Return of the Fat Bastard- If she even looked sideways at me!!!! I'd grab her by the Pu#@y!!

      October 12th 2016

At the DMV

      I did something today I haven't done since May. I played Pitch and Putt at Kensington with my friend Nick Peacock. I don't know how it happened. The lovely Lisa and I have played at least once a week for many years. I guess my health has had a lot to do with it. Not my heart, Just a steady litany of infections that I've been dealing with. Combined with a couple of trips to the island and a couple of visits from family and a slide down the Coast to Portland Oregon for a family event. It seems we were never able to find the time. I did find time for breakfast . I made a leftover Sausage Stuffing Fritata/Omelet Thingy. It was delicious!

Under the broiler to firm it up and brown the cheese

With the almost last of the home grown tomatoes.

      I met Nick at 11:00 at Kensington Park Pitch and Putt. I now this course pretty well. For years I lived a couple of hundred yards form the 10th hole. In a house on the corner of Union and Springer.  Many a night I would hop the fence at number 10 at dusk and play a few holes. Usually until I lost a ball or two in the shadows. Not an issue today. The weather was fantastic. They say the remnants of a Typhoon is on it's way and is going to hit tonight. Make hay while the sun shines! Or play golf at least. Nick was there in the parking lot when I pulled up. I have a club caddy so I'm totally organized. Everything at my fingertips. Nick carried three clubs and had to do a lot of bending over.

Bent over Peacock!

It didn't help, he beat me by a stroke.

Proud as a Peacock winner by a stroke.

       We're kind of an odd couple. Nick is a sixty year old retired English Policeman and I'm me. When he retired from the force he went and worked in Dubai for several years where he did security for some crazy wealthy clients. I met him while I was doing security at the Vancouver Convention Centre and we hit it off right away. The lovely Lisa has played with us several times but today she was Chef Boy R Lisa out in Langley. The course is only about 2000 yards and takes about two hours to play. We had a group of five Asian seniors in front of us but when we caught up to them on number six they let us play through. They had already teed off and stood back as first Nick then I dropped our tee shots onto the green. The first green we had both hit. I only mention that they were Asian because of their reaction when we hit. They cheered and applauded. I've never seen that before. Then we all walked down the hill together to the green where Nick made his par and I three putted for a four. They were still waving and saying goodbye as we rounded the corner to the next tee box. I didn't have my best round and neither did Nick but we had a great game. Nick has the same attitude about golf that the lovely Lisa and I have. It's supposed to be fun. Good shot, bad shot, who cares? We are out walking in the sun with friends. Is there anything better?
     After our round we headed to the North Burnaby Inn's Admiral Pub. $3.75 beers and decent food in a relaxed atmosphere. We ordered a beer and lunch.They do a different food special every day. Today's special was a roast beef dinner for $7. It seemed a little much for lunch.  I had a Rueben sandwich and Nick had a pizza.
      I learnt something disturbing about Mr Nicholas Peacock! He's an Edmonton Oilers Fan! Yet he seems so normal, I mean for a Brit! He's a big sports fan and we covered everything from World Cup Qualifying to the CFL. Ninety minutes at the Admiral and we said our goodbyes in the parking lot hoping the weather lets us get out on the course next week. All in all a very nice day of golf and friendship.
      Next on the list was to return  Lise's glasses that she left at our house on Thanksgiving. She lives in New Westminister in the same building as GMcT. I had arranged to drop the glasses off with him and Sherry who are now an item. Do people still say that? Can you be an item, or is that not PC? Parking at GMcT's is always a challenge. There are three highrise apartments in a clump and only about thirty parking spots. I pulled up and there was a spot right across from the front doors. I felt like I'd won the lottery! GMcT buzzed me in and I chatted with people in the lobby who I have met before at various functions but can't remember their names. The door to their suite was open when I got there and Sherry was making the Kuerig coffee. I hung out for about half an hour. Talking baseball Go Blue Jays! and hockey, Go Canucks! I would have liked to stay longer but I had a rather onerous task ahead of me.
      As I headed out of Dunwood Place, my head hung in shame. I began the long trek back to Coquitlam and the DMV to pay my fine for texting while driving. I wasn't embarrassed by the texting ticket. I was embarrassed because they towed my car and made me stand at the side of the road like a criminal because they found a little weed in my car. I wasn't charged for the weed, half a joint, but he wrote on the citation that I was given a driving prohibition. I didn't know what was going to come up on the computer screen. I also don't know why I care. I was embarrassed that I got caught, not that I smoke. Still, if she even looked sideways at me!!!! I'd grab her by the P^#@y!! Just kidding. I had a Donald moment! Do the crime, do the time! Unless your Hillary!
      I walked right up to the reception and even though the place seemed to be nearly empty the receptionist gave me a number and sent me off to sit and wait. A23 that was my number. I thought, cool because A22 was being served even as I sat down. All of a sudden the reception area was swamped. I was patting myself on the back when the next number came up C102, then D 236 and then a bunch more numbers that weren't mine.

