Return of the Fat Bastard - "Too Bad I have another fare"

December 28th 2016

      Well, I survived another Christmas. With Jen and the Grandkids in Puerto Vallarta for Christmas it was very calm around here. It didn't feel like Christmas around here without them. I have a real problem with Christmas Greed. I haven't bought any gifts in ten years. That's when I had my first panic attack. A debilitating event that leaves me on the verge of tears and unable to make a decision. It happened on the 23rd when the lovely Lisa against my wishes, bought me a pedicure for Christmas. I picked her up at the mall and she handed me some bags. Evidently I lost one of the bags. The one with the gift certificates in it. I was unaware and once we got home the lovely Lisa told me about the lost bag and that was it. I was in the bedroom unable to function, tears welling up in my eyes. My whole body shaking, my heart racing, my mind scrambled and my thoughts incoherent. It took me the better part of two days to get my emotions under control. After all I`ve been through in my life it`s amazing to me that I can be reduced to a puddle by the thought of buying a gift. I really feel bad about the lovely Lisa. She deserves so much more than I can give her. I filled her stocking with chocolate and fruit that I bought at the grocery store. Muey Lamo! I was so relieved when that part of Christmas was over. Ever since the first Christmas the lovely Lisa  and I spent together we decided that rather than fill our house with things we neither want or need our gift to each other would be our gift to each other. Socks, underwear and chocolate in the stockings and nothing else. I can barely manage that anymore. It was especially hard this year. Christmas day was the 16th anniversary of my marriage proposal. On the 10th anniversary I bought her a diamond solitaire ring and we spent 6 weeks in Austrailia. I bought the ring in June to make sure I had it for Christmas.
      Right now I'm sitting in Koko's play place after lunch at Burger king with Julia while The lovely Lisa, Dr Dan and Ryland the lost boy are skiing up at Cypress. I don't ski. As a matter of fact I don't like the snow, the cold or falling down a mountain Call me wacky!:
     It's been a while since I've blogged. On top of my usual Christmas issues I'm also dealing with whatever is going on with my internal organs. I can't say that I'm surprised that it's my filtration system that's breaking down. I've asked a lot of it over the years. Now let's get to the good part.
      Over the holidays we had people stop by. Big Bill Frew, Gerry Sax and Julia Harp lady, sans Harp came by and we made music all afternoon. We went out several times and had a wonderful few days of fun and community. Preparations for Christmas dinner starts 2 days before. Cranberry sauce is made, bread for the stuffing is chopped and all the root veggies are peeled and prepped. On the 24th serious preparations are undertaken. Chef Boy R Lisa is in her glory. Wooden spoon in hand Scullery Squatch is at her beck and call. Dry those dishes, take out the compost, stop picking at that! Sheesh! Turnips, Carrots, Rutabega Squash and Parsnips are parboiled and seasoned and trayed ready for roasting. In between scullery tasks I start preparing the living room for it's transition to the dining room. This is accomplished by moving all the furniture out onto the front deck. This is made exponentially more difficult by the fact that the entire room was hit by a Christmas bomb! There are lights, ornaments and Christmas crap everywhere. Bro Steve came by to help with the setup and in the kitchen.Once all the living room furniture was out I could see how much dust, dirt and various bits of half eaten Ratdog/ Squatch treats found their way under the various pieces of furniture. Stupid rice cakes! With the room empty. The floors swept and washed we brought in the tables from out on the back deck. If the world was annihilated today the only thing to survive would be Cockroaches, Twinkies and these tables! 3' x 8' 3/4 inch plywood with heavy metal fold up legs. 10 years ago I could handle them myself. Now, not so much.
      The lovely Lisa and I spent Christmas Eve together. Puttering around the house. The lovely Lisa putting the final touches on the decor while I set booby traps for Santa.
      I woke late and the lovely Lisa was already up. The coffee was hot and I made a breakfast of Squatchbreads and peanut butter. Until the lovely Lisa caught me and made me stop. It only took a moment for the lovely Lisa to open her stocking and for me to do the same. A dozen pairs of socks and a new Tilley hat to replace the one I left at Tommy Fulton's house and subsequently disappeared. With that part of Christmas done we got down to the good part.The Food.
      About 11:00 we started preparing the meal. Chef Boy R Lisa had studded the prime rib roast with garlic and massaged her concoction of herbs and spices all over it the night before. It was going into Tamara's oven down in the suite. Tamara and Chris have always gone to family for Christmas dinner. That left only the turkey and the ham to prep. While the lovely Lisa was sauteing the hot Italian sausage for her stuffing I started peeling potatoes. I might have went a little overboard.I peeled 25 pounds of potatoes for 19 people. Heavy on the spuds people! With my part of the Christmas dinner on a vigorous boil I hid out in the living room watching Basketball and Football responding to the occasional bellow from Chef Boy R Lisa when necessary. The prime rib was cooking away in the downstairs oven, the turkey was in the upstairs oven and the ham was on the BBQ.

