Who's a Fat Bastard - Or better yet, we could eat them!

February 20, 2015

Downtown from Spanish Banks Dog Beach

      I was up before the alarm went off at 7:45. I was Papa Squatch Dayscare and Taxi service this morning. The transmission on Jen and Christian's Van went yesterday morning on Jen's way to work. The good news is it is covered under the extended warranty they bought. The bad news is they bought a Chevy! The thing is five years old and the tranny goes? All because they didn't buy a Toyota! Or a Volkswagen! Coincidentally the two worry free vehicles we have been driving for years. Just Saying.
      Usually the grandkids are dropped off at the house and I drink drippy Joe and yell at them till they go to school or leave me alone. With the Rat dogs for company, I pulled up in front of the condo at 8:15 on the dot. Jen and the Grandkids were sitting on the steps when I pulled up. After a brief issue, Nutmeg was in Bella's spot. The grandkids are still a little bit scared of Nutmeg and terrified of Elvis. Elvis is a cranky old man who has nipped them both a few times. Once we had squared away the killer Rat dog event we were on our way to Lions Gate Studios where Jen has her office. It was a nice ride in. The sun was shining and it was nice and warm and snow free as winters on the Left Coast are these days. Sorry everyone else. It's even snowing in Texas! But I digress / gloat. I waited behind two cars at the gates of the studio. Right beside us was a pass lock gate and I saw several cars wave their card and drive through while the cars in front of us seemed to be parked! "They ought to give you one of those passes. I thought you were a big Cheese!"I said "I have one" Jen said. Now there was a guy right on my bumper. So I waited as the guy in front of me searched for whatever credential he needed to pass into the studio. When I got to the gate he looked at Jen and waved us through. I dropped Jen at her office and followed a truck out the main gate. The security bar came down and hit the back end of the truck. I guess I was supposed to check out. Bella thought that was way cool.

Pre School romp.

      Christo had pre school at 9:30 so we had thirty minutes or so to waste. Bella has no school today. The teachers are on another Spa Day. I took them to Blue Mountain Park which has a great playground. We were the only ones there.

Monkey Girl!

They were on and off all the apparatus

Look At Me Papa!

"Look at me Papa, Look at me Papa" I smiled and waved wishing I hadn't left my cup of drippy Joe in the car and kicking myself for not parking closer.

Tubular Bells

      At 9:20 we were out of there and dropped Christo off at pre school. I went by Mama Lee's with Bella to say good morning. Bella is usually in school so she doesn't see Mama Lee as often as Christo does. Mama Lee's face lit up when she saw Bella. Grandkids on a weekday give her big street cred! Bella sat and talked to Mama Lee while I talked to the nurse about the infection situation. Still no answers. We only stayed a few minutes and when we left Mama Lee had a huge smile on her face.
      When we got back to the house Grandma Lisa and Bella played with the dogs and I went to write yesterdays Blog. It didn't happen. I checked my email and there was my Security License.

It's now official, I have given up my dream of being a Movie Star and now will focus on standing in front of a bank! Just kidding. I'm hoping for a Safeway gig! The head of operations at Genesis Security had asked me to contact him as soon as I got my License. I put together a Cover letter and a Resume sent it off to Human Resources and to Operations as well. I then called the head of operations and he asked me to come into the office for an interview today. I arranged to meet him at 4:00. In the middle of this I had to go pick up Christo at preschool.
      They had their favourite for lunch, Hotdogs and party mix.

I had a Squatch Chef Salad and we sat at the kitchen table talking about important six year old stuff and looking out at the beautiful day. After lunch I was reminded by Bella that I said we would go to Como Lake.

Instead I drove back to Mama Lee's for another visit and perhaps some information on this whole infection thing. Mama Lee was playing a game with all the other residents involving pool noodles and a beach ball. Both the kids joined in, kicking the ball back in play every time someone missed it, which was pretty much every time. Elvis doesn't like balloons. The only time he has ever run away was when a balloon popped and they found him twelve blocks away. He saw that beach ball and he was gone. He's too short too reach the key pad to get out and I don't think he's that good with his numbers. When we realised he was missing we found him scratching at the front doors.
      It was a beautiful day at the lake today. Sunny and warm. There seemed to be an extraordinary number of good throwing rocks on the shore today.

What a Poser

Rock of Ages

If only the ducks would move. When the ducks saw the Grandkids at the side of the lake they came on mass looking for a handout.