Hurry up and wait

The waiting room was now packed and I started thinking people were being called in front of me who were here after me. Then I started thinking it was because of the weed! They were making an example of me! Then they called my number. She punched in my license, took my $364 for texting and driving and handed me my receipt with that government employee meaningless thank you. She was smiling and pleasant enough in that I've worked at the DMV too long kind of way. Looking down at my receipt it felt more like F#@K You!
      I sat down and watched the Leafs/ Senators game. Matthews scored four as the Leafs managed to pull defeat from the jaws of Victory! They could use a goalie. Hey, how about Miller? Pleeeeeease!!!
      The lovely Lisa got home about 8:30 and the weekend begins. I had already eaten. I sat with the lovely Lisa while she had her dinner, talking about her day and about the Donald. The lovely Lisa is Lunatic Lisa when it comes to Trump. I think she'd cut off his junk with a bread knife if the opportunity arose. He seems to come up in every conversation I have lately. With everyone. Not a lot of fans in the Great White North, Donald. I'm sure he reads my blog so I should get tweeter smashed soon! I have to say it seems a lot of Canadians are getting very uptight about the possibility of President Donald. And we should be concerned. We have a vested interest in the outcome of the election. There's only one catch, We don't have a vote! We are not Americans and that's something to be happy about. I'm not talking about individual Americans. By far the vast number of Americans I have met and know, are wonderful people just trying to be happy and live in peace. Their Government on the other hand is a corrupt and bloated machine that puts the welfare of the elected representative in front of the welfare of the people who elected them. They don't care about the average person. In the last eight years the only bills that made it through the house or senate were the bills that made sure the money for running the Government, ( Their wages) kept flowing. It's hard to believe that these two are the best that America has to offer! Mind you, we Canadians should talk. Our prime Minister is still out on his Good Hair Tour giving away money we don't have to people who hate us. Yay! Once again Death by Chi Chi!!


That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace out Y'all


   
   

Return of the fat bastard - I think I'll record them now then make you suffer through the acoustic versions.

October 10th 2016

      Sitting at the bar at the Heritage Grill drinking coffee old enough to bend the spoon. I'm up first at the Open Mic. I made a point to get here before the sign up board came out. I was fifth in line but hardly anyone wants to go first. The one spot which was still open when Vic who was right in front first said. "You want to go first, I'll go fifth if you do."  "Sure" I said as I wrote my name first on the list. Vic's a good guy. A talented singer/ songwriter with a country bent. I settled in for the short wait. Free WiFi so I could start my Blog and strong coffee. Does life get any better?
      Chef Boy R Lisa has an early call time and after all the work she has done the last two days we had a very relaxing morning. Enjoying the beautiful fall weather and eating leftover turkey sandwiches. Open faced with sausage stuffing and gravy. " We don't need no stinkin veggies" It's eight hours later and I'm still stuffed.
      I was just handed a piece of cake. It's Maxine, one of the Ukeladies, birthday.

Maxine the birthday Ukelady

      Back at home. I spent a couple of hours writing about our Thanksgiving. Once again I want to thank everyone who was here for making our Thanksgiving dinner so enjoyable. If you weren't here the lovely Lisa and I would have a lot of turkey to eat! About 2 in the afternoon we went to visit with Mama Lee. On the way we stopped at Mundy Park so the Ratdogs could run around a bit. There were a couple of other dogs there. Not that the Ratdogs play with them. Nutmeg hides behind the lovely Lisa and Elvis will try to hump anything near his size, if it's a big dog. Then he attacks!
      Mama Lee has a hard time using the phone now so while we were there we tried to call Dr Dan in Prince George. We weren't able to get through to him. We left Mama Lee and headed down to the Stuporstore to do the shopping for Chef Boy R Lisa's work. It was a piece of cake or should I say Pumpkin pie! Probably served with Vanilla Ice Cream because there was only one four litre tub of Vanilla Ice Cream left and I usually buy three, Once I brought chef Boy R Lisa Ice Milk and I was soundly chastised! For the first time in six seasons the fine cast and crew of Once Upon A Time got something other than Vanilla Ice Cream. Chocolate and Butterscotch Ice Cream. Way to get out of the box Chef!

Who me?

