Return of the fat Bastard - Spontaneous Interpretive Dance

October 29th 2016

Meow

      Happy Halloween. In my opinion, the happiest day of the year. And this year we get it twice. Halloween isn't actually until Monday but when it falls during the week it's usually the Saturday before, or sometimes if it's late in the week it's the Saturday after. That's Grown up Halloween. Where the treats come in shot glasses and beer cans and the trick is trying not to puke on your costume or get a Taxi home.
      Kiddie Halloween is always on the day. That's big fun too. I like to go out Tricker Treating with the Grandkids. See all the kids in their costumes. So excited. Flying high on the sugar buzz from the stuff they're not supposed to eat until they get home. I suffer from Halloween envy! The neighbourhood behind the school away from the main road is prime T&T territory Cul De Sacs and lots of kids. When we bought the house 16 years ago, right across from a school I thought we had hit the mother lode of Halloweenies! I could not have been more wrong. That first year we blew our brains out. I had battery operated bats circling the drive way. Cobwebs and Jack O Lanterns on the stairs leading to the Skull on the front door. A Skull that is attached to a microphone and it`s jaws moves when you talk! Veryyyyy Scarrrrry! That first year with my scary mask at the front door the lovely Lisa and I sat in eager anticipation awaiting the arrival of the hordes of  sugar bombed children that were sure to come. The lovely Lisa with several hundred individually wrapped pieces of chocolate and I with a Gargoyle Mask and a Microphone.
      Out the window I saw  Alice the neighbour, whom we had just met, coming up the walk with her grandaughter, who was just a toddler. The bats were flying, the Jack O Lanterns where throwing their eerie lite onto the cobwebs adorning the stoop. As they approached the door I said into the microphone in the most evil voice I could muster Who dares knock on my door! Then I threw open the door with my Gargoyle mask on and scared the Bejeezus out of her. She screamed like I had stabbed her. I took the mask off right away and she screamed even louder. She wouldn't take any candy and almost fell down the stairs trying to get away! For two or three years when she would see me out in the yard she would run away into the house. It wasn't until we brought Nutmeg home and I let her play with the puppy that she finally warmed up to me. We didn't have Grandkids then so that was it. The first Halloween in our new home had exactly one trick or treater who left emotionally scarred! It appears the four lane bus route street we live on discourages parents from allowing their kids to work our hood! I never figured the dead kid in traffic factor when I got set up! Same thing the next year. Those early years, the lovely Lisa and I ate several hundred individually wrapped pieces of chocolate. No wonder I was a Fat Bastard! After the second year we started going over to GMcT and Penny's for Halloween. We would play cards and when the door bell rang GMcT and I would drop a severed head on a rope behind the trick or treaters while Penny and the lovely Lisa gave them candy. The kids would scream and the parents at the curb would laugh and wave up to us on the balcony. I miss that place. Now the Grandkids start their Trick or Treating with us and Next Door Gord and Alice and Rod and Toni our other neighbours then they head over behind the school to a big residential area with tons of kids and lots of houses all decorated and spooky. I go with them in costume if it's not raining.
      Last night for instance it wasn't raining. We started our evening at 7:00 at The Parade of Lost Souls down on Commercial Drive. The lovely Lisa looked spectacular in her Leopard skin body suit.

The lovely Lisa Leopard Queen

She had the full meal deal. Even her earrings and shoes were Leopard skin.

Puurrrrrrrrr

I was more of an Alley Cat. A little rumpled, ragged and rough around the edges but strangely lovable.

A scruffy old Tom Cat

I made a name tag that I pinned to my costume that said " Hey Donald! Try to grab this Pussy!"

Who knew?

      We met Steve and his friend Paul on the Drive and walked through the neighbourhood, there was music every where both live and recorded.

The streets were alive with Halloweenies

More Halloweenies

A Classic Rock Band was playing on the balcony across from the park. There were numerous drum circles and solo acts around every corner.

One of the many Hippy drum circles

Of course there were tons of costumes and the lovely Lisa Leopard Queen was drawing a lot of attention.

The lovely Lisa Leopard Queen

I was on my guard prepared to repel any Dogs who got to close to the lovely Lisa Leopard Queen.

A lady covered in beer cans playing a French horn badly

Down at the Rec Centre they had a Bandstand set up and a group called A Gang of Flying Monkeys was performing.

Gang of Flying Monkey's

We wandered around the neighbourhood listening to the music and admiring the costumes. We watched a group of Zombies flash mob to Thriller.

It's a Thriller

All in all a fun time.Just before 9:00 we headed out to Linda`s place in New Westminster for a musical get together. There was a woman dancing by herself on a corner when Steve bet Paul $5 that he wouldn`t dance with her.