Here Ducky, Ducky

I do wish people wouldn't feed them. Or better yet, we could eat them. Mmmmmm, BBQ duck from On Lok springs to mind. Including the stop at the playground it took the better part of an hour to go once around. They were having fun. There were lots of doggies to sniff and places to pee. The Rat dogs had fun too!I had texted Christian that I had to be downtown at 4:00 for an appointment. He texted back that he would be there 3:00 or 3:15, lots of time.
      When we got home the Grandkids went and called on Matty and they all played out in the yard. I got ready for my interview. I have always said that it doesn't matter what you do, do it to the best of your ability with a smile on your face. I approached the interview the same way I approach an audition. After all I'm just playing another role. I want to work at the Convention Centre, the Lions and Whitecaps games. The Convention Centre was definitely shirt and tie.

The lovely Lisa and the Rat dogs were coming with me and we were going to do something after my interview. I thought I was looking good when the lovely Lisa instructed me to put on a Tshirt under my white dress shirt, "I can see your nipples" She informed me. "Pays to advertise "I said on my way back to the bedroom to put on a Tshirt. It was now 3:15 and no Christian. Duh! On a Friday in Vancouver, with the sun shining , nobody's working! Everybody is out driving around aimlessly. There were lineups for the ferries, It was pandemonium!! The traffic was horrendous and Christian was coming to Coquitlam from West Vancouver. It was 3:30 by the time he made it. We ran past him asking him to lock up the house as Lisa Andretti took the wheel.
      We were going against the traffic and in twenty minutes of spectacular driving we were at 12th and Rupert. It was 3:50. "Can we make it Babe?" I asked Lisa Andretti. She pulled on her shades, gripped the steering wheel a little tighter and screeched to a stop behind a giant Coca Cola truck "No" was her one word reply. I called Genesis and our friend Natalie answered the phone. I told her I was going to be late and she said thanks for calling and not to worry about it. We were just a few minutes late I jumped out and the lovely Lisa went to park the car.
      I went into the reception area and Natalie called the head of Human resources to let them know I was here. The woman's name was Chris and she had a stack of papers with her. We went into a conference room and we talked for ten minutes about what they were looking for and they thought that I was perfect for it. I gave them my ID and a void cheque to direct deposit my pay. I guess I was hired. They want me to do the High Profile gigs at the Convention Center. Cool. One of the main reasons, besides money, that I took this route, was Wally telling me that it was up to you when you wanted to work. That was true and I'm looking forward to it. The instructor from my BST training, Shirley, was at the office and we stopped and chatted. She told me I was on their radar from day one. I was back at the car just before 5:00 with employment offered and accepted.
      I don't know how she does it but the lovely Lisa was sitting right out front with a big bag of cheese. She found a cheese shop on W 3rd and spent $36 on fromage.

We headed down to the dog beach at Spanish banks to enjoy the sunset.

It has been a while since we have been there and the last time we were, in January, the place was a soggy swamp.

It was much better today.

Rat dogs for dinner?

There was a pair of eagles sitting in a tree near by that caused the lovely Lisa some concern. She heard a few years ago about an eagle swooping down and grabbing a Rat dog and now is forever on guard against an attack from above!

Lots of people and their dogs coming down to watch the sunset. The lovely Lisa was watching the trees.You may recognise the tree. I have taken thousands of pictures of that tree over the years.

We stayed on the beach until the Rat dogs became invisible in the dusk and the crescent moon pointed it's tail at the planet Venus.

We headed for home and a late dinner.

I cooked up some strip loin steaks and some asparagus to go with the ever present Squatch Salad

We watched Family Feud and planned tomorrows card game. Okay, the lovely Lisa did. I just grunted and nodded my head. We have six friends coming over for cards tomorrow night. About 11:00 I tucked the lovely Lisa in and wrote the blog that I didn't write two days ago. Then I got sucked into that stupid video game. 2:00 a.m and I drag my butt to bed.

That's all I've got

Till Next time

Peace out Y'all

©2015 Dave Squatch Ward

Who's A Fat Bastard - That should keep the kissing to a minimum!

February 19, 2015

The sign said...a lot of rules

      I am bound and determined to stick to my new routine. The lovely Lisa was up before me and the smell of drippy Joe filled the house. I put on my workout gear before I even left the bedroom to pee. 

