Who's a Fat Bastard - All caught up....for now

February 3 - 6, 2015

School Boy Squatch

      It has been a week since the Seahawks turned into Turkeys on the one yard line and left their Dodo Bird supporters eating Crow!  As expected the Patriot Vultures circle the rotting carcass of my broken dreams, chirping and squawking like Seagulls on a Crab cake! Let's just say it's been a little hard to Swallow! But I'm no Chicken! I stood there proud as an Eagle on the back of a coin. Absorbing the abuse like the mercury laced fish I feast on. Secure in the knowledge that as the Hummingbird flies its thousand mile migrations every winter, so shall the Seahawks, with the broken and battered remains of Cardinals, Ravens, Eagles and Falcons left in their wake, return to the Super Bowl! I have now run out of cheesy bird metaphors. Now it's time to get the flock out of here!

      On Monday I needed to be downtown before 5:00 to register for the Basic Security Training course. I had a very late start to the day and wanted to get registered to start the following day. My pal Wally has been doing event security since the Olympics and he really likes it. Since I can't seem to get an acting job this will help fill the time and the wallet. Residuals don't last forever. Mostly though it allows for a great deal of flexibility. Chef Boy R Lisa had a huge day. Seventeen hours! She was totally bagged when she got home. Her wake up call was for 3:15 a.m, six hours from now. The lovely Lisa was in bed and asleep in minutes. I stayed up until about 11:00.
      It's been a long time since I set my alarm to get up at 6:15. The lovely Lisa had scared me with traffic horror stories of rush hour hell and I didn't want to be late on the first day. I was out of the house by 6:45 and sitting in front of my destination on Burrard Street at 7:15. The highway was empty and I hit every light all the way to Kitsilano! The course started at 8:30. I found free parking in front of A Maserati dealership. That's like winning the lottery.

My Parking spot

There are only five spots on the block. I was number three and before I was out of the car the other two spots were full. It was two hour parking from 9 - 6 but I saw so many expired meters I doubted if they would be marking tires and coming back to check.
     I took the BST with Genesis Security. They are located above a Bentley Dealership on Burrard Street at 2nd Ave, near the old brewery.

Bentley Convertible   $308,150.78

The first day was spent outlining the course objectives and discussing professionalism and deportment and worrying about whether or not my car would be towed. The instructor, Shirley Lavatte, was very good. She kept it moving and had a lot of anecdotal examples that were informative and often funny. There were four of us taking the course. Two Filipino girls, a University student who wanted to be a cop and me. The class ended just before 5:00 and my car, as well as the same four other cars that were there all day, were still there. I was filled with joy as I sat in traffic for ninety minutes on my way home.....not!
      I kept to the same schedule. I would be there way too early but I would get free parking. I had scoped out the neighbourhood the day before and after parking in the same spot I crossed the street to a Starbucks. I had a tall cup of coffee and a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast. I brought my lunch three out of four days.

Chicken Salad

Thursday I had Pho at a Vietnamese joint in the same plaza. It was good. Day two was Safety. Common sense stuff made easy by our instructor. We would read a page discuss it then She told us exactly what to underline. "This is the answer to an exam question" she told us. "When you review your notes, just read those parts" After every section there were questions to work on.

Questions?

The instructor put us in pairs to work on them. She had already given us the answers to all the questions and it was open book so really, a monkey could do it. One of the girls however couldn't quite figure it out. Over the three days we changed partners with every block of questions. An exercise in copying. Speaking of which, I did no exercising last week other than dodging traffic on Burrard trying to get to the Starbucks and yelling at idiots on the highway on the way home!
      Thursday was the Law. What you can legally do and not do in your capacity as a Security Professional. That's what the government designates you as and why the training is now mandatory. Before the class started the instructor had a company come in to fingerprint and photograph us for our criminal background checks. I talked to a friend in the RCMP before I paid for the course to make sure I would pass the check. Hey, everyone has a past! I should be okay. $60 later I was wiping the ink off my hands and not smiling for the camera. The law part was very interesting and informative. The woman in charge of Human Resources came in and talked about opportunities with Genesis and then the Operations manager came in and gave a demonstration on the proper use of the radio. I've used them lots so it was a refresher for me. At the end of the day he approached me, gave me his business card and told me to call him as soon as I get my license. That sounds good. The instructor, Shirley, told me that they put a lot of people through this course but not many with my physical size, presence and fluency in English. While she was saying this I was wondering if they would have felt the same way about me fifty pounds ago. I'll be running the joint in a year.
      Friday was exam day. I kept to my schedule and was parked number two in line behind a Lamborghini this morning. I had the lovely Lisa's Jetta instead of my truck because we were having a birthday dinner and the lovely Lisa would need it to pick up Mama Lee. It's a big birthday week! Dr Dan was on the 29th. His son David, who is going to Capilano College was on the 4th and Christian's was on the 5th.