Spontaneous Interpretive Dance

Easiest $5 Paul ever made. They stayed down on the Drive while the lovely Lisa Leopard Queen and I went to make some music.

Lea, Linda, Kimmi Sue and Maxine

      Linda is a Ukelelean with a sweet high voice and a lot of musical friends. She has a small condo and it was full. Full of positive energy and good music! Linda is not a Halloweenie and this was not a Halloween party. It was a music party.

The Gang making Music

So the only people in costumes where us and Mark and Lea.

Lovely Lisa Leopard Queen and Lea

It was a lot of fun and the lovely Lisa Leopard Queen was a hit at the party. She was rockin that body suit!

Aurora lumberjackin!

      Shortly after 11:00 we headed across the bridge to Aurora`s place in Surrey just on the other side of the Pattulla Bridge.

Mark, Lea and Craig the Sausage Man

Mark and Lea went ahead of us and it was getting late when we got there.

Mark and Craig the Sausage Man

The party was starting to break up but Craig was there with some home made venison sausage. Wow! It was perfect, texture, flavor, everything.

Craig the Sausage Man, Mark and me

We made music till 1 am. A late night and a lazy Sunday.

That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace out Y'all

Return of the Fat Bastard - F%%#@$&K again!!!!.

October 28th 2016

Next Door Gord from when it used to snow around here. He's even shorter now!

     If you could envision the perfectly crappiest way to spend a Friday this would be it. Michelle with one L pointed out two spots on the ceiling a couple of days ago. One was about an inch in diameter and the other one smaller than that, about six inches apart. I was on it right away. Nobody wants water in the ceiling. Armed with a bucket of tools I cut out around the afflicted area and found the leaks. Two little pin holes beside the clamp they used to hold the cold water copper line that runs through half the house. The other half was replaced twenty years ago when the suite was built. The original stuff is older than me! Okay just by a few months. Our house was built in 1956. Wait a minute! So was I. I mean I was built in 1956 but wasn't finished until January of 1957. I can relate. Like this house, I on occasion have problems with my 60 year old pipes leaking! Any way they strapped the pipes with steel strapping and that never works well with copper pipe. I put a call in to Next Door Gord and when he came over I made the hole I had cut the width of the floor joist or is it the ceiling joist? I guess it depends on your relative position. When I had taken down enough ceiling to get a look at the full length of the pipe it was bone dry every where else. I said Whew! Next Door Gord said "You should replace it all, Sweetheart." he  calls me Sweetheart. I said " F#@K that! I'm not looking for things to do." Next Door Gord went next door and came back with a couple of clamps and a rubber sleeve. I put the sleeve on and clamped it down and voila, success! And all I have to fix  is a 16 x 16 hole in the ceiling. I felt like a Rock Star!

Our work

     Three hours later I was crushed by that rock. Michelle with one L came home from work. "There's a half dozen leaks in the ceiling now." she said. When I stuck my head back into the hole I could see several small drips. I wasn't going to start a job like that at 8:00 at night so I took some measurements and made a list and I will tackle it in the morning. When we put the patch on the pinhole leaks the pressure in the pipe was increased and some of the 60 year old pinhole leaks decided it was time to leak.
      It was all going to have to be replaced so the next morning I started taking down the ceiling where the pipes ran. Using a drywall saw and a utility knife I started taking down the ceiling the length of the room. Hard physical work. Not really my specialty. After a couple of hours of this I had an epiphany! I went and got my electric Jigsaw and cut through that drywall like a knife through butter. It also nicked the supply line and started squirting water out at a tremendous rate. I was pretty close to the shut off. You have never seen a Fat Bastard move so fast! It was only a matter of seconds and most of the water had sprayed onto my drop cloths. Now with no water in the entire house I had to get moving. Tamara had gone out with the baby and the lovely Lisa and Michelle with One L were up stairs drinking coffee while Next Door Gord and I were coming up with a plan to swap out the pipes. I replumbed the downstairs bathroom six years ago using Pex pipe and Sharkbite fittings so I was set on that. Using Next Door Gord's pipe cutters I cut out the cold water line and prepped it for the Pex. I try not to let Next Door Gord do too much of the work. He's as old as dirt and shrinking at a tremendous rate. He's 5' 4, he used to be 5' 6 he told me he really missed the extra height. He's here for his knowledge and to keep me amused with the corniest jokes ever. The man has never seen a problem he couldn't, hasn't dealt with. He's been helping me with my projects since the first day we moved in 16 years ago. I've learned over the years that if Next Door Gord says to do it this way you're better off to just do what he says. He's always right. I hate that! I'm always looking for a short cut. When I got back from Home Depot with the supplies Next Door Gord said. " We need to take the ceiling down to the end of the pipe to be safe. Sure enough the pipes there were not leaking but were covered with the green spots that signify potential pinholes.

