Return of the Fat Bastard - My brother Garry, life Long Maple Loafer

November 12th 2016

      On Tuesday the political landscape of our southern neighbours in the excited states changed dramatically. Then the strangest thing happened Wednesday morning. The sun came up, the world didn't end and I still had a kidney stone inconveniencing my very existence! A fact apparently lost on the hordes of Democrats who don't like the outcome of the election and choose to use their disappointment as an excuse to loot and burn and vandalise. Hillary blames the FBI director not the fact that she's a proven liar who sold her position as Secretary of state. There is one thing for sure. The Yankee Doodles wanted change. They got it. Now, death by CHI CHI!!
      I can't even remember the last time I posted a blog. So if I repeat myself remember I'm an old Hippy with no job and no agenda. I could also just push a button and read what I wrote last time "but that wouldn't be fair cause my head isn't there." (Valdy) It's Saturday night while I'm writing this and I still have a kidney stone causing me great discomfort. Mostly it just feels like a thumb being pressed into my lower back accented by spasms of excruciating pain that nearly buckle my knees. Alas at Casa Lisa the show must go on! Since I took out the carpet and ionized the place, Michelle with one L is back. She is no longer reacting to the environment and is camped out in our spare room surrounded by piles of her belongings. I need to get the Green Room finished. Even though it's not green anymore it will always be the Green Room to me. Michele with one L is getting impatient. Wah, Wah, Wha! I'm going as fast as I can!
      At 9:15 Friday morning I picked up GMcT's Grandson Anthony at the Skytrain at Lougheed Mall. He's a third year apprentice plumber and we were having him do some work under the kitchen sink. As the saga continues we find our Hero, me, refusing to crawl under the sink to change out the faucet that is leaking. It's not that I don't know how to do it and I have done it before but I'm too big to be crawling under sinks, especially with a kidney stone trying to escape the friendly confines of my kidney!

Anthony on the other hand fits nicely.

Anthony is a good kid and and it turns out he does good work. I had to cut out a part of the ceiling that I had already taped so he had access to the supply lines to our kitchen sink. I had already replaced all the rest of the supply line and I could envision the last three feet of that sixty year old copper pipe exploding in the ceiling and I would be doing this all over again. He removed the faucet and because it's a Moen, guaranteed for life. This one is twelve years old. It was free. When we bought the house it had a Moen faucet, It started to leak so I took it to RONA and they gave me a new one. They don't do that anymore. They have a guy who replaces the cartridge and all the O rings and voila just like new!
      That's where I was at 11:00 when they came on the P A and asked for a minute of silence. So there I was with my hand on my heart, surrounded by toilet parts, copper pipes and a young man fixing my faucet thinking about how many gave so much so we can be who we are. So we can openly criticize our government and their stupidity. So that every one can cast our vote in fair and open election in accordance with our own conscience. Lest we forget. Freedom isn't free, it was purchased with the blood of our Forefathers and continues to this day. I have two nephews who just enlisted and a family history in the armed forces. My Brother Garry was Airborne. I mean in the Airborne not flying willy nilly through the air.

My brother Garry, life Long Maple Loafer

I thank you and all members of the armed forces for your service and wish you all safe passage in this increasingly dangerous world. The minute was up. The musak came back on and the plumbing guy finished my faucet.
      The best part of course were words that warm the cockles of a Scotsmans heart, "No charge!" Home and Anthony had all the Pex sharkbitten together. We needed a valve for the hot water line So when we broke for lunch I ran down to Home Depot for another Sharkbite this one with a valve for the hot water. These things are great. They turn plumbing into Lego. Actually Lego is a lot harder. When we were done I drove Anthony home to New Westminster. Back at home I had an Aussie Rules dinner. I've talked about it before. It's whatever is in the fridge that can be microwaved. I had a pork chop a smokie and a piece of Squatch fake baked fried chicken, this one with Cornflake coating. It's my new favorite way to eat chicken. And a Squatch Salad. I feel a video coming on!
      Then I went downstairs boarded, taped and mudded the ceiling again, I was in bed by midnight and slept like a stone a freaking kidney stone! It must have woke me up a half dozen times. I've had it so long I named it, Kevin! Kevin the kidney stone!
      Today was the anniversary of my father in laws passing so with the help and kindness of Larry and Angi we were able to take Mama Lee out to his grave site in south Surrey. Angi is the lovely Lisa's sister through Adrian, Mama Lee's husband. That doesn't really matter they're family. Larry borrowed his brothers wheelchair van to drive us down to the Garden of Gethsemane in south Surrey.

