Return of the Fat Bastard - Tired, happy and $550 dollars poorer.

November 27th 2016

At the Flamingo

      We were up and sitting in the Poker room at 10;30 waiting for the 11:00 tournament to start. There were four tables in the tourney, about 40 players each withh $10,000 in chips. I was sitting at a different table than the lovely Lisa card shark. Right out of the gate I picked up a pair, Suicide Jacks. I folded them on the River with two overcards on board and two other players raising. It was the right call my Jacks would have been crushed. Ten deals later I was out of the tournament first! I was the big blind and I had a jack / three suited. I defended my blind and the flop came jack, jack , three. I had flopped a full house. I led out with a $500 bet called by a player to my right. Next card was an eight I bet $1000 and he called the River came a five. No straight, no flush possible. I bet 3,000 He raised all in and I called him with confidence. Oops! He had Jack / five for a bigger full house on the River and I was out of the game and in the pool within fifteen minutes. If I had known I was going to lose my $65 that fast I would of played the slots! And that was that. The last bet I made. The lovely Lisa Card Shark was still doing well. As I was going down the waterslide through the shark tank she was gutting the fish at the Poker table.

It took five times down the waterslide before I got a decent video. The first two I had my hand on the lens. The next one the camera was pointed in the wrong direction the fourth one was basically a video of my navel. I got the fifth one not too bad. That's the one in the video. The pool was warm. The air was not. The attendant at the top of the slide said I was the only grownup that had been on the slide all day. He was right. About two dozen kids and me. Lots of parents wearing sweaters around the pool but no bathing suits in site. It was 60 degrees. Balmy for a Canuck!
     The lovely Lisa Card Shark made it to the last two tables but then was knocked out by pocket aces. She lasted three hours and change and I played in the pool and read half my novel.

The Waterslide 

The fish

Jaws!!!

            After the swim and the lovely Lisa's exit from her poker tourney we had the valet pull our car up tipped him and headed for the strip. On our way in last night we saw a huge line up at a Mexican Joint called Taco El Gordo so in honor of GMcT, Next Door Gord and Gordon Duffy we had to go there.

The lovely Lisa 

The lines were long. The smells were intoxicating. They have three lines. One for Asada, beef, one for Adobada, pork and one for Longia, Tripa  and other things that come off or out of an animal that we don't eat in Canada. I have tried Longia but by accident. It tasted okay but it had a creepy texture. We had Adobada because that was the shortest line. When we got up to the counter we ordered three each. Made to order loaded with cilantro, onion and Guacomole. They had fresh lime and radishes on the side bar for free.

Making Tacos

Then waited in another line to pay. The last line we stood in was for a seat. So far we had been in the Taco El Gordo for more than half an hour and had not had so much as a morsel of food. We finally got a seat when I went and hovered over a table of young girls. I smiled at them, they left! See I still got it! If your in Vegas and want real Mexican Tacos this is the place.

Taco Adobada Soooo Good!

      After pigging out on pork tacos we headed back down to Freemont Street. We watched the Freemont Street Experience and listened to the bands playing on the out door stages.

Freemont Street Zip Liners

Freemont

One at the end of the street and one right in the middle. The first night was an Elvis. He was the older, fatter Elvis. His voice was right on. His mannerisms and speech were also really good. There was a big crowd really digging this guy! In a city of Elvi you have to be good to get that gig. He had the crowd eating out of his hand. There are a dozen Casinos downtown. Not as big and impressive as the hotels on the strip but they all have their own unique character and they're all just minutes apart. Between the overhead shows the bands and the Zip liners flying by 50 feet overhead. The lovely Lisa Penny Slot Slut played the one armed bandits while she fed me the free Bud Lite they kept bringing her.

The lovely Lisa Penny Slot Slut

I sat beside her and watched the people and the lovely Lisa. The lovely Lisa doesn't consume alcohol. The last time she drank she ended up marrying me! She won a few lost a few then we went down to the Golden Gate Casino for a Shrimp Cocktail.

$3.99 at the Golden Gate

We watched the last Freemont Experience show. Then we went from Casino to Casino feeding the insatiable appetite of the whirling, bell ringing, light flashing, money sucking, mechanical bandits 60 cents at a time! There are no shortage of charcters on Freemont that's for sure.

