Who's a Fat Bastard - Those Cow Tipping Oil Suckers!

April 15, 2015

Gratuitous Puppy Picture

      It's been so long since I sat at the keyboard I'm surprised I can still type with three fingers! I am having a hell of a time making myself write these days. I'm pretty sure that means this blog has outlived it's usefulness. To me and I'm sure to you who read it as well. I can only take you around Como Lake so many times. I find myself keeping my camera in my pocket. Who wants to see another picture of a Duck!? I have been re energised working at the Vancouver Convention Centre. It's really more of a Concierge service than security. I have been working three days a week which is just about perfect. It still leaves me lots of time for golf. Also the lovely Lisa is on hiatus from Once Upon A Time until July so I have my golf partner back. 

      I had the Grandkids last Thursday for Papa Squatch Dayscare and they were dropped off at 07:30. Bella goes to school at 08:45 and Christo has no pre school. The lovely Lisa was still in bed and it was a challenge keeping the Grandkids quiet. I finally let them go and watch a show in the spare room. Alas it was too late Grandma Lisa was up. Christo stayed in front of the TV and Bella came out to sit on the couch with Grandma Lisa and Nutmeg. 

      Chef Boy R Lisa was wrapping out the work trucks today at 10:00. It's a huge job! They strip the truck down to the bones and power wash the entire cooking area. It's a full 8 hours of hard work to get the truck cleaned after 9 months on a show. They do a great job of keeping it clean on a daily basis. Chef Boy R Lisa  is a Nazi about kitchen cleanliness!

Snow on Grouse Mountain, too little, too late.

       It was a beautiful day with the sun warming up the spring air. What to do with Christo. First thing I did was turn off the TV. "Put your shoes and jacket on. We're going on an adventure!" I said. "Alright Papa" he said. He's a pretty easy going kid. I drove down to the Lougheed Mall, parked the truck and headed for the Skytrain station. I bought a multi zone ticket for myself and Christo rides for free. We were riding the rails today. 

      At 10:00 The trains are nearly empty. Christo and I got on the first car and the window seat at the front of the train was open.

Thanks Papa

It is by far the best seat on the train. Especially if you're 5 years old. It's an amazing way to see the city. Heading east from the station the train rolls through New Westminster. Out the window the Fraser River runs down to the Pacific, log booms and tug boats dotting the waterway. A right turn and we are headed north towards downtown Vancouver. Through Metrotown and Burnaby to Commercial and Broadway. You get a pretty good view of The Drive as you head down towards the Science Centre with it's distinctive Silver Ball then past the Garage where the Canucks will take on the Calgary Flames tonight and start our journey towards hockey's Holy Grail. I encourage all you Maple Loaf fans put away your golf clubs and take a ride on the Left Coast bandwagon. Hey, it's not like you'll be pulling for the Habs! I spent a week in Calgary one afternoon and that was enough to turn me off those Cow Tipping Oil Suckers! 

      When the train pulled into Waterfront Station I walked him through the Train Station to the Seabus.

We rode the Seabus across to North Vancouver. A seaplane took off right in front of the Seabus. That got Christo chattering with excitement. " Did you see that Papa? The plane flies off the water." We got off in North Vancouver and ran around to the entrance of the same Seabus.

The plane Papa, the plane!

On the way back from North Vancouver a different Seaplane landed. As we pulled into the Vancouver side I pointed out the Vancouver Convention Centre. "That's where Papa works" I said. He couldn't care less. Back on the Skytrain we got the back window this time. The front was open but Christo wanted to look backwards. Past the Stadium and the East Van sign we pulled into Commercial /Broadway station where we needed to transfer to the Millennium line. I'm hungry Papa. I bribed him with the prospect of McDonalds when we got back to the truck. The line out to our place runs between the Lougheed Highway and the Number One Highway. The perfect ride for a kid who loves cars and trucks. All in all close to three hours of non TV entertainment and for only $4. Drive through at Rotten Ronnies and lunch on the back deck in the afternoon sun. 

      With the sun beaming down and the trampoline up we never even had to go into the house. Grammy Sharon showed up to collect the kids early. We had coffee and talked while Christo played in the yard. Sharon has been dealing with some health issues but I'm happy to say she seems to be getting things under control. It was so nice out I strung up the hammock and stretched out for a minute or two. Christo came over and climbed in and we had a little swing for a few minutes.