Mama Lee strapped in and ready to go.

It meant the world to Mama Lee. We took flowers and the lovely Lisa read from Adrian's ceremony of life brochure? Is that the right word? Pamphlet? Eulogy? Pick which ever one works for you. It stopped raining on the drive out there and the sun even poked out for a few minutes so it turned out to be quite pleasant.

Angi, Mama Lee and the lovely Lisa

When we left the cemetery we went to Milestones for lunch. Kind of Headstones to Milestones and when we went in, they were playing the Rolling Stones. Emotional Rescue!
      I was not impressed with the food or the service. We ran the gamut on the menu. I had a burger, no bun and a Cesar salad.  Larry had Eggs Benny. Mama Lee had Moroccan Lamb, Angi had a California Burger and the lovely Lisa had a Thai noodle bowl. No one was impressed. Maybe it was not so bad but Kevin was acting up. We took Mama Lee home. Got her settled in and said goodbye to Larry and Angi. We couldn't have done it without them. Back at Casa Lisa I put on my work pants that I have been wearing since the pipes broke. Not everywhere just when I'm working. Still they're getting a little ripe! I took up half the floor because I found a couple of mistakes and it was pissing me off. So with no floor to worry about I sanded and primed the repaired drywall. It will be ready to apply the texture coat in four hours. With that in mind the lovely Lisa and I went to Tentatsu Too for dinner about 7:30. It turned out to be quite a nice night. We had the Ratdogs with us so we stopped at the park in Mallairdville and let loose the hounds! We found parking a half block from the restaurant and walked in the crisp autumn air holding hands. Past the line up for Antons Pasta, the best pasta joint in Vancouver. I'm not doing pasta right now. The Fat Bastard has been creeping up on me. Lots of protein, lots of veggies, lots of salad. Tentatsu Too is right next door. No lineup but busy.

One of the waitresses used to work at Tentatsu. She came over and talked to us for a minute after we had ordered. As always the food was excellent. Tuna Avocado Carpaccio and a Chicken Teri Dinner.

Tuna Avocado Carpaccio

Chicken Teri Dinner

We took our time sitting side by side and talking.

One lucky man!

I wasn't even talk watching. That's because curling was on the TV. They need to speed this game up. They stand and stare at the rocks for ever then it takes two minutes for the rock to make it's way down the sheet. It's the only sport where Valium is considered a performance enhancing drug! So the lovely Lisa had my complete attention. Every once in a while for no apparent reason Kevin would command a little bit of my attention as well!
      The lovely Lisa was off to the ladies room and I went up to pay when I realised I had conveniently forgotten my wallet. So I sat at the cash and waited for the lovely Lisa to join me. I saw her coming down the aisle and I stood up and said something when I heard my friend Ian say "Squatch is that you!" and it was. He was there with his wife Carolyn and their son Brandon visiting from Victoria. Ian and Carolyn are talented musicians and Ian works in the film business. We chatted for a few minutes while they waited for their food. I introduced them to the lovely Lisa whom they had never met but have read about her. Nice people and blown away by Tentatsu Too!
      We went straight up Hastings Street to the Burnaby Mountain Speedway. "Go up to the lookout Honey" I suggested. It's a very popular make out spot. We got the last spot with a view of the city.