      People started arriving after 3 and now the issue was where to put all the food people were bringing.

We ended up with 17 for dinner. Family and friends sitting down and sharing a meal. Mama Lee said a prayer, Bro Steve proposed a toast and as a bonus surprise, Dr Dan walked through the door just as we were finishing dinner and Mama Lee`s face lit up with surprise. The best Christmas present she could have ever gotten. Three hours later he was back on a plane to Prince George. The dishes had`t been cleaned from the table when the music started. Mark on the Mandolin and Bro Steve on my guitar started it off. Bill Taylor joined in as did Lea and myself on a drum.

I have a few guitars. GMcT was shaking out a rhythm on the tambourine and everyone was singing along. Some Christmas songs, some classic songs and some songs that had no words. Not really a crowd favorite. I grabbed a guitar and played Rudolph and Frosty and anything people can sing along to. Folsom Prison Blues and Margueritaville. Most people, or maybe just me, don`t care that someone can play 11 different chords in 8 bars. They just want to sing along.
      It was all in all a very good Christmas day. I had a few egg nogs. I even put rum in a couple of them. Brother Peter was the first to go when the Handi Dart showed up an hour early. A quick picture with all the Horvats together, a rare occasion and he was out the door with a Handi Dart driver who was not impressed with having to wait for Brother Peter. I`m sure she was run off her feet. As people started leaving we tried to get a handicap taxi for Mama Lee. Two hour wait. Mama Lee was already having discomfort from sitting in her chair so long. We made her comfortable and continued making music. When the taxi arrived he called me from the driveway. I didn`t hear the phone because we were still making music. Bill Taylor, Bro Steve and myself. Larry and Angie who live out in the Valley were hanging in to help with Mama Lee. The yard is snowed in so we carry her up and down the front stairs. The taxi driver, parked 20 feet from our front door drove away when we didn`t answer the phone. I called his cell and he said "Too Bad I have another fare" It took another 90 minutes to get a wheelchair taxi. Mama Lee was very happy when she could finally go home. Bro Steve and I got Mama Lee down the stairs and into the taxi and Bro Steve followed her home to make sure she got in okay.

     The next day, Boxing Day, was a blur. It took me 2 hours to put the room back together It was induced by leftover overload. We still had turkey, ham and prime rib, numerous bowls of veggies and of course about 15 pounds of potatoes. A full plate floating in Chef Boy R Lisa's incredible gravy and I was in a carbohydrate coma looking for a place to lie down.
      The lovely Lisa went shopping. I have never done that. I have never waited in line to by discounted electronics or anything else for that matter on boxing day. I have waited in line for Sushi at Tentatsu but that's worth it! We did need a new coffee maker and Lisa got one. The same as our old one that we had worn out. We drink a lot of coffee. It wasn't even on sale!
      Did I mention I got my bill for my points? Merry Christmas! You owe ICBC $415 dollars for your 7 points. 3 for doing 38 in a 30 zone and 4 for texting at a stop light. With the $600 dollars in fines. $350 for texting, $196 for speeding, it was an expensive two weeks last summer. See how  I cleverly weave a little extra misery into my story. Also my best friend Stu cracked some ribs and then got the Flu. Ho Ho Ho.
      Dr Dan rolled into town with Julia and Ryland the Lost Boy last night just in time for dinner. The same dinner I'm really getting tired of. I have eaten all the prime rib and most of the ham. I've never been a turkey man. A little dark meat and a lot of gravy. I put on 12 pounds in 3 days. We lay around after dinner like slugs on a sidewalk watching a 90 minute video I put together about our trip to Austrailia. Ryland is headed there mid month with his girlfriend Avery for 8 months. We spent 6 weeks there for our 10 th Anniversary Walkabout. It turned out pretty good but long. I also wrote a song about the trip. It's taken five years to get it down to 6 1/2 minutes from 22 minutes.
      I woke this morning to a new day, rain and melting snow. Raining here, probably snowing on the mountain. They weren't able to get Julia into lessons so she was stuck with me. Her first Papa Squatch Day Scare experience. Like all kids she wanted Rotten Ronnies. I took her to Burger King instead. Hey! It's whopper Wednesday! She had nuggets, fries apple juice and an amazingly annoying toy.

I of course had a Whopper meal. When I ordered the girl at the counter asked me "Just One"
" Just one what? I asked "Whopper" " Do I look like I need two whoppers?" " Does anyone look like they NEED two Whoppers?" I must say I was offended as I devoured my Whopper while eyeing up Julia's left over Nugget. Why the nerve of some people!