When it was time Christo and I went over to meet Bella after school. We went a little early so Christo could use the playground. There was only one other child on the playground. She was three and half the size of Christo. They were having a blast! Christo just started going down the big slide but the little girl hadn't gone down it before. She followed Christo up then couldn't get down.

Come over here little girl.

She was still stuck with her Mom encouraging her to slide down when the bell rang. It's a really steep slide.

      After a half hour of play in the yard Grammy Sharon took the kids home. The lovely Lisa and I went down to Spanish Banks dog park to watch the sunset.
Time delayed so you can enjoy the sunset too.

18:30

19:45

Then to Tentatsu for a late Chicken Teriyaki Dinner.

Wild Salmon Sashimi

Wild Squatch with Daikon

      The weather turned ugly on Friday so we went golfing. We played at Musqueum. It was bright sunshine when we left the house. By the time we made it to the course, it was fifty shades of grey. And not the tie me up and tickle me kind either. We were rained on, hailed on and twice the umbrella was turned inside out. Fortunately it came in waves and we made it through all 18 holes relatively dry and warm. It was pretty quick because we were practically the only idiots on the course. There were two older Asian men , one who wanted to quit and one who kept pointing at the sky saying " I see blue sky, we okay" I agreed heartily with him and shortly thereafter we had the best weather of the day. The only other golfers were three twenty somethings who smoked a joint on every hole.

      On Saturday we went down to the Vaisahki Parade in south Vancouver. I had never done it before and we decided to do it at the last minute. We called Bro Steve and met him at the Grandview Walmart.

No point in taking more than one car. We knew parking was going to be a horror show. Au contraire! The lovely Lisa has a parking prayer.

Hail Mary full of grace.

Help me find a parking space. Does it work? We usually seem to find Mercedes parking!

Or...is it my poem.

Sister Grace love your face love you in your nightie. 

When the moonlight flits across your tits 

Jesus Christ almighty!

It doesn't have anything to do with parking. I just like to say it!

We were parked less than a block from the parade route and made our way from Fraser along 49th to Main Street and up Main Street to 57th Avenue. Eating the most delicious East Indian foods imaginable. Private homes and businesses set up tents in front of their homes and serve people curries, samosas, Breads and Sweets all free of charge.

Besides the incredible food, the color of the Sari's and the Turbans and the swirling rhythms of the Banga music and the, to my ear, discordant singing all added to the sensory overload I was experiencing. The Parade itself was pretty lame. Big Trucks pulling old people while they took turns giving speeches in Punjabi.

There were a couple of Bandstands set up on Main Street. One with speeches and one with music. I never saw any Bollywood dancers.

 Just old men walking backwards with swords!

 While we were walking around the lovely Lisa was accosted by two women who put a head scarf on her.

The Highlight of the Parade for me was the '27 Bugatti and the Sikh Bikers.

I would recommend Vaisakhi to any one. Unless you don't like crowds and noise. There must have been 100,000 people there.

It was fantastic.

      Monday I had a seminar Service Excellence at the Convention Centre. In return for three hours of my life they give me a gold coloured pin for my jacket and the promise of employment. I then turned down three shifts. 

      Tuesday the lovely Lisa and I played Central Park Pitch and Putt with Duffy.

Central Park Pitch and Putt

The lovely Lisa came out swinging and took a 3-0-0 lead on the first two holes. That's when I took over. I was dropping lawn darts on the green and after a couple of pushes on the score I won five skins on one hole to take an 8-3-0 lead. Then Duffy went nuts and won every other hole but one.

Duffy on the Tee!

It ended up 14- 9-3 for Duffy. It was a little bit chilly but all in all a beautiful golf day. For dinner I BBQ'd a couple of two inch thick strip loin steaks and with asparagus and a nice Squatch Salad we had a nice dinner in front of the TV.

      Like I said I'm having motivational issues. I am still enjoying the lifestyle. I don't like to call it a diet. I live on Veggies, salads and meat and other than the occasional Pizza, I avoid the big four carbs. I am going to try to write more in the next two weeks than I have been. I have surpassed my initial goals and feel fantastic. I will kill the Fat Bastard blog on May 1, 2015, one year after I started it. Just remember, It's not you, it's me!