Who's a Fat Bastard - You might want to buy the Black Forest Cake

November 25 2014

Sashimi, they didn't make me cook it myself.

      It was almost 10 a.m. When I got out of bed this morning. I was definitely feeling that all too familiar pressure that precedes the movement of a kidney stone. I had an appointment with Dr Eddy at 10:30 a quick run through the shower, I pulled on pants, a shirt and I was out the door. One of the things I really like about Dr Eddy is if he says  your appointment is at 10:30 your appointment is within ten minutes of 10:30. I peed in a bottle, I got a flu shot, I had a growth on my finger liquid hydrogened for the third, and hopefully last time.  And I have a mole on my leg that needs to be removed by a plastic surgeon, which makes no sense to me because I'm not made out of plastic!

      My urine sample came back and there was  blood in my urine but I already knew that. I still have flomax left over from my last bout with kidney stones. 

A couple of days of flomax and drinking gallons of water and I usually manage to pass them fairly quickly. I've never made big ones, just sharp ones.

      I asked the lovely Lisa to text message me the shopping list. I guess she wasn't aware I was kidding. The lovely Lisa texted me a small list of things for Mama Lee. I was able to get it all at Cheap Thrills. 

I came home, took my Flomax and drank enough water to fill a child's wading pool. I don't know if you've ever had a kidney stone. It only hurts when the stone is moving. When it's not moving it feels like someone has their thumb pressed into your kidney, HARD! The secret is to move it out as quickly as possible.

The first time it happened to me was in 2001, we were filming 

So Weird up on Cypress Mountain and I had to be taken down in an ambulance. 

So Weird

It is happened periodically ever since.

     I spent the rest of the day practicing my lap steel and playing Christmas Carols on the guitar. I boiled some eggs and diced some ham and turned my Squatch salad into a Squatch chef salad for lunch. 

      We were going out this evening for part two of Paul's birthday celebration. 

Paul

We were meeting Steve, Paul, Lyndsey and Paul's niece Song, in the 700 block of Burrard Street at 6:00. We told Mama Lee we would stop by and see her on our way downtown at 5:00.

      We were going to have dinner at a combination Korean barbecue / sushi joint. As usual we were running late. When we left the driveway, the lovely Lisa turned in the exact opposite direction from Mama Lee's.

"I just need to get a cake for Paul, I'll only be a minute." she said

when we pulled into the parking lot at Thrifty's, they make really good cakes. The lovely Lisa said "Just wait in the car I'll only be a minute." Nothing the lovely Lisa has ever done has only taken a minute! During the heatwave we had in the summer, she left me and the dogs sitting in the car for twenty-two minutes while she went in to buy a watermelon. Now, I always go in!

      As we went into thrifty's she told me that Steve asked her to get Paul a Black Forest Cake, because that's his favourite. There they were, three beautiful black forest cakes all lined up. $21, you can't do any better than that. Or can you? The lovely Lisa looked at every cake in the case, from one end to the other

after five minutes she said, "Which cake do you think I should buy?

I like this one." she said pointing to a Boston Cream Cake.

I said "Well, since Paul's favourite cake is Black Forest Cake

and Steve specifically asked you to pick up a Black Forest Cake

I would suggest that perhaps you might want to buy the Black Forest Cake."

Black Forest Cake

"Fine" she said, as she raced ahead of me. Once again proving that when a woman says fine, its not. The lovely Lisa also had her cranky pants on because I bet her that we wouldn't be able to get downtown on time. She accused me of coming into the store to deliberately slow her down so she would lose the bet. She gives me way too much credit.My method of thinking is not nearly that devious or convoluted. If it was that important for me to win the bet, I would  just let the air out of her tires. If I hadn't come in she'd still be there staring at the cakes.

      We hopped in the car and headed to Mama Lee's about fifteen blocks away. The lovely Lisa Cranky Pants made me stay in the car. I told her if she wasn't back in three minutes I was coming in to get her. At two minutes fifty-eight seconds she opened up her car door and got in.  We had thirty-two minutes to get from Blue Mountain in Coquitlam to the  Shabusen Yakiniku House in the 700 block of Burrard Street. There was no way that she could make it before 6:00. I should have known better. When the lovely Lisa Cranky Pants Andretti  puts on her driving shoes anything is possible. She had the car parked across the street from the restaurant at 5:59.

Korean hillbilly restaraunt, Yin, Yan and my other brother Yan!

      It was an interesting restaurant. I've never had Korean BBQ before. There were six of us and we ordered way too much food.

That always happens when you go to one of those all you can eat places. It's not really a thing for me. I don't really need to eat all I can eat! I did however eat about two pounds of lamb. That I had to cook myself. 

Next they'll have me make the sushi.

Not to be a complainer but at thirty bucks a pop your food should come cooked!

We sang happy birthday for about the fifth time. When the cake came out Paul was so happy. "Black Forest is my favorite cake!" he said. The lovely Lisa shot me the hairy eyeball.

Yay, Black Forest Cake!

We had cake. I only had a sliver.

      Paul headed home to Deep Cove, Steve and Lindsay were going to a concert, Song was already gone. 

The lovely Lisa drove us home and it took a lot longer than thirty-one minutes.
      The lovely Lisa was in bed by 10:30. I watched an episode of The Mentalist and an episode of CSI LA. I drank another gallon of water, wrote my blog and I'm taking my kidney stone to bed and calling it a night.

That's all I've got

Till next time

Peace out Y'all

P.S. OUCH!!!

©2014 Dave Squatch Ward