Who's a Fat Bastard - Strange days indeed

October 11, 2014

Strange days indeed

     I fought the law and the law won. In this situation the law was the enchiladas, beans, and rice I devoured with such relish last night at Taqueria Playa Tropical. It was like Cirque de Soliel  were performing their routine from my oesophagus to my colon! Fire breathers giving me heartburn, tumblers somersaulting around my stomach and something with antlers trying to make it's way through my colon. I didn't sleep a wink. The Poop Fairy was playing nicky nicky nine doors with me. That's when you knock on someones door then run away. My heartburn would burn, the tumblers would tumble, the colon moose would charge and I would rush out of bed, to fart! I considered taking a chance and just lifting a cheek. Right then my tumblers did a hand stand into a backflip and I was off to the can again. I did manage to finish two bathroom crosswords. Lisa would loose her mind if she caught me even thinking about farting in bed. I can't imagine what she would do if that fart was solid! 

     I didn't get up until 10 am. And then I only got up because Jen and the Grandkids called to say they were on their way over for a visit. I was still in my pyjamas and robe.

The Papa Squatch Pyjama Band

They thought the noises you can make on a lap steel were pretty cool. I have to agree. Christo has the two string guitar ( that's all that's left) and Bella was  going for the Maracas. We play rock star a lot at Papa Squatch Dayscare. This is the first time with the lap steel though. Christo got a new yellow rain coat that he didn't want to take off. It has a duck bill on the hood. Like a summer storm, half an hour, and they were gone. And I was still in my robe!

     I got dressed and went out into the yard to finish bucking up the Hazelnut tree that I dug up yesterday.

I must have been sleep deprived or something. I found myself just standing there staring at the forms for the two pads I was going to pour to sit the trash bins on. Screw it they can sit on the dirt.

I mean the garbage guys don't touch anything any more it's all automated. Pull up beside the can, push the button, and garbage dumped. They leave you nasty notes if you don't make their jobs as easy as possible. So far I have gotten notes for, putting my garbage out on the wrong day. Having my garbage bin too close to my compost bin and a particularly cranky take the bear clasps off the lid note. What? He doesn't want to get his hands dirty? He's the garbage man!

     While I made my way, rake in hand, to the vicinity of the plum tree that is rapidly defoliating. The lovely Lisa was in the kitchen prepping for the Thanksgiving feast tomorrow. She does everything from scratch.

Peeling the yams for Sweet Potato tarts. In the pot in the foreground of this picture are five different bags of turkey stock from five different turkeys. Lisa's turkey gravy is amazing. Make a roue, add the stock, reduce! 

Home made cranberry and sweet potato ready for tarting.

She got the ingredients together for her stuffing , caramelised onions.

And of course sausage meat.

Lisa also prepped the Brussels sprouts and cubed the stale stuffing bread. We are cooking two turkeys tomorrow and a Sockeye Salmon, Willy and Annie are bringing the mashed potatoes and a ham and Gord and Penny are bringing a ham too. We have twenty something here for dinner and everybody brings a dish. Lisa tells them that if there is a dish that is traditional in your family, make it and bring it. And they do! We always have so much food. Lisa encourages people to bring a take home container. While Lisa was doing that, I was making myself some chicken salad lettuce wraps. It seems funny now that I'm writing this, that I blamed the Mexican Restaraunt for my digestive difficulties when I've been eating the same Chicken salad for five days!

Not looking as good as it did on Monday!

With Lisa occupied in the kitchen working her magic. I took out the lap steel and put my 45 second Utube primer to good use. I thought I did anyway, Lisa, not so sure. Not only did she make me go out onto the front deck she closed the door! Then took pictures for the divorce case.

After a couple of hours I had figured out where the notes where and was able to play some blues and some country tunes. They sounded like shit, but I still played them. Next Door Gord came over when he heard me playing. I thought he wanted it back. He says "It's yours, I want you to have it" "Thank you Gord " I said " I want it too"  It's mine now and I'm really diggin it. 

     With all the preparation for Thanksgiving, Lisa still had made time to get dinner going for us. Momma Lee was coming for dinner tonight and to watch the Canuck game. She never makes it all the way through the game and I usually take her home during the first intermission. 

     I had a big bag of empties that I was taking back to the recyclers. It was busy but it never takes long here. They also sort and count it for you at this one. Just dump it on the table and go wash your hands. I got $12.80 for our empties and spent $12 of it on scratch and sniffs for Lisa. I always get her the ones you have to scratch for a long time. She doesn't like the three scratch ones. Three scratches and you're a loser. With a bingo scratcher she could get a hand cramp before she finds out she's a loser. 

     I swung by Momma Lee's after the recyclers and picked her up for dinner. Lisa had made ribs. I don't have the words to tell you how good they were. Hand rubbed with herbs from our own garden and slow roasted with lime juice. I made a Squatch Salad and zucchini. 

Unbelievably good ribs!

After dinner I did some stuff in the office and then settled in for the Canucks/Lions games. Last channel rocks! 

After the first period with the Canucks losing 2 - 1 Momma Lee was ready to go home. I can usually get her home and be back in my chair before the second period starts. Not tonight and I missed a goal. It was 3-1 by the time I was settled back in. Lisa had finished all her prep for tomorrow and sent me packing to tiny TV town for the duration of the game. The only problem with that is I fall asleep as soon as I lay on the bed. Not tonight though, it was an exciting game with lots of scoring and the Canuckle heads won, in a shootout. They Lions won as well. beating up on the lowly Ottawa Red Blacks. After a beating like that, they should be called The Ottawa Black and Blues! It was midnight when lisa went to bed. I stayed up and wrote this.

That's all I got

Till next time

Peace Out Y'all

©2014 Dave Squatch Ward