      I can't take anymore! The lovely Lisa and Michele with one L are watching the Trump implosion like moths drawn to a flame, only to be burnt. That's what they're doing. Burning out brain cells.Their grey matter is being Trumpled! They're glued to the TV like it was a Pakistani bus crash! As for Donald's comments, I've never been comfortable with that type of talk. Though I'd be lying if I said I haven't heard it. Yes, in locker rooms but also when I worked construction and even at backyard BBQ's there are often, sadly,  men who believe their self esteem is directly related to their sexual prowess. I've never been one to brag about my sexual conquests, maybe because it's not nearly so cool when it involves prolonged begging! The Donald did have the best line in the debate however. When Hillary thanked God that Donald wasn't in charge of the law and he said
"Because You would be in Jail!"He may be a Douchebag but give credit when due. That was the best line in the debate. The rest was just nasty Bullpuckies!
      At 5:30 I looked up from Monday night football to see the lovely Lisa eating a turkey, avocado, cranberry Bunwhich! I was still stuffed with the stuffing I had for lunch. Just after 6:00 the lovely Lisa appeared out of nowhere showered and pajama'd and blocking my view of the game. I watch /listened while she was telling me something. A kiss goodnight and she was off to bed with a 1:45 call time. I watched Monday Night Football until I headed to the Heritage Grill. I played three Originals with Greg on lead guitar, Vic on bass and Mark on drums. We played "I miss you" "Walls around your heart" and finished with "Great Canadian Blues" I've posted them before. Now I'm posting them again. Actually I think I'll record them now then make you suffer through the acoustic versions.
Be right back!
I miss you and Walls around your heart ended up together because I couldn't figure out how to save them separately until after I had already given up trying to save them separately. That was just the beginning of my technical ineptitude.

https://youtu.be/x7NlkH7l6AU

While I was recording the last song the battery died in the camera. So I changed the battery, then my guitar chord failed half way through a take. I went and got another guitar chord which also failed half way through the song. I was now down to my last guitar chord. It's only eight feet long. That's what you call getting close to your work. It took at least six takes to get it down.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UNdX_qOhMj4

Thanks for taking the time to read this and listen to my songs.


That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace out Y'all

Return of the Fat Bastard - Elbow deep in a turkey's butt!

October 9th 2016

Thanksgiving 2016 at Casa Lisa twenty two well fed souls!

      Happy Thanksgiving! I can say that with some accuracy now that it is past midnight. The lovely Lisa and I, like many Canadians celebrate Thanksgiving the day before the actual Holiday. Mind you starting to write about it at 12:10 am on Monday does not bode well for a good nights sleep. I start in on it and next thing you know, it's 3:00 in the morning and your falling asleep at the wheel or in this case the keyboard. Maybe worse than that, when I read it in the morning I have to delete the last half of it because I can't understand what I was trying to say!
      It was a full day, especially for the lovely Lisa. We were up at 8:00 and after a quick blast of extra strong Jo we got right at it. We have over the years developed a system for the Holiday Feasts. Since Dr Dan moved to Prince George twelve years or so ago we have hosted every Holiday Feast but one. Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas. The one we didn't do was because we were in Puerta Vallarta, Mexico celebrating Christmas with Christians family. That was a great Christmas. The point being we have done these dinners around 35 times. The most people we've had for Holiday Feast was 34 for Thanksgiving five years ago and the least was 7 last Christmas two days after I was released from hospital after my heart surgery. Still not the point. What I'm trying to say is that we have developed a system that works for both of us. The lovely/Chef Boy R Lisa runs the kitchen with an iron fist. I move the living room out onto the front deck and set up the tables and chairs for dinner with the help of my son in law Christian. I also have my Scullery Squatch duties to attend to. The lovely Lisa is a highly trained and skilled Chef. That means that she uses every bowl, every pot and every pan we own at some point in the creation of her epicurean delights. That's where I come in. "Squatch" I hear my beloved screech from the other room, tearing me away from the FOX Sports NFL Pregame Show right when Terry Bradshaw was going to say something smart! "Dry those bowls please" I do them with a smile on my face because the end results are definitely worth it. Not the food, that goes without saying. I mean, just by drying a few pots and steel bowls it shows the lovely Lisa that we are in this together! And with the PVR and five channel recall I can watch all the games in relative peace. So I stick my head in the door to the kitchen every few minutes watching the lovely Lisa through the steam rising from the stock pot that is already reducing the onion, carrot and herbs to a broth awaiting the turkey carcasses. Or is that Carcae?

Free range, molly coddled, organic Turkey

I dry the things in the dish rack, and when Chef Boy R Lisa is on a caterer binge, there are always things in the dish rack!

Before

During

After. Seating for twenty four

      At 10:00 I moved the love seat , (not to be confused with the love Monkey which I had to move as well,) away from the wall. It has not been moved away from the wall since Easter. The dust appeared to have grown a sweater on the base of the lamp. I would have been mortified if I cared! Fortunately I don't. I never knew it was there so it never bothered me. When I put the love seat back in place it won't bother me again until Christmas when I move the love seat again. It gets moved three times a year and three times a year I clean it. Besides the dust sweater there were cobwebs, a pissed of Spider and a coffee? stain of indeterminable age. The vaccuum took care of the dust, cobwebs and Boris the spider. At 10:20 I texted Christian "Que hora mi casa?" I queeried in his native tongue.
"I'm under the bridge with Adam fishing" he replied in my native tongue. " I'll be there in an hour" he added. I was on my own! Faced with a crowded deck a three seater couch a love seat and the worlds biggest and heaviest recliner I soldiered on undeterred by the monumental task ahead of me. Actually I went and got another cup of Jo and sparked my first bowl of the day! I made room on the deck where I discovered another Rat fallen victim to the allure of free peanut butter.

