Return of the Fat Bastard - Canyon Run

June 9th 2016

      5 a.m. comes early in the big city. I was awoken 4 hours after I went to bed with the lovely Lisa twisting my big toe. We were packed and had all our luggage waiting by the front door the night before we just needed to put it in the car grab a couple of go-cups of Jo and we were on the move. Our goal was to be out of the house and in motion by 6. We pulled out of the driveway at exactly 6:09. We were going against the flow of traffic and made unbelievable time.

With Lisa Andretti at the wheel we were over the Port Mann Bridge and the other side of Langley before my coffee had cooled down enough for me to drink.
      As we drove out into the valley past Abbotsford it's started to rain. A slate-gray sky hung over the entire Valley.

So I took off my sunglasses and it really wasn't that bad. Before you know it, we were beyond Hope and I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.

      There's a restaurant in Boston Bar that has a humongous number of Hummingbirds and we planned to stop there for breakfast. We called it the Hummingbird Cafe. That's not the real name, and next thing you knew we were passing Lyton and my dreams of a Hummingbird breakfast were dashed like a River Rafter going through the rapids
      We continued on our way through Hells Gate  which was a giant construction zone. Spences Bridge and into Cache Creek. If you have never been up this way it's desert. Sagebrush, cactus and rattlesnakes. Not to be confused with dessert which would be like Baked Alaska or pie! Any kind of pie!

      When we got to Cache Creek we saw a billboard for Hungry Herbies Drive In.... Home of the famous Monster Burger.

I didn't have the Monster Burger I had a cheeseburger and so did Lisa and we shared onion rings and fries. Now the lovely Lisa is wracked with guilt over having a cheeseburger for breakfast. I had no issues at all. And I'm the one who shouldn't be eating this stuff!
      Rolling out of Cache Creek with a belly full of Herbie burgers and a go cup of gas station Jo, we pointed Otto at Prince George.
      As you leave Cache Creek the Desert scenery gives way to Rolling Hills dotted with cattle and horses, the river winding serpentine through the verdant hills spilling over it's banks providing life giving water for man and beast. Okay that may have been the worst sentence I have ever written. Screw it it's staying in.

Cows

      That's about the time it started raining again.By the time we got to 100 mile house the rain had stopped and there was a couple selling Okanagan cherries out of a motor home in the parking lot of the mall.

   Strangely once we started eating cherries the weather cleared right up.

Now we are about 60 k from Prince George. We have driven all the way on one tank of gas. I want to go for it. You know, tempt fate, go for broke. Instead I pumped Otto full of diesel while the lovely Lisa Andretti informed me it wasn't worth the risk. I tried math on her but to no avail. We had travelled 795 kilometres on a full tank of 50 litres. But wait! Otto only took 43.2 litres. That means there was still 6.8 litres left in the tank. That's approximately 140 kilometres of fuel. I guess "Math is Hard!!!"

      When we got to Prince George I was pissed, we drove all that way and there was not even a regular George to meet us let alone a Prince! We checked into the Semi Luxurious Carmel Inn and got settled in.Then called Dr Dan. 

Semi luxurious

He met us at the Semi Luxurious Carmel Inn and then we all went into town so he could change his clothes. He recently bought a house but hasn't taken possession yet. That's why we're in the Semi Luxurious Carmel Inn. That and the lovely Lisa's favourite is Carmel. To be honest when I booked it I thought it was the Camel Inn..... I like Camels. I used to smoke them when I smoked!

      When we left the semi luxurious Carmel Inn we went to look at the house that he has just bought but hasn't taken possession yet . Then we stopped by the place Dr. Dan is staying so he could change his clothes. 

We went to the Oak Room Grill a new place in Prince George that Dr Dan had never been to for dinner. 

The service was good, the food was good, I had chicken and a Cesar salad. After dinner Dr Dan had a function we sent him on his way to do Doctor stuff with other Doctors as both the lovely Lisa and I are bagged! I don't know how she does it. 

      Tomorrow is the big day for Ryland. High school finished, diploma in hand ready to take on the world! Way to go Ry!!!

That's all I've got 

Till next time 

Peace out 

Return of the Fat Bastard!