After the hot line leaked

      The idiots who put the pipes in used soft copper so it was easy to cut. The soft copper will come back to haunt me an hour later. I had the new pipe in and it was time to pressure test it. I turned on the water just a little and listened as the pipes filled. Shit!! I could hear water running. I had forgotten that I had opened all the taps to drain the pipes so as I closed the downstairs taps I yelled up to the lovely Lisa and Michelle with one L to turn off the upstairs taps. So far so good! With Next Door Gord watching the pipe I turned the water on full. Yahoo! Five minutes went by and no leaks on the new pipe or fittings.
      Drip, drip, drip! The sound penetrated my brain like feed back at a Jimmi Hendrix concert. F%%#@$&K!!!! It was the hot water line. I had the supplies I needed because Next Door Gord said I might have to/should replace both lines while I had the ceiling down. This is where the soft copper reared it's overly pliable head. The hot water made the copper even softer so when I tried to cut it, it went out of round. Time for a break. The lovely Lisa made me some soup and covered in drywall dust and soaked with sweat I sat on the deck and ate my lunch while the pipes cooled down. After lunch I cut out as much of the soft copper as I could and ran the Pex with the help of Next Door Gord. It was time to test the connection. Our work was tighter than a Nuns sense of humour. That's when the T joint over the heating ducts blew! F%%#@$&K again!!!!.
      The lovely Lisa called a plumber, Next Door Gord went back next door and I curled up on the wet carpet sobbing hysterically, At this point, totally encrusted in drywall dust that mixed with copious amounts of sweat and water was starting to turn to plaster I had Michelle with one L move all her stuff out of her closet. I took apart the closet organizer and ripped out the ceiling in the closet so the plumber would have access to the part that was leaking.

The plumbers work

At $264 for 90 minutes  for the plumber I didn't want to be paying him for tearing down drywall. He had me take down a little more ceiling and then I left to him to his own devices. Using the supplies I had left over he did the repair and 45 minutes later we turned on the water and everything was tight. The lovely Lisa cut him a cheque for $285 and like the drips through the ceiling he was gone! I sprayed mold killer throughout the opening just in case. I'll leave it open for a day to make sure then I have to put the ceiling back. Every day is an adventure.
      I had to wash my hair three times to get the dust, dirt and I think something that was alive out of my hair. It looked like it was wiggling as it made it's way towards the drain. I tried not to think about it as I water picked my head on stun! It was 9:00 when we pulled up in front of Tentatsu Two. At Hastings and Gilmore.

Tentatsu Two

Japanese has become my new comfort food. We had our usual dinner of Tuna sashimi/ avocado Carpaccio (Salad) and Chicken Terryaki Dinner. They close at 10:00 and we were the last ones out. I really like the new location it's much roomier and they have Sportsnet on the TVs. We got home where the lovely Lisa started working on her Halloween costume and I crawled into bed stiff and sore from a day of work. I feel even worse now. I gotta get into Halloween mode. Here's a blast from the past.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYZFgqzS9G8
  
That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace out Y'all

Return of the Fat Bastard - Mental masturbation without the "Happy ending!"

October 27th 2016

At the Fireball Lounge

      I don't know if anyone reads the date at the top of the page or if they do, do (I said dodo tehe) they notice when I put up the wrong date? or do they care is probably a better question. An even better question is why am I writing about this? Let me tell you. It's like when your telling a story and everyone is listening as you weave a tapestry of intrigue. Pulling them along like a Pied Piper only to reach the climax of the story without a punch line! " Yeah so then nothing happened and I went home." That's what this was. I really thought this was going somewhere. Mental masturbation without the "Happy ending!" Oh yeah, my mind went there when I noticed yesterdays blog had todays date. That's because it was 2 am when I finished it. I looked at my watch and even changed the date from the 25th.
     I spent the day in a stupor. It was one of those days when you just can't wake up. I stumbled around the house pretending to do things finally giving up about noon and sat in front of the TV watching Chillary and Trumpelstiltskin call each other names for an hour. I made my way into the bedroom with some laundry turned on the TV lifted the Ratdogs onto the bed and promptly had a nap. I didn't get out of bed till the lovely Lisa called with my Ho warning. She calls to let me know she's on her way home so I can get rid of the Ho's. We had an Aussie rules dinner. That's when everyone is on their own eating everything that chef Boy R Lisa put in the fridge over the last three days. Pork, chicken and taco beef on a Squatch salad. It was really good. I'm back hard on the low carb routine. No more bread! With the help of the fantabulous Thanksgiving dinner and several days of hot turkey sandwiches which led into two weeks of dietary abuse. I couldn't find enough crap to shove in my face. I crossed the 290 barrier at warp factor five and slid to a stop at 295. It's so easy to put it on and so  Hard to take it off again. Here I go riding the YoYo again. I was in bed by midnight and slept till 10:00 waking up to a leak in the copper pipes running through the green room. Two little brown spots on the spackled ceiling. I started cutting. Over the spots I found a pin hole. I had next door Gord come by and take a look. we put a rubber patch on it and hoped for the best. I didn't get it. The added pressure of putting on the patch caused several more pinholes to start leaking. Tomorrow I'll have to take down the rest of the ceiling and replace twenty feet of 3/4 copper pipe. I also need to replace the kitchen faucet but it's a Moen so they will give me a new one.