That's gonna leave a mark!

I disposed of the Rat, still not Stumpy,  then started moving the furniture out. First the love seat, not too bad. Then the couch, it's long and awkward but not heavy. I moved the recliner last. That thing is freakin heavy! I wrestled it out onto the deck then went and Sculleried for a few minutes returning with a fresh cup of Jo I sat on the recliner on the deck and played some guitar while watching the football game through the window.

The livingroom deck

With the living room empty I went to work cleaning. I Swept, vaccuumed and washed all the floors. Then set up the two tables we use. They are made of 3/4 inch plywood with collapsible metal legs and are ridiculously heavy. I had them set up and half the chairs in place when Christian arrived to help me. He was late and even more to the point fishless! We are doing the Salmon he caught last week on the BBQ today. It took us no time at all to get the table cloths and the rest of the chairs in place we sat and talked sports while the lovely Lisa was elbow deep in a turkey's butt! Two turkey butts to be exact. The lovely Lisa had cooked off the sausage and Michelle with one L diced up three french loaves the night before for the stuffing.Some herbs from the garden, some salt and pepper and rubber gloves and those birds cavities were stuffed full of so much sausage they couldn't take any more! Our guests have always said they can't get enough of the sausage! Maybe that's why they're our friends.
     I had lots of time now. The occasional foray in to Scullery to keep the lovely Lisa happy and I was watching football in peace. At 2:00 I sparked up the BBQ and put the Ham on. An hour later Pandemonium! The Grandkids hit the house first.

Bella and Nutmeg

Bella went straight to Nutmeg and Christo tried for the TV. It was a beautiful day so we kicked them outside. People kept coming. With more food! Willy and Annie brought the mashed potatoes,  GMcT and Sherry brought the Brussel Sprouts and an Apple Crumble made from the apples from our tree. There were so many deserts! Rasberry Crisp and Trifle from Bernie and Apple crisp that Angie and Larry made from apples they grew. Apple and Pumpkin pie from Abolita Marina and a years worth of buns from Jen and Christian. Lots of familiar faces and a few new ones. Oliver the wardrobe guy from Bella's gig last week and his partner were there for the first time.

Oliver and Scotch keeping the Grandkids amused...thanks.

 Here's a few pictures of some of our guests.

Mama Lee

Abolita Marina and Christian

GMcT and Sherry with the Ratdogs.

Willy making Gravy, Elise doing dishes and Angie pretending to slice the turkey.

Michelle with two L's

Larry

      When Mama Lee arrived by taxi we had a hell of a time getting her into the house. Sadly she is no longer able to help transfer herself and as big and strong as I am, it took three of us to transfer her to her house chair. This may be the last family feast she will be able to attend. When we managed to get Mama Lee into the house and situated in front of the TV the food started coming, Cheese plates and snack food circulated between the backyard where the Grandkids and the I don't care about baseball crowd were hanging out and the living room where the Blue Jays game was on. The salmon went onto the BBQ as the Ham came off. The house smelled like the inside of Heaven. Chef Boy R Lisa with the help of all the girls. The Jays took the lead early as the condiments hit the tables. With these many people and two tables we always do dinner Australian Rules. Kids and Mama Lee first then buffet style through the kitchen.

https://youtu.be/YFH8k_x6kZ4

The lovely Lisa and I always eat last. We like to make sure our guests have everything they need before we sit down. Well, the lovely Lisa does. She's a caterer, I'm a layabout. I broke with tradition. I butted into the buffet line, put way too much food on my plate and was back in front of the TV before the next inning started.
      We had twenty two people sitting around the two tables split in half. The normal people who want to watch the unbelievable drama unfolding in the Blue Jays game and the mealy mouthed pantywaists who wanted to listen to Music. Not that I'm judging them I'm just saying they're idiots. We took a vote and I won! Turns out my vote was the only one that counts! Also I had possession of the remote!
After dinner and way too many desserts I was hoping the Jays would put this away before I slipped into a diabetic coma but tied 6 -6 we went into extra innings. The racket coming from the kitchen warmed the cockles of my heart as the dish folk descended on the mountain of pots and pans like a horde of locusts on a twinkie! I had to turn up the sound to drown out sounds of Scullery that I am all too familiar with.
      With the clean up done and the ball game in extra innings our guests started leaving. All loaded down with take away the lovely Lisa insisted they take away. Especially all the desserts. There were a half dozen hardcore who stayed to watch the amazing end to an incredible game. Okay...Blue Jays...let's...play....ball!! Woo Hoo! We said goodbye to the last of our guests except for Duffy. He stayed back and helped me put the living room back together. He is working a long shift today at the Kia lot on United Blvd. Go buy a car!
      Lastly I want to say that on this Thanksgiving Day, the thing that I'm most thankful for is the love and support I have received from so many people as I come back from my heart issues. That I get to watch my Grandkids grow and that the lovely Lisa is by my side. I'm also thankful that I'm not an American. I don't want death by CHI CHI!!!!

