Who's a Fat Bastard - What was I thinking!!!!!

May 1 2015

      365 days. One full year of life changing challenges.
      304 posts to this blog. Some of them were funny. Some of them were sad. In all of them I attempted to show the humanity that lives inside all of us. The joy, the pain, the frustrations felt when the world doesn't turn the way you want it to. For the last year this blog has been my anchor. Holding me steady as the stream of life tries to wash my ambitions down to the sea. Many times I thought about quitting only to find comfort on the blank page in front of me.
      21,700 in 15 different countries. The number of page views over the last year. Knowing that people were reading it I developed a sense of responsibility towards them. It often kept me going.
      1,000,000! That's how many freakin lettuce wraps and Squatch salads I've eaten in the last year. I'm to the point that I don't even think about it as a diet. It's just the way I eat.

3 vacations. 3 weeks back east. Washington DC,

Philadelphia

and New Jersey. Visiting Papa Dawg, Joan, Uncle Paul the garden Gnome and family all over the TRi-State area.
      Second vacation the Big Island of Hawaii for Nin and Krista's wedding celebration.

We rented a condo and a car and had a most romantic week on the Big Island. The wedding was beautiful, the snorkeling was great but there was too much black lava rock for my liking. After a while it all started looking the same. I prefer Kauai.
      Number three was a cruise to Alaska with Mama Lee. There were 23 of us in our group.

Family and friends from all over made the effort to be there for Mama Lee. The lovely Lisa shared a room with Mama Lee and Bro Steve and I bunked together. The lovely Lisa didn't have much of a vacation as Mama Lee needs quite a bit of help. Everyone helped as best they could but it mainly fell on the lovely Lisa's slender shoulders. Mama Lee was planning the next cruise before we left the dock! The lovely Lisa was contemplating jumping overboard!
      Over the last year I have taken literally thousands of pictures. A lot of them of the incredible places we've been and things that we've seen and a whole lot of me! Going back to when there was a whole lot more of me to take a picture of! Way too many pictures of me working out!

      In February of 2015 I went and took the basic security training course and got a job at the Vancouver Convention Centre as a Security Guard. Of course as soon as I did that I got a part in a movie. Further Adventures in Babysitting. In the three days I worked I made as much money as I make in two months of working security. Okay, so I only do security part time, maybe 3 days a week. My goal in the security business is to do security on film sets. Now that my daughter Jennifer is a big shot production manager I might have a shot at it. That would mean I would be a teamster. Along with all the benefits that come with that. And of course the secret to what really happened to Jimmy Hoffa.
      I really enjoy working at the Vancouver Convention Centre. I like the early morning shifts when the sun rises over Burnaby mountain and the sails of the convention centre are backlit by the sunrise.

I watch as the float planes land and leave with the North Shore Mountains and Stanley Park as the backdrop. I worked the TED conference and the Auto show and yesterday I worked the World Anaesthesiologist convention. 350 Anaesthesiologist's from around the world! Talk about putting a guy to sleep. Literally! They talk about putting people to sleep. I have been on a couple of other outside events. I told you about the Mission Ministry on cheque day, I worked in Surrey when the Prime Minister of India visited with Prime Minister Stephen Harper at the Hindu Temple. There was a ton of money came through those gates. Mostly in gold on the woman's arms and around their necks. Some of the older women had gold bangles up to their elbows and the chains around their necks made Mr T look like a pussy! I also worked at the Vaisakhi parade in Surrey. That's where my car got towed. $200 later, I had worked for free. Other than that I have been working exclusively at VCC. That's where I am right now. Its midnight. I'm all alone in the giant ballroom looking out over the water glimmering with the reflections of the lights on the North Shore. Tomorrow is the BMO Vancouver marathon. For the first two hours of my shift there was a ton of people in here. Now, its just me and the mannequins and enough running shoes and t-shirts to outfit the entire planet.
      I've spent many happy days on the golf course

and many happy days with my grandchildren.

Bella, Clarissa and Christo

All in all Papa Squatch Dayscare was a success even if it did scare Jennifer every once in awhile. Evidently 4 year olds aren't allowed to ride in the front seat without a booster seat. Even if he is a mini Squatch! I am so grateful that I have had the last year to spend with my Grand kids.

Bella is smart, funny and bossy, just like her Mom, and Christo is a little boy just coming in to his own.