It's too easy to push it off until it's too late and you're too unmotivated to actually do it. Two cups of drippy Joe and an hour on the phone with Fortis BC trying to figure out why my natural gas bill doubled over last month. That would be an hour of bullshit and doublespeak I will never get back! The end result being, of course, I still have to pay the bill.

      I went down to the green room and took my frustrations out on myself. My usual fifteen sets of ten of my five floor exercises, and 200 One Stair Steps and I did it in twenty nine minutes. 

      When I came upstairs I made breakfast for the lovely Lisa and myself. I made us an omelet with salami, Spanish onions and cheddar cheese.

That should keep the kissing to a minimum!
      After we ate the lovely Lisa worked the phone, drumming up participants for a Saturday night card game, while I worked on the blog. It usually takes about two hours for me to write it. Once I get started. Which is sometimes the issue. Getting started.

      We got a call from our friend Duffy. He was in the neighbourhood and was going to stop by for a cup of drippy Joe. I had planned to go and see Mama Lee but put it off until after Duffy leaves. Duffy is well read and well informed on current events. He's also a sports guy and played competitive baseball well into his fifties!  We talked a bit about hockey and a bit more about the news and the number of people willing to kill other people in the name of God. We both agree, God wouldn't be happy!! By the time Duffy left, I was so depressed I could have went for a little Doctor assisted suicide myself!
     The lovely Lisa and I packed up the Rat dogs and went over to check on Mama Lee. She was doing much better today. They are still waiting on the lab work. She was in good spirits and wanted to go and watch the Canucks game with Russell. He comes there everyday to be with his wife and have dinner. She is in a chair and non verbal. That's some kind of love. We chatted for a few minutes about the Canucks and said goodnight to Mama Lee.

Tai Chi at Como Lake

      The lovely Lisa dropped me off at Como Lake with the Rat dogs and she went down to pick up her engagement ring at the jewellers. One of the small diamonds had fallen out. Two years ago! I said I would get it fixed and walked around with it in my wallet for a month or so. The lovely Lisa was not amused. And that was the last I heard of it until today.

Duck Chi also at Como Lake

I was on the second lap of the lake when the lovely Lisa joined me. I got home at the end of the second period of the Canucks game and was just settling in when Dr Dan called. He was holed up at the Sheraton Wall Centre with Julia and Ryland.

He was able to direct the Sushi to his mouth alright

You remember Ryland? The directionally challenged, lost in the wilderness on our Alaska Cruise last summer Ryland. We arranged to meet them downtown at their hotel and have a late dinner on Davies Street.

Past Commercial Drive

The Canucks game went into overtime and then to a shoot out. The lovely Lisa was standing in the doorway of Tiny TV town where I was watching the game the look on her beautiful face was not becoming. Do people still use that word? I'm people so, yes we do!

Past Science World.

Fortunately the Canucks won on the second shot. I was in the car and honking the horn while she was putting on her coat. Still not amused.
      It was after 8:00 when we hooked up with Dr Dan.

No Paparazzi!

We walked from the Wall Centre over to Davies street then down Davies as far as Hamburger Mary's. Then had Sushi. I was pointing out all the burger joints Fatburger,Vera's, even a falafel joint! To no avail. They live in Prince George. Not a lot of Sushi restaraunts I'm guessing. I am spoiled for Sushi. Tentatsu has set the bar pretty high. I wasn't disappointed, it sucked. I mean, it was alright. It was the kind of place where people say, "It was okay." Not exactly a ringing endorsement. So I won't mention the name. Go down to Davies Street, hit a sushi joint and find out the hard way, just like I did! We doddled over dinner taking well over an hour to eat. We slowly walked back to the Wall on the side streets so that Julia could burn off the last of her energy. I think she's still two. Maybe three. Perpetual motion machine. And she loved the Salmon Maki.

And the Sunonomo

      Now this, for me, was the best part of the night. We are all standing in front of the Wall at Burrard and Nelson. Ryland is going to stay with his brother David's father, Lawrence. "Where does he live" I asked. "On Nelson" he replied "Nelson and what?" " I don't know but it's down hill from here." Burrard is in the middle between False Creek and English Bay. Down hill in both directions. Hey, he's got a 50/50 chance! Besides a good looking sixteen year old lost in the west end? I'm sure someone would put him up for the night.

It was after 11:00 when we got home. I released the Rat dogs into the back yard and called it a night.
   