That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace out Y'all





   

Return of the Fat Bastard - " News Flash" Donald Trump is a sexist Douchebag!

October 6th, 7th and 8th

So There!

      Its been three days since my last confession, I mean posting. It's not like I didn't have time. I have been totally absorbed in baseball. Except for the times that I'm totally absorbed in hockey or football or soccer or on occasion Darts. This is my favorite time of the year. The Blue Jays are making a run towards the World Series. The Canucks are getting fired up for another middle of the road season. The NFL and the CFL are in full swing and the stinking Whitecaps are out of the MSL playoffs several weeks before the end of the season. A veritable sports junkies Nirvana! But it has created a strange dynamic at home. For years whenever I wanted to watch a game I was banished to Tiny TV town. All of a sudden I'm golden! The lovely Lisa, as not a sports fan as a girl can be, has even suggested I turn the game on!

Huh, What?

      This is the part where I get in trouble with the lovely Lisa. I believe that subconsciously, the lovely Lisa's disappointed that we now have replaced the Standard Def TV with forty five inches of Hi Def Stereophonic viewing. That TV has removed the punishment component from my going to Tiny TV town. I think she misses that. You think I'd learn to keep this shit to myself. If I was smart I'd delete that paragraph right now! Self inflicted wounds are my specialty!
      In for a penny in for a pound. We don't have pennies any more so does that saying go the way of the Dodo bird, the Dinosaurs and the VCR. Years ago I was spending Christmas with the Murrays in Campbell River. It must have been more than twenty years ago. Megan was just a young teenager. Stu and I were in the kitchen making Christmas breakfast. Meaghan's boyfriend at the time was at the house and came into the kitchen, picked up the phone and tried to make a phone call. he turned to us and said "I've got a dial tone but the phone won't work". It was a rotary phone. The kid had never seen one. He kept trying to push the numbers under the dial. This non sequitur brought to you from the mind of Squatch. On the same general point the lovely Lisa has pointed out that I often have the right events on the wrong days. Turns out she's right. Yet strangely I don't care. I am writing from memory and now that I'm writing a little less frequently I gotta tell you, my short term memory is not what it used to be! I gotta tell you, my short term memory is not what it used to be! Kidding!
      After the Blue Jays game on Friday we went shopping for Thanksgiving dinner. It was definitely the time to go to the Stuporstore. Friday afternoon at 2 o'clock the place was nearly empty. They had prime rib roast on for $4.88 a pound. Limit one per family.

The lovely Lisa and I got a quickie temporary divorce and I went through one of the lines with just my meat. Then I went over to Lisa's line and helped her pack her groceries.
When we got home the lovely Lisa cut those Prime ribs into steaks.

Eighteen steaks about twelve ounces each and six rib bones! Beautifully trimmed and into the freezer.

 We had the first of the steaks for dinner last night.
       It looks like we'll have twenty five friends and family here for dinner. That seems like a lot but we have done thirty four one year for Christmas. Once the lovely Lisa has confirmation of the basics. Willy always does the potatoes and Jen and Christian bring the buns. GMcT does the Brussel sprouts. she tells people to bring something that you always have at Thanksgiving. The variety of stuff, particularly desserts, is mind blowing! I am going into a Diabetic coma just thinking about it! But that's tomorrow. Today I was sitting around writing this when I looked out the window at the pounding rain and the water pouring out of the gutters. So I made a video.

 The lovely Lisa on the other hand was wondering why I was making a video instead of trying to stop the water which was rapidly coming over the top of the gutters. I went out to the back deck where I keep a step stool. By the time I got back with it Lisa had climbed up onto the plant stand and had pulled a dog bone and a metal clip out of the downspout and the water drained off instantaneously. What a woman! I guess a crow left the bone on the roof and it rained so hard it washed it down into the gutters. Either that or Elvis is a lot more talented than he appears. It hasn't stopped raining for days. Don't move here! It will be like this until April. Ha Ha, April Fools. It won't stop raining until May!
      I'm in the office now listening to the Lions game, down 6 - 0  after Winnipeg's first possession. When" News Flash" Donald Trump is a sexist Douchebag! Who knew?! How can they not get rid of this guy? He makes Hillary look good and that's not easy. Top Agents at the FBI have said it was a travesty that she wasn't charged. Personally, I think they both make that nut job Gary Johnson of the Libertarian Party look like a reasonable choice! Okay, he couldn't name a world leader, living or dead, and he didn't know that Aleppo wasn't a brand of Dog Food but, he is for legalization of Marijuana which may explain the first two things! He also believes that everyone should have the right to live their lives however they want but not the right to expect everyone else to pay for it. He's polling at 9%. After Trumps current disaster he may end up tied with the Donald! When this started last year I thought a Monkey could beat Hillary! Probably still could. But no way is Donald Trump capable of winning this election. Death by Chi Chi!!!
      I've not missed a minute of the Blue Jays games for a couple of weeks. I think maybe John Gibbons, the Blue Jays manager is right. They are going into the playoffs battle tested. The last three weeks of the season were intense. Every game was crucial to winning the wild card. They watched as Boston and their ageless Superstar "Big Poppi" destroyed everyone they came up against. Their in it tough now headed back home to Fenway down two games to none. The lions are getting creamed so far. The lovely Lisa is well into preparations for Thanksgiving.

