Who's a Fat Bastard - Pulled pork for dinner, cards for desert

October 24 2014

Pulled Pork Dinner

     I really thought I could do it. Running on 2 hours and 16 minutes of sleep, I drove Stalker Bill and his wife Ping to the airport for their trip to Fort  Lauderdale and the cruise.

So when I got home about 5:30 am I figured I'd just stay up and do an all nighter like the old days. Not so fast Old Man. By 9:30, I was speaking in tongues. At 10 o'clock, Lisa wiped the drool off my chin and sent me to bed.  That's the last thing I remember. I woke up at 2 pm to an empty house. Even Elvis and Nutmeg had deserted me.

     I made myself a cup of Joe and I had just sat down when the phone rang. It was Mama Lee. She was speaking so softly I couldn't hear her on the phone. I told her I'd be by in an hour or so and we would talk then.

     I made myself a nice breakfast of eggs, tomato, avocado, and pear. 

If you can call 2:30 in the afternoon breakfast!! I guess you can.

It doesn't matter whether Lisa starts at 6 am Or 9 pm, the first meal is always called breakfast when she's cooking on set. By the way there are some really good pears around right now.

     I had a long hot shower and that almost made me feel like a human being. It feels kind of strange being back in long pants. I've pretty much been in shorts since April. Dogless, I headed over to see Mama Lee.  She's having some issues with paranoia. I talked to her doctor and he told me it is part of the progression of her Parkinson's disease. She refuses to talk above a whisper at the moment. She thinks that everyone is listening to her. I sat and talked to her for a while, trying to allay her fears. 

     This is the strangest thing, since Mama Lee's husband, Adrian, passed away a year ago she has become very interested in sports.

BC Lions and Vancouver Canucks in particular. Adrian was a Lions season ticket holder and watched all the Canucks games. Mama Lee had never shown any interest before. Now she asks me pretty much every day when's the next game on. 

     There is a fellow there that comes every day to be with his wife

who is nonverbal and confined to a wheelchair. He's a big sports fan and he and Mama Lee watch  the games together. He and his wife have been married for more than sixty years. I've never heard her speak and I've never heard him speak to her. And yet he comes every day, sits and holds her hand. Love like that is amazing and humbling to see. 

     Lisa left while I was still asleep to visit Michele on the North Shore and do some Halloween shopping at thrift stores. It's Lisa's favourite holiday. The Halloween Party we were going to was cancelled today. Anyone know of a party?

     I sent her a text to ask if she needed anything from the supermarket. Lisa had invited four of our friends over tonight to have pulled pork for dinner and cards for desert. Lisa makes the most incredible pulled pork. 

Braised in her concoction of Carrots, onions, spices and fruit juice, it's the best pulled pork I have ever had. 

She strains the veggies out of the stock, (but not the flavour.) then reduces the liquid until it has so much flavour you could drink it like tea! 

Once the liquid is added back to the pork OMG it's good.

     After dinner we played three games of screw your neighbour,

it's a form of Bid Whist. I won the first game and then Gordie won the next two. 

The girls were shut out. Lot's of laughs.  We took a break to play a couple of tunes. Gordie on Guitar and I was terrifying the dogs and neighbours with my newly acquired lap steel. I'm just barely starting to get the hang of it. I have to stop trying to strum the rhythm like it's a guitar.

     Barry "mole boy" Ho. Has found a vehicle that he thinks would work well for Sharon. She has been without a vehicle for a couple of weeks now.The good news about that whole situation is I'm staying the hell out of it. Even if it was a brand new ride, what kind of Moron would put himself in the middle of a deal between a good friend and his ex-wife? Not this Moron!!
     We broke up the shindig back side of 11:00. Did the cleanup and the dishes and then Lisa went to bed and I went to the keyboard. I was in bed by 12:30. And I am finishing this in the morning.
     I am going to try to exercise today. I haven't done anything in a week. I sure notice the drop in my energy level when I don't. Sunday is Weigh Day. I don't think you can lose weight by diet alone. I've been doing some isometric exercises and  a lot of stretching trying to keep everything loose. Other than that, I rely on stress and the stupidity of others to raise my heart rate.

