Who's a Fat Bastard - I wasn't on the job five minutes when the heel fell off my left shoe!

March 10, 11, 12, 2015

Como Lake With Mama Lee and the GK's

      Yesterday was a full day Papa Squatch Dayscare. It's spring break or as the teachers call it "Two weeks of spa days." I'm blowing past the day in a hurry. I took the Grandkids and the Rat dogs and went to collect Mama Lee for a walk around Como Lake. I'm getting tired of talking about how amazing the weather has been this winter. Yesterday was nice.

Mama Lee doesn't walk and she got a little cold. It was fine when we were in the sun but cold in the shade.

The kids threw rocks, the Rat dogs peed on everything and Mama Lee had a case of popsicle fingers! Nothing lunch at McDoggies can't cure.

      It took well over an hour to go around once so the lunch rush at Rotten Ronnie's should have been over by the time we got there. But no! Spring Spa Break is in full swing! Every table had a grown up sucking up bad coffee and eating cold french fries left behind by the several hundred kids crammed into the play ground. I thought we were going to have to grease Christo up to fit him into the play room.

He eats way faster than Bella or Mama Lee.

After Ice cream for Mama Lee and Bella It was once around the block and home James. Christian was waiting for us when we got there grabbed the kids and was gone like Speedy Gonzalez...Andale, Andale, Arriba,  Arriba. The Canucks won and I went to bed after the game with the alarm set for 4:00 am.
      There is no traffic on the highway at 4:15 a.m. None. It wasn't until I got off the highway at Hastings that I even saw any tail lights. I parked in the early bird lot at 4:45. One hour and fifteen minutes before my shift started. They sent me away. I went across the street and had a coffee at Timmy Ho's. I was the only person in there. That was a good thing I took a drink of hot Ho juice and the pain in my teeth made me cry like a four year old girl. I sat there glaring at the steaming hot Dark Roast Ho juice. Then I dumped it in the trash so I could roll up the rim and find out I was a loser. I'm a Security Guard! The loser ship has already sailed! Fifteen minutes before my shift I was back in front of Will, my supervisor, his hair looks like George Clooney's in Oh father where art thou. I didn't hear a thing he said I was looking at my reflection in his well oiled hair. This is the biggest show of the year TED $8500 per ticket and Bill Gates is the keynote speaker. Even the security goes through security. There are a couple of dozen things we aren't supposed to do. I'm only doing three of them. Taking pictures is Verboten. Fortunately I don't spraken zee Deutch. The first day just after sunrise I watched an eagle swoop out of the sky into the harbour right in front of me, and come out of the water with a fish! That's when I decided to be secret squirrel in my approach to pictures.

Sunrise at the Sails

Most of them I took when I was off duty. I didn't take any pictures of whats going on or the people doing it. I ended up staying an extra hour when someone showed up late. Sucking up already! Do I have no Shame? No I'm an actor! And my latest role as a Security Professional is demanding. So this is the amazing thing. I downloaded a pedometer onto my phone, also on the verboten list. Not the App, the personal phone.

Security Squatch

      The last two hours were hell. I was wearing my thirty year old Doc Martins, they looked great. Then I remembered why I stopped wearing them. I bought them at the height of my girth, 400 plus pounds and when I lost the weight the first time my feet slid around inside them and they hurt. That's what happened. I walked non stop until my break. I looked at the pedomiter and it said a number I couldn't believe. After my break I counted how many steps I took to make my rounds . 750 steps. The math worked. By the end of the day I had taken 32,255 steps over 9 hours. They say 10,000 is the number to get to daily. So after my shift I walk my now throbbing feet to the parkade where I found out that Early Bird meant between 7:00 and 9:00 It cost me $20 to get my car back out of the $11 Early Bird Parkade. In Vancouver the Early Bird doesn't get the worm he gets screwed!
      My whole body ached, my tooth was killing me I called the Dentist at 4:50 and she told me to come right over. My dentist is two minutes from the house. I grind my teeth and have almost exposed the nerve on one of them. She built it up and sent me home. It's still sore today and she called me to see how I was doing tonight. If it doesn't feel any better tomorrow she will deal with it tomorrow night. No fun, frozen face, I went to bed and got up at 4:30 a.m to do it again.

The Globe and reflection at the Convention Centre

      I wore my new Italian shoes. I wasn't on the job five minutes when the heel fell off my left shoe, almost. It hung on just enough to slap every time I walked. Very annoying. An hour after this happened A guy I had talked to yesterday arrived with a tool box. "Got any Duct Tape" I asked "Silver or Black" he asked. It was a little wonky but was working, or so I thought until my altered stride gave me a blister on the other foot. It slowed me tremendously. At lunch the first aid guy gave me a handi wipe and a bandaid! It did help, I made it through the day.
      I know it's not Weigh Day but after another 19,179 steps I was curious. Everyone says that walking is the best exercise. I have to agree. Believe me, I'm not walking fast somewhere between a meander and a stroll. I was 286 pounds last Sunday. Thursday, I can smell that Speedo!

That's what 50,000 steps in two days can do for you. They are paying me to exercise! I'm like a professional Athlete!!!

That's all I've got

Till Next time

Peace out Y'all

P.S. I didn't spell check or read it over if it's sloppy, get over it!

©2015 Dave Squatch Ward