Return of the Fat Bastard - It's important to like the person who's going to be handling your penis!

 January 27th 2017

Above the Golden Gate Bridge in San Fransisco

      To take my mind off of my looming weenieoscopy I went to Magnetiq open mic Thursday night. I was there early and Bro Steve was sitting in with the band so I got my name up first on the list. Because I have had kidney stones for a number of years this is not my first time riding the weeniescope. It's another thing that I have managed to block out even though there is no sedative involved with the weenieoscopy. Magnetiq wasn't open for business yet so I walked down the hill to the Heritage Grill where a few of the Ukelelians were doing their usual Thursday night get together. They have an amazing song book. Hundreds of songs and it seems I know them all. I listened to the music and even sang along on a few of them while I watched the Canucks go 32 minutes without a shot on net against the worst team in the league. How is it even possible? Wouldn't you think someone might accidentally shoot the puck at the net?  Start by splitting up the twins. Daniel won the scoring title when Henrik was out hurt. Then Henrik wins the scoring title when Daniel was out hurt. Can you imagine them using their playmaking skills on some of these young guys who actually will go to the net. Oh well. Cousin Bo is an All-Star and  I grew up a Leafs fan so at least I have something to cheer about.
      I said goodbye to the Ukelelians and went up to Magnetiq for the open mic.  The house band with bro Steve played three songs and then I was up. All the players who worked with me on my Christmas song, when Santa's in Vancouver, available on iTunes were there.

Bro Steve, Pam , Leon,  Chris and Devin from the house band joined me on stage. Three cover tunes and I was out of there!
      Dr Dan and Julia were flying in from Prince George and the lovely Lisa was picking them up at the airport. The lovely Lisa had texted me a shopping list to do on my way home after the open mic. It was quarter to 9 when I went through front doors of Stuporstore. We have very little in the way of child friendly food. I picked up cereal, milk, bread and jam, stuff we don't usually have in the house. When I got back to Casa Lisa they were already there from the airport. Dr Dan and Julia were eating snacky foods and the lovely Lisa was heating up the split pea soup she had made the day before. We caught up and I called it a night. I set my alarm for 6 am and slept fitfully. I was up and showered by 5 am. I sat in the dark drinking coffee for a couple of hours until the lovely Lisa was ready to drive me down to Eagleridge Hospital.
      The hospital is only ten minutes away from Casa Lisa and we were standing in front of the reception five minutes before my scheduled time. The waiting area was full. When the person at the desk was finished I walked up to the desk.  "Take a number and have a seat Sir....Number 62" she said. I turned to see where she was pointing and there were four people in line pulling their tickets.
# 75. Another clerk came out and I was processed and papered after about a half hour wait. I was then sent back to the waiting room which was rapidly emptying. It was only a few minutes when they took me in the back handed me a robe and a housecoat and told me to strip down to my socks and put them on then sent me back to the waiting room. I'll just say when you are 6'4" a hospital gown is essentially a mini skirt! Several times the lovely Lisa told me to pull it down I was exposing myself! I said " It pays to advertise" She pinched me really hard in a very vulnerable place! I crossed my legs, no small feat for a man of my substantial stature, and watched the lovely Lisa play WordBrain on my phone.
      The nurse came and got me and led me back to the operating room where Doctor Hershfield was waiting for me. He's been my Urologist since my first kidney stone attack in 1999. He's a tiny little man of indeterminable age. I thought he was old the first time I met him! He reminds me of a Garden Gnome  and his hands are so small, it's a pleasure to have him check my prostate. He's a happy guy always smiling and when he talks it always sounds like he's on the verge of a belly laugh. I like him and I think that it's important to like the person who's going to be handling your penis! We exchanged pleasantries before the nurse who led me in pointed to the table with stirrups and instructed me how to position myself in the stirrups. When I was in position and the laughing stopped, Dr Hershfield explained what was going to happen. The two nurses just stared! The Dr firmly clamped my penis in place and applied the local anaesthetic. The nurse from the waiting room left, probably with my junk burned into her retinas and the procedure nurse, a cute little Asian woman coughed. "Your not sick are you?" He asked her. 'No" she said "just a tickle in my throat" "Okay" he said "I don't want to get sick" "No problem, I promise not to kiss you." As I lay on the table with my legs in the stirrups and my balls to the wind I said "NO KISSING! I thought that was part of the deal!" A word of advice. When someone is sticking a tube into your weenie making him laugh may not be the best thing to do. It was the only pain I felt. He explained what he was looking at and gave me a clean bill of health. No cancer, no tears, just a slightly swollen prostate. We chatted for a few minutes and I was on my way home with the lovely Lisa at the wheel.
      The weight of worry was lifted off my shoulders. I still have the pressure in my back but we are slowly eliminating possible causes one by one. Once home I took my swollen prostate to my bed and faded in and out as I watched the Democrats pull their hair out in angst over the Donalds Decrees on CNN. Strangely very little coverage of the Pro Life March. Not really worthy of coverage I guess. No Celebutards cursing, no profane hate filled signs no Anarchists smashing windows and setting cars on fire, Really, You call that a protest march? Thankfully I fell asleep. I had the first decent sleep I have had in a while. I woke up with my previously viewed bladder full. OOOOOOOWWWWWW it stings when I pee! I forgot about that part. While I was trying to uncross my eyes, my winky was trying to turtle back into my body. I watched the Raptors game and called it a day at about 8:30. No pictures from today. Here's a squirrel raiding the bird feeder.

That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace out Y'all