That's all I got
Till next time
Peace Out Y'all

©2014 Dave Squatch Ward

Who's a Fat Bastard - Trying to use mind control

October 23, 2014

     Karma is a bitch! I let politics and negativity creep into my blog yesterday and I was rewarded with a slap from Buster's towing. I set the alarm for 6:30 am. I had an appointment at 9 am on Beatty Street in Vancouver. I was in bed last night before midnight. I had written yesterdays blog in the afternoon and I was in a foul mood. In case it didn't come through in yesterdays rant. I had no problem getting up. Got on with my morning rituals and dressed for success. I had some material to go over and with a cup of Joe in hand, I read and reread the copy. I was just getting ready to go out the door at 7:30 when the lovely Lisa got up. Lisa had a dentist appointment at 9. We had coffee together, she made a pot of fancy Hawaiian coffee. I kept slurping my Joe.

     It was 7:45 when I got on the road. I never have to be in town at 9 am. It was raining hard enough I had to put the wipers on ten, I could have used an eleven! The multi million dollar #1 highway improvement / Port Mann bridge upgrade, has left swimming pool size puddles in several places on the 100 kph road. Combined with Vancouverites natural ability to drive like idiots, traffic was at a stand still. I got on at Brunette and off at Gaglardi, one exit later. I took the Lougheed instead. Munching on a delicious Honey Crisp apple  I hit all the lights and was thinking, this is my lucky day. 

Until I hit Boundary Rd, I think it is the boundary of sanity. Cross at your own risk, check brain function and road manners at the door. There were huge puddles everywhere and people speeding into them and stalling. My truck has a high clearance and I have a brain. Slow down. Unless there's a bunch of people at a bus stop. Then stomp it! If it's not raining too hard you can roll down the window and here their angry screams. Mind you if you stall out they will tear you apart like a monkey on a donut! It took almost an hour and a half to go what usually takes twenty-five minutes. When I arrived at my destination fifteen minutes late. I parked and fed the meter. It had a temporary parking prohibited sign on the meter but today was not one of the days listed.
     I hurried up to my meeting to find the door locked and nobody home. I needed to pee so bad I went back to the elevator to go find a bathroom. When the elevator arrived My appointment came out apologising. "I'm so sorry the traffic is brutal!" she said  "That's okay, do you have a restroom handy" I said, while doing the don't leak shuffle! " In the office" Great. I dropped my pack as soon as I cleared the door, grabbed the key and laid rubber on my way back down the hall. I couldn't make the key work. Panic was setting in and liquid was trying to escape. I looked at the CD that was used as a key fob on it was written.....WOMEN. Thank God they're side by side. When you consider that I had drank twenty ounces of coffee and spent ninety minutes in traffic, I did alright. A little bit of overspray and a wet spot the size of a loonie, okay a toonie on the front of my jeans. I was drying my wet spot with the air dryer when the door opened. To say the tiny Asian women was surprised to open the ladies room door and see a 280 pound man with his crotch under a hand dryer is an understatement. I mumbled something about the mens being broken and scurried away. I had a good meeting and when I left, I found that my truck had been towed. I read the meter but not the street sign. I was in a commercial loading zone. I phoned the number and got the address. two blocks south of the Main street Skytrain station.  I walked up to the Stadium Station, about four blocks, in the rain. It was one stop on the Skytrain $30 in a cab. It was a light rain until I was one block away. Then it poured. I was soaked. Even worse, I was wearing a down filled hunting vest that I now believe was made out of sponge!