Richard, Devin on drums, Chris and Dirk

      Tonight was the first night of the Open Mic at the Fireball Lounge in New Westminster. Dirk Henke, formerly of the Sunday afternoon open mic at the Rocky Point Taphouse runs this Open Mic with his band, Chris, Devin. and Richard. I've never been in this room before. It's been a Cabaret for years and has operated under several different names by several different owners. It's a great looking room. It has an amazing stage and incredible sound. It was also full of so many talented people. It starts at 7:00 so if you want to get out of the house and enjoy some good music in a variety of styles you should give the Fireball Lounge a shot. After dirk and the Band played a couple of songs he started the Open Mic.

Bill Frew I should have taken a pic when he was on stage

My buddy Bill Frew started the show doing three original tunes. Including Waiting on the Rain my favourite Frew Tune. He has the most fantastic baritone voice. He's on facebook at Bill Frew Music. You should check it out.

Maxine and Sue

The Ukeleladies, Sue and Maxine did a set. So did Linda who did a duet with Bill Frew. Pam D played a set on guitar that was amazing. She has a great voice. Later in the night she was on stage playing bass. When it was my turn I played with myself for the first song Paris. Then Richard, Chris and Maureen on drums joined me for Can't you see and Love Monkey. Luc Picard got up on stage with Trish to play some lead guitar on her original tunes. She was great and Luc always blows me away. Luc has some issues but making music is not one of them. He plays bass, drums and guitar and all of them incredibly well. Tonight he rocked out big time.

Luc playing with the band

He is a great kid who loves his Special Olympics and loves his music. I've watched him come out of his shell over the last couple of years to become a big part of the Coquitlam open mic scene. His Dad, Guy and his Mom, whom I've met a half dozen times and don't remember her name, get him around. So many talented musicians came out tonight I hung around for a while thinking I might get to play again but they just kept coming in. I was on my way out when Chris suggested I might want to go around the corner to Judge Begbies where a good friend of his was running a songwriters open mic. It wasn't even 9:00 so, what the hell!
      I'm glad I went around the corner. There were only three of us there. It's the first one. Ranj the host, George who plays in a band that is playing at the Heritage Grill tomorrow night. I'm giving him a plug because I can't remember the name of his band, and myself. There was also an audience of about fifteen. It was a good set up. Ranj opened the show with two songs then George went up and did four really good songs. I have to say I was feeling a little bit intimidated. These guys are really good musicians. I'm a story teller. For me it's all about the words. I don't have any funky breaks or mind numbing solos. I strum the rhythm and try to stay in tune! I did five of my originals and people seemed to like my stuff. I was invited to come back next week so that's good.
      I had gotten a phone call from Christian, Gramma Sharon had to be taken to the hospital with respiratory issues.so I pick up the kids from school tomorrow. Send some good vibes and positive energy Sharon's way.

That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace out Y'all
   

Return of the Fat Bastard- Never one to let fear or common sense get in the way!

October 26th 2016

      I went to Open Mic at the Heritage Grill last night. It was one of the more eclectic group of performers I've seen at the Heritage Grill. Besides the usual suspects there was a punk rock power trio that were playing in public for the first time. They were loud and definitely punk! There was also a couple of Comedians one of whom was actually funny. I was on at around 10 playing with Greg on guitar, Vic on bass and Maureen on drums. I did two original songs we nailed the Canadian Blues but it took us to the third verse before we were all playing the same tune on What If I! Hey, that's why they call it a jam not a concert. We finished strong with House of the Rising Sun. After my set I hung out with Gord and Angel two of the Ukeleliens drinking coffee and listening to the music.