That's all I've got

Till Next time

Peace out Y'all

©2015 Dave Squatch Ward

Who's a Fat Bastard - Goose poop is her favourite thing to roll in.

February 18, 2015

Courtesy of G McT

      I started the day with a change in my routine. I have been so preoccupied with meaningless tasks that I have been putting off my workouts until I was too tired/lazy/disinterested to do it at all. Pick any of the three that you like or even all of the above. So I said to myself "Self, two cups of Joe and down you go!" So after downing two delicious cups of instant Joe French Roast. Did you know that all you have to do is turn the jar around and Voila!

Cafe Francais pour Moi!

Fancy French coffee without the fancy French price!
      I put in a full workout. Fifteen sets of ten reps of my five floor exercises and 200 One Stair Steps. They were hard. I haven't done the Steps in almost a week and I was rubbery legged by the end. I didn't ride the Iron Maiden because of time constraints.

Working out the kinks

I made myself a Squatch Chef Salad with Salami, hard boiled eggs and avocado. Yummy.

I've been keeping a close eye on Mama Lee while she is fighting this infection she picked up. Rat dogs in tow we went to see how she was doing this morning. She was in bed when I got there. She seemed to be a little distracted. Peter was there to have lunch with her. The nurse was just waiting for the lab to call with the results of her blood work. She called me later to ask where the lovely Lisa was and we got into a lively discussion about what day of the week it was. Still confused. I hope these antibiotics kick in soon.

Rat dog heaven

I took the Rat dogs to Como Lake for a couple of laps. The Canada geese are back in numbers.

Goose on!

Nutmeg is happy. Goose poop is her favourite thing to roll in.

Goose off!

On the road side of the lake there was a beautiful Heron sitting just a few feet off the path.

Are you Heron what I'm saying?

      I headed home to take care of some paperwork and possibly do some yard work since my neighbour, Back Alley Bob was out there mowing his lawn!

Back Alley Bob, Breaking Bad

Isn't there some kind of law about that? Isn't there a winter moratorium on lawn mowing? Instead I started writing my blog. Screw the Lawn, the Chafer Beetles have ruined it anyway.
      I'm about forty minutes into the creative process when I get a text from Christian, do I want to go with Bella and him to her school for something called a LID. Sure I replied. I thought it was a concert or something. He would be here at 4:15 half an hour from now. Ten minutes later I hear Jen come through the door. "Hi Dad, I can't believe your coming for this." "What do you mean?" I queried. " "It's Bella walking you through her work so far this year" I was told "It's boring." I went anyway. Christian had already told Bella that I was coming and kids are sensitive about that kind of stuff.
      Assuming wrongly that we would look at a couple of pictures and leave, and in retrospect I should have went to the bathroom before we left the house. Bella introduced her Mom and Dad just like they had practised.

They didn't practise introducing Papa so I was left out. I introduced myself. On the desk was a three page checklist of things we were to look at including a field trip to the hallway.

Ten minutes and Christian was staring blankly at the table and my bladder was sending out an S O S to my brain. I told Christian there was going to be a quiz at the end just to watch the panic in his eyes.

I have to say Bella's school work is very good. The teacher says she is far above her grade level in the work she does. It took about twenty minutes to go through all her subjects.  Jen took Bella home then went to work, Christian pulled out of Next Door Gord's driveway with the Ranchero Music blasting. Andale, Andale, Aribba, Aribba!
      The lovely Lisa was home at 7:30 after a sixteen hour day.

I made a big Squatch Salad and had a couple of homemade burger patties while the lovely Lisa had a chick pea curry that smelled delicious. I don't care for the texture of chick peas. Except in Humous. But you need to have Pita bread to eat with it and I don't need that. I did the dishes while the lovely Lisa had a shower. We had a Family Feud film festival. We had 106 episodes recorded. Time to watch some. The lovely Lisa was in bed by 10:30 and I switched to the last two episodes of the Mentalist. I didn't realise that the season finale was two hours long and I was up until 2:00 a.m. Idiot!

That's all I've got

Till Next time

Peace out Y'all

©2015 Dave Squatch Ward

Who's a Fat Bastard- "Your fat and your ugly! Get out of the way!"

