Who's a Fat Bastard - going for the groin

August 4, 2014

     We are having a heat wave and I'm loving it. There is no better excuse to do nothing, than thirty-five degrees. 

Lethargy kicks in at 30!

Well not exactly nothing. I made a pot of coffee. That's something. My alarm goes off at 8 am. I was lying there awake waiting for it. I could have just turned it off but last time I did that, it took me two days to get it working again. I grab the dogs and let Lisa sleep. Her call time tomorrow is 2 am! 
     I seem to have a lot of energy these days. Even before the coffee! I sweep the floors while the coffee is brewing. Then I wash the dishes left from last night. I mean, I put them in the dishwasher. There's five seconds of my life I will never get back! When the coffee is ready I pour a cup and watch the local news. I have a couple of hard boiled eggs and change into my workout gear. One more cup of Joe and the phone started ringing. Steve, Momma Lee, twice, and our friend Alida from the Island, who was sitting in our back driveway. 

Alida on the road to recovery

She was in the hospital in Nanaimo last week and now she's out gallivanting around Vancouver! After another cup of Java and a quick visit with Alida, I started my workout.
     I am up to fifty reps each set on the Four Stair Stretch, One hundred One Stair Steps and one hundred and twenty Belly Crunches. 

Reaching my goals

 You must be tired of reading about my workout day by day. For the next while I'll just give you totals. 
     The Iron Maiden was particularly hard on my fat ass today. It was the final episode of season two. Ninety minutes long. I was a little disappointed with the way they wrapped some of the story lines up. Also the story is getting a little far fetched for me. Still, I'll watch season three. 
     Standing naked in the bathroom fresh out of the shower, Lisa made me an offer I couldn't refuse. " Let's go to Buntzen Lake"
     We packed the cooler, grabbed Elvis and Nutmeg and we were on our way. The sign said full and the road was blocked. I have a a handicap sign that I use when I have Momma Lee and her wheelchair with me. I flashed the sign and she moved the barricade. We were in! I didn't park in a Handi spot. I didn't need to. There were dozens of parking spots available. We parked close to the Dog beach trail in the shade. It's about a kilometre from the parking lot to the dog beach. I had two chairs, my backpack, a cooler and Elvis. Who decided that this was the perfect place to drop a dog bomb! I picked it up and added it to my load. Lisa had the dog blanket, her beach bag and Nutmeg. She had a bag of food for a while but soon I was carrying that and she had both dogs. The stuff was getting heavy. Lisa let the dogs off the leash. I staggered under the weight of all our possessions to our final destination. We had a great spot in the shade, right on the water.

The Lovely Lisa at the Lake

Lisa had brought some Sushi and a cheese plate. We ate our lunch beside the lake, the Aspen leaves whispering in the breeze. Then we dunked the dogs!

over his head in six inches of  water.

They both swim very well. Elvis has three inch long, skinny poodle legs. Not really a water dog. It was thirty-five degrees. They needed to cool down.

Nutmeg's quick dip

     We brought our masks and snorkel's with us just to have a look around. Lisa had her flippers too. She also had the camera. That's too bad because she looks really cute in her hot pink mask and fins! I am more Manatee like. I broke my fins in Hawaii...wah.

Scuba Squatch

Splish splash

I saw trout of a fair size and a few catfish. The thing I saw the most, was nice clean bottom. I mean, no trash. No bottles or cans, wrappers, nothing! I sat and read my book for a while when Lisa was off snorkeling. Elvis was being a jerk to all the other dogs. So he was on lockdown. He doesn't know he's only five pounds. He's thirteen now and a cranky old man. He goes after every dog that comes close. "Hey you kids, get off my lawn"

Going for the groin

We splashed and baked and enjoyed the peace and quiet until 5 pm. I packed up the two chairs, my backpack,the cooler and the garbage. Lisa got the dog blanket and her beach bag. Carrying the extra weight is probably good for me! We went home and I had Lisa pose for a photo on our front walkway.

Pretty ....the flowers too.

