Dave Squatch Ward: Return of the Fat Bastard

August 14th 2016

Pirates of Peace Steve Horvat photo

I don't know where to begin. So I'll begin at the beginning. I want to begin by thanking a few people who put in a ton of effort to help make Squatchapalisa XIV Pirates for Peace a resounding success. First and foremost the lovely/Chef Boy R Lisa. As the lowly Scullery Squatch I bow in recognition of her culinary greatness and she rocked her pirate costume! She makes it look easy. My son in law Christian has become the master of the spit pit. Since he took over 5 years ago the meat has never caught on fire! I can't say the same about my efforts in previous years.

The Barbacoa King! Steve Horvat photo

Or my gas can yesterday! Christians attempt to speed up the charcoal to cooking temperature consisted of pouring a little lawn mower gas to the already lit charcoal. The gas can caught on fire and partially melted. Willie says he was freaking out. Squatch is going to kill me! Now I know why he was feeding me Tequila! I did the same thing a few years ago. He doesn't know that I know! I might torture him for a while. It would be easier if I didn't like him. Why couldn't Jen marry an Idiot like a regular daughter!

A Squatchapalisa Tradition Willie singing You're Sixteen Steve Horvat photo

Willie Curley publican supreme! I turned over the bar I made out of saw horses and a mesh hammock to Willie and with the help of some Tiki lights and a foul mouthed Parrot he brought a little fun to getting your drinks at the bar. Situated under the fluttering Jolly Roger every one stopped by for a drink and some Parrot abuse. Then Tommy McNair showed up and you could be abused by him as well. He's a clever wee bastard with a sharp tongue and keen wit! Okay half a wit.....at least. Willie and Annie have been at every Squatchapalisa and have always made things easier for us. Annie is the clean up Queen!
Michelle with one L is a cleaning and decorating machine. She came up with most of the Pirate decor and was a huge help setting up the yard and helping the lovely Lisa in the kitchen freeing me up to not helping in the kitchen.
Thank you Rick Hunter and your lady Tina, you found those fabulous Jolly Roger flags out in Langley and then donated them to the party.

Mark on the Harp Steve Horvat photo

Mark and Lea for putting together a Treasure hunt for the Kids and for the music they always provide.

Leon, D man and Bill Taylor Steve Horvat photo

The last personal thank you goes to Bill Taylor who stepped up with the PA that allowed all the fabulous musicians to entertain us all. Bill is one of those musicians. He can play everything from country to metal. He also is amazingly patient with me. He let me play when I had no business being on a stage. An all around good guy. With a sweet little PA.
Willie and Christian arrived at noon coffee all around and we unloaded the spit pit from the truck put it together and Christian started getting the coals ready. We figured we should put the meat on by 1:30 or so. It took 2.5 15 pound bags to fill the spit pit. That was half the charcoal I bought. I needed to make an ice run anyway so I headed down to Canadian Tire I got 3 more bags of charcoal, 10 bags of ice and a 1 lb propane cylinder. By the time I was back the coals were ready to go and it was time to put the meat on the spit. We've gotten pretty good at this. It's a three person job. The lovely / Chef Boy R Lisa grabs the 16 lb baron of beef and with Christian on one end of the 5 foot spit and I on the other she shoves the Piece of meat that is bigger than he head onto the gleaming silver spit and down onto the prongs that will hold it in place. You could hear it scream if it wasn't already dead! Then we put a baking sheet on the floor and stand the spit straight up. A little twisted tin foil for separation and we slid the second baron down the spit then pronged it from above. Next the lovely/Chef Boy R Lisa tied together 3 12 lb pork loins. I then wired them together and secured the meat to the spit. Here we go.....To The Spit Pit!!!
The rest is a blur. Willie had the bar up and running, Bill had the sound sounding great and Christian had the meat cooking perfectly. I got into my costume as people started to arrive. By 6 the meat was done to perfection and the table was already covered with food. Salmon,, Pakoras, salads, Lumpia and too many great dishes to mention. That's before we got to the Beef, Pork and turkey that Willie had going in a dutch oven. The food was great. It was made greater by the fact that everyone contributed to the feast. It really had a sense of community this year.
The music started almost as soon as Bill had the PA set up. The Ukulele Ladies were backed up by Steve on guitar and Leon on cajon. Then it was player after player. Talent after talent it didn't even stop for dinner. Steve and Gary both played my new guitar and I now know how my guitar can sound in the hands of a true musician. Everyone plays it better than me! That's why I just strum the chords and let the virtuosos soar! I was so enjoying everyone Else's music I only played 7 or 8 songs. The highlight of the night, as it has been for the last 3 years, was Christians singing of LaBamba. He's Mexican and unlike anyone else I have ever heard sing this song, he actually knows all the words. Before he had the first La la la la la La Bamba out of his mouth the front of the bandstand was packed with dancers and you could hear the chorus being sung two blocks away. He was hot! Had the audience eating out of his hand. Steve and Bill on guitar I was on a conga
Old friends stopped by Joyce, Annies mom visiting from Alberta, Barnacle Bill and Laura up from Oregon.and Merna and her friend who's name eludes me. We haven't seen Merna since our wedding and it was so nice to sit down for a few minutes and catch up. She's such a nice gal and her friend liked my singing so she's obviously good people!
It was also an opportunity to catch up with family that we don't see nearly enough. Bernie and Dave and Angie and Larry came in from the Wilderness for the party. They live way the hell and gone out the bottom of 264 and almost America! Bernie and Angie are the lovely Lisa stepsisters. They're great people who love music and good food and being one with their life. Kind of like a Neil Young song. Love those guys!
We had about 75 people come by and a good 50% were in Pirate mode. The music was great! I didn't take nearly enough pictures. The food was great! I should have taken more pictures. The attitude of the Peaceful Pirates was contagious. Smiles and laughter filled the air, blended with the songs of our times. Blues, Rock , country and Danniele even graced us with a french Ballad though I could only pick out bits of the chorus. Something, something, heart of love something. Hey! That's what you get when you drop French after grade 9. It was beautifully sung. I could go on and on? Sue and Maxine and Linda that ukulele ladies. Mark and Lea. Guitar Gary and Julia the English Songbird. Basil Denaro on the lap steel, Craig blowing some sweet Harp and everyone playing together some times in harmony! It was as perfect a day as us mere mortals are allowed. From the bottom of my heart the lovely Lisa and I thank each and every person who attended for their part in making it such an amazing day.
It seems to happen more every year two of our regular Squatchapalisaers are no longer with us. Penny and John were missed.
I'm going to let the pictures tell the rest of the story.