Honesty is the best policy

Did you say showgirls?

We were in bed about 2 am.
      Road Trip! We were up and on the road by 10:00 headed for Phoenix to hang out with our friend Gerry Sax Potter who has a place in Glendale a suburb of Phoenix. It's about a five hour drive from Las Vegas. Four with Lisa Andretti at the wheel. We expected to pull into Gerry's around 3:00 but we forgot about the time change that happens in the middle of the Hoover Dam.

We've done the Dam a couple of times...this isn't it.

We drove past the CVasino at the top of the road that leads down to the Dam and that's when we remembered the time change. Not that we were going to go see it again. We kept driving through Kingman part of Route 66. We did what's left of Route 66 a couple of years ago when we did the Grand Canyon.

As close as we got to Route 66....this time

We were getting hungry when we came across this funky roadside Cafe/ Trading Post in the town of Wikieup. A town that appeared to consist of The Cafe / Trading Post and not much else. Loved it. Funky stuff,

Freakin Big Cactus

Really good trucker food

Lisa and the Giant Burrito

Chicken fried steak sandwich

And really nice people.

The lovely Lisa with my replacement!

But don't piss them off or you'll end up in the Hoosgow!

Lisa Andretti

I fought the law and the law won!

We were back on the road again. We had texted Gerry and he knew we were running late. From there we stopped only for gas and rolled into Gerry's about 5:00. I didn't show a lot of pictures of the countryside because it all looks exactly the same. Shades of brown with the occasional splash of green. Usually a tumble weed waiting to die, a cactus or a Joshua tree. We went through the Joshua State Forest? You shouldn't be able to see over the top of a forest on a six foot ladder. If this was the forest Little Red Ridinghood was lost in, she could see the Wolf coming for about a mile!
      Okay, here's a couple of pictures. Some are a little bit blurry because Lisa Andretti don't stop for nuthin. She waits until some one goes tearing past her then when he gets half a mile ahead she paces him. Twice on the way down our Rabbit got popped for speeding and Lisa Andretti cruised by with a smile and a wave.When we were gassing up we were beside a Highway Patrolman filling up his giant SUV before he started his tour. He was a nice guy.  We chatted and he told us where he was going to be, back where we had just come from. I could see Lisa Andretti's eyes light up! Oh yeah, Arizona.

Flat and brown

Jaggedy and brown

Funky and brown

A splash of  color

Yet another shade of brown

Brown!

      It's nice to have friends in places you actually want to go. Gerry has a place like that. He was waiting for us when we got there driving aimlessly around the parking lot of his complex. I finally phoned him and he came out and found us. We had a beverage and Gerry showed us around his place. It's a good sized condo in a nice neighborhood. We were going to the Canucks / Arizona Coyotes game and left so that we would get there five minutes before game time. We got there an hour and five minutes before game time. They start at 8:00 in the desert. That was alright. I paid $21 each for our tickets and the parking was free. We could have got the same tickets for $15 if Gerry's printer worked. Fix that printer Gerry! Lol. It gave us time to take some pictures.

Gerry, our host

The lovely Lisa Hockey Fan

Me, Gerry and a giant Coyote  AHHHHHHOOOOOOOO

 It was a good game.

Won a faceoff....yay

The Canucks won 4-1 but only scored once at our end even though they attacked at our end two periods.

That's what I'm talking about

There were nearly as many Canuck jerseys in the stands as there were Coyote jerseys. We headed back to the car through the entertainment district. It was the night before Thanksgiving and the bars and restaurants were packed and the Christmas lights were already up and glowing.

Fuzzy lights and Lisa Andretti wasn't even driving!

We stopped at Albertsons Supermarket for a few groceries watched the news at Gerry's and called it a night.
      We had a 10:15 tee time at the local Municipal golf course. An executive length nine holer that was in  beautiful shape. Gerry has the same attitude about golf that the lovely Lisa and I have. It's a game and it's supposed to be fun. We play skins. We don't even carry a score card. Every hole is a new game.