That's Vic on bass playing with a girl who sounded like Tanya Tucker

      The coffee may not have been the best idea. I knew I was going to have an exceptionally long and stressful day tomorrow but never one to let fear or common sense get in the way of a good time, I made my way home around midnight vibrating out of my skin. I was still awake, lying on my back, staring at the ceiling when the lovely Lisa got up for work at 3 am. My alarm was set for 7 am I was up and making myself a cup of Jo to go at 6:45. Mama Lee has her annual appointment at the Parkinsons Clinic out at UBC today. Due to the progression of her disease Mama Lee is no longer able to assist in her transfer. That means Handi Dart or Handicap taxi. A taxi would be way to expensive from Coquitlam to UBC so Handi Dart it is.
      The Handi Dart was scheduled between 7:45 and 8:15 and I arrived at Mama Lee's at 7:30. She was waiting for me in the lounge. I talked to the nurse, Sandy, and got Mama Lee's paperwork and meds for the day, sat in the lounge and read the paper while we waited for our ride.

Mama Lee in transit mode.

Once again no good news in the news today. The Handi Dart was about 10 minutes late. Not bad considering the usual morning rush hour horror show out here in Coquitlam. Three major accidents this morning. One on the bridge, one just off the bridge and one at Gaglardi on ramp. I'm surprised he made it at all. The driver was professional and friendly he loaded Mama Lee into the Handi Dart in a flash and we were on our way. There were already two passengers on board and we drove around Coquitlam for 20 minutes picking up two more clients before we headed towards town and ultimately UBC Hospital for Mama Lee's appointment at the Parkinson's Clinic. It took us two hours to get there and We were still there two hours before her appointment! The Handi Dart only goes to UBC and back once a day. We won't be picked up until 2 pm. The woman at reception sent us off for coffee and told us to come back closer to Mama Lee's appointment time. We went to the coffee shop where I had a giant cup of Jo and Mama Lee had a tea which she then didn't want.

The Wayayting is the hardest part!

      It's now 15 minutes before Mama Lee's appointment and we're off to check in. Dr Stossel is one of the worlds leading experts on Parkinsons which means he knows why all the things are happening but has no idea how to stop them from happening. Mama Lee and I went in to see the Dr after stopping at the registration for no apparent reason. As we walked up she said "Meet me at the double doors" and that was it. We were in. She walked us down to the end of the hall handed me a clipboard with about 20 multiple choice questions on it that Mama Lee was supposed to fill out. I assumed that they would want to be able to read it afterwards so I started to fill it out for her. I read the first question to her and the 4 possible answers. "What was the first one?" she asked.  I told her. "What was the third one?"
"What was the second one?" "What was the first one again?" Can you see where this is going. It took about 5 minutes to answer the first question! I was saved when Dr not Stossel came out and took us into an examination room. As always the first part of the interview is with a young Doctor who is specializing in Parkinsons under the tutelage of Dr Stossel. This year it was an attractive woman in her late twenties. She was very pleasant and Mama Lee warmed up to her right away. After she had done a physical and a cognitive examination of Mama Lee, Dr Stossel entered the room to the blaring of trumpets and the throwing of rose petals. Okay not really. He came into the room with a medical student who stood in the corner and never said a word. Dr Stossel is a pretty neat guy. He always has a smile on his face even when he's telling you your screwed. We see him once a year. He has always been straight with Mama Lee and is a plain talker. He had the other Dr read him her findings and asked Mama Lee and me a couple of questions. He told us there's nothing more to do. he said her mental condition is relatively stable but her physical abilities are slipping badly. Then like the breeze he moved on down the road. To New Jersey, tomorrow. It came up because Mama Lee is originally from Kearney, New Jersey and he's flying there tomorrow
      We went out into the real world where it was pissing down rain. We were only there a few minutes when the Handi Dart pulled up 30 minutes ahead of schedule, sweet!  I ran out to the Handi Dart in the rain. the driver was sitting there on his phone. "Are you here for Lee Geraghty"  " Yes, but I'm on a break I'll be in to get her in 10 minutes." Hey, everyone needs a break. Just like the way there, the way home was a milk run. We stopped for pickups at GF Strong, Vancouver Community College and some adult learning center in mount pleasant. Mama Lee and I were the last ones dropped off.
      Let me sum it all up for you. In a nutshell. Up at 6:45, 5 hours on the Handi Dart, 3 hours of waiting, 1 hour of Dr not Stossel and 5 minutes with Dr Stossel. It was after 4 when I got home. I made some pork chops for dinner and planned to go out and play tonight but I fell asleep in my chair. When I woke up the Canucks were losing to Ottawa, the Cubs were losing to the Indians and I was losing my mind!