Soaking up the scenery at the Skytrain

     I'm not proud of this but, I got on the train without paying. It wasn't deliberate. I was on a call from Stalker Bill and next thing you know the train is there and I'm on it. It was only one stop but still, what a douche bag! When the train pulls into Main Street station the platform is full of transit people. Cops and security guy's checking tickets. I picked the path of least resistance and moved like I had somewhere to be. A transit Cop, checking the ticket of a girl with multi coloured weed whacker cut hair and a hub cap in her ear, looked right at me. I nodded to him, smiled and kept walking. The directions on the phone said two blocks south of the station. I should have listened to the entire message. It was also three blocks east.
     I was third in line at the impound lot. I was now dripping on the floor. My sponge vest was fully engorged and squirting little streams of water when I moved.There was only one person behind the bullet proof glass and she was having a hard time explaining to the woman in front of her that " I didn't know I couldn't park there " is not a legitimate excuse. Twenty minutes and $88 later I was reunited with my truck. That doesn't include the $50 parking ticket which doubles if I don't pay it in 14 days. That's what I get for slagging Justin Trudeau! I'm not apologising and I meant what I said but it seems both the Media and Karma dig him. Me, not so much.
     I got home about the same time as Lisa returned from her Dentist appointment. I told of my adventure and she told me to pay the ticket, now! I didn't, being the wilful  spoiled brat that I am. Instead I made my self lunch.

Meatballs and chicken with avocado and tomato. Is it just me or is it getting hard to find tomato flavoured tomatoes? It's harder than finding Banana coloured Bananas!
     I went over to Momma Lee's for 12:30 to play some music for the folks. Momma Lee was having a trying day. She was a little bit confused.

I played all the old tunes they like and then made them listen to a few of my original songs. They are a good bunch and some of them even stay awake through the whole hour!

Brother Steve showed up just as I was finishing. We went down to Momma Lee's room. Steve was going to stay and have a visit and I was headed home.
     I had a bit of time to kill before I was going to meet Stalker Bill and his wife Ping in Surrey. I worked on the first paragraph of today's blog, drank coffee and hung out with Lisa. Stalker Bill was being picked up at the ferry terminal by his friend Sonny and driven to the White Spot in Guilford, fifteen minutes from our house. And of course. the Port Mann toll. I was to meet them at 3:30. They got there about 4, not bad for Bill and Ping. We reconnected on the Alaska Cruise we took this summer after more than twenty years. Auntie Janice tagged him the Stalker. Every time he would see her, he would ask where I was. "Your stalkers looking for you" she would tell me.

Stalker Bill and Ping

We were at the Wet Spot for about an hour, talking with Sonny and having a couple of appy's. The lovely Lisa was waiting at home. Stalker Bill can play guitar! That's how we first met. In 1983 Bill was part of a Duo called Magic. They worked for me at the Anchor Inn in Campbell River. We jammed a couple of tunes, he's a Beatle nut, and went down to Woody's for dinner, football and Canucks. We had a pile of chicken wings and the steak sandwich special. Canucks won, Denver won and Lisa blew twenty bucks on Pacific Hold Em. A government run scam that has convinced people that by giving them back their wager, they're a winner. That and the 40% skim stop me from playing.      Stalker Bill and Ping are flying to Fort Lauderdale to go on an eight day cruise. I'm driving them to the airport at 4 am. When we got back to the house around 11 pm they got their luggage in order and called it a night. I was up till 1:30 writing. I set the alarm for 4 am and it seemed that I had barely closed my eyes when it went off. I made a pot of coffee and waited for them to get it together. Forty minutes later we were out the door. I took the dogs with me for company on the way back from the airport. They don't talk much, just stare at you, trying to use mind control to make you stop at every tree! I was home by 5:30 am but unfortunately the two cups of coffee have me up for the day. It's 6:30 am and Lisa just told me to come back to bed. She's probably sleepwalking!

That's all I got
Till next time
Peace out Y'all

©2014 Dave Squatch Ward

Who's a Fat Bastard - Welcome to the real world.