Chef Boy R Lisa's vegetable cornucoppia

Gourds of the twisted variety. The little one we grew.

Home made cranberry sauce.

There have been a number of changes to the front deck which is where we move the living room furniture to when we do these big dinners. Gonna be a little bit tighter this time. This is our first family dinner since the arrival of Michelle with one L and subsequent melding of her belongings into the familial landscape.We will be having a quiet night tonight. Watching the Canucks last preseason game and getting as much ready for tomorrow as possible. Lions are coming back! Woo Hoo. On that note I have some shopping to do so I'll be back, or not. I may just post this now. I think that I will.

That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace out Y'all.

Return of the fat bastard - There's nothing glamorous about making TV!

October 3rd and 4th and 5th 2016

Take that broken phone!

It wasn't cracked until I dropped it trying to take the picture

      Gloom Despair and Agony On Me! The words to that old country song from Hee Haw have been running through my brain since 7 o'clock last night. That's when my phone died. I didn't drop it, I didn't drown it, it just started showing the screen backwards, then half the screen backwards, then lots of lines and no functioning buttons! Up until that point I had been having a pretty good day. Michelle with one L was at work I was home by myself doing general House Squatch duties like vacuuming, washing dishes, doing laundry,watering the plants. Chef Boy R Lisa may work from Dusk Till Dawn but a House Squatch's work is never done! Don't tell the lovely Lisa I said that! Besides not being true, which as you know has never stopped me before, I couldn't do her job. Crazy hours! Anyway everything was working great. I had received several texts and phone calls. I was on Wi-Fi with my phone and had no problems.
      Chef boy R Lisa arrived home from work with dinner. Chicken & Ribs and a healthy portion of mac and cheese. The lovely Lisa and I ate our dinner in front of the TV. I don't even remember what we were watching. Yes I do, it was the Global local news. Once again no good news in the news today! The lovely Lisa was totally bagged she just came off a 16-hour shift. On the upside her call time tomorrow is 4:30 a.m. so she doesn't have to get up until 4 a.m. "Life of Riley!" The lovely Lisa went to bed and I packed up my guitar and headed to the Heritage Grill in New Westminster. I was there ten minutes after the start of sign up. That made me 15th on the list or as everybody calls it, last! Maybe!
      Over the years and through the music I've made quite a few friends at the Heritage Grill. The ukulele ladies Sue, Maxine and Linda were there. Gord runs the massive Ukulele Club Jam / Sing Along before the open mic starts. I hung out for a while with the Ukulele gang chatting in front of the Army Navy store across the street from the grill. It was going to be hours before I hit the stage so I said my goodbyes and headed over to the Great Bear pub on Kingsway for their Open Mic.
      Turns out they won't start the open mic if the Canucks are playing. Come on! It's an exhibition game!This open mic is run by Steve, who also runs the open mic at the Fireside in Sapperton on Sunday nights. It was back of 10:00 when we got started. Steve often puts me on first because people are shy about going first. I've never been one to scare easy! I got on stage at 10:20 and played with Bill Taylor on lead guitar and a bass player and drummer I don't know. The secret to jamming with people you don't know is keep it simple! Three chords. Maybe four if you have to. It was a lot of fun Bill is always great to play with and the Bass Player and drummer play in Steve's band. After a twenty minute set I got off the stage. By the time I was back at the Heritage Grill it was well after 11:00 but not to worry I was still three names away from the stage. Greg, who runs the jam that ends at midnight said not to worry he would get me on. He did. At 11:55 we hit the stage. Greg on bass, Steve on lead guitar, Gerry on Sax, Maureen on drums and me playing rhythm guitar and singing. When you have a guitar player and a sax you end up with a lot of solos! We played until 12:30. I thought we really kicked ass. I really dig playing with Gerry. All the guys really, but there's something about playing with a sax that turns my crank!
      The lovely Lisa was up at 3:45 for work so I slid into bed unnoticed about 2:00. I was up 6 hours later getting ready to Chaperone Bella on an episode of Frequency. I pounded a couple of cups of Jo with Michelle with one L who was waiting for her daughter Krista to drop off her Grandson Evan. Krista's new baby Ivy is apparently on a one hour schedule. Every hour all, night long Ivy wakes up to feed. Krista needs a break.
      I picked up Bella at her home and had a chance to visit with Abolita Marina. Christians Mom. She's visiting from Puerto Vallarta for a couple of weeks. Abolita means Grandmother. Marina is her name, also a place to dock your yacht! That makes no sense but when will I ever get to use that sentence again? We chatted about the family back in Mexico for about ten minutes then it was time to get Bella to work. She's doing background on an episode of Frequency. A new show that airs on the 5th of November. I am her chaperone. All minors must be accompanied at all times on set.
      The drive to the location took 25 minutes. We parked at the crew park. Then waited a few minutes for the shuttle to take us to the extras holding area.

