April 10th 2017
I am so upset with myself. I went to put on my favourite shirt and I was stuffed in it like 10 pounds of sausage in a 6 pound skin! I haven't gone near the scales in months and now I know why. I think that subliminally I new I wasn't flying straight. Way too many carbs and calories. My stress relief has always been ice cream. I think I'll call the 30 pound creature I've grown above my belt line Baskin Robbins!
Before I left the house I stripped down to my God given talents and avoiding the mirror on the back of the door I stepped towards the scale with the enthusiasm a condemned man has as he walks towards the Hangmans noose. I reached out with my big toe to start the scale. It shot up to 15.6 pounds before it reset to 0.00. I was thinking if my big toe ways 15.6 pounds I must weigh a ton! Filling my head and lungs with air and taking into account the 4 pounds of hair on my head I stepped onto the scale. The blue LED numbers spun madly past like some kind of Demonic Wheel of Fortune or Satan's Roulette. It finally came to rest on 313.0. OMG!! I thought I heard the scale screaming NOOOOOOOOOOO!! Turns out it was just me!
I don't know if I'm angry or ashamed. I did this to myself. I've gotten really good at making excuses. It's true I've had a tough year health wise. Between the heart surgery and the multiple infections I have let the comfort food thing get out of hand. I just haven't been looking after myself the way I need to. So doing the math I have put back 43 of the 55 pounds it took me a year to lose. On the bright side it actually took me 23 months to pack on that 43 pounds. So....here we go again.
I'm in a different situation than I was 2 years ago. For one thing Michelle with one L now lives in the green room, my former workout space. Tamara and Chris also have a year old baby that needs her naps or the entire house gets to enjoy the late night song stylings of Baby K. All at a decibel level that could shatter glass. Take my word for it. A 313 pound man flopping around like a tuna on a dock above your head makes a lot of noise. That has been another of the excuses I've been using to justify my fat lazy land slug lifestyle. I have to start back on my exercise program and right away. I might try the gym again. Today, the dentist.
Not for me, for Mama Lee. Since she moved into the care facility she has been seeing the mobile dentist 4 times a year. Every visit comes with a bill of several hundred dollars after the insurance pays their share. I guess that's why they show up in the giant Mercedes Benz dental van. So I took Mama Lee to my dentist. Mama Lee's old dental work is excellent the newer stuff, not so much. As long as I have known Mama Lee she has been fanatical about her teeth. I think it's another example of seniors being exploited by the people who are supposed to taking care of their needs. Mama Lee won't be seeing them any more.My dentist was very patient with Mama Lee and we came up with a plan to take care of a few small problems. Mama Lee likes her too.
The lovely Lisa was supposed to go skiing with Michelle with one L but Michelle with one L was called into work so the lovely Lisa went by herself. She has a pass and the hill closes on the weekend so she wants to get in as many days this week as possible. The mountain was empty. She headed up to the Double Black Diamond Top Gun run. She's been skiing since she was 5 years old. Michelle with one L and her are going up again tomorrow for sure. I'm hoping to get in a round of Pitch and Putt with Captain Peacock and Duffy at Kensington Park.
I got home about 2 pm, replaced the E string on my Electric guitar, I broke it yesterday at the Ivanhoe on a particularly robust version of Love Monkey Blues, then made a grill cheese sandwich. A word of advice, don't use Pumpernickel bread. To start with it's brown! you can't tell when it's burnt until you smell it. I scraped off the burn and ate it any way. I took the Ratdogs to the park and then to visit with Mama Lee. On my way home I got text from the lovely Lisa she was on her way home from Cypress and was going to stop and see Mama Lee. By the time the lovely Lisa was home it was time for me to head over to the Heritage Grill for Open Mic. I hung out for a little too long and by the time I got to the grill I was 9th in line. By the time I got on stage there was no one left but my friends. I had Dale on Bass, Gregg on lead guitar and the talented cross dressing Jane on the drums. This was the third time in a week that Jane has played drums for me. All the players on stage had played Love Monkey with me before and we did a real tight rendition tonight if I don't say so myself. Then we played Walls Around Your Heart a little more complicated but a testament to the talents of these guys. They followed beautifully and Gregg did a real tasty solo on guitar. We finished our set with the Colonoscopy song. I've finally finished writing it. I made the last changes yesterday. Not big ones but a single word can change the story dramatically. I have an issue when I need to have the words in front of me. I can sing and play guitar, no problem. I can play the guitar and read the words. Again, no problem. I can read the words and sing as well. What I don't seem to be able to do is read the words, play the guitar, and sing. I end up not being able to do any of those things! That's what happened tonight. I had the first two verses down cold but the third verse was eluding me. I looked at my song sheet couldn't find the third verse starting playing the wrong chords and singing the wrong words in the wrong key. I got it back pretty quick by repeating the second verse and part of the third. Evidentley I am only capable of Bilateral function. Any more and I'm screwed! Here's a copy of the song I made for my proctologist Dr Goodwin.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W1LQZ3NntUQ
I hung around just long enough to hear Jane's acoustic set. He did a couple of original humorus songs on a sweet sounding 12 string resplendent in a semi-transparent chiffon thingy over tights and a pair of black fuck me pumps with a 4" heel. His feet must have been killing him!
The lovely Lisa was in bed half asleep when I got home just before 11 pm. I finished writing this and am now going to bed. Lamo in the picture department today. That's okay folks. Move along! Nothing to see here!
That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace out Y'all
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