      After lunch I took her to Koko's indoor playground. She was having a ball and I was writing on my phone. It took her all of two minutes and she had made some friends. They then ran around screaming for the next 4 hours.

I bought her some tokens for the rides. The girl at the counter gave me extra tokens I got like a dozen of them for $5. Julia was treating all of her new friends to rides.

Everybody likes a gal with money. I couldn't get any decent pictures of her because she never stops moving and because I have some kind of stupid delay on my phone camera all I see in most of the pictures is the blurry back of her head.

 We got home just after 5:00 and she ate cookies and I let her watch "Her Show" Not something I do with the Grandkids but not my kid. Go ahead turn your little forming brain into pudding!
      I just heard from the lovely Lisa Ski Bunny. She's dropping Dr Dan and the Lost Boy off at the Canucks game and headed home. Now that I wrote Tentatsu, that's what I want for dinner. I can't eat anymore leftovers. Besides all that's left is turkey and parsnips! Oh yeah, and potatoes!

That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace out Y'all

Return of the Fat Bastard - Such a whiny Pussy!

December 23rd 2016

Lovely Lisa Ski Bunny took this shot December 12th

      It was one year ago today that I was released from Royal Columbian Hospital after nineteen days of recovery from my bypass surgery. In those nineteen days I received the best healthcare I could imagine. Every person at the hospital I had contact with, from the lab techs, to the nurses and even my cardiologist who is a big Raptors fan were so kind and understanding. Other than the multiple types of infections in the multiple holes they left in my body, the hospital was great!

One Year ago today

I was sitting in a wheelchair at the main exit clutching my heart shaped pillow signed by all the nurses who looked after me, waiting for the lovely Lisa to come back with the truck for the fifteen minute ride home. In that fifteen minutes I learned to hate manhole covers and potholes. It wasn't that it hurt it was just the last thing they said was " Hold that pillow tight to your chest. It's only two little wires holding your sternum together " so every time we hit a bump I could feel my chest separating and my heart falling into my lungs! Needless to say I was happy to be home.
      I haven't participated in the commercial aspects of Christmas for years. I haven't bought a Christmas present in ten years. That's when I started having panic attacks. That's when I opted out of  Greedfest and began focusing on Christmas.

Our Living Room

A Christmas Bear on the tree

Someone else's house

Another someone else's house.

The friends and family, the lights and decorations and of course the food.
      If you watch the commercials you would think that you're some kind of Douche Bag if you don't park a new Audi in your wife's parking spot or the new XBox is reasonably priced at $499. Who is that reasonably priced for. Spend $20 buy him a basketball and send him to the school yard. That XBox is lowering his IQ/ EQ at an alarming rate. Why am I on about this? Because I had my first Panic attack in five years today. I'm not sure why I feel the need to write about this other than hoping it helps me deal with how I'm feeling. I am consumed by an overpowering feeling of wrong. I'm bursting out of my skin and feel like a deer in the headlights. The trigger was so insignificant as to be laughable. I'm not laughing. I'm also not in control. I'm unbelievably emotional feeling overwhelmed and unable to make any decisions about anything. I hope this passes soon.
      We've been having a rather merry Christmas Season. It always starts with Mama Lee's Birthday on the 10th of December. We had a little party for her at her care facility.
      I put up the outdoor lights and the lovely Lisa Christmas Psycho plastered the entire inside of the house with twenty odd Rubbermaid bins of Christmas paraphernalia. There is not a flat surface to sit anything on or wall space to hang anything on. We have six Christmas trees scattered around the living room. More lights than a Las Vegas Casino and the smell of Shortbread everywhere. Okay the Shortbread is me.
      The lovely Lisa finished up on Once Upon a Time last Friday and is off until the new year. She was still decorating today.
I played a lot of music leading up to the Songwriting contest. And my song was a winner. I played it live on the radio at 98.7 the Point the following Monday morning and it got a really good response.
      Tuesday I was in Hyde Creek Studios recording When Santa's in Vancouver with Bro Steve Horvat, Pamela Dominelli and Leon Ebersohn. It was engineered by Rob James. I was very pleased with how it came out. It's floating out there in cyber space on Band Camp.com under the name Sasquatch Mountain FOG the FOG stands for Four Old Guys or Maybe Five Old Guys when Gerry gets back from Phoenix with his sax or, maybe any other four letter F word that strikes your fancy!
      Lot's of visiting and social events. As always, the highlight of the Christmas season was Ricky Ghini's Christmas party. If there was ever someone who could out Christmas the lovely Lisa Christmas Psycho it's Ricky! Inside and out. It's hard to believe, but since he moved the display to his Mom's place it has been reduced by about half. Lot's of good cheer going around the party and you catch up with all the people you see maybe once or twice a year. After a while the lovely Lisa and I went upstairs to see Gloria, Ricky's Mom. I've known her for years and she makes the best Lasagna ever!! She's getting on in years but still sharp as a tack.  She lost her son Ronnie this time last year. It was the first of too many sad days this year. We gathered at the Church on Blue Mountain and Austin. It was standing room only. I was only three weeks out of the hospital. Half way through the service the sun came up and shone through the stained glass windows behind the pulpit. I went right home and recorded It Didn't Rain and dedicated it to Ronnie.