Just a little bit excited!

We drove deep into the forest in Belcarra and found ourselves at the circus right beside the lake.

Not so excited?

Darlene was the Crafty and a good friend of Jen's. Darlene does main unit Crafty. No comparison to Extras Crafty  She came down to extras holding and took us up to her Crafty table where she loaded Bella up with treats paper and a bunch of markers. I grabbed a coffee. There was none at the extras Crafty.

Tada

      Truffles were the caterers. That's the same company that Chef Boy R Lisa works for so I stopped by to say hello. They all knew Chef Boy R Lisa and I had met a couple of them at various functions. A quick hello and I was back to extras holding for the wait I knew was coming.

Having a good time with Mia Bella

There's nothing glamorous about making TV! A lot of hurry up and wait. Bella asked me two dozen times when she was going to get on camera.You could see the disappointment on her face when I told her the truth. She was expecting to walk on, do her thing, have her lunch and go home.

Just a little too much Crafty sugar!

She drew a picture for Darlene while eating way too much sugar.

Then she wrote Thank You Darlene on it. I forgot to take a picture

Then they broke us for lunch. Jen came out for lunch time and we sat down and had lunch together.

Mother and Daughter

Well Jen and I had lunch. Bella was full of junk food. Bad Papa!

Yet still strangely smug!

Jen pulled out Bella's tablet which made the next few hours go by a little quicker. Then she left to go back to the office. Gotta keep the wheels turning.
      It was a beautiful spot right across the water from Deep Cove.

Bella on the rocks

 I sat out by the lake while Bella ran around with the other kids. At 5:30 we were called to set. I can't tell you what they were shooting other than to say it seems to be a very interesting show. Bella was a Rock Star! Followed direction and did a great job.  We are not allowed to take pictures of the set or talk about the scene or who is playing whom. I was taking a few pictures of Bella on set. Just her. Not the set. Still not allowed,apparently. I got a text from Jen. Stop taking pictures. Her spies are everywhere! The AD on set should have straightened me out. Not Ratted me out. Writing that might piss Jen off but I'm her father, she has to love me! An hour later we were done and waiting to sign out. Then while we were waiting for the shuttle to take us back to the crew park Bella hit Darlene up for a Go Bag. It was like Trick or Treat a month early. That's show biz! It was kind of cool driving out of the Camp Howdy in the dark. The shuttle, jammed full of Backgrounders weaved it's way for about five minutes on a one lane dirt road. Hitting every pot hole and squeezing by the occasional oncoming vehicle. Half way to crew park and a dozen pot holes later I was wishing I'd taken a leak before I got on the shuttle!
      Bella had a blast and I enjoyed getting to spend time with her. She's a great kid. I read a little of my novel, Tom Clancy's Op Center, he doesn't write them anymore, just puts his name on them. Just like Donald Trump! Managed to poach wi-fi from Camp Howdy and wrote most of this with my new phone. Which has all my stuff intact because I use Google Plus. Yay. Anyway Bella started off talking my ear off on the way home but by the time we got to IOCO road I could feel the energy melt out of her. A Big day for an eight year old, and she was a Trooper. I dropped her off at home said a quick hello to Christian, Christo and Abolita Marina and rushed home to the lovely Lisa who only worked a twelve hour day today. That's the shortest day she has done on that show. We sat and talked until she started nodding off. I sat and wrote this post while CNN dulled my senses with drivel of the endless variety. Now before I put in some pictures I'm going to watch Designated Survivor. One of my new favorite shows.
P.S. I only have pictures from my new phone. So that's like, today. Except for the one of the broken phone. I took that one yesterday.

That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace out Y'all

Return of the Fat Bastard - A sex tape with Bill, Hillary and Monica Lewinski

October 1st and 2nd 2016

      Saturday morning confusion. Our plans were fluctuating like a fart in a windstorm. One minute they're there, next minute they're gone! We were meeting up with GMcT and Sherry at River's Reach at 5:30. That's when Dr Dan called and said he might be coming down with Julia. He was, then he wasn't then he did. He would be on the flight from Prince George at 8:15.
      The lovely Lisa decided that we should pick GMcT and Sherry up. It's not out of our way and makes parking a lot easier. I was watching the Blue Jays while the lovely Lisa did some sewing for  Mama Lee. After the game we watched the Donald embarrass himself yet again. He may be the only man in America that makes Hillary look good! She was at his wedding. He used to be a Democrat. Hmmmmmm. Do I smell collusion? And since I'm working up a conspiracy theory here, there's a rumor going around about a sex tape with Bill, Hillary and Monica Lewinski, I haven't seen it but that's what I heard. And that's politics today!
      We picked up GMcT and the lovely Lisa dropped me at the Rivers Reach to wait in line for a table while they drove down the hill to pick up Sherry. There were a few people waiting so I put my name on the list. Omar, real name Sharif, treats me like a rockstar ever since he found out I did the Kokanee ads. I was at our table in a couple of minutes. I could see the TV with the Lions game on and more importantly the lovely Lisa still had $170 on her winning ticket from two months ago. She only ever plays at the Rivers Reach. I ordered her a soda and she went to buy her tickets. She was gone what seemed like a long time but that's because it was. She put her $170 chit into the machine, bought $10 worth of tickets and the machine ate her $160 chit. The lovely Lisa wasn't leaving the front of that machine until she got her money back. There was a line for the machine and as always when people are in a hurry to throw their money away some people were a little snarky. Omar came to the rescue and called the Lottery Corp where they could see everything that was going on in that machine. Turns out it was out of paper. The lovely Lisa's ticket was printed on thin air. They gave her her money in cash. She seemed disappointed! Mushroom caps, chicken wings and a medium New West Deli pizza, meat, meat and extra meat! If you want veggies...order a salad! And don't get me going on pineapple!!