  Momma Lee called. She was Jonesing for a McFlurry. Oreo McFlurry. I did a quick shop at Stupor Store and called it a day. It was a very relaxing day at that. Tomorrow at 8 am, Papa Squatch Dayscare!

That's all I got.
Till next time
Peace Out Y'all


©2014 Dave Squatch Ward

Who's a Fat Bastard - celebrating skid marks

August 3, 2014

     I do stuff. I have been asked by several people, "Do all these things really happen to you?" Yes. Why do they happen? Because I do stuff! I get up off the couch and go outside. I talk to strangers. I play well with others. I try new things. I look for stuff to occupy my time. In retrospect, before I started my program, I was spending way to much time on the couch. 

You can't see this from the couch!

     These days I wake up feeling good. I start doing things as soon as I'm out of bed. One cup of coffee and I started my workout. I caught a little flack from my buddy Al  because I didn't exercise for two days. It was really only one and a half days. I did everything but ride the Iron Maiden on Friday. Granted, I did nothing on Saturday, nothing but feed a dozen people, and organise a special Birthday Boxing Day for Lisa complete with cake and fireworks! 
     I started as always with my four stair stretch. Five sets each leg. Thirty reps each set. 

Let's twist again!

Next I do my one stair step. Twenty-five then switch legs. One hundred stairs in total. Each stair I do is actually four steps. Left up, right up, left down, right down. Repeat, twenty-five times. 

Knocking off the pounds, one stair at a time.

That's one hundred steps each set. That's four hundred steps total! It sounds very impressive.  I'm liking this new math! 
     It's been a while since I did a sit up. I have been by myself and I need someone to sit on my feet. This morning I had Lisa.

Sit up and smile

Ten sit ups. I recall not being able to do one sit up when I started. It was crunch time. Ten sets of twelve crunches. Those last couple in every set are brutal. 

Still not a flattering angle!

     We were going to go to Buntzen Lake for the afternoon so I had  my shower and my Weigh In. Yes, it's that time already.Weigh Day just sneaks up on a fellow. I'm finally over the Cruise Ship Binging. But with all that I have had going on I haven't been as diligent as I could have with my diet. The biggest factor in today's date with the scale is the absence of the Poop Fairy. I'm on day four and the Beotch is nowhere to be found! Just a flyby would make me happy. Another day, and I'll be celebrating skid marks in my shorts! 

Hanging in there 

I'm up one pound from last Sunday. I'm okay with this, I need to get back on schedule.
     Buntzen Lake. We were there on Thursday and had a great time. Lisa called Jennifer and said we were going to Buntzen after lunch. Jen was all over it, packed up the kids and headed to our place. It's only twenty minutes from our house. We had to take two cars because of the number of people. We were turned away at the gates. Why? Because we are idiots! 12:30 on the Sunday of the long weekend, and we thought we could just waltz up to the best swimming lake in the lower mainland. People were paying ten dollars to park two miles from the gates to the park! We decided to go to Rocky Point Park in Port Moody, they have a water park. What they don't have is anywhere to park a car. So after an hour in a screaming hot car, we ended up back at my house swimming in the pool.
      I went to look at a trampoline tonight but it wasn't what I wanted. When I got home Lisa and I hemmed and hawed and next thing you know it's 9:30 and we ended up staying in, eating leftover BBQ and watching the tube. A lot of running around for nothing, still, a pretty good day!

Left over BBQ dinner

That's all I got
Till next time
Peace Out Y'all

©2014 Dave Squatch Ward

Who's a Fat Bastard - Tramp trouble

August 2, 2014

English Bay Sunset

     Today was one of those days. I dumped the compost, but instead of using a steel bowl or the actual compost container, I decided to use the forty year old hand painted glass salad bowl that belonged to Momma Lee. Never leave a glass bowl on a railing. I only sat it there so I could finish the recycling. When I  went to pick it up, I knocked it over. I almost got a handle on it then, broom and dustbin in hand I swept up forty years of memories. Someone else's memories, but memories non the less. 