October 22, 2014

     I have deliberately and sometimes with great restraint kept my political views out of my blog. I take the piss out of all politicians, regardless of party or ideology. They will all say whatever they need to say to keep their nose in the government trough. No single party has a monopoly on stupid. It's not a political problem, it's a people problem. I think of my self as a social conservative. I think people should have the right to live as they choose. I don't however think I should be required to finance their life choices. 

     Then we watch in horror as people are beheaded. As women and children are lined up and slaughtered because they're the wrong kind of Muslim. I listen to people making excuses for these animals. Foremost among them Justin Trudeau. Three weeks ago ISIS asked all Muslims to kill infidels in the west. Specifically mentioning Canada as a target. Today, a soldier was shot to death while keeping watch at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. I can't wait to hear how this gets spun. We don't need these people, we don't need their oil and we certainly don't need their culture of hate and intolerance. The Catholic Church is in hot water for not recognising the rights of homosexuals, in Islam homosexuals have the right to be stoned to death. Where is the outrage? Why are we so afraid to offend these people living ten centuries behind us? Because they will kill you! They want all of us Non Believers dead anyway. Christian, Buddhist, Jew, Atheist or even the wrong flavour of Muslim. ISIL is easily solved. Leave! Turkey stands by while the Kurds are being slaughtered within view of the largest army in the Muslim world. Send no planes, no bombs, no food and most importantly buy no Mideast oil. Make the Saudi's and Yemeni's and all those other "Friendly Arab Nations" defend themselves or it will be there heads coming off for the entertainment of the masses at the hands of ISIL. People like Justin Trudeau make excuses for them, and that makes me sick. I come from a family with a long history of Military service. I have nephews serving as we speak, willing to stand up for and yes, even die so Justin Trudeau can state his opinion no matter how stupid it is. I can write this, I can be critical of my government and our leaders and not worry about my door being kicked in in the middle of the night. People died so Justin can spew his apologies for religous Zealots. Get past the hair and boyish good looks and listen to him. You know that as the leader of the Apologists it will end up being the soldiers fault. It should bring the Poop Fairy running. My heart goes out to the family of Corporal Nathan Cirillo. He paid the ultimate price for our freedom. Proof once again that freedom is not free.
     The thing about this is I was having such a good day. I was recording a couple of spots at Dick and Rogers studio for Craftsman Collision. I was working for Jim Colbert and he's such a pleasure to work for. He knows what he wants and how to get you to give it to him. I was acting with two solid voice guys and as always, lots of laughs. I was blissfully unaware of what was happening in Ottawa at this point. A recording studio is a singularly isolated place. Nothing exists but a voice in the headphones and the copy on the paper in front of you. I was going to Tentatsu for lunch and was hoping Brother Steve was going to join me. He called and said he wasn't going to make it. I had my usual $7 lunch. I stopped by to see Momma Lee. She wasn't aware of what happened and I won't tell her. It's 3:30 and I'm going to go see her again. I'll take my guitar and play for a while. That always cheers me up. Them too.
     Didn't happen. When I got there they were just starting TV Trivia. I sat with Momma Lee for a while and then just came home.
      My mind keeps going to that Soldier, guarding the memorial to the Unknown Soldier. We know his name. His name is Corporal Nathan Cirillo and along with Warrant Officer Patrice Vincent killed in Montreal last week there deaths have sent a clear message to the people who are supposed to protect us. Stop making excuses for these people. And protect us.
     I am too angry to continue. I need to stop before I say something that might offend a peace loving tolerant Muslim. If I can find one!

That's all I got.
Till next time
Peace Out Y'all

©2014 Dave Squatch Ward

Who's a Fat Bastard - What's up with that?

October 21 2014

What Happened?

     I was up with the alarm at 8 o'clock. Made myself a cup of Joe and went to pick up Bella at her house. I was going to take her to school today. Both Jen and Christian are working today and Sharon still doesn't have a car. So if anyone reading this has a small reliable car for sale, cheap. Let me know. We had a few minutes before she had to go to school so Bella came into the house and played with Nutmeg.