Always good to hook up with GMcT and Sherry. Duffy came and sat with us, we watched sports and the lovely Lisa gambled and I talk / watched while the Blue Jays clinched a wildcard spot. The Lions were up in their game against Ottawa when dropped GmcT off at home and headed for the Airport to pickup Dr Dan and Julia.
      His flight was scheduled to land at 8:15 at 7:55 I got the text from Dr Dan "We've landed." We had just cleared New West on Marine Way we were thirty minutes away because Dr Dan had told the lovely Lisa be there at 8:30. So we lied. "Be there in ten" Fifteen minutes later "Where are you?" "Just pulling into the airport" I texted back which was not technically a lie if the Arther Lang Bridge is part of the airport. Lisa Andretti did a great job and just as I texted "We're Here!" Dr Dan phoned and said "I can't see you." "That's because I'm invisible!" I said as we pulled up to the curb in my red Rav4 with the flames on the side. Just saying. Be Alert....we need more Lerts!
      When we got home I was totally bagged. I had been drinking way too much coffee and have had a hard time sleeping so I was done. Also I thought that the lovely Lisa could use some personal face time with Dr Dan. He's going through some family stuff and the lovely Lisa needs to talk to him without me adding to the conversation. I was in bed before Julia and she's four years old!
      If you go to bed at 10:00 you will wake up about 6 am. I made a pot of Jo and turned on the football game from London England. I don't even remember who was playing. I think it was Jacksonville. I could check but what the doo da day who really cares. I set the TV so I could return to five different channels with the push of a button. I was in football heaven. I was in my Seahawks Jersey and firmly entrenched in my chair when the smell of pancakes wafted from the kitchen. The lovely Lisa makes excellent pancakes. Julia had a nasty sounding cough and the sniffles so we had to cancel the play date with the Grandkids. Bella has had a lot of respiratory issues and we didn't want to risk it. So auntie Lisa kept her amused.

Puzzles and coloring and then out in the yard. At that point they were out of my sight so I could watch the games in peace. At half time of the Seahawks game we were off to Stuporstore for the work shop.This time with Julia as a ride along. We have it down pretty good now and it takes about thirty minutes to do the entire shop. Julia arrived at the checkout with a half eaten Kinder Egg and a pink stuffie. She could have done better Auntie Lisa is a soft touch!
      Just before 4:00 I went down to Rocky Point Taphouse, that's funny all this time I've been calling it the Rocky Point Brew Pub.

Now, on the last day of the Open Mic, I get it right. I was there and signed up early so I could get back home to see Dr Dan. I was up fifth and the place was really busy.

I was surprised to see how many of the players were there that I had played with over the last year and a bit.

Ukelele Ladies

Dirk, RJ and Richard

Ralph and I can't remember.

Minami

The amazing Luc

The Syndicate

Willy, rockin the RPT

Walter

 Everyone was out to pay their last respects. It holds a special place for me. It was the first place I ever played my original songs on stage to an audience.

On stage with Chris and Bill

Prior to that I had played in front of and with friends at parties and memorials.

Chris, Bill, Devin and Richards Nose

 It didn't rain was the song and with the house band on stage with me we played it again. Then we played a cover of Can't you see and  Flip, flop and fly and my time was up. I want to thank all the talented players I have had the privilege of playing with my time on stage with you made me a better player.

Dirk

Special thanks to Dirk, Chris, Bill, Devin and Richard for the effort you put into making the Open Mic so much fun. And for the encouragement and the opportunity to play with so many massively talented people. Brad the Dj was there keeping things moving. Goodbye Open Mic.

See Ya later!

 I went home just in time to kiss the lovely Lisa good night, she's up at 12:15 for work so I'll just stay up till she leaves. Dr Dan hung out for a bit talking hockey but we were going to be up at 6:00 to get him and Julia to the airport for 8:00. The lovely Lisa got a peck on the cheek on my way to bed on her way to work and the next thing I knew the alarm was going off.

That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace out Y'all