Gloria

Then I played it to Gloria the next time I saw her. Now she wants me to play it every time I see her. I do, with pleasure. This year I sat with her and my little nylon string guitar and played for about an hour. Mostly my own stuff but a couple of Johnny Cash covers. "Play your own songs Squatchy" she says to me "I like them better." I'm not sure if that's a positive critique of my songs or a negative one of my ability to play Johnny Cash! I finally put it down on a CD for her and need to drop it off soon.
      Started the week at The Heritage Grill. Playing music and having some Christmas Cheer with Gregg Gorrie who hosts the open Mic and the Ukelelians who where in a most festive mood. I dropped a plate of Squatchbread cookies on the table to share and they soon discovered you can't sing with Squatchbreads in your mouth. They suck all the juice out of your face! The lovely Lisa and I have been out and about most every night Sushi at Tentatsu Too. Appies at Rivers Reach and Mexican at Taquerita Tropical. Muey Buenos!
      We also Christmas wobbled our way home from wherever we were. You know, take all the side streets so you can see the Christmas lights. We wound our way through New Westminster, parts of Burnaby PoCo and Coquitlam. There were some pretty cool places. It looks even better because there's snow.
      After Mexican last night we went to the open mic at Magnetiq. It's a great room to play in. The lovely Lisa Christmas Elf , Bro Steve and a lot of people I have come to know through music.

Squatchbreads

 I had a big plate of Squatchbreads to pass around and a lot of Ho Ho Ho's to contribute to the din of alcohol fueled Christmas Cheer. It was another night of good music with good people.
 

At Magnetiq

          I was right about the writing thing. I do feel better. Now I have to decide if I am going to post it as is or go back and change it so I don't sound like such a whiny Pussy! I better get it together or the Trumper might grab me! History tells me it will go out as is. Something I have regretted once or twice in the past.
   I have a bunch of pictures but I'm still dealing with my kidney/gall bladder issues. As you can tell from this post I'm a little bit scattered. Not fun but doable.

That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace out Y'all



      

Return of the Fat Bastard - Here's hoo tae dae it the Scots way! Pay attention ya Daft Bastards!

December 10th 2016

      The 10th of December 1941 Emilee Ann Decker joined the community of man. 75 years later we celebrated with her in her residence in Coquitlam. A kind and generous soul who is, like many of our elderly parents, suffering with the breakdown of the body and mind. It was a nice area where we had some privacy.

The Birthday girl

GMcT and Sharrie were there as was Duffy. Of course the family was there, Jen Christian and the Grandkids, Bro Steve, the lovely Lisa, Me and the Ratdogs.

Familia and a photo Bomb.

All the staff came by to wish her a Happy Birthday the ladies that she eats with and several of the other residents who wandered by and joined in the free food. Unfortunately the weather and the Flu kept her long time friends at home. Mama Lee lived over near the airport for years. It was fun. Mama Lee was smiling and everyone was making a fuss over her just like they should. But before any of that happened.

Dick!

      I was attacked by that asshole Hummingbird again. This time he was close enough I could see his tongue shooting out the end of his long beak. It looks like a straw but they can open their beaks wide enough to eat a bug!

Which is what they eat for protein. He was a foot away from my head. I was bringing him the feeder I bring in at night so it doesn't freeze. Then he took to sitting on the back of the deck chair so he was in a primo position to defend his territory. I've named him Dick! Over the course of the morning he would drink from the feeder then do his rounds. The chair back, The cherry tree or the bush in front of the kitchen window for mid range attacks!

Dick outside the kitchen window

He stays a few minutes then he's gone to the next spot or feeder he's a big Hummer for sure bigger than all the other ones. I know what that's like.

The Lovely Lisa went to do shopping for the party and I went to the kitchen to make Mom's Scottish Shortbread. Here's the recipe for the best shortbread ever!