June 8th 2016

      I'm baaaaack. It's time I came clean, got this off my chest and got back on track. Since I had my heart surgery in December I have largely been lying around feeling sorry for myself. As my history suggests I found myself punishing myself for being sick. I was punishing myself with pizza and ice cream. I turned around about six weeks ago, stepped on the scale and when it came up 315 pounds, I felt like I'd been gutted.

      Since then I have been battling back and forth between flying straight and doing barrel rolls using  my belly as the Barrel!

      I had a doctor's appointment this morning and he was less than enthusiastic about what I'm doing to myself. After chewing me a new asshole, metaphorically speaking, he suggested that I start writing my blog again. He says the discipline it takes to write every day is good for me. He read the blog every once in a while to see how I was doing. I think he may have a point. So here I go. The return of the Fat Bastard!

      It's upside down but it says 296.6. Not 996.2. I was weighing in at 272 on the 4th of December when I went in for my open heart surgery. Between the surgery, 40 + days of antibiotics to fight the multiple infections I picked up in the hospital and a large dose of self-pity, I managed to balloon up nicely. I think that the discipline it takes to write the blog on a daily basis carries over to my behaviour. That and if I'm going to be honest about what I'm doing I don't want to look like a doofus! Even if I actually am a doofus!
      Today was parent Tea at Monday Road School. Bella and Christo were singing while all the parents and grandparents and kids too young to go to school eat cakes and drink coffee. Strangely there was no Tea.

Full House

cookies

Coffee

Grandma Lisa

Christo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBlQ_Ga3CNM

Bella post singing

And after that spectacular display of cuteness ....... crowd control

      It only took half an hour or so. I am so pissed at myself I didn't eat any of the cakes. I just licked them and put them back.
      I turned around and all of a sudden we are halfway through the year. And what a year it's been! I am losing track of the number of people I have lost this year already.  Last week it was Mary Murray my best friends Mom. An active 86 year old she was struck down and killed while crossing the street in broad daylight while in a crosswalk. I went on many vacations with the Murray Clan over the years and Mary always made me feel like one of the family. I am still numb from the loss of this smart, funny, happy, loving woman. RIP.
      I had barely started dealing with this when I got an Email telling me Theresa Saldana had died. We worked together on the Commish for 3 seasons. We had many conversations about nothing. Small talk. She was a lovely lady and always very nice to me. She was only 61.
     The lovely Lisa is out running errands while I reacquaint myself with the keyboard. I'm going to try to regain the discipline that I had for the best part of two years. We are headed to Prince George in the morning for our nephew Rylands Graduation from High School. I've always liked that drive. It says on Google that it takes 9 hours and 47 minutes driving time from Coquitlam. As an experiment and possibly a last will and testament, I will keep track of the actual amount of time it takes us to get there. It will depend on who is driving. The lovely Lisa or Lisa Andretti. I am not an option, they never let me drive, both those women are control freaks!
      There's a lot going on around here. One of our oldest friends had her house sold out from underneath her and will become our roommate at the end of the month. I've known her for 30 years and after our fire 14 years ago she took us in while the house was being repaired. She's easy to get along with and faster than the speed of dirt. Either I will make her mental or I'll be living in the cleanest house in Coquitlam!
      The lovely Lisa and I had a dinner of Pork Goulash, Squatch salad and corn on the knob.

Pork Goulash made by Mike the Austrian Chef

Squatch salad and corn on the knob made by me.

      After dinner I watched the end of the basketball game then started getting packed for Prince George. The lovely Lisa Andretti wants to be on the road by 6 am. No problem..I'll sleep until we're beyond Hope....maybe Yale!
That's all I've got
Till next time
Peace Out Y'all

Who's a Fat Bastard - What was I thinking!!!!!

May 1 2015

      365 days. One full year of life changing challenges.
      304 posts to this blog. Some of them were funny. Some of them were sad. In all of them I attempted to show the humanity that lives inside all of us. The joy, the pain, the frustrations felt when the world doesn't turn the way you want it to. For the last year this blog has been my anchor. Holding me steady as the stream of life tries to wash my ambitions down to the sea. Many times I thought about quitting only to find comfort on the blank page in front of me.
      21,700 in 15 different countries. The number of page views over the last year. Knowing that people were reading it I developed a sense of responsibility towards them. It often kept me going.
      1,000,000! That's how many freakin lettuce wraps and Squatch salads I've eaten in the last year. I'm to the point that I don't even think about it as a diet. It's just the way I eat.