Christian

Back to the course. We spent the morning learning how to use the notebook. What to record, who gets to see your notes and proper procedures in note taking. An SP's notebook is a legal document. After lunch we did four practise exams. A total of 85 questions. I got three wrong and one of those was a trick question.  At 2:00 the examiner arrived explained the procedure and we started the exam at 2:17. We had two hours to complete the exam. I was done the 100 multiple choice/ true or false questions in 28 minutes. Had a private meeting with the instructor where she encouraged me to call them as soon as I got my license said our goodbyes and I was done! I won't get my certificate and marks until next week then I will apply to the provincial government for my license.

      I had an appointment at 5:30 also downtown and found myself with two and a half hours to waste.  I wandered around the outside of the stadium.

Then I sat in a Waves coffee house on Robson Street people watching and drinking coffee until it was time for my appointment.

Commercial Drive 

It hadn't stopped raining for three days which made the commute home slow. I am amazed at the number of people who don't turn on their lights in the rain. They don't know that their little grey car is invisible and only their front lights come on when they start the car.
     When I finally got home the lovely Lisa and most of our guests were just sitting down for the amazing Paella that Chef Boy R Lisa had whipped up.

I say most of our guests because Dr Dan whom lives in Prince George and was down here for meetings since Wednesday. Him and his son David were delayed because Dr Dan thought he left his suitcase on the Skytrain and he was trying to recover it. It turned out he had left it at a coffee shop just before he got on the train. Luckily it was still there when he got back to the coffee shop. When he did finally make it the Paella was still warm.

Dr Dan

We had a great visit as we always do when Dr Dan is in town. He was catching the last flight back to PG. The lovely Lisa wanted to drive him back to the airport and while she did that I cleaned up the kitchen. When Lisa got home we called it a night and made our way to bed.

February 7, 2015

      I slept till 7:30. When as usual my bladder alarm went off. I put the tables back out onto the deck and downed a couple of mugs of drippy Joe to get my heart started then did my first workout in a week. Fifteen sets of my five floor exercises and 200 One Stair Steps all topped off with an episode of Lilyhammer on the Iron Maiden. I was feeling the One Stair Steps. I had several moments when I thought I should take it easy and just do half of them. Left, right, left, right only 100 more!

Then the moment of truth. I have to tell you I wasn't expecting a good result as I stepped onto the scale. A full week of no exercise siting at a desk. I was careful with what I was eating, mostly.
I was pleasantly surprised.

      Bro Steve came by for Paella lunch. He was working last night so he missed the dinner. It's always good to see Bro Steve and catch up on his adventures. He's doing some playing with a friend Bill Taylor. Another great guitar player we know. I love jamming with those two and I can't wait hear what they come up with.
      I spent the rest of the afternoon watching college basketball while the lovely Lisa had a well deserved nap. We were meeting Willy and Annie for a bite at the Rivers Reach Pub after Annie finished work at 8:30.

Deep thoughts, where am I?

Annie 

I watched most of the first period of the Canucks game. Hard to believe that this is the same team that rolled over for the San Jose Sharks the other night. Mind you even though Pittsburgh is ahead of San Jose in points, Sharks are a lot scarier than Penguins. We left the house just after 8:00 with the Canuckleheads leading the game and were at the Reach about fifteen minutes later. We always take the Rat dogs with us so they can have a play date with Lincoln and Mac after dinner. We took them for a quick whiz before we went into the Pub. It was as always, packed. I saw a high table with two chairs come available and I sat the lovely Lisa at it while I checked the rest of the place for alternate seating. Not only was there no open tables there were no open stools. Which reminds me of a bad joke.
"What did the boy fly say to the girl fly at the Poop Bar?"
" Hello Bug Eyes, is this stool taken?"
We ordered from the waitress and asked her if there was any extra seating. There wasn't but she would keep her eyes open. In a couple of minutes two people from a table of four left and the waitress and I arrived at the table at the same time. We got the stools back to our table just as Willy and Annie got there. It was crowded and Willy was having trouble getting his stool in an acceptable position. I offered to push in his stool but he said " I'm not that kind of guy!"
      Chicken wings and Pizza, easy on the Pizza for me. We watched the end of the Canucks game and left for Annie and Willy's for a pot of tea and a play date for the Rat Dogs. Annie and Willy have a penthouse apartment with a huge deck overlooking the Fraser River. Perfect for the dogs to play on. They don't of course they play on your feet. All four of them, all the time! We left New west about midnight and were home and tucked in before 1:00.

That's all I've got

Till Next time

Peace out Y'all

©2015 Dave Squatch Ward