1 pound of butter - regular butter not unsalted
1 cup of Icing Sugar
4 cups of flour
mix it, roll it, mark it with a T or is that B?
Use it fresh and try to roll it to a uniform thickness. You get  less burnies!
It doesn't like the fridge and don't freeze it and damn it stop eating them or there won't be any to give away! Now that's out of the way.  Here's hoo tae dae it the Scots way! Pay attention ya Daft Bastards!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkGToAMgqx4

It was a little long but it turns out I don't really care. I don't have anywhere pressing to be. You could skip it or fast forward it but then you wouldn't learn the secret to happiness and that would be sad so I will tell you the secret to happiness.....Butter and sugar!  It's also the secret to a short life and burial in a piano case but hey!Quiet night at home. I'm being consumed by my Christmas song. The response has been so great from everyone but especialy the ones with young kids has been amazing. I have a plan! And a roast chicken to eat.

That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace out y'all

Return of the Fat Bastard - Not flowing as much as oozing.

December 9th 2016

With Poul waiting our turn

      I feel like I've been holding my breath for the last few days. Between the Papa Squatch Day Scare, the song writers contest and the kidney stones I feel like I'm under pressure from inside and out. On the plus side I think I do my best work under pressure.

With Bill Taylor, Lea Sheldon and Pamela Dominelli

The contest was last night and I felt so comfortable on stage and so relaxed when it was over . Was it the release of the pressure of performing or the six beers trying to loosen up the kidney stones. You read that right stones...plural. I see a urologist on Tuesday. I'm tempted not to go. Last time I saw one of these guys he ended up shoving a camera up my tallywacker! Didn't much care for that! I called it a Weenieoscopy. It sounds like it should be more fun than it actually is. This has been going on for about three weeks now. I'm tired of talking about it so I'm sure you must be tired of me talking about it. I really enjoyed last night at the Magnetiq Lounge. And not just because I was one of the winners, but because  of the quality of people I have met through these open mics.Kind hearted people who love to laugh and make music. When I couldn't play a lick they let me sit in. Now that I know four chords I'm damn near musical!

Mark Sheldon

      I want to thank all the people who shared my song. The comments from my friends with children about their kids reaction to the song were particularly heart warming. I knew it was a good song because I played it for Bella, Chris and Matty and they loved it. I was confident that if I played it properly and focused on the flow of energy coming from the audience I would be fine. I could see the Judges laughing in the right spots and I focused my energies on them. Like I said yesterday I felt really comfortable. I tied for first place with Eddy Edriks. He has an amazing voice and wrote a beautiful song. After the contest they opened the stage and I played with Jack on drums, Leon on percussion, Pam on bass and Bill Taylor and Chris Duffault on guitars and Lea  helping me with vocals. We were supposed to play three songs but got the hook after two. Turn the page and Can`t you see. Each ended up about ten minutes long. When you have that much guitar playing talent on stage you have to use it. I gave them two solos each, each song. It was blast! Win or lose didn`t matter. I did my best. I got to spend an evening with the lovely Lisa and a bunch of talented people and woke up this morning to the good news about the contest.
      I had an appointment down town at 12:30 and I was up at 8 am waiting for the Grandkids who never came. I forgot that Jen was starting later today and was going to drop off the kids herself. I got myself ready and gave myself extra time because it was snowing again. I left the house at 10:45 and was at my appointment at 11:10. Way to early and I didn`t want to pay to park so I drove over to Main street and parked at McDonalds to poach their WiFi for an hour. I have lots of Data on my plan but I just feel better getting free anything! By the time I got back to my appointment the snow was really coming down. My appointment went well and when I got back to my car I saw they had plowed the road. They had covered the side of my car with dirty grey slush up to the mirrors and left me a two foot high pile of snow to climb over. I didn`t care. I was having a great day and now I WAS DRIVING AROUND IN A SNOWSTORM!! I was like Yukon Cornelius as I mushed my 160 horsepower Rav 4 around and past the numerous tiny cars with no weight and giant buses sliding sideways across the road. I was sitting in front of Brother Peters place after having my own driving issues. The side streets were unplowed and in PoCo almost impassable. With a manual transmission and years of snow driving under my ample belt I was never close to stuck but the snow was really coming down heavy. I had to ditch Brother Peter  and his appointment with his Denturist to have his new plate adjusted. He`s having some issues with the fit but it just wasn`t safe to be out driving. The fifteen minute drive home turned into an hour long crawl through Coquitlam center to Mariner Way where the flow of traffic was not flowing as much as oozing. I turned up the radio 98.7 the Point where my song will be playing as of next Monday. I know, a shameless plug. I`m okay with that. As a matter of fact here it is again! When Santa`s in Vancouver.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xUrEUP6mhLI&t=13s

      Once I was home I threw the Ratdogs out into the snow while I cleaned up an assortment of liquids that they left for me. Then I mopped the floors and let the little Bastards back in with a stern warning! Then Nutmeg went down and pooped on Michelle with one L`s carpet. Then I went out and shoveled the drive so the lovely Lisa could park Otto.