3 vacations. 3 weeks back east. Washington DC,

Philadelphia

and New Jersey. Visiting Papa Dawg, Joan, Uncle Paul the garden Gnome and family all over the TRi-State area.
      Second vacation the Big Island of Hawaii for Nin and Krista's wedding celebration.

We rented a condo and a car and had a most romantic week on the Big Island. The wedding was beautiful, the snorkeling was great but there was too much black lava rock for my liking. After a while it all started looking the same. I prefer Kauai.
      Number three was a cruise to Alaska with Mama Lee. There were 23 of us in our group.

Family and friends from all over made the effort to be there for Mama Lee. The lovely Lisa shared a room with Mama Lee and Bro Steve and I bunked together. The lovely Lisa didn't have much of a vacation as Mama Lee needs quite a bit of help. Everyone helped as best they could but it mainly fell on the lovely Lisa's slender shoulders. Mama Lee was planning the next cruise before we left the dock! The lovely Lisa was contemplating jumping overboard!
      Over the last year I have taken literally thousands of pictures. A lot of them of the incredible places we've been and things that we've seen and a whole lot of me! Going back to when there was a whole lot more of me to take a picture of! Way too many pictures of me working out!

      In February of 2015 I went and took the basic security training course and got a job at the Vancouver Convention Centre as a Security Guard. Of course as soon as I did that I got a part in a movie. Further Adventures in Babysitting. In the three days I worked I made as much money as I make in two months of working security. Okay, so I only do security part time, maybe 3 days a week. My goal in the security business is to do security on film sets. Now that my daughter Jennifer is a big shot production manager I might have a shot at it. That would mean I would be a teamster. Along with all the benefits that come with that. And of course the secret to what really happened to Jimmy Hoffa.
      I really enjoy working at the Vancouver Convention Centre. I like the early morning shifts when the sun rises over Burnaby mountain and the sails of the convention centre are backlit by the sunrise.

I watch as the float planes land and leave with the North Shore Mountains and Stanley Park as the backdrop. I worked the TED conference and the Auto show and yesterday I worked the World Anaesthesiologist convention. 350 Anaesthesiologist's from around the world! Talk about putting a guy to sleep. Literally! They talk about putting people to sleep. I have been on a couple of other outside events. I told you about the Mission Ministry on cheque day, I worked in Surrey when the Prime Minister of India visited with Prime Minister Stephen Harper at the Hindu Temple. There was a ton of money came through those gates. Mostly in gold on the woman's arms and around their necks. Some of the older women had gold bangles up to their elbows and the chains around their necks made Mr T look like a pussy! I also worked at the Vaisakhi parade in Surrey. That's where my car got towed. $200 later, I had worked for free. Other than that I have been working exclusively at VCC. That's where I am right now. Its midnight. I'm all alone in the giant ballroom looking out over the water glimmering with the reflections of the lights on the North Shore. Tomorrow is the BMO Vancouver marathon. For the first two hours of my shift there was a ton of people in here. Now, its just me and the mannequins and enough running shoes and t-shirts to outfit the entire planet.
      I've spent many happy days on the golf course

and many happy days with my grandchildren.

Bella, Clarissa and Christo

All in all Papa Squatch Dayscare was a success even if it did scare Jennifer every once in awhile. Evidently 4 year olds aren't allowed to ride in the front seat without a booster seat. Even if he is a mini Squatch! I am so grateful that I have had the last year to spend with my Grand kids.

Bella is smart, funny and bossy, just like her Mom, and Christo is a little boy just coming in to his own.

We made a lot of music. Spent a lot of time at Como Lake Park and generally had  great times together.

