Who's a Fat Bastard - At least I wasn't driving

June 27, 2014

     All I can say is " It seemed like a good idea at the time!" As many of you know we were going to go to the Volcano today. It's about one hundred miles from the condo we are staying in. Everyone, including Lisa, said you can't miss it. The pictures on the brochure show awe struck tourists walking among the pools of molten rock. To say the least, we were excited about the possibility of tossing virgins into the boiling lava. Well, I was anyway! 
     I was up early and doing the parts of my workout that don't need equipment. I started with the new and improved Tall Stool Stretch. It replaces the Four Stair stretch for the time being.

How graceful is this

Then with Lisa sitting on my feet, I did ten sit ups. You think that's not distracting! 

The picture of concentration

I finished off with ten sets of twelve crunches. Made it through a little easier than yesterday. I thought I might need to take a longer rest between sets, but managed with thirty seconds.

Like a turtle on it's back!

     After a quick shower I made myself breakfast. Eggs. tomato, avocado and sausage. Okay, I'm coming clean. They're hotdogs. I can't help it. I like them, I always have. These ones are turkey dogs. One gram of carbs each. Lisa won't eat them. Mystery meat, lips and lungs, too many nitrates, not really food. Blah, blah, blah. I've heard it all and strangely, I am unmoved. I still like them!
     In another episode of a segment I like to call "How much easier can it be?" I will show you how to eat an avocado. Avocados are loaded with heart healthy fats. You can eat them in a salad, on a burger or hotdog, turn them into guacamole or, just eat them with a spoon right out of the skin. 
Take a sharp knife and cut the skin down to the pit. 

Cut the avocado all the way around.

Next use the edge of the knife to remove the pit.

Eat the avocado with a spoon for breakfast.

See how easy that is. Did you know that there are dozens of different kinds of avocados? From the size of your thumb, to the size of a softball. All of them delicious!
     We packed a picnic lunch, ham, pickles, kielbasa sausage, Hawaiian apples, cheese and lettuce for wrap. Oh yeah, and cherries, that I'm not eating. I love cherries. Not as much as Lisa does. She'll eat them till she's sick. Right in front of me, God and everybody. Life can be so cruel!
    With two coolers full of food and water, we headed for Hawaii Volcanoes National Park. Normally when we travel, we meander aimlessly in the general direction of our ultimate destination. If we have an ultimate destination! However, we decided we would drive directly to the volcano. That way we could enjoy our virgin tossing without time constraints. Well, that was the plan anyway. 
     Unfortunately there were lots of things to take pictures of. Important things. Like these.

flowers

Green Bananas

Green fruit

     Not to mention the dozens of "scenic outlooks" that looked out on nothing. Honestly if you have seen one Lava field you have seen them all.

Miles and miles of scenic views?

It wasn't totally horrible. I ate the Hawaiian apple thing while we were travelling.

We stopped at a roadside place that had coffee samples, turkeys, sheep and macadamia nuts.

These turkeys are nuts!

     I wanted to buy a cup of coffee but the lady wouldn't sell me one. She gave me half a Dixie cup as a sample. "We don't sell cups of coffee" she said smugly "We are growers, not a restaurant." I could however buy a pound of their coffee for twenty-five dollars a lb. Lisa bought a pound of raw macadamia nuts and we drove away.

          It took us four hours to go 123 miles. On the highway! Once we were in the park, ten dollars for the car. We saw the steam vents and the big crater almost as soon as we entered the park. Not impressed. I have a kettle that makes more steam!

There was, in my opinion only three things of interest. The museum, the Lava tube and the end of the road.

Lots of cool facts about the hot lava that was no more

Lava tube...not for the claustrophobic!

End of the road

Sorry make that four, as in four o'clock. That's when we had lunch. The lava stopped flowing into the ocean in 2013 when the lava tube collapsed half way up the mountain.

Beautiful scenery...not!

And hard boiled eggs too!

Sparky the wonder car

     In short, I spent eight hours crammed into Sparky, like Pamela Anderson's boobs in a bra. Listening to Hawaiian music because "When will we ever get to listen to it again?" and " We can listen to rock anytime." I was trapped like a babe in a hole!

Babe in a hole

That's when we got the bird. This pheasant stalked me in the parking lot at the lava tube.

A less than pheasant day

     Of course the best part was as always the company.

Lisa and I and some steam!

     When it was all said and done, Hawaii's virgins are safe for a little while at least.

    It was after ten when we got back to the condo. The best thing I can say about the day was, at least I wasn't driving.

     I'm posting this Saturday morning because I fell asleep at the keyboard last night. 

     Today we Luau at the Orchid with the wedding party. Pig in the ground...yummy!

That's all I got.

till next time

Peace out Y'all