Return of the Fat Bastard - Not flowing as much as oozing.

December 9th 2016

With Poul waiting our turn

      I feel like I've been holding my breath for the last few days. Between the Papa Squatch Day Scare, the song writers contest and the kidney stones I feel like I'm under pressure from inside and out. On the plus side I think I do my best work under pressure.

With Bill Taylor, Lea Sheldon and Pamela Dominelli

The contest was last night and I felt so comfortable on stage and so relaxed when it was over . Was it the release of the pressure of performing or the six beers trying to loosen up the kidney stones. You read that right stones...plural. I see a urologist on Tuesday. I'm tempted not to go. Last time I saw one of these guys he ended up shoving a camera up my tallywacker! Didn't much care for that! I called it a Weenieoscopy. It sounds like it should be more fun than it actually is. This has been going on for about three weeks now. I'm tired of talking about it so I'm sure you must be tired of me talking about it. I really enjoyed last night at the Magnetiq Lounge. And not just because I was one of the winners, but because  of the quality of people I have met through these open mics.Kind hearted people who love to laugh and make music. When I couldn't play a lick they let me sit in. Now that I know four chords I'm damn near musical!

Mark Sheldon

      I want to thank all the people who shared my song. The comments from my friends with children about their kids reaction to the song were particularly heart warming. I knew it was a good song because I played it for Bella, Chris and Matty and they loved it. I was confident that if I played it properly and focused on the flow of energy coming from the audience I would be fine. I could see the Judges laughing in the right spots and I focused my energies on them. Like I said yesterday I felt really comfortable. I tied for first place with Eddy Edriks. He has an amazing voice and wrote a beautiful song. After the contest they opened the stage and I played with Jack on drums, Leon on percussion, Pam on bass and Bill Taylor and Chris Duffault on guitars and Lea  helping me with vocals. We were supposed to play three songs but got the hook after two. Turn the page and Can`t you see. Each ended up about ten minutes long. When you have that much guitar playing talent on stage you have to use it. I gave them two solos each, each song. It was blast! Win or lose didn`t matter. I did my best. I got to spend an evening with the lovely Lisa and a bunch of talented people and woke up this morning to the good news about the contest.
      I had an appointment down town at 12:30 and I was up at 8 am waiting for the Grandkids who never came. I forgot that Jen was starting later today and was going to drop off the kids herself. I got myself ready and gave myself extra time because it was snowing again. I left the house at 10:45 and was at my appointment at 11:10. Way to early and I didn`t want to pay to park so I drove over to Main street and parked at McDonalds to poach their WiFi for an hour. I have lots of Data on my plan but I just feel better getting free anything! By the time I got back to my appointment the snow was really coming down. My appointment went well and when I got back to my car I saw they had plowed the road. They had covered the side of my car with dirty grey slush up to the mirrors and left me a two foot high pile of snow to climb over. I didn`t care. I was having a great day and now I WAS DRIVING AROUND IN A SNOWSTORM!! I was like Yukon Cornelius as I mushed my 160 horsepower Rav 4 around and past the numerous tiny cars with no weight and giant buses sliding sideways across the road. I was sitting in front of Brother Peters place after having my own driving issues. The side streets were unplowed and in PoCo almost impassable. With a manual transmission and years of snow driving under my ample belt I was never close to stuck but the snow was really coming down heavy. I had to ditch Brother Peter  and his appointment with his Denturist to have his new plate adjusted. He`s having some issues with the fit but it just wasn`t safe to be out driving. The fifteen minute drive home turned into an hour long crawl through Coquitlam center to Mariner Way where the flow of traffic was not flowing as much as oozing. I turned up the radio 98.7 the Point where my song will be playing as of next Monday. I know, a shameless plug. I`m okay with that. As a matter of fact here it is again! When Santa`s in Vancouver.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xUrEUP6mhLI&t=13s

      Once I was home I threw the Ratdogs out into the snow while I cleaned up an assortment of liquids that they left for me. Then I mopped the floors and let the little Bastards back in with a stern warning! Then Nutmeg went down and pooped on Michelle with one L`s carpet. Then I went out and shoveled the drive so the lovely Lisa could park Otto.

The Icicle monster is about to eat that poor guy

Lots of snow on Cypress

More icicles

The lovely Lisa Ski Bunny got home after a day of sliding down Cypress Mountain to a still frozen chicken that I had forgotten about anyway and me watching the Raptors in my underwear. Then Michelle with one L came upstairs and I had to go put on pants. Since I had pants on and the chicken dinner was a pipe dream so I had a pipe and the lovely Lisa and I walked over to the Austin Diner.

The lovely Lisa apres ski

It`s not called that any more but it will always be the Austin Diner to me. Combo B that`s what I always order. Sweet and sour boneless pork, chicken chow mien and beef chop suey. More than I can eat. The lovely Lisa had the same thing because she was too tired to read the menu. I wrote this thing and now it`s 1:30 am and I need to get to sleep. Here`s a few pictures in no particular order.

That`s all I`ve got
Till next time
Peace out Yàll