We made a lot of music. Spent a lot of time at Como Lake Park and generally had  great times together.

I killed the trampoline! Nuff said!
      Our summer party last August was a huge success. Close to 100 people descended on our home. Enjoying the live music and the large hunks of meat that had been turning on the spit for five hours. Squatchapalooza 14 coming August 8, 2015 with a Remember the 80's theme.
      Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter came and went with us hosting family dinners at all of them. With Chef Boy R Lisa in control of the kitchen and Scullery Squatch working as her brow beaten meat puppet, we averaged 25 people for each of the occasions. We are so fortunate to have such a large group of family and friends who all pitch in to make these dinners go smoothly.
      We ate a lot of Japanese food at Tentatsu and a lot of chicken wings at Woody's and at Rivers Reach. One of our highlights was when Meaghan was in Vancouver for a course and we took her to Tentatsu. It was as always excellent!

Tentatsu with Bro Steve

I spent a lot of time working on my music and jamming with friends.

Mark and Lea are always up for making music and are kind enough to include me in the fun.

      We spent a few weekends on Vancouver Island visiting friends for special occasions. Spencer's 50th birthday in Bowser and Jodi's in Saanich. Jodi's not 50 but we went anyway. The Hillbilly Ho Down at the Devlin spread up past Elk Falls and Karen's retirement party in Campbell River.

Darryl and Meaghan 

Like I said before if you invite us, and we can, we will come. Especially if you live somewhere nice! And usually stay too long! I can't count the number of Sunsets the lovely Lisa and I watched with the Rat dogs at Spanish banks.

The dinners with Gord and Penny and late night tea parties with Annie and Willy.

Wee Sandy

Until I started writing this blog I didn't realise how busy we actually are.
      It wasn't all sunshine and unicorn farts. We said goodbye to my friend Stu Scott at Sproat Lake.

Stu Scott

He had passed earlier in the year. With his children Ruby and Sean and his brothers Owen and Jarvis we spread his ashes in the place he loved so dearly. Later in the year I screwed up and lost a good friend. I got so caught up in what I was doing I failed to do the things that I told him I would. I miss him. I also came very close to alienating my best friend.

Stu and I

I was worried about his behaviour and probably didn't express it in a particularly positive way. Fortunately 35 years of friendship counts for something and we were able to move past it. I pulled my groin. That set back my exercise routine and raised my frustration level to a new high. Twice I suffered with kidney stones and I wrestled the Poop Fairy for a month before finally winning that bout.
I spent a great deal of time with Mama Lee.

As her Parkinson's progresses it takes a little piece of her mind with it. She's a sweet lady and really doesn't deserve what she's going through. Even though she doesn't live with us anymore, I still see her most every day. I take her to appointments and for walks around Como Lake. I take the Rat dogs and a guitar and play for her and the other residents. My relationship with her has taught me that every day counts. We are all just a doctors appointment away from similar circumstances. I am humbled by the courage she shows every day.

The lovely Lisa Andretti

And of course the lovely Lisa. Heart of my heart. I won the lottery the day she married me.

I am often amazed at her ability to overlook my crazy.

I'm not an idiot! Or am I?

I realise I may have been less than charming as I started out on this adventure. As I began to feel better my cranky level dropped significantly. The lovely Lisa was, and is, my inspiration. I want to be around for a long time to continue sharing our lives with each other. She just had her hernia fixed and I'm doing my best to spoil her. So I can get her back to work as soon as possible! Squatchy needs some new shoes!! I'm kidding!

Now for the meat and potatoes. This is where it started.

324.6 lbs and eating an entire pizza!!

This is where I am now.

270.6 lbs and looking good!

54 lbs in one year. I feel great. My health has never been better and writing this blog has been such a big part of my success. I kind of slacked off the last month because I am not only a Fat Bastard but a Selfish Bastard as well. I don't need you anymore! Lol. It's like when a guy wins the lottery and his girlfriend asks him " Now that you are rich will you still love me" He says "Of course I'll still love you! I'll miss you too!" and I will miss you and the Fat Bastard Blog.
      I want to thank you for taking the time out of your lives to read and comment and offer your support as I made these changes. I plan to continue writing and intend to keep losing weight until I get to 250 lbs.
Alas the time has come to put an end to Who's a Fat Bastard. This is it.
     