     We have a pool for the grandkids. Out side the pool is a plastic basin we use as a foot bath. It keeps the water marginally cleaner. During a particularly robust water fight, the basin, she is no more!

     The crowning glory of my day was when I got on the trampoline with Clarissa, Bella and a couple of hundred pounds of water and broke it. Went right through the mat! It seems everything I touched I broke! I've been afraid to go to the bathroom all day! 

     I didn't see it coming. I was expecting a nice quiet day celebrating the twins Birthday with Momma Lee and Peter, Lisa's other brother. There was actually a point, after I finished the shopping, where I lay in my hammock for the first time this year. I had salads left over from yesterday, I had burgers and Sausage ready for the grill and all the condiments were sliced, diced and julienned. It's 10:30 in the morning. I'm two hours ahead of schedule. It's thirty-two degrees and my hammock is in the shade. At this point, except for the bowl thing, I'm feeling pretty good. Suntea in hand, I lay into my hammock. The painful creaking of the ropes, the freshness of the breeze, the soothing effect of the gentle rocking, soon had me on the verge of sleep. In what freakin universe does that happen!

    "Papa, Papa we're here" they yelled in unison from next door Gord's. "Can we go swimming? Where's Gramma Lisa? Can I have a freezy? Nutmeg licked my toes, and where is my potato bug?"  

     "Yes, hiding if she's smart, No, she's tasting you for later, it died and I threw it out" was my reply, in order. 

Waterbabies

     While the kids are in the pool Christian is painting the fence. He has done a ton of painting around my place and has gotten pretty good at it. 

Bueno Pintura

Peter and Steve showed up at the same time followed quickly by Willy and his nephew Josh. I went and picked up Momma Lee and brought her home. This was all about Momma Lee celebrating Lisa and Steve's Birthday. She sat in the living room eating cheese and watching the news channel. 

     I had the BBQ preheated and ten minutes later everyone was eating. 

My Family, well some of it. We kept the weird ones away.

After lunch we all took a dip in the pool. That's when the waterfight started. That's when the basin was broken.

Attack from the hot pool by the out of focus Lizard Boy

Now comes the part we were all waiting for. Cake and Ice cream! I bought a Rasberry Chocolate Torte cake from Thrifty's foods. It was best before today. Yay! Fifty percent off! $11.40 with a happy birthday Lisa and Steve plaque. I felt like it was MY birthday!

     I shouldn't have had that cake. Without that cake I wouldn't have had that giant sugarbuzz rushing through my body telling my brain I should get on the trampoline full of water and do a Squatchnami buttdrop! 

Big wet fun!

What me worry?

Holey Trampoleeny

The video is on Utube and facebook. It doesn't do much for the Ego when you destroy a trampoline that six people at a time bounce on! I'll have a new one in place before the party next Saturday. And I will be keeping my Fat Bastard ass off of it! My grandson Christo, who wasn't there when it happened, was stunned when he saw it.

Say it ain't so!

"You broke it Papa" he said with such sadness. "You broke the trampoline. Now I can't bounce Papa." I found one this afternoon and am picking it up tomorrow.

     One of the things Lisa and Steve love about their August 1 birth date is, they always have fireworks. They think it is for them. Maybe their right. Lisa deserves them for sure! Steve???? Just kidding. He's the brother of my wife I always wanted. That's if you want that kind of thing!

     So we did what any family in mourning over the loss of their beloved trampoline would do. We went swimming. Annie, Willy's wife, arrived after work for a dip and a visit. 

Trampoline Scmampoline!

Jennifer took Christo home. He's too young for the fireworks. Clarissa and Bella were so excited! Almost as excited as Gramma Lisa! (The most beautiful Gramma ever!) 

Jen and the Lovely Lisa and someone in a Don Cherry suit!

     We invited Josh to come along, he's visiting from Alberta so I thought he could use a little culture. He's eighteen and a good kid. We loaded up a cooler and some chairs and headed down to English Bay. I am a straight shooter. Josh is a car guy. This car, that car , horse power, carbuerators, Blah Blah Blah. I gave him about two minutes and said " Josh, I'm not a car guy. If you don't stop talking about them, your next car experience will be not being in this one!"