Bella has known Nutmeg her whole life and Nutmeg just loves her to bits. I dropped her off at School and made myself breakfast. Hot Italian Sausage and eggs.

I have either come up with an incredibly clever idea or I'm wasting my time and will have to do this all over again. I thought that  I could do my blog during commercials, when I'm watching the shows that I pvr. Normally I fast forward through all the commercials. If I let them play I'll have three or four minutes of talking to text done. My only concern is that when I have tried to do this before, I somehow managed to erase everything that I had written. I'm back to my show. Now we'll see what happens!

     Not only did I not lose my work, but I set up the lap steel and have been practicing with the headphones on. 

I know you're wondering how can I have headphones on, practise my lap  steel, talk to text my blog and follow my show all at the same time. 

Easy, I'm an amazing human being. The product of secret tests done by the military in the 60's. I'd tell you about it but then I'd have to kill you! Sorry . It's a rule!

     I'm watching the new episode of The List, It's a good show and I like David Spader. I've been watching it since it first came on the air. I'm telling you this because I'm trying to avoid talking about how awful the Canucks were  tonight.

I chopped up a chicken breast into a Squatch salad for dinner. 

Trying to get the taste of that Canuck loss out of my mouth.

 Now I'm watching agents of shield, practising the lap steel

and writing my blog.

     I did nothing all day but make music. I don't mind that at all. I was changed into my workout gear but worked out the lap steel instead. The only time I left the house was to go up to No Frills and buy a head of lettuce. I took the dogs with me and we stopped at Mundy Park on the way home. There were three big dogs off leash when we got to the park. Elvis ran right over to make himself acquainted

Nutmeg went under the truck and wouldn't come out until I open the door for her to get back in the truck. The Lovely Lisa did a drive by kiss goodnight and when I went in ten minutes later to tuck her in, she was already asleep. 

     As I read this back it seems to be a little nonlinear and disjointed. So much for the incredibly clever idea! I guess it's like they say, "You can't have it all"

     I am picking Bella up for school in a few hours and then recording a voice spot for Craftsman Collision at 10:30. So, Good night!

That's all I got.

Till next time.

Peace Out Y'all

©2014 Dave Squatch Ward

Who's a Fat Bastard - I got the no workout blues.

October 20, 2014

Everything's Ducky at the lake.

      Today was the closest I've ever came to not writing my blog. There doesn't seem to be any reason why I'm feeling this way. I woke up about 8:30 and I made myself Cumberland sausage and eggs.

It's probably best that I eat early since I'm not doing any exercise. Every time I go back to my workout, I end up with a sore groin! I did nothing for a whole week and first day back at my workout, pain. But I didn't do any exercise today at all, first I watch an episode of Sherlock, that's a BBC show that I quite enjoy. Each episode is ninety minutes long. I was practising on the Lap Steel at the same time as well as doing the laundry. I multitask so well I'm starting to think I'm trapped in a woman's body. Thank God that woman is a Lesbian!

     At about 10:30 I got a phone call from Momma Lee. She had a shopping list of things she wanted from London Drugs. It is very difficult to understand Momma Lee on the telephone. I told her I would be there about 12:30 get her list and go do her shopping for her. It's just too frustrating to take her with me. Then I watch the second episode of Sherlock.

When I got over to Momma Lee's they were setting up for bowling. It's weird but Momma Lee is good at it. I got the list from  Momma Lee and I told her I would be back after I did the shopping. She has  dental appointment tomorrow so she has been fixated on her teeth for the last few days.

She wanted two kinds of dental pics, Colgate toothpaste, hand lotion and two boxes of Royale facial tissue. 

     You can't make any substitutions on Momma Lee's shopping list. If I brought her Kleenex instead of Royale she wouldn't use them. Part of her disease is the messages she gets from everyday things.

Like the word chicken or the colour yellow.

     I went down to London Drugs and picked up but everything she wanted. I got a call from the computer guy, my laptop fan had been replaced and it was ready for pickup.