That's all I've got
Till next ttime
Peace Out Y'all
  

   

Return of the Fat Bastard - G string and Pasties.

October 20th 2016

HMMMM I wonder what she means?

     While I'm sitting in the waiting area at Open Road Toyota waiting for the lovely Lisa to come and pick me up I started thinking about new cars. I have only ever owned one new car. A red Jeep YJ. I had a lot of fun with that car. I was still paying for it a year after I killed it.
      The preceding paragraph was at least my fifth attempt at writing a post. I have been sick for ten days. This might be the strangest cold I've ever had. You think it's gone and then bingo bango bongo its back. The first day I felt good was last Sunday. So I went to the open mic at the Fireside Pub in Sapperton at 8:30. I was up first and it started out well I was playing with a drummer and a bass player and Bill Taylor on lead guitar. By the third song I wasn't feeling very good. I packed up my guitar and I was home by 9:30. When I got home I took a night time antihistamine a big shot of Buckley's and sat on the couch feeling crappy and dopey at the same time until the lovely Lisa got up at midnight to go to work. I slept until 10:30 Monday morning. I took a daytime antihistamine another shot of Buckley's and I felt pretty good.
      I spent most of Monday doing laundry and housework. The lovely Lisa was home about 5:30 with dinner. She lasted about 45 minutes and then was back in bed with a 12:30 wake up call. With a full belly and a head full of antihistamine I headed over to the Heritage Grill to make some music. Again I was up first. Like I said before, I like going first. That's when the crowd is the biggest and sometimes are even listening. I did my 3 songs and felt pretty good. I hung out with some of the Ukeleleoids and had a cup of coffee and an attitude adjustment. Maybe too much of an adjustment! All of a sudden the open mic at the Great Bear pub seemed like a good idea. Steve Mathieson, he runs the open mic, was rehearsing with his band for a tribute show he does . Rod Stewart and Tom Petty. I haven't seen his show yet but I have heard him rehearse. He sounds just like Rod Stewart. I haven't heard him do Tom Petty. I played with his drummer and bass player and Bill Taylor on lead Guitar. That was the last fun I had until this Saturday night. I spent most of the rest of the week in bed. Like I wasn't feeling crappy enough, the Blue Jays were eliminated from the playoffs by a Cleveland team that was just better than we were.
      By Friday I was feeling pretty good. I still had a little bit of the sniffles and my throat was still scratchy. I have been staying away from Mama Lee's so as not to take out any of the old folks with this cold. Some of them are so fragile. I was there today for Mama Lees annual State of the Patient meeting with the heads of all the departments and Mama Lees Doctor, Dr Moseley. Today is Monday October 24th. I wrote the date so I could keep it straight in my head. Though the lovely Lisa says Im constantly putting things sideways. At any rate Mama Lee is doing as well as can be expected with the steady progression of the Parkinsons. Tomorrow its"s the Parkinsons Clinic at UBC for her annual checkup. A full day and Handi Dart hell!

Paella!!

      Okay Friday night was Abolita Marina's last night in Canada. Chef boy R Lisa was going to make Paella for her. This is no little thing the way Chef Boy R Lisa makes her Paella. I'm not going to talk about how much it costs because I always think it's too much money until I'm eating it. Then not so much! Bro Steve is back from his trip to Europe and he came by for dinner as well as the grandkids and Christian. Jen couldn't get away from work.

Bella, Christo and Abolita Marina

We had a great meal then looked at pictures of the family until it was time to go.
      So let's go to Saturday. I was feeling OK. Not great but OK. We had tickets to a Halloween Themed Burlesque Show at the Columbia Theatre in New Westminister. So of course we dressed up for the Theatre.

The lovely Lisa Fashionista

????????

Her friend Tracy from work is in the show. Burlesque is a strange mix of comedy, dance and of course nudity. Mr Nickel with the horny disposition was the MC

Mr Nickel

and Tracy's stage name was Racy Cake. The show was entertaining and with the 15 minute intermition lasted just under 90 minutes. If you go to a Burlesque looking to get horned up, bring a date! Burlesque isn't about how you look it's about how you feel about yourself. It's about releasing your inner feminist. Well that's what Mr Nickel said in quite a few more words but then every once in a while he would say "Hail Satan" and give a salute. So I don't know if I trust anything he says.