The Icicle monster is about to eat that poor guy

Lots of snow on Cypress

More icicles

The lovely Lisa Ski Bunny got home after a day of sliding down Cypress Mountain to a still frozen chicken that I had forgotten about anyway and me watching the Raptors in my underwear. Then Michelle with one L came upstairs and I had to go put on pants. Since I had pants on and the chicken dinner was a pipe dream so I had a pipe and the lovely Lisa and I walked over to the Austin Diner.

The lovely Lisa apres ski

It`s not called that any more but it will always be the Austin Diner to me. Combo B that`s what I always order. Sweet and sour boneless pork, chicken chow mien and beef chop suey. More than I can eat. The lovely Lisa had the same thing because she was too tired to read the menu. I wrote this thing and now it`s 1:30 am and I need to get to sleep. Here`s a few pictures in no particular order.

That`s all I`ve got
Till next time
Peace out Yàll

Return of the Fat Bastard - Holiday Song Writing Contest (at the Magnetiq Club Lounge in beautiful downtown New Westminister!)

December 8th 2016

On stage at Magntiq Club Lounge

      I have been even more of a slacker the last few days than normal. Which takes some doing. It's the writing I've been slacking on. I've been so busy lately with Papa Squatch Day Scare, trying to get ready for Christmas and working on the Christmas song for tonight's Holiday Song Writing Contest (at the Magnetiq Club Lounge in beautiful downtown New Westminister!) by 11:30 I'm slipping into a coma!
      I want to send a Birthday wish to my beautiful Granddaughter in Toronto. I don't know that she reads this but if she does I want her to know that Gramma Lisa and I love you very much and always look forward to your summer visits.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=va6OnX0plsY

Is it a coincidence that she was born on Pearl Harbour Day? I think that it was so Papa could remember her Birthday! It's all over the news every year.
      It was a bad day to be a Ratdog. Elvis was so matted under his belly he was humped over like a Dachshund humping a football! I know how that feels. Once I had gum stuck in my pubes! Ouch!! How it got there is not important! The groomer had a cancellation and they were in at 11:00. Elvis's personality changes radically after his haircut. It's hard to be a bully when your the size of a Squirrel!

Christmas Haircuts for the Ratdogs

      The Grandkids were released an hour early so the teachers could do Parent /Teacher interviews. I picked them up at 1:45 and  we went to spring the Ratdogs from the Groomers. They were ready togo! Until they hit the cold air! Nutmeg was trying to scratch her way into the car, not that good for the paint! Fortunately she can't reach above the rocker panel. I took the Grandkids and the Ratdogs to the Highschool beside Blue Mountain Park where there is a good sliding hill.

The Ratdogs were out of the car, peed and jumped back in before I could close the door. I think this is Ratdog Sweater time! The Grandkids I had to pull off the hill! We went and had a visit with Mama Lee. It's been a while since they've been to see her. Mama Lee was very happy to see them. Bella and Chris (He prefers it to Christo now) told her all about the sliding and the jump and Mama Lee was grinning from ear to ear. Mama Lee gets big street cred for Grandkids showing up during the week. Christian picked them up at 4;00 and I sat in front of the TV and fell asleep! I woke up when I got the lovely Lisa's Ho warning. So I cleaned up the kitchen. We had a nice quiet evening at home and were in bed before midnight.
      Lots going on today. I have a pedicure booked with Mama Lee and a doctors appointment after that. The lovely Lisa is going to stay down at the mall and Christmas shop with Mama Lee while I go to the Doctors. Just to renew my meds and find out what's going on with my kidney. Maybe it's a stone but maybe it's not. I don't ignore these things anymore. That's how I ended up with multiple zippers.
       My main focus today is the Holiday Songwriting Contest at the Magnetiq Club Lounge in New Westminister. It's right behind the Heritage Grill. No matter how it works out tonight the song is a winner because Bella and Chris think it's great! I'll put up my performance from the contest once I get it. Because I haven't done it yet!
Okay off for a Pedicure!