KGB Workshop.

That only took three weeks and $155. The place is owned by a Belorussian guy who never smiles. I looked at his screen while he was working on my bill and it was all in Russian.  KGB? I found the fan on Ebay for $12, so that's a pretty good markup. Still $150 and five weeks less than Best Buy Geek Squad wanted! Then I took the dogs to Como Lake.

Nice Duck weather

I usually walk the around the lake a couple of times. Today I just walked halfway around the lake. There's a big field and I let them run. Which they do for two minutes then sit on my feet staring up at me. "Go Play!" I say to them. "I'm a big suck, and I'm babying my groin." They don't care! I spent about a half an hour at the park with the dogs, sitting on a bench, while Elvis barks at every dog that goes by.

Elvis, the King of Jerk dogs!

     About 4:15 I went back to Momma  Lee's with her London drug goodies. All the old gals get excited when Elvis and Nutmeg are there. I sit and chat with Momma Lee until her dinner comes. Pack up the dogs and go home.

     I got the house cleaned up and ready for the lovely Lisa when she got home about 7:30. Lisa brought home shepherds pie for dinner. I didn't eat the potato, just the shepherd! An hour later Lisa was in bed.

     Using the headphones I practised on the lap steel again while watching PVR'd episodes of Hawaii Five O. And now its 12:30 and I've spent 15 minutes writing this. Well actually, I haven't written it yet. I've just dictated it to my tablet. Also I was pretty lame with the photos today. I really noticed a difference in my energy level now that I'm not working out. I don't like it! 

     I can still ride the Iron Maiden and I'm getting back on her  tomorrow. I never really thought the rainy season bothered me. I know that some people have a problem with the amount of gray and rain that we have over the winter.  I don't recall ever having a problem with it before.  I think it's the lack of exercise. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

That's all I got.

Till next time

Peace Out Y'all

©2014 Dave Squatch Ward

Who's a Fat Bastard - Two thirds of the notes, but still blowing

October 19, 2014

Autumn and the leaves are falling.

     I'm really starting to feel guilty about this not exercising thing.

I exercised the day before yesterday, and my groin has been throbbing ever since. Now when I was younger, a throbbing groin was a good thing.  Sorry I couldn't help myself with the cheap sexual innuendo. At any rate today is Weigh Day, when I step onto that scale I will be brave. I'm concerned because I have been off my routine and not working out. I have however been even more conscientious with my diet. Somebody told me that the time to weigh yourself is when you first get out of bed that's when you're the lightest. So that's not what I did. I peed then sat down and wrote this while the train of thought was leaving the station. It seemed a lot more important at the time. I'm going to go weigh myself right now. I'll let you all know how it comes out a little bit later.

     By the time I finished my morning rituals and grab a cup of Joe 

it's off to tiny TV town for the Seahawks  game. They are playing the Saint Louis Rams at 10 o'clock. The Seahawks never showed up for the whole first half. The game was dull but the Lap Steel that next door Gord gave me is keeping me amused. 

E  A  E  B  A  E

I can't say the same for Lisa. There is no secret to learning how to do some thing new. Practise, practise, practise!! I was playing through my little practise amp and headphones at the Lovely Lisa's suggestion/ demand. 

D  C  G   D

I get it. First she lived through Brother Steve learning guitar. Which he has done very well. Then me, I started to learn the week after we started going out. Now the lap steel? Often thought of as an annoying acquired taste. By the time the Seahawks were down twenty points, I was picking three songs in three different keys. Poorly, but I am finding the notes.  It shouldn't be too hard. It has big numbers on the fret board. Learn to play by the numbers.

     At half time I made breakfast for Lisa and I with the Square sausage that Annie made from a recipe that she and Willie dragged back from Glasgow. Add in a couple of Cumberland sausage and eggs and there's your Scots Breakfast. 