     We have a spot at the Aquatic center were we park. We got there a little late and it was gone. It was 8:45, behind a sign that said Staff Parking Only, there were four or five open spots. Lovely Lisa, the goody two shoes, didn't want to park there. I said "It's nine o'clock. Any staff that are coming are already here. C'mon grow a pair!" To my utter amazement, she parked.

Walking along Beach Ave

      We had about a kilometer of walking to hook up with Steve. He had staked a claim for us at the top of the hill just east of the Inukshuk. Perfect spot.

Bella and Clarissa and Steve at English Bay

The fireworks were incredible.

The sound of the explosions shook the ground.

The air was filled with fire for thirty minutes.

We even saw a shooting star!

And all for the Lovely Lisa and her twin Steve on their birthday.

     Bella was asleep before we made it out of the parking lot. Clarissa was still glowing with excitement when we dropped her off at Jen and Christian's. Lisa went to bed and I wrote this. It just keeps going and going.

Mac and Lincoln....Gratuitous cute dog shot.

That's all I got
Till next time
Peace Out Y'all

©2014 Dave Squatch Ward

Who's a Fat Bastard - three cats and a power scooter

August 1, 2014

     The phones started ringing at 7:30 am. I turned down the volume and rolled over. Hugged the lovely Lisa and nodded off for two more hours. I had the coffee on when she flew out of the bedroom headed for the bathroom. "I have an appointment at 10:30" she said

" Slow down, you have an hour and it's your birthday, they expect old people to be late" I suggested. I choose to believe the wind caused the bathroom door to slam! What's the big deal? I thought fifty was the new Forty! She's fitter than half the women, half her age! And she`s as beautiful as the day I met her. When you truly love someone, they never seem to change. I think it`s because when you are in love, you are blind to the physical and you only see the inner beauty of the person. Thank God! I`d be living in a basement suite with three cats and a power scooter!
     While she was out Christian came by with the Grandkids. We are having a family BBQ for lunch tomorrow. Christian had some shopping to do so he left with Christo.  Bella and Clarissa stayed here waiting for Gramma Lisa to get home. Between the kids and the dogs, the house exploded into action when Lisa walked through the door. Grandkids looking for hugs, rat dogs looking for hugs Papa Squatch looking for hugs too. I mean, I got a drive by cousin kiss on her way out this morning but really! I should be tonguing her uvula with passion! Instead, I did laundry. 
     I also did some of my workout between loads. After the first load I did Four stair stretches, five sets of thirty each leg. I went up stairs and made a Cole slaw for the picnic. I didn`t have any lemons for the dressing so I used Rose`s Lime Cordial. Mayo, salt and pepper and done. It was time to flip the laundry. With the second load washing and the first in the dryer, I did my one hundred one stair steps. Alternating lead legs every twenty-five steps. I went back up stairs and unloaded the dishwasher and made a small shopping list for today's picnic. I drove up to the Cheap Thrills (No Frills) store for the few things I needed. When I got back it was time to flip the laundry. The stuff in the dryer was done, the second load was in the dryer and the last load was in the wash and I was on my back doing belly crunches. It takes less than nine minutes for me to do the one hundred and twenty crunches. That includes the four minutes of rest between sets. I was feeling strong. I was feeling energized, I was feeling the fabric softener was doing it`s job as I folded Lisa`s clothes! 
     I never rode the Maiden today, no time. Lisa offered to help but it`s her Birthday so I said `No thanks Honey, you just relax, I got it covered" My first mistake. I made four salads, boiled a dozen eggs , made a jug of Sun tea and got the dogs ready to go. I was planning to bring Clarissa and Bella to Spanish Banks with us but I missed Christians text so he took them swimming at the rec center. 

The Birthday Twins

We got down to Spanish banks about 4:00 pm. It was amazing, we practically had our pick of  tables. We lugged all our gear over to our table and set up shop. Libby and I beat the twins in a game of Bocce 11 - 4.
I had picked up $30 worth of sushi and sashimi. Lindsey showed up with even more food. We ate like kings! 