The lobby at the Columbia

The informed in the audience "Hail Satan'd" him back. I didn't. I was eating chicken wings. They were good. The lovely Lisa, resplendent in a 1980's fashion dress made me get the sauce on the side so as to not besmirch her gown. Then she didn't eat any of them. These were not models or dancers they were just regular women. One was as big as I am. One was older than I am. It was good fun. More esoteric than erotic!

The performers

The striptease part reminded me of the first strip club I was ever in. I was working at a furniture factory in Toronto and there was a little tavern across the street from the factory. They had strippers. We would go over at lunch and after work. Beers were a dime. The strippers were all larger, big boobed women who stripped down to the G string and Pasties. It was illegal to show nipples in Ontario in 1976. Now the whole country is being run by Boobs! We came through the doors to the joyous uproar of the Ratdogs just before midnight.
        I watched football most of the day with a little time between games to take the Ratdogs for a walk and do the work shop.

A girl and her bag of poop

Squatch in his natural environment

The first game was on when I got up at 9:00 from London and I watched/ missed the last game at 9:00 at the Fireside Pub. How did I watch/miss the final 6 minutes of the overtime tie between the Seahawks and the Cardinals you may ask? The open mic needed to be started according to the twat of a Bartender. I put my name up first so up I went. There are a lot of TV's in the room and I could see one from the stage. I just can't play the guitar, sing and watch the football game all at the same time. I didn't find out it was a tie until I got home and saw the highlites.


That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace out Y'all
   

Return of the Fat Bastard - A relatively steady and incessant whine!

October 15th 2016

Keeping me company

      400! That's how many postings I've made to the Fat Bastard blog since its inception on May 2nd 2014. I'm going to tell you I am quite pleased with myself. Not only was I able to write 400 postings it seems there are actually people reading it. More than 35,000 views. I have some regular readers, friends and family. I was however surprised to see where in the world people were reading my blog. It's been read in 10 different countries including Russia the Ukraine and Japan. I wonder what they think about the way I live my life? If you live in a far away place or in a different culture I would love to hear from you. A thought, a critique or just a Hey how are you?
      I'm day 2 of my cold. I feel way worse than I did on day 1 and I felt like crap then. Of course that was only yesterday. Now I'm pounding  Buckley's, sucking on Halls lozenges and keeping up a relatively steady and incessant whine! I was up for a while. But I wasn't very good company. I had a couple of cups of Jo with Michelle with one L and the lovely Lisa. I am now back in my bedroom in self-imposed exile! Michelle with one L left to do some running around. So she says. Or did she just leave to escape the disease eminating from my rotting throat and. sinuses. She gave it to me. She should suffer with me. Or at the very least be punished! In fairness she was sick as a dog for several days but to be honest I don't care about being fair! So when she left I licked some of her stuff!
      With Michelle with one L out of the way and the lovely Lisa making Magic soup

Dem bones, Dem bones, dem ham bones

I crawled back to my bedroom like a bear into his cave. This may be a shock to some of you but I'm actually quite a dick when I'm sick. So basically the lovely Lisa lets me crawl off and wait to die!! While she makes soup.
      It's Saturday morning so there's a ton of American college football on the TV. Which is why I'm writing my blog right now. Because there's way too much college football. The baseball games will start soon.
      Hey, look! It's 11:11! Some people believe that it is a magical mystical number. That it signifies a spirit is in the room. 11 + 11 equal 22 that's a Masonic Master number. That's probably how they fit those fat old men into those little cars. But I digress.       Something just happened to me that's never happened before. I could smell the lovely Lisa caramelizing the onions for the soup. When all of a sudden my mouth got wet and I felt nauseated. That's never happened to me before! Our house always smells so warm and welcoming when the lovely Lisa is working her culinary Magic. I closed the bedroom door open the window and turned on all three of the fans. I'm feeling better now.

Turkey chicken soup

      It turned out to be a double soup kind of day today. For lunch I had the turkey chicken soup and then later on in the day I had the ham soup.

Hamsoup

Both delicious. And I needed the soup. I needed something to make me feel better because I have a cold and because the only thing colder than my cold are the Blue Jays hitters. That sentence doesn't really make any sense though life's like that sometimes. Blue Jays lost and now they have to win at home. The Canucks won a game in a shootout. A game so dull you couldn't cut the cheese with it! Though you could still enjoy the smell! The highlite of the game was when our high priced off season acquasition shot the puck into his own net while they had a man advantageon a delayed power play.
After the game I crashed. The big storm never came. And this morning I feel quite a bit better. I might go out and Jam tonight.


That's all I've got
Till next Time
Peace out Y'all












   

Return of the Fat Bastard - Like an epileptic Belly Dancer

October 13th and 14th 2016

    They say that the number 13 is unlucky. It was for me. At least it was today. I had an appointment downtown at 12:20. I went out to the car about 11 o'clock to discover that I had left the sunroof open all night.

