Who's a Fat Bastard - Happy Family Day?

February 9, 2015

Christo, Apples don't fall far from the trees.

      Happy Family Day? Do people say that? Did anyone say that to you? Did you say it anyone? No one said it to me and I never said it to anyone.

In Hawaii

Is there a Family Day Parade? Balloons and Bouncy Castles?

Bella and Christo

Is it really such a good idea to encourage us to bond with our family for this one day a year, when we are all perfectly happy spread out across the country and loving each other via Facebook?

I think that humans are designed to forget the pain and suffering inflicted on us by the ones we love the most. Otherwise we would all be an only child and would have no need to have Family Day. You could have Family Minute instead. Why would any person in their right mind want to have another baby? It seems all they remember is the bundle of joy at the end of the ordeal.

Jen, Bella and Papa in Mexico

That's the same thing that happens with family. You remember the picnics and the parties, the Christmas's, the cottage and the lake. More importantly, you forget the reasons that you moved three thousand miles away.

Rat dogs are family too.

Also who is this a stat holiday for? The postman brought the mail. Every store seems to be open with their usual lack of staff? Is this just for British Columbians sucking on the teats of the provincial government? Or can anyone get a free days pay? Just wondering.

Mama Lee

      We spent Family Day by taking Mama Lee  down to the Asian Kitchen for Dim Sum. We arranged to meet Bro Steve and Lyndsay at the restaurant at noon.

Bro Steve, Not Dim Sum, but looks Sum Dim

They were lined up out the door. They do a very good Dim Sum here and evidently Family Day is a big deal in the Asian Community. They seemed to be caught unprepared. No one was taking names, there were eight parties in line, three empty and unbussed tables and a general atmosphere of chaos. I went over to the counter where the guy with the tie was standing there doing nothing and asked if there was some kind of system for seating people. He said "It's very busy what do you want me to do?" "I want you to clean that table and sit my family down for lunch" I replied, maybe a little louder than needed. By the time I got back to the front door to get Mama Lee, him and another person were cleaning the table. Just like they say the squeaky wheel gets the grease! And if that wheel is huge and disruptive and may crush you like the roaches in your kitchen you get extra grease, and possibly spit in your food!

Dim sum was great. As you can see the spit thing didn't deter us.
      After we dropped Mama Lee off at home the lovely Lisa asked if I would like to accompany her to the Bay and Safeway. "Of course my love" came out of my mouth while my brain screamed "Nooooooooooo!" She does this to me all the time. "Wait here. I'll just be a second. It's already paid for so I'm just picking it up." she lied with a straight face. This is some Clinique stuff she ordered for Mama Lee. These cosmetic girls are like Pit Bulls! They can smell fear, and suckers. You are there to pick up a thimble full of goo you spent $90 on because they squeezed it out of a Penguins anal sack!You'll buy anything and she knows it. I was there the last time the lovely Lisa did this. I can picture it in my mind as I sit in the truck, truculently envisioning the lovely Lisa bouncing up to the counter. "My husband is waiting in the truck. I just need to pick up this order of Penguin Goo and go." "I have free gifts to thank you for your purchase of Penguin Goo. It will only take a minute." the delightfully scented Snake Oil salesgirl said. "Screw Him! What ya got?" Twenty minutes later, as I'm running a hose into the truck from the exhaust pipe, the lovely Lisa emerges from the Bay. "You were in there so long, I thought you would smell better." You might want to add that to the list of things not to say to your wife.

Bella, Marta and Iris. Part of our Familia Mexicana

      Yes we have no Bananas. At least no banana coloured bananas. Safeway is going after the geriatric demographic. The theory is, they move so slow the green bananas will be ripe by the time they get them home and rotten by the time they get them peeled!
      So it was off to Cheap Thrills where I refused to wait in the truck. They had strip loins roasts on sale for $4.99 lb. Limit of two per family. That seems wrong on a Family Day.

Christian and Christo

What if I was a Hillbilly and had a dozen kids? I ditched the lovely Lisa like a beer can on the highway. Took my salad stuff and two hunks of meat up to the cash and out to the truck. The lovely Lisa was in another line with her bananas and meat of her own. I was waiting in line to pay for pork rinds at the Shoppers Drug mart behind a tiny Asian woman who had thirty pieces of scratch and sniffs spread out on the counter. The clerk was scanning each one, all of them were losers when the lovely Lisa approached the truck with a cart full of bananas and meat. I could see her out the window of the Drugstore and couldn't help screwing with her. Open the door, close the door. Ooops panic button, that made her jump. I could see her eyes searching for me. The smouldering animosity bridging the gap between us. As her eyes passed over me I threw myself to the floor pressing the open all the doors button. When I got back to the car, I gave her chocolate.

Golden Gate 

      That was our day. Tuesday is Chef Boy R Lisa's Monday because of Family Day. She has a 2:15 wakeup call. I watched the Canucks step on their weenies, that's gotta hurt! Turned off the tube and read the new to me Reacher novel I got for a buck at our bank.
      Oh yeah I was exceedingly lame with the picture taking today. Only one picture was taken today. Which one was it? The pictures that are there are of my family from my files, and mostly irrelevant.

Still lovin every minute of it.

That's all I've got

Till Next time

Peace out Y'all

©2015 Dave Squatch Ward