That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace out Y'all
   
   

Return of the Fat Bastard - I wasn't dreaming of a White Christmas

December 5th 2016

      I wasn't dreaming of a white Christmas but I can live with it. The lovely Lisa Christmas Psycho's enthusiasm is contagious. And she's not even here to make me enjoy it either. There was about three inches of snow when I rolled out of bed fifteen minutes before Pre School Papa Squatch Dayscare begins. I was on my second cup of Jo when they trooped through the back door. "Take off your boots" I bellowed from my bedroom. I could hear them scrambling back to the doorway. When I came out they were both on the couch smothered in Ratdogs. They have been freaking out all day. We are an arterial route so the plow comes by every twenty minutes.Scares the crap out of them. Nutmeg likes the snow, she eats it and dives headfirst into it. Elvis won't go out unless you make him. The Grandkids wanted to go play in the snow I didn't want them to. Cold and wet is not conducive to learning unless your learning about hypothermia!
      I took the Grandkids to school a few minutes early so they could play in the snow. They barely dropped their backpacks when the bell rang. I got the hairy eyeball from both of them. It seems my wrist watch is 3 minutes slow.
      Another cup of Jo and I was slipping into my snow shovelling costume. It became evident within minutes of starting to shovel that my coat, hat and gloves are made of sponge! Not only was it wet it was getting pretty heavy! It never stopped raining the whole time I was making the video I posted on Facebook earlier and now here again. By the time I finished the side walk the stairs were covered again. Screw it, I'm going in for lunch. I downloaded the video and did the editing while I burned the sausages that I had on the stove. I ate them anyway with a salad and a glass of Metamucil!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fn1FwasBzg0

      I practiced my song and straightened out the lights on the front deck when one of the hummingbirds came to the feeder. I was standing a dozen feet from the bird. I believe it's an Anna Hummingbird. Their the only ones that winter here. Tough little mothers. I could watch those little birds all day.

https://youtu.be/l-HHonJG_wE

      I killed time playing guitar and watching poker without the sound on. It didn't seem that pathetic at the time. I realised after half an hour I knew what cards were coming. I convinced myself that I was some kind of Poker Savant and was all ready to head down to the Hardrock Casino to clean out some fish! Then I realised that I had watched the same show last week on a different channel.
      I went out to the shed and found their Saucer Slider. I had been using it to sit my chainsaw on so the oil wouldn't leak all over the place. Instead it leaked all over the Saucer Slider. I cleaned it with mass quantities of snow and then windex. It was still stained but squeaky clean!
      I walked over to the school  just as the bell rang. I'm going to tell you there is no more joyous celebration than a school of  5 - 10 year olds let loose on a snow day. It was still snowing and it was pandemonium!

Sliders, snowballers, snowman and snow fort constructors all having a great time. The parents where all gathered in bunches. Talking  to each other with one eye on their kids the way only parents can do. 

I had no idea where Bella and Christo were. Is grey the new black!  It seems like every other kid was wearing a grey parka and black snow pants.  Bella was on her knees making a Snowdog and Christo was using his Saucer Slider as a shield while in a massive snowball fight with Matty and some other overactive prepubescent boys. I was sucking up the energy like a Papa Squatch Vaccuum!

We stayed in the school yard for about 40 minutes then I bellowed and they came running. All of them! It was like my call to the Grandkids was the signal for all the parents to gather up the fruit of their looms and head home for supper.

       It wasn't dark yet and there was a yard full of untouched snow. Not for long. As far as I was concerned they could stay out their all day. They made a pretty cool Snowman. A fort and then worked up the courage to go on the trampoline. I can't even remember the last time I felt that good, felt the joy of  just being! That feeling that was written all over there faces. I sat in my office so I could keep an eye on them. Those three can get out of hand in a hurry. Way too much imagination. Christian showed up to get the Grandkids and shortly after that the lovely Lisa was home with dinner. Michelle with one L made a nice salad and with the pork and chicken from Chef Boy R Lisa We watched the Raptors lose to Cleveland again! I'm surprised that the lovely Lisa has let me watch as much sports as she has lately. I think she's worn out from her job. Or maybe I just wore her down! I offer to go to Tiny TV Town. But no. We have been to three live sporting events, a BC Lions game on Halloween, in costume and she fell asleep in the second half. A baseball game at Old Yankee Stadium between the Mets and the Yankees. She stayed awake for that. Partly because there was a near riot when half the ticket holders were still trying to get in halfway through the second inning due to extra security. The third one was last week in Phoenix with Gerry Sax Potter. We went to the Canucks game. She stayed awake then too.
      After dinner I went to the Heritage grill to play some music. I did four original songs including my new Christmas song which I absolutely brutalized! I couldn't remember the words. I was speeding up and slowing down all in all not happy with the effort. The other three were freakin awesome! lol. Papa Squatch Dayscare again tomorrow. The lovely Lisa is up at 2:15 and since it's 12:40 now I think I'll watch a show.

That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace out Y'all

     

Return of the Fat Bastard - Stretched out on the back seat and licked herself.