Open Sunroof

The night of the first of the three storms that were coming through. There was about 2 inches of water in the console.

2 Inches of water.

The upholstery had absorbed so much water it was like they were made out of sponge and the floor mats were floating!

Swampy interior. An option on most models.

I got the dog blanket out of the very back of the truck where the rain from the night before hadn't reached, folded it over several times I sat on it to keep my ass dry. The problem I had with that was my head was now touching the ceiling of the RAV4. Lucky number 13... Not! I got them to my appointment I half an hour before my time. It's right downtown so there is absolutely no free parking. I have a bunch of nickels and dimes in my pocket. And started plugging them into the meter. You know you only get two minutes for a nickel on the meter. By the time I had an hour on the meter I was up to quarters! I was sitting in the reception area waiting for my appointment and waiting and waiting. I was starting to worry about my meter. When Candice came out and I asked her if I should go feed the meter? She looks at her list and I wasn't on it. I was called in but her assistant forgot to put me on the list. I was actually supposed to be up first after their lunch but that didn't happen . She took me in right away when she realized her mistake I did my thing, and got back to the car to find the meter expired and the Bylaw girl writing tickets two cars away.  Maybe 13 isn't so bad after all.
      I stopped to see Mama Lee on my way home and I was feeling fine. I spent a while with Mama Lee trying to explain to her that her wheelchair is not the problem. Her physical abilities have diminished to the point that she needs mechanical assistance for even the simplest of tasks. It is getting harder to watch all the time.
      I made a quick pit stop at Cheap Thrills and picked up some chicken legs I planned on turning into Squatch Baked Fried Chicken. By dinner time I was starting to feel like crap. I tried to bail on making the chicken but the lovely Lisa ragged me into compliance. So spewing who knows what kind of pestilence into the kitchen environment I put on my big boy pants and toughed it out. I put together my dry stuff. Panko, paprika, garlic and onion powders and some ground pepper. Then I added hot sauce and more garlic to the egg wash. Since my heart issues and my inability to take cholesterol medications I have been taking the skin off the chicken. I use less milk in the egg wash now so the panko covers it well. I put it in the oven and went to bed. An hour later the chicken was done. It got rave reviews from the lovely Lisa and Michelle with one L. I ate a little bit but had no appetite. I went back to bed. A while later the lovely Lisa brought me a antihistamine and shortly I was feeling much better. Not good, just better. Good enough to get out of bed and watch The Blacklist with Michelle with one L bringer of disease, it's one of her and my favourite shows. Then I went back to bed.
      I woke up this morning with about a pound of snot clogging up my breathing apparatus. My body was aching and I was in full whine before I hit the kitchen. A cup of Jo and I was back in bed. I took a day time antihistamine that has now worn off. The power went out 90 minutes ago. While I was recording the Funky Monkey Blues.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7bJ4NpryXs

What was I thinking?
      The storm is increasing in intensity. The giant pines in the back of the house are moving like an epileptic Belly Dancer!

That one was a bit of a stretch but hey, I'm sick. We have a natural gas stove so the lovely Lisa warmed up some of her miracle cure chicken turkey soup.

Turkey chicken soup and Squatch Baked Fried Chicken.

That always makes me feel better. I had a bowl of that and a couple of pieces of day old Squatch Baked Fried Chicken. Still delicious!
      It's now 3:37 and the Blue Jays game is on at 4:00. I'll have another bowl of soup, double up on the antihistamines, have a couple of beers at the pub and end up so high I'll be dancing naked on a table with my three breasted wife? Maybe I'll just drink coffee.
      On the plus side with no power there is no TV. So there is no Donald and no Hillary. Woo hoo! I'm sure we will be getting enough of them in the next few weeks.
      Yay, power's back on at 3:47. Go Jays Go.

Okay  Blue Jays  lets   play   ball!

      Okay, the Go Jays Go thing didn't work out the way I had hoped. Other than the score it was a pretty good game. Though it seems cruel to make the home plate Umpire work without his seeing eye dog! Just saying. The lovely Lisa has been an absolute doll while I've been feeling lousy. She made us a beautiful dinner. Rib steaks, baked potato, spaghetti squash, zucchini and spinach salad with apple and pecans, yum. I wasn't very hungry but I had some of everything. Then I took another antihistamine and nodded off during the lions game.
      I got out of bed to finish this off and plan on crashing in the near future. I'm listening to the rain come in waves and the wind blowing through the pines and I find it strangely soothing.

That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace out Y'all