Who's a Fat bastard - How Freakin Old are We?

October 18, 2014

The Neverending Mums 

     To sleep, perhaps to dream. Not if you drink four cups of Bar Coffee at 9:30 at night! I don't know what is wrong with me. Someone way smarter than me once said, "The definition of insanity is repeatedly doing the same thing and expecting a different result." That's me and coffee! I always think it won't bother me, and it always does. The worst part is, it's Bar Coffee. The Bartender probably made it fresh. When he got to work that morning. If you leave your spoon in it, it will remove the silver plate! Like I said, I had four cups. I just feel awkward sitting there drinking water. Lisa drinks diet soda but I'm scared of aspartame.  I read on line, so it has to be true, that aspartame tricks your body into thinking that you have ingested carbohydrates/sugar into your system. Your pancreas releases insulin to do it's job and tell the carbs where to go. It can't find the carbs because they're not there. That creates the craving. How many times have you seen a Fat Bastard at the mall, sitting there like Jabba the Hutt, sucking on a diet soda and swallowing Hotdogs whole. That was me six months ago. My evidence is anecdotal but I believe it to be true. No diet soda, and I have very few cravings. Didn't know it was going to be the Professor Squatch Science Show did you? Tune in tomorrow when I dissect the raccoon that dumped my garbage in the middle of the night! I went to bed at 2am. I got up at 2:20 and started playing the computer game again. Just like the coffee, when will I learn. I tried again at 4 am  and it was 7 am when I finally went to sleep.

     At 9:30 the curtains were drawn, I was bathed in sunlight and that was it.  I am now up for the day. Lisa had a giant list of things she was going to do, with my help. Writing this blog was not one of them.

Tis the time of the season.

Transplanting flowers was. We have a long history of arguing over the flowers. They're nice looking but a lot of work. Flowers for Lisa are like buying your six year old a dog. She wants them, but you end up picking up the poop! Over the years I have developed a technique that works well.
" I don't give a shit. Where do you want me to dig?"

Diggin it!

Another two hours of my life I will never get back! It looks pretty good though.

Lisa Godiva

     It was just after noon and I decided to make a fritata for the Lovely Lisa and I. Minus the Potato of course.

These are the ingredients, and love.

First Saute the chanterelle mushrooms Brother Steve brought us. If you don't have a Brother Steve, well, that's too bad.

Say Cheese Baby!

Then some meat end ham from the used meat department at Stupor Store, diced and added to the mushrooms. Preheat oven to 350. Whisk 8 eggs and pour half into a hot greased oven proof skillet. Turn heat to medium high. Add the mushrooms and ham evenly then pour the rest of the egg over the filling. Sprinkle chopped green onion and cheese on top. Place entire skillet in oven for ten minutes. I would normally saute some garlic with it but it would overpower the flavour of the mushrooms.

Atsa Fritata

It came out perfectly.
     Spent the rest of the day watching a Family Feud marathon. Well till 3 pm anyway. That's when I wrote what I have so far. After the family feud fiesta I practised my lap steel for an hour.

Guytone Lap Steel circa 1960?

I'm starting to get the hang of it a little bit. My left hand holding the steel cramps up. It's not a position I am used to. It's challenging and I'm really enjoying it. Then I played my guitar.
I needed to do something that sounded like music!
     We thought about going to Tentatsu for sushi but we've been eating out a lot
and we have some beautiful sirloin steaks that have been marinating for two days. And the Canucks are on at seven. I made the nice Squatch salad and Lisa had some Green Giant cauliflower, broccoli, looks like dog vomit thing. 

HO, HO, Ho Green Giant!

After the first period of the Canucks game I fired up the barbecue.

Lisa already had a "baked potato in the oven", that means you're pregnant in P E I !

This is how Chef Boy R Lisa taught me to grill a steak. These steaks have been marinating for two days. Take the steaks out of the fridge and let them come to room temperature. It usually takes a couple of hours.
Make sure the grill is clean and screaming hot!  Cook a one inch thick steak four minutes on each side. Let rest for 5 minutes, enjoy. It will be the most tender steak you have ever cooked.
     I was banished to tiny TV town even for my dinner. I had a TV tray but our bed is too high. I was humped over like Quasimodo. I was switching back and forth between the Canucks game and the Whitecaps game. The Canucks lost and the Whitecaps played like they were trying not to lose. Against the worst team in the league!     I abandoned tiny TV town, only to find Lisa asleep in front of the TV. 9:30 on a Saturday night! How freakin old are we?!!
     I watched three episodes of suits. God I need a nightlife. 
     Again it's after midnight and I'm wide awake. I think I'll make myself a cup of decaf Joe,
finish off the blog on the computer in the office.

Pay no attention to the game on the screen...I was working!

I figured out how to write it with the tablet and then just copy it onto the blog.
What a smart boy am I. I don't know why Lisa thinks Elvis likes being put on the window ledge. I think it scares the crap out of him. "He never tries to jump down" is her argument.

"He's six inches tall. It would be like you jumping off a four story building!"is mine.

"He likes it" end of discussion.

I am paralysed with fear...Help me!!

That's all I got
Till next time
Peace Out Y'all

©2014 Dave Squatch Ward