Vancouver from Burnaby Mountain

We sat in the car my hand on her knee and I couldn't help but think how truly fortunate a man I am.


That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace out Y'all


   

Return of the Fat Bastard - Hell, the Canucks even won a game!

November 4th - 9th 2016

My Kidney Stone Face

    Hello there. It`s been a while since I sat down and put my thoughts, fears and feelings on to the electronic equivalent of paper. My laptop, phone and tablet have sat for too long untouched and unloved. Patiently waiting for my return to Blogdom! Well here I is!

Work in progress

      Lots going on since I last blogged. The basement room is a disaster! Michelle with one L cant live here anymore due to health concerns. She is in a bit of a spot right now. She needs to find a place to live and with the housing market so tight she's having a tough time finding a place. So if anyone has a suite, anywhere, please let me know and I will get the info to Michelle with one L. Shes very reliable and faster than the speed of dirt! The up side of  O C D.

Christian

       Anyway, we were just getting settled in when this all happened so all of her belongings are piled up in the room which is still a construction zone. First the supply lines developed pin holes and leaked. I got the plumbing issue taken care of when the carpet became the problem. Christian and I ripped it out and started putting down the Vinyl plank floor. At the half way point of the floor we moved Michelle with one Ls furniture onto the newly laid floor. I prepped the ceiling for the drywall. and called it a day. That was Thursday and the lovely Lisa and I were going to meet Bro Steve at the Fireball Lounge in New West for the Open Mic.

Bro Steve and Linda at the Fireball

It's such a nice room to play in and the sound is excellent. They are in the process of setting up a food deal with the Grill downstairs so that should be good for business. It was a good crowd to start and built steadily as the night progressed. I was up about 8:30 and played with Bro Steve for the first time in quite a while.

Big Bill Frew

The lovely Lisa and I went to the Fireball Lounge for the 7:00 start without having anything to eat. After I had played we listened to a couple of more acts and then famished, we said our goodbyes and headed over to Hon's on 6th for Potstickers and Noodle Soup.

We were sat down in the window and with the menus and the tea we were given the last call for the kitchen warning. We were in just under the wire. They do good noodle and their Potstickers are plump and juicy. They turned away half a dozen customers while we waited for our order. They were mopping the floor around our feet we finished up and, feeling sore from the drywalling we made our way home.
      Friday morning came roaring up the mountain with sideways rain and wind that pulled the clothesline down. Of course that's because I had hung a 12 x 12 tarp on the line to dry the day before when we had been blessed by the sun god and it was like a giant sail. I had about 20 clothes pins holding it on so it was still attached to the line and not wrapped around Next Door Gord.  Christian showed up and we used his van to go get a sheet of drywall, some screws and some mud. I also bought a drywall bit for my drill. I had all the drywall up and Christian out the door by 2:45 to pick up the Grandkids from school. I finished screwing the ceiling in place and started cleaning up. Dr Dan was in town and was taking the late flight back to Prince George so we met him on west Broadway and went to Rangoli in Kits for dinner.

Dr Dan and the lovely Lisa at Rangoli

Lamb Curry, excellent if a little pricey. We took Dr Dan to the airport and wandered home in the rain.
      I was a Saturday morning mudslinger. Okay, late morning, early afternoon mudslinger. You know the previous clothesline story? It actually happened Saturday morning. Friday I sat around till 11:00 when Christian and I went to by the material. I also had Next Door Gord out there while I was up the ladder. Just in case someone needs to call 911! I chatted with Next Door Gord for as long as I could to avoid taping the ceiling. I borrowed a wide putty knife from him and headed to the basement.
      By way of the kitchen, where I made myself some lunch. After having run out of excuses I did the dirty deed. Drywall taping a wall is dirty enough taping a ceiling is a real adventure. Between the globs of mud on my , face, teeth, clothes and floor it took me about 3 hours to mud the entire repair. I did a pretty good job and didn't have to do too much sanding on Sunday. Now it was nearly time to go pick up GMcT and Sherrie for his Birthday Dinner at the Old Bavaria Haus in New West for a schnitzel. It was touch and go wether GMcT was going to be able to go. He had a breathing issue and we were quite concerned. We had a cup of Jo while he caught his breath and then we were off to the land of spatzl and lederhosen in New Westminister. Nine of us at the table. Eight of us had schnitzel. Willy had Rouladen. Rolled up roast beef. Always the rebel. I had my schnitzel Cordon Blue with a mushroom peppercorn sauce .