December 4th 2016

Before

      Ho Ho Horrible! That was the weather yesterday when I was putting up the outdoor Christmas lights. It never stopped raining and the temperature hung in around 3 degrees. It took all day to do. Mind you I had no shortage of breaks. I drank a lot of microwaved Jo and consumed the occasional bowl of reality retardant so I could stop feeling sorry for myself. It's hard not to be enthusiastic about Christmas in Casa Lisa because the lovely Lisa Christmas Psycho is on a bagel! That's kind of a roll.

As I write this the lovely Lisa Christmas Psycho is about three quarters finished in the living room that is. There's still the kitchen and the bathroom to do. It just wouldn't be Christmas if the Elf on the Shelf wasn't there to watch you pinch off a Yule Log!
      Today of course the weather is spring like. Sunday. The day I usually spend in front of the TV watching football. I ended up spending the day out of the house doing errands with the lovely Lisa. Yesterday I was absorbing moisture like Sponge Head Square Bob! Meanwhile Gramma Lisa was shopping for a helmet for Christo Taking him and Bella for lunch and then taking them up to Cypress. We buy the Grandkids yearly ski passes and equipment rentals.

Christo and his snowball

Good snow pants are a must

Olympic memories

Bella Queen of the Castle

      This is Christo's first year but Bella's on her third year and was Schlussing to beat the band at the end of last season.  They got up the mountain and had several difficulties of a technical nature. One being the idiot staff that told the lovely Lisa there were no lessons being given until mid December only to find lessons being given when they arrived. Gramma Lisa went in to the office and was on the staff like a raccoon on a pizza box! It accomplished nothing but did scare the crap out of the Grandkids to see  Gramma Lisa Bare her fangs! Then when Gramma Lisa went to put on Christo's boots that he was fitted for three weeks ago only to find he has had a growth spurt and his boots were too small. I tell you the kids a junior Sasquatch. So they played in the snow for a while before going for icecream. Meanwhile back at Casa Lisa I was cold, damp and one of the light strings I put up was now not working. I checked it before I put it up. I swear I did. The worst part was I was going to do the big Clark Griswold reveal when the lovely Lisa got home. As her car pulled up to the driveway I plugged in the lights and the one string didn't come on.

No lights under the peace sign...Bah Humbug!

The front door

I have put up hundreds of lights. I spent all day in the rain putting up those hundreds of lights. What does the lovely Lisa say to me " The lights in the corner are out" Then she breezed past me with the announcement we were going to Rivers Reach for Pizza.
      Two hours and A Canuck win over the Maple Loafs later we were eating Pizza at the Rivers Reach. Duffy was there when we got there and we sat with him. He had a couple of  beers while we gobbled down Hot Wings and Pizza. It was pushing 10:00 when we left the pub then we meandered home through residential neighbourhoods looking at the Christmas lights. We do it several times each year. Just drive aimlessly around the city checking out the lights.
      My dreams of football watching were dealt a harsh blow when the lovely Lisa laid out my itinerary for the day. They were playing in the snow in Green Bay and Chicago! I love that stuff! First GMcT and Sharrie stopped by. I played them my new song. I've been practicing like crazy. I find an improvement every time I play it. I'm still struggling with the tempo and I played it too slow for GMcT. Well at least the words are finally finished. I have to perform it live in front of a panel of Judges on Thursday at the Magnetiq Lounge formerly Fireball Lounge in New Westminster. If your out and about Thursday come by and hear twenty or so singer songwriters play their original Christmas   song.

The lions

    The lovely Lisa and I left the house about 12:30 headed to the Teamster Hall on East Broadway to drop off an envelope. That's all I can say or I'll end up with Jimmy Hoffa. Then we went to a Thai Grocery on Kingsway looking for Pad Thai noodles and sauce. We got the noodles, no sauce.
      It was a beautiful day today so we took the Ratdogs to Trout lake.

Trout Lake

The sun was drawing people out of their dens like the Pied Piper draws out Rats! It was like a freakin parade! There were people and dogs and kids everywhere you looked. We were back in the car and headed for Tentatsu Too for an early dinner. Chef Boy R Lisa is up at 2:00 so we had to eat early and we still had the work shop to do.

Yummy Sushi

We had our usual Avocado Tuna Carpaccio and Chicken Teriyaki Dinner. I ordered wild salmon sashimi because it is so good here. The Ratdogs were in the car. When we opened the door Elvis jumped out and peed on a tree Nutmeg just stretched out on the back seat and licked herself.
      The shop took about  40 minutes and I was home before halftime of the Seahawks game. I thought about going out to play some music at the Fireside in Sapperton but ultimately stayed home and caught up on my writing and played the song a few more times. The lovely Lisa is up at 2 am. I don't know if I can last that long. I have the Grandkids tomorrow before school they're being dropped off at 8 am.

That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace out Y'all