on Mama Lee and went home. Christian would be picking up Bella in a few minutes so I asked him to stop by and take a picture for me to send to Victoria for my I.D.

Security Squatch, don't you feel safer already?

When he was done I emailed it off to Victoria and I should receive my license shortly. Then all I have to do is learn the secret hand shake and go stand outside a bank. Just for practise. It was just short of 5:00 when I had it all done.
      The lovely Lisa sent me my Ho warning about 6:30. It was 7:15 when she walked through the doors with a 1:15 a.m wakeup call. She was like the Breeze. She brushed my cheek with her lips on her way to Sleepy Town. I usually go and tuck her in after she is settled in but she was already snoring, I mean sleeping when I got there. TV was boring me so I packed up the Rat dogs and went for a drive. I took them over to the running track at the Rec Centre where there is lots of light. Elvis disappears as soon as it starts getting dark. You can't see him when he's ten feet away. After that we shared a ten pack of chicken nuggets from Burger King. $1.79. I think the Rat dogs liked them more than I did. Kind of greasy.
      We made it home in time for the 11:00 news then I went into the office with every intention of getting a head start on my blog. I played the stupid video game until Chef Boy R Lisa got up for work. When will I ever learn?

Fat Tuesday in New Orleans

I added this pic from our New Orleans trip with Al. It was Fat Tuesday, I stepped in front, took the picture and said to them "Critique me"  "Your fat and your ugly! Get out of the way!" was their response!

That's all I've got

Till Next time

Peace out Y'all

©2015 Dave Squatch Ward