Schnitzel 

While the lovely Lisa had Schnitzel Pacifica with loads of shrimp and a white sauce.

Schnitzel with shrimp

GMcT was all smiles and we sang happy birthday as they brought out the cake that Annie had picked up for the occasion. Bon Bon cake.

GMcT and cake

Coffee and conversation. Our waitress was a real character. Wise cracking with a German accent. She was a blast. I don't usually find Germans all that funny. Except for Sgt. Shultz on Hogans Heroes. "I see nothing!" We have never been disappointed at the Old Bavaria Haus!

The cheeky waitress was just a bonus. So if you want generous portions of well pounded meat served with hot purple cabbage and spatzl, I highly recommend it.
      I spent all day Sunday , or at least it felt like all day, sanding the drywall. I have the primer and the texture ceiling but I was going to the Fireside Pub in Sapperton for the open mic. I wasn't feeling that well and there was a conflict happening with the organizers of the open mic. I sat at the bar thinking about leaving when I was called up for my set. I played my set but my heart wasn't really in it. I went home feeling tired and sore thinking it was from the sanding. I woke up in the middle of the night with that all too familiar pain shooting through my liver like shit through a goose! Not the best time for a kidney stone. I suffered until 10:00 then called my Doctor. The receptionist took my info and called me back half an hour later and Dr Eddy had written me a prescription for flow max and one for pain. I haven't done anything but whine and snivel since then. I watched the Seahawks win a thriller, The Raptors win going away and the Donald  kick Hillary's ass. Hell, the Canucks even won a game! Look out NHL one in a row!
      I went down to the Teamsters office again with a new application to replace the old application that had expired before they got to me. On the up side they did call me to do it. Michelle with oneL is back the work I've done seems to have aleiviated her breathing issues. Besides she was having a hard time sleeping on the couch where she was staying. She's upstairs in the spare room and so far is holding up well. I don't want to lose her. She's a little OCD cleaning Machine. Anyway we caught up on episodes of the Blacklist and Quantico while the lovely Lisa went to the Beach Boys concert with Bro Steve.


That's all I've got
Till next Time
Peace out Y'all

Return of the Fat Bastard - Dryer than a popcorn fart!

October 31st 2016

      Well, on the plus side, the plumbing is repaired and both the plumbers work and the stuff that Next Door Gord and I did is dryer than a popcorn fart! The problem now is with the carpet. Michelle with one L's dehumidifier was sucking water out of the air at a tremendous rate and most distressing is the brown sediment in the bottom of the tank. Michelle with one L has a history of fungal infections so I have been using her as a human Canary. Back in the day Miners would take a Canary into the mine. If it stopped singing, get the hell out of there! The Canary is dead but the miners are safe. I send her down stairs and if she can't breathe I know I have a problem. I have a problem! I started cutting out the carpet.

The first strip of rug removed

 I have to do it piece by piece because all of Michelle with one L's furniture is in the room. No problem. Christian came by the house at lunch time and had a bite to eat with us then he was on the job.

Christian on the job

Christian is an amazing worker. He doesn't stop and works hard. I whip him only occasionally! I was planning on a couple of days with the two of us it took a couple of hours. At 1:00 , 90% of the carpet out, we stopped and ran across the road for the Grandkids Halloween Parade.
      Other than starting 20 minutes late it was a lot of fun for the kids. From preschool to grade 5 all in costume came marching into the gym. All the girls in the preschool class were Princesses. Every one of them! Bella was a witch and Christo was black Spiderman but wouldn't wear his mask. This kid stole the show!