Square Sausage and eggs

Except I didn't deep fry it. Just regular fried it! The square sausage was excellent. The Cumberland sausage was a little too salty for me.  It couldn't have been that bad though because I ate it, and Lisa's.

     The Seahawks tried hard in the second half but came up two points short. I hung my jersey back in the closet for another week

and told Lisa I was taking the dogs to Como Lake Park for a walk.

She said she wanted to join us so that gave me an extra 20 minutes, minimum!

     When we did finally get going we swing by to say hello to 

Momma Lee. She wants a pair of white Reebok shoes with Velcro ties. They have a group of Jesus Singers who come in every other Sunday to sing hymns. They have a lady with a guitar and a voice so high only dogs can hear her and an old fellow playing harmonica. I was going to make a joke about the old guy but really, he was as old as the residents! Sure he ran out of air a couple of times and played only two thirds of the notes but he's still blowing!

Toothless Willy Brown on harp!

After a visit we Momma Lee we went to Como lake for a walk. It was a beautiful Fall day. 

The leaves were falling and the park was very busy. Elvis was an absolute jerk. We met this couple with a seven month old Lhasa cross. He wanted to play and Elvis, being a cranky old man, just wants to sniff ass and move on. The puppy, which is three times the size of Elvis, pounces on him and Elvis puts the puppy on it's back. End of story. 

Elvis king of the jerk dogs!

Except we let the dogs run off the leash on the back side of the park away from the traffic. Every time Elvis sees this puppy he attacks him. What a jerk! So he got himself short leashed. He hates that.

Doing hard time on a short line!

We did a couple of rounds of the lake. That's two kilometres, if your keeping score. On the second lap we came across a Heron fishing in the stream that runs into the lake. The only thing I've ever seen catch a fish there. There are always a lot of fishermen but I never see anyone land a fish. Just saying.

Lord of the fishes.

I was limping noticeably by the end of the walk. Stupid groin!

     We came home and lisa made chicken for dinner. She used East Indian spices and panko. It smelled so good when it was cooking, I started to drool. 

It was worth the wait. It was delicious. Flavourful without being too hot. There are a lot of spices in the world besides Peppers. With broccoli and a Squatch salad a very nice meal.

As usual on Sunday night Lisa goes to bed early. Her call Monday is 5 am, that's four hours later than usual. She was in bed by 7:30 and I watched another Sunday night blowout football game. Then I watched three episodes of Suits that I had PVR'd

Now I sit in my office typing the last few sentences of my blog. Hoping that I am able to make the every day life of an out of work actor relevant, interesting or even slightly amusing.  Nothing left to do but spill my guts. Well, what's left of them.

TaDa

That's all I got.

Till next time.

Peace Out Y'all

©2014 Dave Squatch Ward

Who's a Fat bastard - How Freakin Old are We?

October 18, 2014

The Neverending Mums 

     To sleep, perhaps to dream. Not if you drink four cups of Bar Coffee at 9:30 at night! I don't know what is wrong with me. Someone way smarter than me once said, "The definition of insanity is repeatedly doing the same thing and expecting a different result." That's me and coffee! I always think it won't bother me, and it always does. The worst part is, it's Bar Coffee. The Bartender probably made it fresh. When he got to work that morning. If you leave your spoon in it, it will remove the silver plate! Like I said, I had four cups. I just feel awkward sitting there drinking water. Lisa drinks diet soda but I'm scared of aspartame.  I read on line, so it has to be true, that aspartame tricks your body into thinking that you have ingested carbohydrates/sugar into your system. Your pancreas releases insulin to do it's job and tell the carbs where to go. It can't find the carbs because they're not there. That creates the craving. How many times have you seen a Fat Bastard at the mall, sitting there like Jabba the Hutt, sucking on a diet soda and swallowing Hotdogs whole. That was me six months ago. My evidence is anecdotal but I believe it to be true. No diet soda, and I have very few cravings. Didn't know it was going to be the Professor Squatch Science Show did you? Tune in tomorrow when I dissect the raccoon that dumped my garbage in the middle of the night! I went to bed at 2am. I got up at 2:20 and started playing the computer game again. Just like the coffee, when will I learn. I tried again at 4 am  and it was 7 am when I finally went to sleep.