    THE END

  And the front, lot of loose skin!

What was I thinking!!!!!

   

Who's a Fat Bastard - Those Cow Tipping Oil Suckers!

April 15, 2015

Gratuitous Puppy Picture

      It's been so long since I sat at the keyboard I'm surprised I can still type with three fingers! I am having a hell of a time making myself write these days. I'm pretty sure that means this blog has outlived it's usefulness. To me and I'm sure to you who read it as well. I can only take you around Como Lake so many times. I find myself keeping my camera in my pocket. Who wants to see another picture of a Duck!? I have been re energised working at the Vancouver Convention Centre. It's really more of a Concierge service than security. I have been working three days a week which is just about perfect. It still leaves me lots of time for golf. Also the lovely Lisa is on hiatus from Once Upon A Time until July so I have my golf partner back. 

      I had the Grandkids last Thursday for Papa Squatch Dayscare and they were dropped off at 07:30. Bella goes to school at 08:45 and Christo has no pre school. The lovely Lisa was still in bed and it was a challenge keeping the Grandkids quiet. I finally let them go and watch a show in the spare room. Alas it was too late Grandma Lisa was up. Christo stayed in front of the TV and Bella came out to sit on the couch with Grandma Lisa and Nutmeg. 

      Chef Boy R Lisa was wrapping out the work trucks today at 10:00. It's a huge job! They strip the truck down to the bones and power wash the entire cooking area. It's a full 8 hours of hard work to get the truck cleaned after 9 months on a show. They do a great job of keeping it clean on a daily basis. Chef Boy R Lisa  is a Nazi about kitchen cleanliness!

Snow on Grouse Mountain, too little, too late.

       It was a beautiful day with the sun warming up the spring air. What to do with Christo. First thing I did was turn off the TV. "Put your shoes and jacket on. We're going on an adventure!" I said. "Alright Papa" he said. He's a pretty easy going kid. I drove down to the Lougheed Mall, parked the truck and headed for the Skytrain station. I bought a multi zone ticket for myself and Christo rides for free. We were riding the rails today. 

      At 10:00 The trains are nearly empty. Christo and I got on the first car and the window seat at the front of the train was open.

Thanks Papa

It is by far the best seat on the train. Especially if you're 5 years old. It's an amazing way to see the city. Heading east from the station the train rolls through New Westminster. Out the window the Fraser River runs down to the Pacific, log booms and tug boats dotting the waterway. A right turn and we are headed north towards downtown Vancouver. Through Metrotown and Burnaby to Commercial and Broadway. You get a pretty good view of The Drive as you head down towards the Science Centre with it's distinctive Silver Ball then past the Garage where the Canucks will take on the Calgary Flames tonight and start our journey towards hockey's Holy Grail. I encourage all you Maple Loaf fans put away your golf clubs and take a ride on the Left Coast bandwagon. Hey, it's not like you'll be pulling for the Habs! I spent a week in Calgary one afternoon and that was enough to turn me off those Cow Tipping Oil Suckers! 

      When the train pulled into Waterfront Station I walked him through the Train Station to the Seabus.

We rode the Seabus across to North Vancouver. A seaplane took off right in front of the Seabus. That got Christo chattering with excitement. " Did you see that Papa? The plane flies off the water." We got off in North Vancouver and ran around to the entrance of the same Seabus.

The plane Papa, the plane!

On the way back from North Vancouver a different Seaplane landed. As we pulled into the Vancouver side I pointed out the Vancouver Convention Centre. "That's where Papa works" I said. He couldn't care less. Back on the Skytrain we got the back window this time. The front was open but Christo wanted to look backwards. Past the Stadium and the East Van sign we pulled into Commercial /Broadway station where we needed to transfer to the Millennium line. I'm hungry Papa. I bribed him with the prospect of McDonalds when we got back to the truck. The line out to our place runs between the Lougheed Highway and the Number One Highway. The perfect ride for a kid who loves cars and trucks. All in all close to three hours of non TV entertainment and for only $4. Drive through at Rotten Ronnies and lunch on the back deck in the afternoon sun. 

      With the sun beaming down and the trampoline up we never even had to go into the house. Grammy Sharon showed up to collect the kids early. We had coffee and talked while Christo played in the yard. Sharon has been dealing with some health issues but I'm happy to say she seems to be getting things under control. It was so nice out I strung up the hammock and stretched out for a minute or two. Christo came over and climbed in and we had a little swing for a few minutes.