Christian was one of the three parents that were in costume and they paraded at the end.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPP2kNLtIZk

After the parade we were back in the former Green Room removing the last of the carpet.

Half a room waiting for scraping

All of Michelle with one L's belongings piled in every room in the house and all her massively heavy furniture stacked at one end of the room. I'll need to scrape the floor then I'm going to put down Vinyl plank flooring. I can only do one half of the room at a time. I swept and vacuumed and did a little scraping with my tiny little scraper for about one minute! I'll go rent a big floor scraper from Austin Tool Rental just down the street. My Mama didn't raise no Bozo!

Old School Selfie

      I washed my hands and sat down with a big glass of Ice Tea waiting for the Trick or Treaters I know aren't going to come. Except the Grandkids and Matty. At 5:30 they came through the back door Bella and Christo, no Trick or Treat or Nothing! They had Matty and Payton in tow. I chased them out and made them go around to the front door and do it right!

Trick or Treat

They all headed on mass across the street and around the back of the school to Halloween Heaven.

They were back an hour later with Christian carrying a backpack full of goodies and two kids who were sugar buzzed out of their minds.

I'll get you and your little dog too!

Tomorrow is a school day . There will be a lot of  sugar jonesing 7 year olds tomorrow.

Cabbage Patch Kinsey

I was thinking about going out to play some music when the first of the fire works started in the field behind the school and Nutmeg lost her mind! I stayed home and watched Blue Bloods for 5 hours until the lovely Lisa got up for work. I don't know how she does it sometimes. Then I stayed up way too late with what I have on my plate tomorrow.

That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace Out Y'all

Then I s

Return of the fat Bastard - Spontaneous Interpretive Dance

October 29th 2016

Meow

      Happy Halloween. In my opinion, the happiest day of the year. And this year we get it twice. Halloween isn't actually until Monday but when it falls during the week it's usually the Saturday before, or sometimes if it's late in the week it's the Saturday after. That's Grown up Halloween. Where the treats come in shot glasses and beer cans and the trick is trying not to puke on your costume or get a Taxi home.
      Kiddie Halloween is always on the day. That's big fun too. I like to go out Tricker Treating with the Grandkids. See all the kids in their costumes. So excited. Flying high on the sugar buzz from the stuff they're not supposed to eat until they get home. I suffer from Halloween envy! The neighbourhood behind the school away from the main road is prime T&T territory Cul De Sacs and lots of kids. When we bought the house 16 years ago, right across from a school I thought we had hit the mother lode of Halloweenies! I could not have been more wrong. That first year we blew our brains out. I had battery operated bats circling the drive way. Cobwebs and Jack O Lanterns on the stairs leading to the Skull on the front door. A Skull that is attached to a microphone and it`s jaws moves when you talk! Veryyyyy Scarrrrry! That first year with my scary mask at the front door the lovely Lisa and I sat in eager anticipation awaiting the arrival of the hordes of  sugar bombed children that were sure to come. The lovely Lisa with several hundred individually wrapped pieces of chocolate and I with a Gargoyle Mask and a Microphone.
      Out the window I saw  Alice the neighbour, whom we had just met, coming up the walk with her grandaughter, who was just a toddler. The bats were flying, the Jack O Lanterns where throwing their eerie lite onto the cobwebs adorning the stoop. As they approached the door I said into the microphone in the most evil voice I could muster Who dares knock on my door! Then I threw open the door with my Gargoyle mask on and scared the Bejeezus out of her. She screamed like I had stabbed her. I took the mask off right away and she screamed even louder. She wouldn't take any candy and almost fell down the stairs trying to get away! For two or three years when she would see me out in the yard she would run away into the house. It wasn't until we brought Nutmeg home and I let her play with the puppy that she finally warmed up to me. We didn't have Grandkids then so that was it. The first Halloween in our new home had exactly one trick or treater who left emotionally scarred! It appears the four lane bus route street we live on discourages parents from allowing their kids to work our hood! I never figured the dead kid in traffic factor when I got set up! Same thing the next year. Those early years, the lovely Lisa and I ate several hundred individually wrapped pieces of chocolate. No wonder I was a Fat Bastard! After the second year we started going over to GMcT and Penny's for Halloween. We would play cards and when the door bell rang GMcT and I would drop a severed head on a rope behind the trick or treaters while Penny and the lovely Lisa gave them candy. The kids would scream and the parents at the curb would laugh and wave up to us on the balcony. I miss that place. Now the Grandkids start their Trick or Treating with us and Next Door Gord and Alice and Rod and Toni our other neighbours then they head over behind the school to a big residential area with tons of kids and lots of houses all decorated and spooky. I go with them in costume if it's not raining.
      Last night for instance it wasn't raining. We started our evening at 7:00 at The Parade of Lost Souls down on Commercial Drive. The lovely Lisa looked spectacular in her Leopard skin body suit.