Gerry  " 3 putt" Potter

Lisa "Low Center" Ward

Squatch "The Squatch" Squatch

 We all collected skins over the course of the nine holes. That means we all won holes. That makes us all winners! I was a winner seven times, Five holes and two KP. the lovely Lisa collected two holes and one KP and Gerry won two holes. It was a fantastic morning of golf on a nice course with nice people. We went back to Gerry's and had lunch before we headed back to Vegas. I was hoping to hook up with my Facebook friend Wayne but simply not enough time. Hopefully next time. You see some interesting things in interesting places in Arizona. Like on a guys bumper!

If you can't read it it says
One Big Ass Mistake America

I know Gerry reads this and I want to thank him once again for his hospitality, friendship and letting me make music with him.
      My daughter Jennifer was flying in to Vegas tonight with ten of her friends. They are staying at the Flamingo out on the strip and going to see Cirque De Soliel at 9:00. Lisa Andretti had us back in Vegas before 5:00. But not before she pilfered some fruit off an orange and a lime tree.

Free Fruit

I liked the oranges, the lovely Lisa.....not so much.

Did you know you can see Vegas from 24 kilometers away. That's what the GPS read when we could clearly see the Stratosphere and the big Ferris Wheel. I didn't take a picture. I did take some pictures of Vegas I'll share with you.

Excalibur

The Luxor

MGM Grand 

Paris

The Kiss Mobile

 And down .on Freemont East some pretty cool neon.

Yipee Ky Ay Mo Fo

If I ate there I would have to pay...now!

A praying Mantis that shoots flames out of his anteaae

Flame shooting Praying Mantis

When we got back to Vegas I heard from Jen and she was going to text me after the show. The lovely Lisa and I decided to do the Thanksgiving Buffet at the Freemont Casino. The line up stretched half way across the Casino. We waited in line for about 35 minutes. I mean I waited in line. The lovely Lisa Penny Slot Slut was in overdrive. She was blowing through pennies like shit through a goose! We finally got out of the Casino and into the Velvet Rope Maze leading up to the cashier. It was really worth the wait. Prime rib perfectly cooked, roast lamb, ham, pork loin, chicken and salmon just to name some of the entrees. I ate meat and salads. I also got the last of the soft serve ice cream before it broke and the dozen or so kids started going berserk! They were hanging off the levers while everyone who works there didn't seem to notice. Poor kids. Best ice cream ever!
      The lovely Lisa entered a 10:00 poker tournament, only three tables this time. While she was playing I went and got a coffee watched the sports highlights and read some more of my book. This time she made it to the final table but was knocked out 8th. They paid the top five players so she just missed the money. We spent the rest of the night on Freemont  Street going from Casino to Casino feeding the soul sucking slot machines. Finally the lovely Lisa sat down at a Blackjack Table and won a little money.

Black Jack Lisa

It also got me two free beers. She played for 2 hours on a $20 buy in on a $3 table and cashed out $45. She should just play cards. She's good at it. The last thing we did at the Golden Nugget was taking our picture with the Golden Nugget.

The Golden Nugget

The lovely Lisa and the Nugget

Squatch Nugget

This is the longest freaking Blog ever!! It's 3 am and I need to be up to take Dr Dan and Julia to the airport at 7 am. I'll pick this up tomorrow. Drinks with Jen and her friends at Margueritaville.
      The lovely Lisa and I met up with Jennifer's crew at 11:00 at the Flamingo on the strip.

The lovely Lisa ,Jennifer and I

Darlene, the Crafty on the show, was there with her grown children as well as a couple of other folks from Jen's show Frequency.

Darlene and I

The Frequency Gang

We met in the lobby of the Flamingo then headed through the Casino at the Flamingo to Margueritaville for drinks.

Flamingoes at the Flamingo

We spent about 90 minutes together just catching up and meeting everyone then it was over. We headed in the general direction of the Airport so we would be close to return the rental car. A couple of times we have had to run through the airport to catch our flight because we were stuck in traffic on the Strip. We passed the Car rental return to fill the gas tank and the lovely Lisa Penny Slot Slut won $30 at the South Point Casino at the Airport end of the strip. While that was happening I was just looking around.

Just looking around

We returned our rental car and caught the shuttle to the terminal for the flight home. I finished my book while the lovely Lisa napped beside me in the exit row. $15 dollars apiece to sit there. Two hours and change later we were on the ground in Bellingham. We breezed through the border in a couple of minutes and we were home in less than an hour. Tired, happy and $550 dollars poorer. It was worth every penny!

That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace out Y'all