When it was time Christo and I went over to meet Bella after school. We went a little early so Christo could use the playground. There was only one other child on the playground. She was three and half the size of Christo. They were having a blast! Christo just started going down the big slide but the little girl hadn't gone down it before. She followed Christo up then couldn't get down.

Come over here little girl.

She was still stuck with her Mom encouraging her to slide down when the bell rang. It's a really steep slide.

      After a half hour of play in the yard Grammy Sharon took the kids home. The lovely Lisa and I went down to Spanish Banks dog park to watch the sunset.
Time delayed so you can enjoy the sunset too.

18:30

19:45

Then to Tentatsu for a late Chicken Teriyaki Dinner.

Wild Salmon Sashimi

Wild Squatch with Daikon

      The weather turned ugly on Friday so we went golfing. We played at Musqueum. It was bright sunshine when we left the house. By the time we made it to the course, it was fifty shades of grey. And not the tie me up and tickle me kind either. We were rained on, hailed on and twice the umbrella was turned inside out. Fortunately it came in waves and we made it through all 18 holes relatively dry and warm. It was pretty quick because we were practically the only idiots on the course. There were two older Asian men , one who wanted to quit and one who kept pointing at the sky saying " I see blue sky, we okay" I agreed heartily with him and shortly thereafter we had the best weather of the day. The only other golfers were three twenty somethings who smoked a joint on every hole.

      On Saturday we went down to the Vaisahki Parade in south Vancouver. I had never done it before and we decided to do it at the last minute. We called Bro Steve and met him at the Grandview Walmart.

No point in taking more than one car. We knew parking was going to be a horror show. Au contraire! The lovely Lisa has a parking prayer.

Hail Mary full of grace.

Help me find a parking space. Does it work? We usually seem to find Mercedes parking!

Or...is it my poem.

Sister Grace love your face love you in your nightie. 

When the moonlight flits across your tits 

Jesus Christ almighty!

It doesn't have anything to do with parking. I just like to say it!

We were parked less than a block from the parade route and made our way from Fraser along 49th to Main Street and up Main Street to 57th Avenue. Eating the most delicious East Indian foods imaginable. Private homes and businesses set up tents in front of their homes and serve people curries, samosas, Breads and Sweets all free of charge.

Besides the incredible food, the color of the Sari's and the Turbans and the swirling rhythms of the Banga music and the, to my ear, discordant singing all added to the sensory overload I was experiencing. The Parade itself was pretty lame. Big Trucks pulling old people while they took turns giving speeches in Punjabi.

There were a couple of Bandstands set up on Main Street. One with speeches and one with music. I never saw any Bollywood dancers.

 Just old men walking backwards with swords!

 While we were walking around the lovely Lisa was accosted by two women who put a head scarf on her.

The Highlight of the Parade for me was the '27 Bugatti and the Sikh Bikers.

I would recommend Vaisakhi to any one. Unless you don't like crowds and noise. There must have been 100,000 people there.

It was fantastic.

      Monday I had a seminar Service Excellence at the Convention Centre. In return for three hours of my life they give me a gold coloured pin for my jacket and the promise of employment. I then turned down three shifts. 

      Tuesday the lovely Lisa and I played Central Park Pitch and Putt with Duffy.

Central Park Pitch and Putt

The lovely Lisa came out swinging and took a 3-0-0 lead on the first two holes. That's when I took over. I was dropping lawn darts on the green and after a couple of pushes on the score I won five skins on one hole to take an 8-3-0 lead. Then Duffy went nuts and won every other hole but one.

Duffy on the Tee!

It ended up 14- 9-3 for Duffy. It was a little bit chilly but all in all a beautiful golf day. For dinner I BBQ'd a couple of two inch thick strip loin steaks and with asparagus and a nice Squatch Salad we had a nice dinner in front of the TV.

      Like I said I'm having motivational issues. I am still enjoying the lifestyle. I don't like to call it a diet. I live on Veggies, salads and meat and other than the occasional Pizza, I avoid the big four carbs. I am going to try to write more in the next two weeks than I have been. I have surpassed my initial goals and feel fantastic. I will kill the Fat Bastard blog on May 1, 2015, one year after I started it. Just remember, It's not you, it's me!