The lovely Lisa Leopard Queen

She had the full meal deal. Even her earrings and shoes were Leopard skin.

Puurrrrrrrrr

I was more of an Alley Cat. A little rumpled, ragged and rough around the edges but strangely lovable.

A scruffy old Tom Cat

I made a name tag that I pinned to my costume that said " Hey Donald! Try to grab this Pussy!"

Who knew?

      We met Steve and his friend Paul on the Drive and walked through the neighbourhood, there was music every where both live and recorded.

The streets were alive with Halloweenies

More Halloweenies

A Classic Rock Band was playing on the balcony across from the park. There were numerous drum circles and solo acts around every corner.

One of the many Hippy drum circles

Of course there were tons of costumes and the lovely Lisa Leopard Queen was drawing a lot of attention.

The lovely Lisa Leopard Queen

I was on my guard prepared to repel any Dogs who got to close to the lovely Lisa Leopard Queen.

A lady covered in beer cans playing a French horn badly

Down at the Rec Centre they had a Bandstand set up and a group called A Gang of Flying Monkeys was performing.

Gang of Flying Monkey's

We wandered around the neighbourhood listening to the music and admiring the costumes. We watched a group of Zombies flash mob to Thriller.

It's a Thriller

All in all a fun time.Just before 9:00 we headed out to Linda`s place in New Westminster for a musical get together. There was a woman dancing by herself on a corner when Steve bet Paul $5 that he wouldn`t dance with her.

Spontaneous Interpretive Dance

Easiest $5 Paul ever made. They stayed down on the Drive while the lovely Lisa Leopard Queen and I went to make some music.

Lea, Linda, Kimmi Sue and Maxine

      Linda is a Ukelelean with a sweet high voice and a lot of musical friends. She has a small condo and it was full. Full of positive energy and good music! Linda is not a Halloweenie and this was not a Halloween party. It was a music party.

The Gang making Music

So the only people in costumes where us and Mark and Lea.

Lovely Lisa Leopard Queen and Lea

It was a lot of fun and the lovely Lisa Leopard Queen was a hit at the party. She was rockin that body suit!

Aurora lumberjackin!

      Shortly after 11:00 we headed across the bridge to Aurora`s place in Surrey just on the other side of the Pattulla Bridge.

Mark, Lea and Craig the Sausage Man

Mark and Lea went ahead of us and it was getting late when we got there.

Mark and Craig the Sausage Man

The party was starting to break up but Craig was there with some home made venison sausage. Wow! It was perfect, texture, flavor, everything.

Craig the Sausage Man, Mark and me

We made music till 1 am. A late night and a lazy Sunday.

That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace out Y'all