I killed the trampoline! Nuff said!
      Our summer party last August was a huge success. Close to 100 people descended on our home. Enjoying the live music and the large hunks of meat that had been turning on the spit for five hours. Squatchapalooza 14 coming August 8, 2015 with a Remember the 80's theme.
      Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter came and went with us hosting family dinners at all of them. With Chef Boy R Lisa in control of the kitchen and Scullery Squatch working as her brow beaten meat puppet, we averaged 25 people for each of the occasions. We are so fortunate to have such a large group of family and friends who all pitch in to make these dinners go smoothly.
      We ate a lot of Japanese food at Tentatsu and a lot of chicken wings at Woody's and at Rivers Reach. One of our highlights was when Meaghan was in Vancouver for a course and we took her to Tentatsu. It was as always excellent!

Tentatsu with Bro Steve

I spent a lot of time working on my music and jamming with friends.

Mark and Lea are always up for making music and are kind enough to include me in the fun.

      We spent a few weekends on Vancouver Island visiting friends for special occasions. Spencer's 50th birthday in Bowser and Jodi's in Saanich. Jodi's not 50 but we went anyway. The Hillbilly Ho Down at the Devlin spread up past Elk Falls and Karen's retirement party in Campbell River.

Darryl and Meaghan 

Like I said before if you invite us, and we can, we will come. Especially if you live somewhere nice! And usually stay too long! I can't count the number of Sunsets the lovely Lisa and I watched with the Rat dogs at Spanish banks.

The dinners with Gord and Penny and late night tea parties with Annie and Willy.

Wee Sandy

Until I started writing this blog I didn't realise how busy we actually are.
      It wasn't all sunshine and unicorn farts. We said goodbye to my friend Stu Scott at Sproat Lake.

Stu Scott

He had passed earlier in the year. With his children Ruby and Sean and his brothers Owen and Jarvis we spread his ashes in the place he loved so dearly. Later in the year I screwed up and lost a good friend. I got so caught up in what I was doing I failed to do the things that I told him I would. I miss him. I also came very close to alienating my best friend.

Stu and I

I was worried about his behaviour and probably didn't express it in a particularly positive way. Fortunately 35 years of friendship counts for something and we were able to move past it. I pulled my groin. That set back my exercise routine and raised my frustration level to a new high. Twice I suffered with kidney stones and I wrestled the Poop Fairy for a month before finally winning that bout.
I spent a great deal of time with Mama Lee.

As her Parkinson's progresses it takes a little piece of her mind with it. She's a sweet lady and really doesn't deserve what she's going through. Even though she doesn't live with us anymore, I still see her most every day. I take her to appointments and for walks around Como Lake. I take the Rat dogs and a guitar and play for her and the other residents. My relationship with her has taught me that every day counts. We are all just a doctors appointment away from similar circumstances. I am humbled by the courage she shows every day.

The lovely Lisa Andretti

And of course the lovely Lisa. Heart of my heart. I won the lottery the day she married me.

I am often amazed at her ability to overlook my crazy.

I'm not an idiot! Or am I?

I realise I may have been less than charming as I started out on this adventure. As I began to feel better my cranky level dropped significantly. The lovely Lisa was, and is, my inspiration. I want to be around for a long time to continue sharing our lives with each other. She just had her hernia fixed and I'm doing my best to spoil her. So I can get her back to work as soon as possible! Squatchy needs some new shoes!! I'm kidding!

Now for the meat and potatoes. This is where it started.

324.6 lbs and eating an entire pizza!!

This is where I am now.

270.6 lbs and looking good!

54 lbs in one year. I feel great. My health has never been better and writing this blog has been such a big part of my success. I kind of slacked off the last month because I am not only a Fat Bastard but a Selfish Bastard as well. I don't need you anymore! Lol. It's like when a guy wins the lottery and his girlfriend asks him " Now that you are rich will you still love me" He says "Of course I'll still love you! I'll miss you too!" and I will miss you and the Fat Bastard Blog.
      I want to thank you for taking the time out of your lives to read and comment and offer your support as I made these changes. I plan to continue writing and intend to keep losing weight until I get to 250 lbs.
Alas the time has come to put an end to Who's a Fat Bastard. This is it.
     

    THE END

  And the front, lot of loose skin!

What was I thinking!!!!!