     At 9:30 the curtains were drawn, I was bathed in sunlight and that was it.  I am now up for the day. Lisa had a giant list of things she was going to do, with my help. Writing this blog was not one of them.

Tis the time of the season.

Transplanting flowers was. We have a long history of arguing over the flowers. They're nice looking but a lot of work. Flowers for Lisa are like buying your six year old a dog. She wants them, but you end up picking up the poop! Over the years I have developed a technique that works well.
" I don't give a shit. Where do you want me to dig?"

Diggin it!

Another two hours of my life I will never get back! It looks pretty good though.

Lisa Godiva

     It was just after noon and I decided to make a fritata for the Lovely Lisa and I. Minus the Potato of course.

These are the ingredients, and love.

First Saute the chanterelle mushrooms Brother Steve brought us. If you don't have a Brother Steve, well, that's too bad.

Say Cheese Baby!

Then some meat end ham from the used meat department at Stupor Store, diced and added to the mushrooms. Preheat oven to 350. Whisk 8 eggs and pour half into a hot greased oven proof skillet. Turn heat to medium high. Add the mushrooms and ham evenly then pour the rest of the egg over the filling. Sprinkle chopped green onion and cheese on top. Place entire skillet in oven for ten minutes. I would normally saute some garlic with it but it would overpower the flavour of the mushrooms.

Atsa Fritata

It came out perfectly.
     Spent the rest of the day watching a Family Feud marathon. Well till 3 pm anyway. That's when I wrote what I have so far. After the family feud fiesta I practised my lap steel for an hour.

Guytone Lap Steel circa 1960?

I'm starting to get the hang of it a little bit. My left hand holding the steel cramps up. It's not a position I am used to. It's challenging and I'm really enjoying it. Then I played my guitar.
I needed to do something that sounded like music!
     We thought about going to Tentatsu for sushi but we've been eating out a lot
and we have some beautiful sirloin steaks that have been marinating for two days. And the Canucks are on at seven. I made the nice Squatch salad and Lisa had some Green Giant cauliflower, broccoli, looks like dog vomit thing. 

HO, HO, Ho Green Giant!

After the first period of the Canucks game I fired up the barbecue.

Lisa already had a "baked potato in the oven", that means you're pregnant in P E I !

This is how Chef Boy R Lisa taught me to grill a steak. These steaks have been marinating for two days. Take the steaks out of the fridge and let them come to room temperature. It usually takes a couple of hours.
Make sure the grill is clean and screaming hot!  Cook a one inch thick steak four minutes on each side. Let rest for 5 minutes, enjoy. It will be the most tender steak you have ever cooked.
     I was banished to tiny TV town even for my dinner. I had a TV tray but our bed is too high. I was humped over like Quasimodo. I was switching back and forth between the Canucks game and the Whitecaps game. The Canucks lost and the Whitecaps played like they were trying not to lose. Against the worst team in the league!     I abandoned tiny TV town, only to find Lisa asleep in front of the TV. 9:30 on a Saturday night! How freakin old are we?!!
     I watched three episodes of suits. God I need a nightlife. 
     Again it's after midnight and I'm wide awake. I think I'll make myself a cup of decaf Joe,
finish off the blog on the computer in the office.

Pay no attention to the game on the screen...I was working!

I figured out how to write it with the tablet and then just copy it onto the blog.
What a smart boy am I. I don't know why Lisa thinks Elvis likes being put on the window ledge. I think it scares the crap out of him. "He never tries to jump down" is her argument.

"He's six inches tall. It would be like you jumping off a four story building!"is mine.

"He likes it" end of discussion.

I am paralysed with fear...Help me!!

That's all I got
Till next time
Peace Out Y'all

©2014 Dave Squatch Ward