Squatch Dinner

Or Ninjas or whatever a Big shot Japaneser is. Shogun! That's it. 
     We had three guitars and Leah, Steve and myself took turns picking songs and jamming. 

Steve and Leah

and Squatch

 The sunset tonight started out slowly.

It improved as the cloud cover broke

On the beach

The colours changed so dramatically.

It was a sunset worthy of Lovely Lisa's fiftieth Birthday. Surrounded by people who love her. We played music until it was nearly dark. Day two of the Birthday weekend went pretty smooth. Okay, I forgot the salt, pepper and salad dressings. No one complained. Oh yeah, and the SD card out of the camera. So only phone pics. 

That's all I got. 
Till next time
Peace Out Y'all 


©2014 Dave Squatch Ward

Who's a Fat Bastard - Raaaaaaiineeeeeer Cherries

July 31, 2014

     Forty nine years, three hundred and sixty-four days ago, there appeared on the face of this earth, the woman who was sent to save me. Since the day we met fourteen years ago, since that first round of golf, she has made me a better person. Tomorrow she turns fifty along with her twin brother Steve. She wants to go to the Dog beach for a picnic. It's one of the many things I love about her. We have watched sunsets in Australia and Alaska and Spanish Banks Dog Beach!

Happy Birthday Eve Darling

     Lisa's birthday boxing day started by keeping the Grandkids quiet. Papa Squatch Dayscare today. Lisa worked till 4 am and needed to sleep as late as she could. I sent them down to the green room to play. That's usually good for an hour or so. What is the deal with the rubber band jewelry? It keeps them occupied for a while, but you're picking up little rubber bands for days!  

     After a while they wanted to go swimming. Perfect, it's at the front of the house. They can make all the noise they want.

Water babies...and Christo

Christo still won't go in the pool. "It's too cold Papa" He has Mexican Lizard Blood. This is what he thinks is too cold!

On my front deck

Matty was there for a while, and the girls stayed in the pool until lunch time. I fed them hotdogs, chips and Ranier cherries.

Raaaaaiiiiineeeeeeerrr cherries

I had mine on lettuce with a salad.

Never met a weiner I didn't like

     Steve showed up, as he often does when there is food around. One thing led to another and next thing you know the cooler is packed, the Grandkids strapped in and we were caravaning to White Pines Beach at Buntzen Lake.

Dog friendly

The lake was perfect for swimming.

The Squatch Ness Monster

 The water was warm

Sea Creatures

 The smiles were huge!

Clarissa and Bella

Steve and Clarissa walked down to the other end of the lake where you can jump off the dock. I sat on the beach reading and keeping an eye on Bella and Christo. 

Improving my mind

Bella is still not a strong enough swimmer to dock dive, soon though. Christo started out ankle deep, but by the end of the day, his shorts were wet. Little steps. About 5 pm we packed up. 

Buntzen half dozen....and two dogs

I had promised the kids ice cream so I did the McDonalds drive through in Port Moody on the way to drop them off for dinner. Bad Papa! 
     When I got home Lisa said she just wanted to stay in. I just happened to have two gorgeous T Bone steaks waiting for the grill. I made her some new potatoes a Squatch Salad and brocolli.

     I am truly blessed. I have love and happiness in my life. I am surrounded by positive people who let me be myself. First and foremost my wife. It`s now after twelve, and my lovely Lisa is fifty years old. I tucked her in a couple of hours ago. Now I just have to sneak across the street to the 7-11 for some scratch and lose tickets.

I love you this much!

     All of you who read my blog and send me encouragement, thank you. I'm not sure if it's stubbornness or guilt that keeps me going. I wasn't aware of how much a part of me this was going to become when I started writing. Now I can't stop! I find myself looking for things to do so I can write about them. 
     Lisa's Birthday Eve day turned out to be the perfect summer day. A lake, happy Grandchildren and ice cream. 

That's all I got.
Till next time
Peace Out Y'all


©2014 Dave Squatch Ward