February 17, 2015

New West Sunset. G McT Photo

      I am way late on the blog today. It's 3:30 and I'm just starting it. It will be a short one because it was one of the dullest days of my existence. It started off well enough. I wrote yesterdays blog fueled by Joe. Until the phone calls started. Mama Lee has been fighting some kind of Virus so I made my way over to talk to the nurses at her place after they called. They had her on antibiotics but she was still running a low grade fever. I don't know if you know this but an infection can cause symptoms quite similar to psychosis. Mama Lee is experiencing this. I stopped by a couple of times to make sure she was doing alright. The second time she was out of bed but still feeling quite confused.
      I went home to get the Rat dogs and when I checked my email.

My certificate for the BST had come in along with my mark, 95%. That sounds good, and it was the highest mark in the class, but really it wasn't hard at all. I was disappointed I didn't get 100%. They use some clever wording to mislead you on a couple of questions.  Now, with certificate in hand, I need to apply to the B.C. Government for a Security Professional License. I was told you could do it all on line.  First thing I noticed was that the web site I needed was going to be down until 2:00. That's okay, I needed to scan my passport, my drivers license, my copy of the fingerprint/ criminal check authorisation and my certificate of completion.
      As some of you may or may not be aware, I have at times in my life walked a fine line between right and less right. Though I always felt justified in my actions and my motivations for such actions, at least twice a judge has disagreed. Suspended sentences. They were summary offences that occurred in the performance of my duties as a doorman. They were also thirty-five years ago. I had the local RCMP run my name before I took the course and I came back clean. I have also been fingerprinted at the airport and at the border and had no difficulties. That's because up until seven years ago I travelled on my British passport. I didn't become a Canadian Citizen until 2007.
      When 2:00 comes around I go online, find the web site up and running and started my application. When I got to the end of the application there was no submit  or how would you like to pay button. I went back to the beginning and discovered that the Attorney Generals office doesn't have the ability to take a credit card online. Candy Crush can suck you dry 99 cents at a time, Big Hoots.com can provide you a secure method to collect their $2.99 a month, so I've heard, but our government can't take a payment on line. WTF!!
      I phone the number provided. A pleasant young man took the time out of what I am sure is a majorly taxing job to tell me I can mail everything in or I can email all the info except for the credit card authorisation. That I have to Fax. Who still has a fax? Why don't I just send it in a bottle or by carrier pigeon? I print the application forms and the credit card form, sign them and scan them back into the computer. I put together the email then took the printed versions down to Staples to use their fax service. $2 per sheet. Freakin crooks!
     I was going to duck into the Stupor Store when I saw a sign that piqued my interest. I really need a haircut.

A little off the top and keep the blade above my ears please!

I looked in to the Amir Baghdad Hair Salon. There was an attractive Iranian woman of about forty with a good set of boobs. What more does a guy need in a Barber?

Waima the Barber

I think she did a nice job.

Neatly trimmed Eye Brows

I gave her a good tip, "Lay off the Garlic at lunch!" Kidding!

Stand like the wind!!

On the way home I stopped at Blue Mountain Park to let the Rat dogs run.

Blue Mountain Park

I stopped to check on Mama Lee and went home. Christian would be picking up Bella in a few minutes so I asked him to stop by and take a picture for me to send to Victoria for my I.D.

Security Squatch, don't you feel safer already?

When he was done I emailed it off to Victoria and I should receive my license shortly. Then all I have to do is learn the secret hand shake and go stand outside a bank. Just for practise. It was just short of 5:00 when I had it all done.
      The lovely Lisa sent me my Ho warning about 6:30. It was 7:15 when she walked through the doors with a 1:15 a.m wakeup call. She was like the Breeze. She brushed my cheek with her lips on her way to Sleepy Town. I usually go and tuck her in after she is settled in but she was already snoring, I mean sleeping when I got there. TV was boring me so I packed up the Rat dogs and went for a drive. I took them over to the running track at the Rec Centre where there is lots of light. Elvis disappears as soon as it starts getting dark. You can't see him when he's ten feet away. After that we shared a ten pack of chicken nuggets from Burger King. $1.79. I think the Rat dogs liked them more than I did. Kind of greasy.
      We made it home in time for the 11:00 news then I went into the office with every intention of getting a head start on my blog. I played the stupid video game until Chef Boy R Lisa got up for work. When will I ever learn?

Fat Tuesday in New Orleans

I added this pic from our New Orleans trip with Al. It was Fat Tuesday, I stepped in front, took the picture and said to them "Critique me"  "Your fat and your ugly! Get out of the way!" was their response!

That's all I've got

Till Next time

Peace out Y'all

©2015 Dave Squatch Ward